Star-Studded Documentary "Out in the Open" Coming to DVD January 29th

Following the historic reelection of President Barack Obama and marriage equality advancing in four more states, QC Cinema is proud to announce that the January 29th DVD release of Matthew Smith's Out in the Open ($24.99), a documentary comprised of a collection of interviews with successful figures who openly identify with their sexual orientation.  CEO Richard Wolff and Real Stream Productions' Ben Milliken closed a deal for the release at the American Film Market.  

  

This documentary targets at-risk youth across the world, as well as their families, friends, and teachers. Out in the Open presents that no single person is the same and that all people should be celebrated. Out in the Open interviews celebrities, politicians, and everyday allies, straight and gay, who openly celebrate the LGBTQ community. These figures will discuss how they coped with stereotypes attached to their sexual orientation by sharing personal experiences of coming to terms with their sexuality. 

Featured in Out in the Open are gay and allied celebrities such as "Queer Eyes" star Carson Kressley, Oscar nominee Eric Roberts and his wife Eliza, Olympic gold medal diver and activist Greg Louganis, Broadway star Josh Strickland, and musician Keaton Simons among others.  These figures will discuss how they coped with stereotypes attached to their sexual orientation by sharing personal experiences of coming to terms with their sexuality. Out in the Open is aimed to guide the LGBTQ youth who struggle with bullying, ostracism and suicide in their communities.

Real Stream teamed up with Outset, an Outfest/Lifeworks program that offers at-risk LGBT youth an intensive course in filmmaking. Providing them with mentors who take the youth through a crash course, teaching them all there is to know about the art of film. By the end of the program, the students have shot their own short films from concept to screen, and premiered them at Outfest.  Real Stream was there to document this process, and capture their stories for inclusion in Out in the Open. 

  

Breaking Glass Co-President Richard Ross said, ""It is a pleasure to start 2013 with Matthew Smith's amazing documentary Out in the Open. As the country moves further and further away from any sort of closet, the film celebrates acceptance and empowerment for everyone."

  

The DVD will arrive complete a director's commentary, deleted scenes, bloopers, behind the scenes footage and much more.  

Coming Out Day Project from OURsceneTV

OURsceneTV.com is producing a new video program, OURstories, a collection of coming out stories submitted by the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) public, to commemorate National Coming Out Day on October 11, the internationally-observed day for LGBT visibility.

Using social networks such as Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, as well as its newsletter and website, OURsceneTV has invited its viewers, friends and anyone interested in participating to submit short videos in which the participants will share their own personal coming out experiences. The videos will be complied and presented on the OURsceneTV.com website.

The OURstories' call to action states, "Visibility is one of our most powerful tools for fighting discrimination and ignorance. No two stories are alike, but all are life-changing and important. Whether your coming out story is painful, poignant or just a little peculiar, we want to hear from you. And if you're not out, but ready to take that step, we want to hear from you, too."

OURsceneTV Executive Producer Margaret Pergler said, "Coming out and living openly as gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans person is an act of true bravery. We're asking our viewers and friends to tell us their own coming out stories in the most compelling way possible - in their own words. This isn't a contest, but a collection of the emotional, sometimes amusing, but always inspirational stories of finding ourselves and sharing that truth."

Participants can learn more about the OURstories program, get suggestions on how to record their stories, and upload their videos at: http://www.ourscenetv.com/comingoutproject/index.html

About National Coming Out Day – National Coming Out Day is celebrated each year on October 11 to commemorate the 1987 Lesbian and Gay March on Washington and the first unfurling of the AIDS Quilt on the National Mall.

About OURsceneTV.com – OURsceneTV.com is an online television network featuring all original entertainment news, lifestyle and cultural programming catering to LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) audiences. It is dedicated to creating dynamic content that truly reflects the diversity and uncompromised perspectives of the LGBT community. Visit www.ourscenetv.com.

Lesbian Book Review: "What Goes Around Comes Back Around" by C.D Kirven

BOOK REVIEW


by Cynthia Rodriguez

"WHAT GOES AROUND COMES BACK AROUND"
by C.D Kirven





Ghetto fab. This is one of those books I would describe as such. Where I come from, that's not necessarily a bad thing, although I know a lot of people would take that the wrong way or who would not see that in the most positive light. This book lured me in and wouldn't let me go.



I don't come across many books at all that delve into the Black GLBTQI community, so this was very refreshing. It may not be for everyone, not so much because of any race or nationality issues, but because it specifically revolves around "Generation X",(which I'm a part of), and hip-hop culture, (which I pretty much grew up around).


