2/19/09

What Money Can't Buy

by: SinnerviewerMy love, Melissa, had her first relationship with a woman when she was a teenager. She and her girlfriend tried to hide it from their families but they were too in love to make it seem like just a friendship. When her parents found out, her dad grabbed her by the neck, lifted her off of the ground and, while choking her, demanded, "YOU WILL NOT BE GAY!"

She got the message. And she learned that if she was going to be loved in this world, she'd have to conform to the way the world wanted her be. She married a man, they had 2 children and she lived in misery for nearly 10 years. When she fell into a severe depression and began losing lots of weight, her family had an intervention. Her mother thought she might be on drugs and took her aside and said, "What's wrong with you?"

Melissa answered, "You know what's wrong!"

Her mom then admitted that she knew Melissa was making a mistake when she got married. Instead of just letting her be who she was, her family made her feel like the only way to be loved and accepted was to conform to be what they wanted. She tried to be what they wanted but it wasn't who she was. She felt like a failure and in the end, she divorced her husband and began living her life as herself.

Melissa recently mentioned to her sister that she was considering changing her last name to mine at some point in the future (to reflect the commitment that we have made to each other). Her sister, who still holds the belief that Melissa is not equal to her as a human being and should be denied the right to marry, was outraged and went to her father about it.

When Melissa called him to check on her father and see how he was doing, this is how the conversation went: (I got her to write this part out for you):

Dad-Hello

M- Hi Dad, hows it going?

Dad- Hiiiii! What are you up to?

M- Nothing, just checking in.

Dad- Hey, are you changing your name?

M- Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it.

Dad- If you do, you’ll be out of my will & you’ll lose 50k. God doesn’t mean for it to be that way.

M- What?

Dad- If you change your name, I’m taking you out of my will & it’s going to cost you 50k. God doesn’t want it to be that way.

M-*Two seconds of silence*

Dad- Just think about that. It’s going to cost you 50k.

M-Ooookay???

Dad- Hey I gotta go I’m at work. I’ll call you tonight to talk about this.

M- Alright. Bye.

He never did call her back and that was two weeks ago.

If Melissa was getting married to a man, this would not be an issue. Nobody would expect her to keep her ex-husband's name. But to say that "God doesn't mean for it to be that way" is such a slap in her face.

We were talking about it yesterday and she made a good observation about her dad being like my mom. They are always tying strings to money in order to control people because, frankly, they don't have the respect from their children to be an influence on their own.

The second thought I had about her dad's big announcement was that this man is trying to hold her to a standard that he isn't willing to hold himself to. From what I've learned about this man, he is a heavy drinker, sometimes given to drunkenness. He is a heavy smoker. He regularly gambles and has loan sharked in the past. He has sexual relations with his unmarried partner.
The Bible (1 Corinthians 5:11) warns us to stay away from guys like her dad:

"... you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat."

He in no way lives a sin-free life (as if anyone can) but he will never have to live in fear that his daughter will hold him up to those standards or make him jump through hoops to get her love or affection because he lives a "sinful lifestyle". She loves him for who he is, with all of his imperfections, sins and problems. He is her father and she loves him no matter what.

I doubt that God has a care in this world what Melissa's last name is. I am pretty certain, however, that God doesn't have any desire for a father to treat his daughter that way and then slap His Good Name on it as justification.

Sweet Melissa has decided, which is how she earned the nickname from me, to release her dad from giving her any inheritance and plans to just ask him for his love instead. I'll let you know if that ends up being too much for him to give.

5 comments:

Diane said...

so sorry to read about this happening to your girl, S. i hope in the end that M's dad will realize what you both already know, that you can't put a price on true love.

Anonymous said...

I can totally relate. I've had a similar story.

The Professor said...

My S.O. and I have dealt with similar parental issues. Finally we just decided that we were starting our new family and had to leave the old ones behind. It was hard, it's still hard. But you're not alone.

QueenTracy said...

I'm so sorry to hear about this. It seems like dad has forgotten that Jesus said ALLLLLLLL the commandments can be summed up in two: love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. Its all about love. I hope he sees that. :-(

State of Grace said...

hello stranger friends. my father, too, disinherited me. my being a lesbian only gave him all of the more reason to do so. but he was an evil, vile man. he met his maker two christmases ago and got WAYYY drunk, thus, wrapping his truck around a tree killing himself and his wife. i at the time, was unaware of the disinheritance. so i rose above all of the abuse and sat front row at their funeral with my partner. no doubt a majorly satisfying feeling. after the will was read and it was revealed that i got zero, i felt like the biggest damn fool either side of the mason-dixon. those people, his friends and associates, all knew what he thought of me and there i was, thinking i was being the daughter who rightfully is mourning her father. i don't know yall's situation with the family and whatnot; but this i know, be who you are. hold your head up. blood does NOT define your family. simply because you have the unfortunate luck of sharing dna with somebody does not mean that they are your true family, who loves you unconditionally. because after all, in the end, love conquers all.

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