Today's question comes from a woman who isn't sure how to define her sexuality.
I'm bi-sexual at the moment and I am not sure if I am a lesbian. I have dated guys for a about 6 years. Since I've come out about being bi, I realize that
I am only physically attracted to guys. Any time I have a relationship, I end up
avoiding a kiss or anything sexual because It just doesn't feel right. I am wondering
if that meant that I was a lesbian or not. Its really confusing, I hope you can help.
Waiting for Ladies
Dear Waiting for Ladies,
You've dated men already, you know you're not that interested in them sexually right now. You've just recently admitted to being attracted to women but it doesn't sound like you are actually exploring that yet. I'm interested in why you are concerning yourself with men right now when it seems like the perfect time to be embracing your sexual experience with women. I imagine that you have been harboring sexual attraction to women for ages and now that you have come out about it, experiences with women are what you are craving. If I had waited six years to start sleeping with women, I wouldn't feel very turned on by sleeping with another man right now either. It seems the next logical step to start sleeping with women. Satisfy that experience for yourself rather than growing to resent yourself and the men who you hook up with for not being what you really want.
Wanting to sleep with only women at this point in your life does not exclusively define your sexuality. Sexuality is a fluid thing, an ever changing part of one's identity. You do not need to accept any standard of defining sexuality that says you must pick one sex over the other for the rest of your life. You may date who ever you want whenever you want. The best thing you can do is find healthy relationships for yourself. As you grow in your life, you will need different things at different times. So be nice enough to yourself to find the right relationship for yourself regardless of sex and with out regard to labels.
All my best,