The book has been compared to the famous, E. Lynn Harris's (R.I.P, who just passed last month), "Invisible Life". I've heard much about it. Unfortunetly, I have not had the pleasure of experiencing any of his work, however, I plan on working on that.

First, I'd like to mention that this is a product of OUTSKIRTS PRESS. One of those self-publishing companies. I wanted to mention that because I feel that people who do that definitely deserve serious props for putting themselves out there like that and doing it on their own. I just find that very impressive. I feel it shows great initiative and self-discipline. I believe I read somewhere that Mr. Harris's debut novel (the one mentioned above) was also self-published, and at one point was selling them from the trunk of his car.


Another thing I'd like to reveal is that if you look up C.D Kirven, she is quite the multi-media artist. She is an author, artist, activist, and film maker. Gotta love those cross-over, multi-talented artists. She also has a cool line of accessories. That C.D, she's a smart one. Yep, I'll definitely be getting one of her t-shirts...


So, bringing it back to C.D Kirven's debut novel, it is one of those coming of age, coming out stories about our main character, Kingsley. We follow her and her friends from her delinquent like teen years in the hood, into adulthood. Along the way of her trials and tribulations, she learns, and re-learns the hard way, the old saying she remembers, I believe, from her Grandmother, "what goes around, comes back around".

Along her path to self-discovery, we meet some gaudy characters that cross her path, some that are there for the moment, the season, or who are consistent throughout the whole book. Pretty much the only ones who stuck to me where Kingsley herself, and her homegirl Tanya. Being that I can relate to her background, I can say, anyone else who can relate has a "Tanya" in their life.


Witnessing all these people, places, and things in Kingsley's life that lead her to breaking out of her cocoon to do and live and love the way she wants is a learning and inspiring experience. She is a superb example for anyone craving to escape the "DL" (down low) life style, and those just struggling to get out of "living a lie".


Kirven touches on some serious, timely issues such as Aids, among others, which I give her credit for, not putting it in a preachy manner, but just a story telling, "that's just the way it is" way.


I feel you C.D Kirven. I understand. They don't say "karma's a bitch" for nothin'. Any offense, large and small, will always end up biting you in the ass. Perhaps that would explain the constant aching in my posterior area...


(on a side note: Shout out to a slammin' website for readers called "Sistahs on the Shelf" which features a good interview with the author)

Keepin' it Green (Newbies)

"Keepin' it Green" (NEWBIES)

by Cynthia Rodriguez


"Keepin' it Green" is a very popular phrase among the 12 step meeting community. It is used to recall when you had reached "rock bottom", and first entered the recovery society. The purpose is to gain and maintain a sense of patience, understanding, and tolerance of "newbies" who join the group with their newfound struggles and to remember when you were once a recovery youngin' yourself.


Although I am no longer a member of that community, over the years, I've attempted to use that phrase among others in other areas of my life, particularly the gay community. Every time I find myself getting frustrated over a gay newbie's wish-washiness and self-induced drama, I try to think back, (WAY back) to the time I came out, and the challenges I faced with my new life. It helps keep me calm and grounded and better prepared to face the pain-in-the-ass toils ahead.

It wasn't always cargo-pants and docks. I can remember a simpler time back in the straight days, (or so I thought), when I was the "girly-girl" that people that know me now find extremely hard to believe. The days for me of wearing skirts and dresses and pumps and pantyhose (THAT really sucked), and make-up may be over, however, I realize that it will always be part of who I was and I can't deny it, (as much as I would like to.)

My philosphy on the whole thing comes down to a few things. When you come out, everybody around you (family, friends, co-workers) come out with you. Usually, the people closest to you ALREADY know. You're always the last to know. It's a process for EVERYBODY. You find out who your true friends are, and who is really there for you when it happens. It's a never ending process. For the rest of your life, you are always coming out, everytime you get a new job, go to a new school, new friends, family members you haven't seen in almost 20 years, and so on.

You go through all the stages, the denial, the anger, the depression. You question anything and everything. Was it my upbringing? Did I do something wrong? What's the matter with me? Was it because I was sexually abused? Was it the accumulation of bad experiences with men? Did I hang out with gay people too much? Is it hereditary? etc, etc, etc.... You may look into different types of religion or alternative forms of spirituality, you go to therapy, (maybe "conversion camp"), you do everything you can to try to be "normal" again.







A recent conversation with a "sister" revealed to me she has been out for about 6 years. I responded with, "Oh, so you're an 'intermediate'?" "An intermediate?", she laughed. I replied "Yeah, you're not a newbie, but not a 'veteran', either." I THINK she understood. If she didn't, it's okay. I knew what I meant.


