Guest Writer, Beebo Brinker: The Word on the L Word

This week on the L word there was so much going on! I don’t know where to begin. Ilene Chaiken has once again designed a very tangled web of over the top dyke drama. (And for the record I can’t get enough of it.)

I think maybe I’ll start out with our favorite hot mess, the drug addicted night club owning Kit Porter (she is always fun).

Kit has just been a mess since Angus banged the nanny. She's drinking again and experimenting with super dyke Papi. Sadly, we find out that Kit, regardless of Papi’s heroic attempts at munching her box, is not a lesbian. We knew that already, but it’s always fun to try new things. Am I right ladies? (Papi must have been down there for a really long time, because her jaw looked pretty sore.) Then, after blowing some lines at the Planet, Kit looks to Angus for a little rehab help, that scene was really moving...

Regardless of Kit’s short comings, she did have the best one-liner this week. And I quote, “You shoulda thought about that before the nanny’s lips were wrapped around you dick.” I think I laughed for like 10 minutes. Actually the sisters Porter were both really funny this episode, Kit flipping out a couple times and Bette who is so angry about Jenny’s book.

Jodi and Bette, Bette and Tina, Tina and Kate, Kate and Jenny, Jenny and Alison from Goldfrapp???. I’m not sure exactly what Ilene Chaiken is computing in her little robot brain, but this is one hell of a lesbian love chain. We know that Bette and Jodi have this intense connection, but you can’t have two domineering lesbians in the same relationship, it’s just not mathematically possible. They could potentially spontaneously combust and we would have little bits of Bette and Jodi all over West Hollywood and the gay boys would not be having any of that.

Bette and Tina; this makes a little more sense. Tina thinks Bette's severe mental issues are endearing + Bette stole their baby and they are still best friends + Tina is submissive to Bette + they still love each other + they still get jealous about one another = a solid foundation for a demented crazy and endearing lesbian relationship. BUT! Tina should still get a piece of Kate before she gets back with Bette.

Kate and Jenny - Sorry Jenny, it is not going to happen and rightfully so; Jenny has a whole lot of karma to deal with for what she did to the vagina wig’s girlfriend and using that poor dog.

Jenny and Alison Goldfrapp - I think Jenny might start stalking her. Did you see the way she was looking at her during the show!?!? Where the hell is Marina? Stop this Circ de Soliell shit and come save Jenny from herself! ( I think I like jenny a little better when she was a cutter.. I know its wrong.. but too much confidence is not a good thing… it starts to become delusion)

Now onto my favorite transitioning female to male Max (Maura is dead! Long live Max!) After quitting her job (where she should have told all those people to go F- themselves), she finally gets a piece of that hot intern (… what’s her name again… doesn’t matter…) AND Max has the ultimate orgasm. According to the previews for next week, he thinks he may not go through with the surgery. No shit Max… don’t you know a female orgasm is way more intense than a male orgasm and you can have more than one.

Max is a really hot boy and a really hot chick. Be a boy, but keep you vagina. Seriously… but if he does decide to get the beans and the frank, no worries, we still love him anyway.

Shane and Pag e- Awww, aren’t they so cute…and so boring. Hey maybe Shane should pay Helena back for all that money she spent on her wedding instead of getting Goldfrapp to play at the Planet.

Helena and Kathryn - Even though I enjoy their demented relationship (especially Kathryn’s huge nipps) something has got to change. I think Shane did a little foreshadowing when the girls were shopping for ugly presents, and I quote ”It’s a fucking set up.” She is so totally right, C’mon Helena! Put a helmet on and get in the game! And Peggy Peabody please! Give the money back and save Helena! I can’t see my girl suffer anymore.

Alice and Tasha - I love me some ebony and ivory.

My prediction for next week - Alice will buy Tasha a drink at the Planet, and then Tasha have a flashback from the war because an ice cube fell on the ground or something, then she’ll dive on Alice to protect her from other falling ice cubes, then after Tasha recovers she will say to Alice “Alice, I really would love to drink this drink, but I can’t, Lisa had a drink when we were over there fighting for our country, and she’ll never have a drink again.” Then Alice will look bewildered and have no clue where Tasha is coming from, and finally they’ll go home and DO IT!

What I think should happen. Tasha should tell her boss that she is gay and get the hell out of the Army (Think Max and the computer geeks but in camouflage). Why you ask? Just for the simple fact that Alice is hot. Tasha, are you crazy, girl? Don’t subject yourself to that oppressive environment when you have a hot piece of ass coddling to your every flashback. You want to help our country, ride with the dykes on bikes at the gay pride parade. Well, anyway, Dana is coming back from the dead next week and we know she’ll fix everything. (I miss Dana).

Phyllis, Leonard and their daughter - I don’t have too much to say about that whole mess, except I think Leonard should go completely ape-shit and kill Phyllis. That was what my friends and I were looking forward to for this week, but, alas, it didn’t happen… Je trist….

All this dyke drama! I’m interested to see what Ilene has in store for the L watchers next week. I would love it if someone got murdered (Phyllis!!!!) or at least an attempted murder…Never- the- Less it should be interesting. Till next week.


Anonymous said...

::clap clap clap::not cause your my friend, and you sorta dropped my name for the whole killing Phyills. Well done Beebo (is this a Lesbian code name from HomeDepo cause this is the first ive heard of this name) Awesome Writing LOVE IT :)

WordsRock said...

Excellent recap!

Phyllis a domestic murder victim? I rather like that idea.

Anonymous said...

My gosh! This is the funniest commentary I've read in a long time. Especially the Tasha diving and protecting Alice from ice cubes.
Tell me Beebo. Are you 6 foot tall with dark hair and a snarkly smile?