3/22/07

Imagine This - Lesbian Retirement Homes



So I was sitting at my desk today, working, and I randomly started to think about Depends diapers for old people, and how much it must suck to have to wear them.
Then I got to thinking about old people in general, specially old lady lesbians, and I began to ponder where all the elderly lesbians go when they are too old to be cool and hip without breaking a hip. I mean, they must be out there somewhere, sporadically dispersed amongst the throngs of elderly straight couples that have made it through the years. I'm sure there are many that currently live in straight-people retirement homes and are subject to the same old Bingo nights and ice cream socials that are frequented by horny old men who still take Viagra with the hope they might get lucky.




No gay woman should be subjected to that kind of insanity, especially in the elderly years where they are too old to put up with that kind of nonsense. I've recently heard of several GLBT Retirement Communities popping up in the good old US of A, but what about an all-inclusive Lesbian elderly resort? Sure, we love our gay men, but clearly they would dominate the shuffle boards, hog the community televisions, and take over the gym with their bitchy, over-the-top attitudes.



Imagine this - a retirement community filled with elderly Lesbians, a place available for them to live and relax after spending many hard working years, a place filled with lesbians all day long, as far as the eye can see. Of course, there would be the married Lesbian housing where couples could spend their remaining days with their loved one, and then there would also be the single Lesbian housing for the old ladies who still wanna get down and party. Imagine the hoards of dykes in wheelchairs playing basketball on the outer courts. Imagine the 80 year old femmes at the community salon getting their thinning hair permed and dyed purple. Imagine the community living room playing constant re-runs of "Golden Girls; The Dyke Years" (where Dorothy is a full-blown lesbian and Blanche Marie's bi).



As I sat imagining all this and more, I began to think that with the recent
development of GLBT communities, a Lesbian-only Community is not far out of our reach. I dream of someday being able to retire in an all-lesbian retirement community, where men are but a distant dream, and women can freely roam the compound waving their rainbow flags and enjoying the typical peacefulness that comes with a whole bunch of lesbians living together in a small area.




...wait a minute...


7 comments:

elizabeth said...

I enjoy your humorous social commentary on the life and times of modern-day Lesbians

Straight as Hell....and I don't wanna take it anymore!!! said...

One simple reason why the Lesbian Retirement Community cannot work: Golf Courses. To this point in time, there aren't enough women that have a solid background in golf course maintainance and management to be the sole caretakers of an obviously necessary 18-hole (or god knows how many holes you freakin' people need) professional level country club.

I'm fully behind the idea of the Lesbian Club Pro. For that leaves the course open for me and my mysoginistic (spelling?), cigar smoking, beer cart girl harassing, eating, drinking, peeing on trees, farting straight male companions. So for this dream to take place...more of "you people" need to start golfing. I give lessons. But only for dirty pictures.

Splendif said...

i'm reading you backwards, sent over from arlan's lovely blog. and i seriously don't get how you don't have multitudes of fans at your door. hilarious writing, for cereal

Paula the Surf Mom said...

Ok where are my Depends....cos this article made me laugh so hard I pee'd myself.

Halo said...

Im an aged care nurse and just recently i was caring for a high-dependency (bed-ridden) lady. she cant move, she can only just talk alothought she does have mild dementia. anyway.. i was tending to her cares and was chatting to her as i was doin "my job". she informed me that she used to be the secretary for the prime minister so i asked her to spell me some words so it would keep her mind off what i had to do. and she is like a walking dictionary. she can spell every word known to man kind! anyway conversation soon cahnged as i ran out of words for her to spell, she started asking me questions like " how old are you" " what do u look like" yada yada, then she asked if i was married, and i said no, then she asked if i had a boyfriend, i said no, then a very short pause... " do you have a girlfriend then?" she asked, laughing i said no but i wish i did, and to my surprise she replied with " well instead of wiping my arse, hop into bed with me and get to it, ill show you what ur missing out on" i was gobsmacked! when i first started nursing i was taught that the lil old ladies were there polite war widows and were very closedminded... to this day i have been propositioned by at least 5 ladies, all wanting me to show them what my " young, gentle hands can do" haha!!

Chris said...

I wonder if there exists an adult community exclusively for gays or lesbians.

adult communities long island

Atlanta Senior Care said...

Really informative blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Really Great.

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