To another recent still in the closet newbie I explained how the metamorphosis changes
you inside and out. Such as your appearance slowly but surely begins to alter. You realize that all those years of fancy hosiery and high heels and alot of other things you did for your appearance were all for men. Of course, this did not apply to everyone, but I've seen it enough over time to make my own analysis.


I can go on and on about the whole when you get into the acceptance phase of your new orientation and entering the gay scene in a whole new way, not as just a "straight but not narrow" person hanging out at the gay clubs, and the "second puberty" stage, and becoming a big, gay whore for a while and all that, but that's a whole other conversation.

I remember my slow and rough transition from straight to very active bisexual to all out LESBIAN. It took years and alot of work for me to achieve my full blown dykiness evolution as seen today, but the journey was well worth it.

The opinions expressed by "BOOK_REVIEWER_EXTRAORDINAIRE" are not necessarily those of the Lesbiatopian management.

Lesbian Book Review: "The Trouble with Emily Dickinson" by Lindsey D' Arcangelo

SPECIAL BOOK REVIEW
by Cynthia Rodriguez
First, a shout out to Alpha World Press, and Tracey Vandeveer, for doing an exceptional job in the tough world of lesbian publishing. Take a lookey at the website and you'll see it's all about lesbian books. By and for lesbians. Love it. I can see this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Who knows? Maybe someday I'll approach Tracey about writing my OWN book there. *hint hint*. Okay, so that was pretty blatant of me, but moving right along. For more info on Alpha Press, check out: alphaworldpress.com
This book only took me about a week to read, which is pretty good timing for me, and you'll find out why...


"The Trouble With Emily Dickinson"
by Lyndsey D'Arcangelo
What a delightful read! Damn, that was a fun book! As light and fluffy as the pillow under my head as I read it, yet very poignant. Originally intended for young adults, complete with the big font, I recommend this book to anyone struggling with coming out, or any type of identity crisis for that matter. Although throughout the whole book I did think about what I call "Dawson's Creek Syndrome", in which teenagers in certain books, T.V, and movies seem to speak in a tongue way beyond their years. I'd think to myself, "Please, kids don't talk like that". Sure, some of them may, or maybe speaking more like that, which is a nice alternative to the usual, "Yo, whassup? what's good?". Even though I myself am guilty of still blurting out the slang here and there. The main character Josephine Jenkins a.k.a "J.J", I want her to be my new art buddy. Her best friend, "Queenie McBride", I want to sleep with her, and the love interest, often referred to as "THE Kendall McCarthy", I want a girlfriend just like that. The poetry "scenes" are beautiful, and you can really feel the chemistry between the characters so much that you sigh with jealousy, well, at least I did. That brings me to me next point, which is that this book helped me re-visit my old poetry days, and hanging out at the coffeeshops, and open mic nights. It also gave me a new appreciation of Emily Dickinson of course, (bringing lesbians together since 1830), who probably never imagined what an impact she'd have on the lesbian community.

On a side note, I'd like to mention a nice, enlightening experience I had just yesterday volunteering for "Books Through Bars", (which I'll be talking about more later), when one prisoner's letter requested a book on "love poems". I caught a glimpse of a book of poetry from Dickinson and smiled. Along with the package I included a note saying that may be what they were looking for.

If you are a lesbian author, and would like your book reviewed for Lesbiatopia, please contact me at:
resident.book.worm@gmail.com

The L Word: Impacting One Lesbian at a Time

One day when I was getting tea at a local coffee house and living the life of a straight woman, this barista told me something weird. She said, "You remind me of Kate Moennig. You have the same dark look, same eyes, same smile and the same mannerisms as her."

"Who?"

"Kate Moennig. She plays 'Shane' from 'The L Word'. On Showtime? Have you seen that show?"

"Uh, no. I don't have Showtime."

But in the back of my mind, I was slightly panic-stricken. Because as a church-goer, I had seen some e-mail a few years back from one of those Focus On The Family groups trying to rally it's members to write or call Showtime to protest the show about lesbians. I was so grateful that we didn't get premium channels because it helped me to fight the temptation to learn more about other women like me. I didn't know a single other lesbian and it made my straight life so much easier to live in to keep myself ignorant.

I went home and googled Kate Moennig. Hell, I wish I looked like her. But my search took me in an unexpected direction: YouTube. Here was the first video I watched (with subtitles for our French pals):




I realized that there were all kinds of clips from "'The L Word" and I started watching. And watching. And watching. The more I watched, the more I learned. The more I learned, the more my need to be myself surfaced. It just helped to reinforce in my mind that people be out and still have a decent life.

