The L Word Season 5 Premier

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Last night was the season premiere of The L word on Showtime. I was excited… I’m always interested in what Ilene Chaiken has construed in that maniacal mind of hers.

If you read my posts on last season you know that I wasn’t totally correct about what was going to happen this season. I wasn’t even close. I’ll admit that. In my defense, I’m not psychic Sylvia Brown and my predictions come from a little place I call my imagination.

Where do I begin? Let us go to a magical place where you consume 3 square meals a day, rents free and you share a room with a homicidal maniac… Jail.

Jail bait

Last season Helena’s mother, Peggy Peabody, cut her off financially to teach her a life lesson. As a result she shacked up with a manipulative, high society, douche bag that treated her like shit… but don’t blame Peggy. Nobody can predict the outcomes of their spur of the moment epiphanies.

Helena suffering from cash withdrawal, decided to clean out Kathryn’s safe; which may have been a hasty decision…but junkies do that.

This season, Helena is in the slammer and it seems as though she is going to be there for a while.

She won’t tell anyone where the money is; the girls can’t come up with the bail; and getting in touch with Mumsy seems close to impossible.

How is she going to get herself out of this one? I have an idea. But, does anyone remember that bet that Kathryn and Helena made last season??? NO! Well, Kathryn bet Helena that if Page and Shane weren’t together in 6 months than she would fork over a million bucks.

Obviously (I have no life), Shane and Page aren’t together anymore… so that means Helena won the bet and she should be free to go. But, until she figures that one out, I would stick with the girl’s advice and not drop the soap.

While I’m on the topic of Shane and Page I might as well talk about it.

Melting WAX

shane l word

What did Shane do to deserve the raging inferno that was formerly WAX? I’m sure all of us ladies could list a thousand karmic reasons why someone would want to hurt Shane. Just recently she broke Page’s heart.

Do you think she may be the culprit? I don’t.

I think it was the real estate agent, with the gasoline, in West Hollywood.

Why? Here is my thought process. In thinking back, I realized that she knew a lot about Shane’s history. She knew all the girls that Shane used to hook up. And by checking her information she knew where Shane worked.

She might have been a Shane stalker or a disgruntled ex-lover. But I don’t think she did it alone. It could be possible that the real estate agent and all those other wounded birds got together in a jealous rage and decided to torch the place. Maybe these girls were pissed that Shane was going to settle down with some reformed straight girl and not one of them. If I’m wrong I’m close and if I’m not close than I have no idea.

In any event, I’m kind of glad that Shane and Page didn’t move in together. Not because I love seeing Shane hooking up with other chicks… that gets a little boring. But with Shane shacked up with Page who would be there for Jenny?

Lez Girls

Jenny Schecter

Jenny. What can I say about Jenny? What can’t I say about Jenny. She’s a lesbian, she’s a writer, she’s a rafter and she’s... a cunt. I hate using that word, but I just can’t help it. She is worse than I could have possibly imagined! Everybody hates her… and I absolutely love it.

Remember the old Jenny, the small town shy girl who whispered her words; the girl who fainted at the word lesbian. It is amazing how she has changed.

Growth is one thing, but I think someone put steroids in her Cocoa Krispies because this bitch is a complete monster. Thank mother-father god that her assistant quit. Good for her! I felt a sweet satisfaction.

Even though I can’t stand Jenny I can’t wait to see what she ridiculous thing she is going to do next. Now that she is directing LEZ GIRLS the possibilities are endless.

With Jenny behind the camera, Tina is going to have a tough time at work. But is it going to be harder than watching Bette and Jodi make out all over the place? We will see…

The Love Triangle

Bette and Tina

It’s so good to see that Bette and Tina are getting along and doing the right things when it comes to Angelica. It’s heart warming, really.

I do miss the days when Bette was on the lamb with the baby and all the other girls gave Tina a really hard time for riding the pickle. It was fun. But right now everyone is friendly… which is a little…boring.

But it wouldn’t be the L Word without a love triangle. I have no real insight about this whole Bette, Jodi and Tina thing. I have a feeling it might be a whole season of Jodi and Bette getting into fights because they can’t communicate and then just fucking the tension out of each other.

I gather, in the mean time Tina will just have to deal with watching their honeymoon make-out sessions.

In all honesty, I don’t think I can take a whole season of that bologna. Tina has to do something dramatic… that’s if you can add more drama to this show.

