The Girl Who Needs New Lesbian Friends

Found this while perusing the "Best of Craigslist" - it was posted on 2005-05-09 on the Boston w4w forum. Ah, lesbians and their drama.

It was only a few years ago that I didn't have any lesbian friends now I'm overwhelmed. I love them, but I think I need a new crowd; or better yet a distraction from them.

Friend #1 - i'm secretly in love with you, although the thought of sleeping with you now makes me sick. we dated, it didnt work out.

Friend #2 - you are crazy and i need my space. please just bring it down several hundred notches, then maybe i can stand being around you again.

Friend #3 - i'm secretly in love with you too, but you're arrogant, defensive, and have an enormous chip on your shoulder. stop going after straight girls.

Friend #4 - I'm big time secretly in love with you. why did things never materialize? lets just sleep together. it wont be awkward, i promise.

Friend #5 - I think you're awesome and i'm not secretly in love with you. I just wish you would get drunk with me more often.

Friend #6 - we arent friends. you are my ex and i can pretend i dont hate you but i do hate you and will always hate you. i want to punch you in the face and vomit on your shoes when i see you sometimes, but i dont, i just smile and say hi cause i know i'm so much better than that.

Friend #7 - I might be in love with you if you weren't such a horrible kisser.

Friend #8 - We just met but I'm in love with you, don't tell your girlfriend, actually I'm kinda in love with her too.

Friend #9 - I'm not remotely attracted to you, stop it, its creepin me out man.

Friend #10 - I'm not in love with you yet, I should be but I cant get past shallow stupid things, I'm sorry.

I want to meet a nice girl outside of my incestuous group of friends that I can unsecretly love. I'll do surprise romantic things for you. You'll love every second of it.
I need a summer distraction. Despite these crazy ramblings, I'm actually quite normal, witty, smart, cute, engaging, and fun.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, please leave your comment, after your reading is thru.


Paula the Surf Mom said...

Are you sure they are in Boston? because I think I know these people or maybe I just know just their lesbian cousins here in North Carolina.

thewishfulwriter said...

ahh...an important lesbian lesson.

the difference between loving your lesbian friends and LOVING your lesbian friends.

lesson #2: why loving straight girls is a problem.

that has to be a blog. has to be.

Beebo Brinker said...

Hey! how did you find my post?!!!!

Seriously, one of the saddest things I have ever read. hahaaa

dubbs said...

I've been all of these lesbians, AND the author!!


DirtyBitchSociety said...

So much love, such little time. This is just short of hilarious, if she wasn't in love with every other one. I especially loved, "i want to punch you in the face and vomit on your shoes when i see you" been there, done that, got guns, got straps. Whoops, I went off on a song tangent.

Love the blog, right cool, I'd say.