It was so hard for me to be someone that I wasn't. I hate to say it because it would have been great if my first lesbian education was through a personal connection, not a TV show. But I am glad The L Word existed during a time when I needed another nudge towards the closet door.

We are about to see the final season of "The L Word" and it got me to wondering if I was the only one that this show had an impact on. Anyone have any good L Word stories? I'd love to read them.

The final season of "The L Word" will premiere in Showtime on January 18th.

Pretty Fly for a Trans Guy: A Trans Story

Lesbiatopia readers meet Mclovin. Mclovin is a very good friend of mine. He was a strappingly handsome butch when I met him a little over a year ago and has since decided to transition from woman to man. He is an awesome person; a lot of fun, kind, helpful, funny... really an all around guy. I am so supportive of his decision to transition and have asked him to share his story with you because I know you will show him the kind of love and support that he needs. Now, without further ado...Mclovin's story (pseudonym being used to protect the authors identity). - Renee

- by: McLovin
I am your typical red blooded, all American male. I like motorcycles and I pin up pictures of hot, mostly naked chicks on my walls. I wear a lot of blue and brown. I sport one earring. I play drums, chess, and love healthy competition. Not to say that being an American male necessarily has anything to do with these interests, but to me, it’s defining, and being defined is something I have lacked for so long that finally finding a boundary is actually freeing. I will explain, you see, I am a transgendered man.

What does that mean, you say? Well, honestly, until recently, I had no idea. And it seems pretty cliché for me to write about it since my story is just about like two dozen others that can be read online. I am finally able to say it out loud to myself, allow it to sit in my ears and relish in my new found self proclamation. Basically, what this means to me is that I am going to endeavor on a journey which will make me love and embrace myself for the first time in my existence, but could possibly make most every other person who has loved and embraced me throughout my life reject me.


I received Barbie dolls for my birthdays until I was 9. I was made to be a witch for Halloween, not a vampire, and made to wear a princess dress, even though on a regular basis I would pretend I was Prince Philip from Sleeping Beauty. I took an early interest in sports and athletics, and I was an aggressive and active child, always picking fights and very often winning them, with other neighborhood boys. Imagine my surprise when I realized I was the only one who knew I was a boy.

I began to emulate females because everyone else placed these expectations on me, and by everyone else, I mean the people who bought my clothes. I did those things females do because everyone expected me to. Not because it felt natural or because I wanted to, but because I did not want to disappoint. I always wanted to swim with my shirt off, and be a boy scout, and imagined myself growing up to be a man. I never shared this with anyone but my dog. Even as a young child, I remembering fearing the inevitable rejection. I am to the point in my life now where I embrace those boyish adventures I never got to pursue comfortably as a kid. Many of the things I was unable to enjoy as a little girl, I am revisiting as a newly released ‘man’. Sure it seems a little juvenile that I laugh at fart jokes, but considering I spent the better part of my teens crying into my pillow and pasting smiles on my face just to get through another day as a ‘girl’, I figure I owe myself the opportunity to be a kid.

Coming to grips with my gender identity has left no corner of my life unturned. I forced myself to rethink the religious doctrines I was taught as a child and blaze a path of my own. I believe God has feminine and masculine traits. Since God is so illusive with his gender and at times even androgynous, wouldn’t it then make sense for him to include that pattern into his creation as well? I mention this because I feel connected to God as a man in ways I never could imagine as a woman. I see myself as someone strong and able to protect and provide for a family and raise healthy, well rounded children, who experience love and acceptance from two parents, committed to each other. As a female, I never had a desire to be married, raise children, and certainly never felt capable of being the leader of a family. I know many women who fill this role regularly and capably, however, I was never one of them. It simply was not in my heart. As soon as I began accepting myself as a guy, hell yeah, all of the above! I could be a great husband, forgetting anniversaries and birthdays, and a great dad getting a ‘dad of the year’ barbeque apron for fathers day, and teaching my kids to drive in the local mall parking lot.

I still have a ways to go on my journey of self-discovery. It’s unfortunate that the process of figuring out who I am causes so much tension in my relationships with the people I love. I want to share my story for several reasons: I know that there are other guys like me out there, and I want them to know they are not alone. Two, I want to educate people who may be ignorant or misinformed on what it really means to be transgendered. Most of all, though, I want to be completely honest about who I am. I don’t ever want to hide in the closet any more. This is me, and you can take it or leave it. I won’t change for anyone but me.