It would be cool if she faked some terrible ailment and Bette had to nurse her back to health. Then they would fall back in love and everything would be volatile again. The way it should be. I mean, look what it did for Alice and Dana.

My Soldier Girl

tasha and alice

Alice was a little down in the dumps this episode with Tasha shipping off to Iraq… but at the last minute she came back. Hooray! How unpredictable!

If you didn’t know, this season Tasha’s is going to be investigated by the military for homosexual conduct; which means there will be a lot of controversy on the subject.

I have to give the L Word the Beebo stamp of approval for addressing this issue. It’s really important. I couldn’t imagine risking my life for a country and government I believe in, and then having all I’ve done stripped away from me because of who I love… Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. What a terrible and degrading concept.



While were on the subject of being rejecting by society maybe we should examine our own community for a hot second.

I’ve noticed on the L Word that the characters on the show see Max and what he is going through as an after thought. It seems like they don’t care or really don’t consider him part of their community.

Case and point is how Alice treated Max this episode by calling him a “Trani” and insinuating that his issues weren’t relevant to Our Chart. Things like this get on my nerves. As homosexuals we shouldn’t discriminate against anyone that is a part of our community… or out side of it.

I hope Max will stand up for himself this season. I would love to hear him tell Alice to go fuck herself.

Phyllis and Joyce

Speaking of fucking, Phyllis and Joyce seem to be enjoying themselves. How fantastic… for them.

Seriously, it’s nice to see that older lesbos still have a sexual drive. I just hope Joyce isn’t too hurt when Phyllis dumps her…unless Joyce doesn’t let her. I see an issue developing.

These two might be very interesting to watch.

I have just one little thing I’d like to mention about the whole Phyllis learning about gay culture thing. There is no way in hell that I can believe that she didn’t know what the “T” meant in LGBT. She might have been a closeted lesbian her whole life but c’mon...”tentative”… She’s a Chancellor of a university. I know they needed some kind of transition to Max’s storyline… but that was just bad.


Kit Porter

Ho Hum… Ho Hum… No Angus, No Papi, No Gin Rickey’s. What is up with Kit? I’m just hoping for another freak out session this season. Nobody flips out better than Kit. I’m going to keep my fingers crossed.

Well ladies, I hope you enjoyed the season premier as much as I did. We have a lot to look forward to. I am pleased to say that Ilene has set us up for another super-dramatic season of the L Word.

A special note:

One of my favorite scenes this episode was Helena getting booked by the super butch prison guard (with the hair-don’t). If you don’t know the song that ran along with the sequence… you should. It’s called “Listen Up” by The Gossip. Here is the video.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, please leave your comment, after your reading is thru.


Lesberita said...

Love it!! Pure genius!

Paula the Surf Mom said...

I guess you know that Jodi would be my Fav... when she first came on the show I was like YES!!!! FINALLY!!! there is a character to tells my story.

thewishfulwriter said...

That is possibly the BEST L-Word write up I've ever read.

No, no. that's not right.

it IS the best write up.

I'm a season behind, but I'm thinking it would be just as entertaining to catch up via your write ups as it would be to get the actual episodes...

Excellent job!

Stealth said...

I got hysterical with laughter when I saw Shane stumble up to WAX, which was a pathetic looking fire with the concrete "W" burning... puhleez! Shane is wearing a jacket from Vietnam and she looks like a homeless bad lady. So naturally the cop walks up and says, "Excuse me - do you own this shop?" as IF! I'm surprised tehy didn't try to arrest her for being on something instead of assuming she was a business owner. I think they need to hire me for quality control on these shoots. The L Word needs me. Badly.

Anonymous said...

I hope you open your arms to this fag :) The little L Word writer is my best friend. I must apologize to her infront of all you fine lesbians cause we missed our season premier together :( Any how. I love how my Kel writes and she is fuckin awesome. We come up with stuff together but we could not brain storm so here I say...wow Ilene Chaiken you lazy women you. She could not deal with Tinas love interest so lets fire here and put Shanes building on fire so we dont have to make her cut another hair again. You wicked naughty women, BUT I love the L word and I love it all. Bring back the vagina wig :)

Beebo Brinker said...

thanks everyone... and Michael were you drunk when you wrote that comment. hahahaaa

makoru said...


Some body remember where was the restaurant that present the season 5 premier on Tampa?

Email me please

Herbal info said...

love this, good website.