The Apocalypse is here: New Kids on the Block reunion

Is this a bad dream? An April Fool's joke? (Clearly not, because it's April 2nd, and that picture is still available.) Which music executive thought this was a good idea? Where is he? Can we also bring back jelly bracelets so I can use them to strangle him?

Back in seventh grade, if you did not listen to New Kids on the Block and have a favorite New Kid, you were seen as a leper. I had no desire to listen to them or choose a New Kid crush, but in junior high, if you did not go along with what everyone else in your group of friends were doing, they would go all Mean Girls on you. I decided that I had a crush on Jordan Knight, probably because he was the most feminine-looking one, and my latent gayness was starting to assert itself.

Then my friend decided that we had to go to a NKOTB concert. She brought a huge banner to the concert, which she unfurled. It said, "Donnie, I want your body!" She asked me to help hold it, so Donnie could see it. I most certainly DID NOT want Donnie's body, and we were in nosebleed seats, but I did it anyway, because she was adamant and I was a good friend. Looking back, I am sure that any adults in the vicinity were contemplating calling child services. If I saw a group of 13 year old girls holding up signs of a sexual nature, I'd be concerned as well. Fortunately, no one showed up at our parents' door that night.

After that, I never wanted to see or hear NKOTB ever again. Okay, I'll admit that one time I played "Step By Step" on the jukebox at Cubbyhole to torture all the patrons. It was really crowded, and I wanted some people to leave, so I could breathe.

So is anyone out there actually looking forward to this reunion?

Frederick's of Hollywood, Inc.


Dykes And The City said...

Of course! At our age youth nostalgia is becoming increasingly important. :-)

Anonymous said...

You're the girl who did that! Ha

I was a moderate NKOTB fan .. and so were my brothers... (I'm really surprised they're straight sometimes). I think I had a christmas tape they made... shit i wish i still had it.

To answer the question... no, not really excited about it... who wants to see that... or hear that...

I now have NKOTB songs playing in my head. I'm developing a severe headache. I've also just started having flashbacks of my tween years...oh my god... i think i'm gunna throw up.

How can we stop this from happening!

I think i'm going to have to gather a gaggle of girls and start a protest.

Grace C. said...

@ dykes and the city: being nostalgic for junior high is masochistic. :)

@ anonymous:

you said "You're the girl who did that! Ha"

do you mean the "donnie i want your body" sign? or do you mean you were at cubbyhole two thursdays ago and heard the abomination i played?