11/1/07

Trick or Treat Indeed!

dubba-dubba DOO!

I spent a relatively quiet evening at home after working late on what is probably my favorite holiday. Unfortunate indeed, but The Ghosts and Goblins of Halloween made sure I wasn't totally left out of the fun.

So at 2:30 am my doorbell rings. I'm asleep after a few brewskis, so I was not completely "with it" and aware of the time. I'm pretty sure the clock said 2:30. I try sensible reasoning first anyway...I have a few senior citizen neighbors who might, in a late-night bind, come knocking for an emergency. Or, as anyone would suspect, it could be a crazy person...I reach my arm for the giant stick I have (just in case). But it could be any number of friends in some sort of desperate need...I retract my reach. I find myself wishing I had a peep hole. Instead, I await for a second ring. I won't even get out of bed until then. RING RING! Ugh. Groggy eyed, I stumbled into the livingroom to find...

The WOLFMAN! AHHH!!!

No, I'm kidding.

My eye pans over to the 5 iron by the front door (just in case) as I shout, "Who is it?"

"Trick or treat!"

It's a man...not a child, a man. I am suspicious. I now become aware of the time. And somehow I snap into awake and retort with what I thought was pretty calm and clever for having just been awakened at 2:30, "Uh, a little late for that, don't ya think?"

And there's a pause and the guy says, "OK."

And that was that...no cops needed. Crazy man diverted. Then comes the uncomfortable after-thoughts. Meh, should I call the cops anyway? And tell them what? But what if someone else lets this dude in and they don't have a giant stick or a 5 iron?? But, GAH! The idea of their ridiculous questions made me dizzy. Nuts to that.

Fortunately the cops showed up and chased the guy down anyway. You can't really get away with anything in Glendale, CA after 1 am. I truly believe Glendale could cede the union and thrive. Nuclear war? Earthquakes? Raging infernos? Glendale says, "Bring it! We got the cash!" Boy am I ever surprised at how many times I've been grateful for Glendale cops (compared to the times I have oinked at their backs).

And so now I am humoring myself with what I SHOULD have said to crazy man instead of "it's a little late for that" ENJOY!

Crazy Man: Trick or Treat!
Me: "Sorry, kid, all I got are some honey-lemon Halls and packets of Taco Bell hot sauce!"

Crazy Man: Trick or Treat!
Me: "I have a giant stick and a 5-iron...you choose!"

CM: Trick or Treat!
me: "The cop uniform I am wearing is NOT costume, sir!"

Trick or Treat!
"No speaka any English!"

Trick or Treat!
"Oh good! Hey everyone the stripper is FINALLY here!!"

Trick or Treat!
"Uh, sorry, I'm not interested in seeing your Great Pumpkin!"

"Or your popcorn balls."

And finally, my personal favorite:
Trick or Treat!
"Smith & Wesson"

4 comments:

Lesberita said...

It wasn't a certain Persian man, wearing too much cologne, who wanted to "suck you" was it?? I don't think I could bear another story like that one...(for your own mental health, of course)

dubbs said...

No, GOSH, of course not. This guy's English was pretty clear. But after that incident I am all-the-wiser (and have collected things like giant sticks and 5 irons for protection).

HillBilly said...

omg creepy - what is it with strange guys coming to your door? LOL. and how did dude get tracked down anyway???

dubbs said...

I have NO idea Hill! I guess it just comes with the territory of living on a street corner, heh.

And I have no idea how the dude got tracked down. He walked off kinda loud so I think cops just showed up by happenstance.

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