A Labeling System?

by Cynthia Rodriguez

This is a bitch and moan type of rant. I haven't done this in a while, so I'm overdue. This is about the dating scene, the club scene, the bar scene, which for the good, bad, and the ugly, through sickness and through health, I have been a part of for a very long time. Don't underestimate. Being a part-time gay barfly is alot of work. It's not all about Karaoke.

You're probably thinking, what do you mean, "A Label System?" ? Yeah, I know, we don't like labels, "don't label me, I don't like labels", blah, blah, blah. Fine. Bear with me, this is what I'm talking about. At a straight bar/club, you have (for the most part), straight men and straight women, women looking for men, men looking for women. The end.

At a gay club/bar I've learned it is not that simple. Over the years you realize it's alot more complicated. Exhibit A: You're at the club scoping out some chick for two hours that you've already bought at least three drinks for. At the end of the night she drunkily confesses to you that she is straight and happily married, (however, her husband is nowhere in sight). I like to refer to this little hustling scheme as the "straight girl scam". Straight women, (especially if they are broke-ass women), that go to gay clubs now and then to score free drinks from us dumb, desperate Lesbians. Meanwhile, that nice girl in the corner you find out a WHILE later, whom you ignored all night because you were busy chasing that straight moocher all night, has a crush on you, but you blew it because you were stupid.

If it were just Lesbians that went to a Lesbian bar, it would be okay. This wouldn't be an issue. The thing is, and don't get me wrong, I LOVE diversity, but damn, it can get very confusing, very fast. Because of it's nature gay bars attract ALL types. Anything and everything goes. To know who's what most of the time is nearly impossible. How are you supposed to pick somebody up like that?

I propose a sticker label system for gay bars. You know, like those little stickers that say "Hello, my name is...", well, something similiar to that but using certain colors. Say like BLUE would mean Lesbian, RED would mean straight as in "DANGER!, RED FLAG! RED FLAG! STRAIGHT GIRL!" RED AND BLUE would mean bisexual.

Then if you really wanted to break it down, you can do RED AND BLACK, meaning straight AND married. RED AND GREY meaning straight and married, but curious and want to experiment with somebody dumb enough to get into all that, or I'm just really getting sick of my husband and I'm ready to leave him anyway, etc, etc, etc.

It can go on and on. You can get quite creative with it. I think it would be fun, eliminate all the bullshit, and put the con-artists out of business.

It's just a suggestion.