1/19/09

Lesbian Style: Find Your Own!

- Style Grrl

Hello lovely Lesbiatopia ladies. I am very excited to share with you my thoughts, ideas, issues, and ramblings about fashion and style.

I was at a fundraiser this weekend at a lesbian bar which prompted this commentary about dyke fashion. I observed why lesbians are constantly getting a bad rap when it comes to fashion. I don’t think it’s that we are particularly bad at picking out clothes or that we really think wearing baseball caps with down ski vests is going to get us noticed. It’s just that many of us have not yet found our own personal style.


Now I’m all about wearing whatever makes you feel most comfortable and confident. But don’t you also want to impress the cute girl sitting at the other end of the bar? I believe that if you find your personal style, you will feel comfortable and confident but won’t necessarily have to put on your old sneakers to do so.

So how do you find your personal style you ask? You try different styles out! When I was first coming out, I thought that being a lesbian meant that you had to dress “butch”. So I locked away my pencil skirts, high heels, and opted for bowling shoes and baggy pants. I thought I looked like a lesbian but did not feel confident that I would meet a hot butch woman with those clothes on. After some time of trying different styles, I went back to my femme ways and realized that I felt great. And I was getting the attention from the ladies that I wanted. The bottom line is everyone has a personal style. You just have to find it. Don’t wear what every other woman is wearing just to fit in. Be daring. Try on those skirts, pantsuits, heels, ties, whatever! Then go test it out. You’ll know you’ve found your style when you feel like a million bucks AND that hottie at the end of the bar gives you her number.

11 comments:

Renee Gannon said...

It took me a while to find my style but I'd have to say, I totally dig the skater/surfer look. Loooove trucker hats and old skool Nikes! When it doubt, kick it old skool!!

Jul said...

Renee, my gf has very similar style to you, and I think that rocks. She's kind of urban surfer chic, and I love it. So...in my opinion, great look!

Anonymous said...

I went through alot of thinking before i found my style and i realized that i was more of a soft stud. The only problem is,is that i have to dress like a femme everyday because of my family. My mother doesnt want me going anywhere near my brothers clothes or to the boys section. I love the style but i just cant wear it and thats what makes me feel upsett/uncomfortable because i feel as if im not myself and my gf cant see the real me.

Anonymous said...

My styles pretty boring, and utilitarian, jeans, t-shirt and a hoodie.

Aunt Red said...

Yeah, I'm deff the jeans. t-shirt, hoodie kinda dyke. And it works great!

rustsynail said...

I think this is a problem that everyone faces in search of their personal identity.

Especially gay women who have an affinity for men's fashion, but cant quite make it work for them without being just a plain out "butch"

Check out www.dapperq.com
Its a cool new website that addresses this.

Amber said...

Hmm, i'm more of a ripped at the knee jeans, sleeveless t'shirts, and combat boots kinda look lol

Lisbet said...

I am femme, no two ways about it, however women dress differently today than they did back when gender roles were set in stone. i never thought of myself as butch when i got my hair cut short, wore doc martens or ripped pipes, hoodies, tight girl t shirts with the sleeves ripped off or a wallet chain. nobody else did either, it was just the style when I was in high school and most of the other girls, gay, straight, bi or whatever were dressing the same. This was the Nirvana heyday right? "boyfriend jeans" were in every store and flannel was king. Darlene and David from the Roseanne show were perfectly styled dressers and their clothes looked pretty much interchangeable.
Later on when singers like Pink got popular it was very cool to cut all your hair off. Mainstream society didn't see those haircuts as "dyke" haircuts. They were just edgy. I also never had a problem with skirts or "sexy" tops. What butch or hetero man doesn't like a femme in s skirt and hiking boots tehe? I never questioned my style or my femininity and the only other people who did were guys who I dated. I wasn't attracted to them so I must be gay. It's funny now how true that was but at the time it just really ticked me off. But I still don't think my fashion sense is what clued them in lol because they were highly attracted to me until we got the the awkward sexual parts. MOVING ON, lol. This is my dilemma, I never felt constrained in my fashion at all or questioned my choices (in general, this is not to say I never felt like I totally wore the wrong thing on occasion) never felt unfeminine or "dykey" until I actually came out. Now that I'm out and married and we have networked with other couples and parents, gay and straight. I feel almost like I have this niche I'm supposed to go into. My wife grooms and dresses butch. She's not nearly as masculine as the casual observer would think she is, not at all but someone who didn't know us would think she was very hard butch. So I almost feel obligated to feed into this very FEMME femme sterotype. Like we wear the same size top and some of her guy sweaters are so cute but I'm like uncomfortable wearing them because I feel like people will see me as butch because I'm gay and that if I were not gay and wore the same sweater they wouldn't think anything of it. You know what I mean? Or like, my hair is fairly long and I actually like it like shoulder length but I'm growing it out so I can be more feminine. Which is just weird and I almost am uncomfortable talking to her about this which is ridiculous because we talk about everything but for some reason certain things about my sexuality, not actual sex but other stuff there's just a wall there. Am I the only femme who feels constrained in this weird way?

Lisbet said...

Hey also it would be interesting to get the butch take on this situation. Do you ever feel like you should or are dressing MORE butch than you actually feel like you are because that's what you feel like other people expect you to look like? Or do you feel like it will make you more attractive to the girls you want to meet? Everyone knows the difficulties that arise when you dress "against" your biosex. But what about feeling like you have to almost try to hard or "pose" to identify your gender status.

Dark Angel said...

I found my favorite lesbian style. Jeans with holes, jersey, hat turned sideways wit some shades. ;-)

Kelly said...

Hi girls,

I'm a little boring when it commes to clothing.. just some jeans a t-shirt and sneakers and i'm fine. But lately i'm feeling like i should change my looks a bit.. and i was thinking to go "Ellen Degeneres style" She's always so nicely dressed not to fancy yet classy!


Greetings from Belgium

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