10/28/08

Homoscopes: Get Your Astrological Gay On

zodiac Pictures, Images and Photos

Check Out your weekly gay friendly Horoscopes right here!
- Written exclusively for Lesbiatopia by Kelly Lynch




Scorpio

October 23 - November 21
This week you’re feeling the crush of the financial crisis and not sure if you have the funds to buy your costume as the other half of an Ellen and Portia on their wedding day. You’re going to have to tap into Scorpios creativity and ingenuity to find something a little more understated to represent the “sisterhood”. Why not just grab those practical pants and sneakers you have in your closet and a couple of blond wigs, it might not be exactly what you had in mind, but it will do the trick.

Famous Scorpio’s that you wish were gay

Scarlett Johanson, November 22nd 1984
Check out her hot make-out scenes with Penelope Cruz in Woody Allen’s Vicky Christina Barcelona.


Sagittarius

November 22-December 21
This week it seems like all your dreams are clogged up in a celestial drain. Your advice this week, call Joe the plumber.

Famous Sag’s you wish were gay
Tina Turner, November 26th 1938
Yeah, she might be turning 70, but in a sick and twisted way you’d still like to have those legs wrapped around your neck.

Capricorn
December 22nd- Jan 19th
Hey Ram! There is a life outside of work! How about taking some time to smell the roses or even that new scented oil your girlfriend bought to get your mind off the job and onto, well, her. I know you’re worried about potential “down-sizing” but what’s the point of having a job if you can’t enjoy the suc-sex with your lady.

Famous Capricorn’s that you wish were gay
Pat Benetar, January 10th 1953.
You know you want to wear that head band!

Aquarius
January 20-February 18
Thing in your love life aren’t going as smoothly as usual and you just can’t understand what your doing wrong. Instead of busting out your “Emo” collection, sitting on the floor in the dark and gathering your tears in a jar, get out of your head for a minute. A good way of helping yourself is helping others with their problems. Talking to a friend about her failing “hetero marriage” might give you some insight about what you might be doing wrong in a relationship.

Famous Aquarius’s that you wish were gay
Jennifer Aniston, February 11th 1969.
Things haven’t been working out in the man department for some time now, I think its time for her to cross over to the dark (but compassionate) side and give the ladies a chance.

Pisces
February 19-March 20
This week your still not decided who you want to vote for. None of these guys feel right to you and you want to make the right decision for both your pocket and your rights. The stars are saying; “It doesn’t really matter” they all suck! It might be about that time to log onto to Hook-a-canuck.com and stake a claim in Canada.

Famous Pisces that you wish you knew were definitely gay
Queen Latifa, March 18th 1970.
Her business is her business, but it would be awesome if she just became part of the gang. It never hurts to have more street cred.

Aries
March 21-April 19
This week can get off to a rocky start, Monday, you stub your toe out of bed, Tuesday you miss the bus and then the boss is on your ass, by Wednesday you wish you were Tom Hanks in Castaway. Maybe you need to hide out for a few days but don’t cut off the world completely, by Thursday the stars will be shining in your favor and you’ll laugh at yourself for cursing the heavens

Famous Aries that you wish were gay
Claire Danes, April 12, 1979
You know you still have fantasies about Angela chase!


Taurus
April 20-May 20
This week, every little thing you do is magic. And that’s awesome! Keep it going by sharing all your positive energy with others and by next week you could power a whole city with all those good feelings. How’s that for going green!

Famous Bulls that you wish were gay
Uma Thurman, April 29th 1970
She’s gorgeous, smart and super talented why wouldn’t you wish she were gay. To add a little fuel to the fantasy check out Henry and June.


Gemini
May 21-June 21
You’re busy this week with family obligations, getting that new business started and your just every way miss popular. Someone in your life might be feeling a little neglected and their acting out in a really childish and selfish way. Before you let Hyde out of his cage take a moment and think about why this particular person might be acting out in this particular way. Don’t take anything personal! You know everyone wants to be around the Gemini and be part of whatever you’re doing. It’s not your fault there is a lot going on… just be sensitive and reassuring to loved ones.

Famous Gemini’s that you wish were still a little gay
Angelina Joli, June 4, 1975
Enough said

Cancer
June 22-July 22
Your calendar is booked up until February with things to do and in some cases you’re double booked. It’s okay to say no to things sometimes. I know your sister-in law really wants you to come to her candle party but honestly how are you going to fit that in between your Saturday lecture on whales at The Learning Annex and your best friend’s first acoustic set at the new bookstore downtown. You can’t be everywhere and you don’t have to be. Just say NO! (but in a really nice way).

Famous Cancer’s that you wish were gay and still around

Princess Diana, July1st 1961
What wouldn’t you give for one good romp in the palace?


Leo
July 23-August 22
You hate your job and your miserable but because of the current world wide financial crisis you afraid to quit and fulfill your dream as a naked ventriloquists. The stars say it’s your time to shine Leo so don’t let any current trends stop you from doing what makes you happy. We only live once! Go with your gut and use that noggin of yours to find the perfect way to sell your act. Remember, nothing is a bad idea.

Famous Leo’s you wish were gay
Cameron Diaz, August 30, 1972
What lady wouldn't want a little Cameron of her own.

Virgo
August 23-September 22
So what if she forgot to hang up her clothes this morning or left the living room a mess from her Sunday afternoon poker game. She’ll clean it up when she gets home. Don’t let something small put you in one of your “moods”. It won’t make anything better, if anything, it will only make things worse. If it bothers you that much just take care of whatever it is yourself and talk it out later… like hours later.

Famous Virgo’s that are awesome and probably gay, but your not sure but you think so:
Joan Jett, September 22nd 1960.
She’s just bad-ass and looks good in leather.

Libra
September 23-October 22
This week you have the insight and creative genius of Michelangelo flowing through your veins. Take advantage of it! You don’t necessarily have to paint the Sistine Chapel on your living room ceiling; buying a few body paints and having a little alone time with your favorite lady can also constitute as a work of art ( be sure to take photos).

Famous Libra’s that you wish were gay

Kate Winslet, March 18 1970
Hideous Kinky anyone?

4 comments:

Butch Boo said...

Nothing is a bad idea eh? I'll have to remember that!!

BB
X

Renee Gannon said...

My horoscope was spot on! Thanks Kelly!

Kevin said...

Hey my horoscope seems to be something different. Its not at all relating to me. As such I don't believe in this but as I saw your blog thought of going through.

Bryce Thomason said...

Religious freedoms and the "gay agenda are on a crash course in America and this is a speeding train no mere earthly can stop.

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