Christine's Answers from the Big Book of Queer Girl Rules

Dear Christine,

I'm 20 and in my first year of University I was in a relationship with a girl for a little over a year. We became close friends at first, then began to date. It was all very secret, even though I was staying over every night. We were both always a little confused about how it happened, but we were so happy together. We never expected to develop such deep feelings for each other but we knew it had to end sometime because we couldn't live a 'regular life' if we were out. After she graduated and began her career, we could not maintain our secretive relationship together. She was very scared of her feelings towards our relationship but she was not willing to give up the idea of life she had in her head, with a husband and kids.

We broke up and a couple months later she started to date someone from work. While she was dating this man, who was about 20yrs older than her, she would constantly tell me she loved me and didn't want to lose me from her life. I waited for a year. While she was dating her co-worker, she and I hooked up about 3 or 4 times. She would always tell me she missed me and how hard the situation was for her.

They dated for a year, then a week or so ago she broke up with her boyfriend. She also recently bought a condo very close to my house.

When we were broken up I needed to talk to someone about it all. Only a handful of people know, but it does make me feel good to reach out to them about how I feel about her, and how I wish she could see it's okay for us to be together. They all say how ridiculous she is about pretending like no one has any idea, even though I've told her how everyone knows.

With her single should I just wait it out and see what she does? Were very close already so I don't know to take her inviting me over as a flirting thing or just a friend thing... although she does do certain things friends don't do, like hold me all night.

Any advice will help,
Love Goggles

Dear Love Goggles,

My friend, I've seen this one too many times and I hate to be the one to tell you that this girl is not about to come out of the closet for you or anybody else. If secrecy is this important to her, she will never give up all the perks of heterosexual privilege in order to have a fully functioning relationship with another woman. Some people are more concerned with the approval of others then they are with being their true selves. Society rewards us at every turn for 'being' heterosexual. It's very difficult for some to accept living without all that acceptance, no matter how conditional it is in the first place.

It sounds like you two are really in love and I'm sure you have an amazing bond. However, I don't think this girl will ever be able to be a supportive partner to you if she is this consumed with staying in the closet. It's obvious that you are the person she wants to be with and the fact that she is so resistant to her feelings about you is clear indication that she's nowhere near ready to come out.

If a husband and kids is what she thinks she needs, then that's what she's going to get. Of course, she is very conflicted and very much wants the benefits of the love and support you give to her despite that she's not being ready to be in a romantic relationship with you. You need to decide if you can continue to be her friend without having the relationship you want from her. It doesn't sound like you will be getting what you need from her in a friend if you stick around. It seems to me like she has shown you that she isn't in a place where she can respect you emotionally. To me, that seems like grounds to step away from the friendship in order to protect yourself from getting hurt by her anymore. I'm sure there is an LGBT activism or activities group on your university campus that you could join in order to broaden your circle of friends and meet more people who are comfortable being out. Perhaps the best thing you can do for the both of you is to lead by example of how positive it is to be open and honest as an out person!

Congratulations to Lindsay and Sam

Although this may be a foray into unknown territory for this Enlightened Dyke, but I have a bit of insight to share on this latest bit of Celesbrity News. I subscribe to several LGBT-related blogs and news feeds in my beloved Google Reader, and often, high-profile information comes to me from multiple sources. Yesterday's announcement that Lindsay Lohan verbally and publicly confirmed her relationship with DJ Samatha Ronson was no exception. You can read about it here and here and here. Although many people "in the know" (i.e. who pay attention to tabloids and celebrity gossip) have speculated for several months, the couple had previously refused to verify the status of their relationship.


I am personally a fan of privacy, of minding your own business, of giving people space, and of respecting boundaries. I understand, however, that being a celebrity necessitates the sacrifice of some of these rights. It's the price you pay for fame. So I took a gander at the news that's been released over the various media outlet, and here's a summary of what I've found:

Lindsay Lohan, initially famous for her tres mingnone dual-role as the twins of the Parent Trap remake, became much more famous for her slip into scandal as a teenager. Between the drugs, the rehab, the nude pictures, the car accidents, and the cat fights with other scandalous celebs, it seemed that she hit rock bottom and planned on staying there. And then, all of a sudden... nothing. No scandal, no drama, no fighting, not even many public appearances. Was a parole officer? A newfound faith? Had she seen the light? Well, we now know that it was much simpler, and yet more profound at the same time - she fell in love. Not a one-night stand, not a publicity stunt, but that turn-your-world-around, make-you-a-better-person, hers-and-hers-coordinated-towels kind of love.

They went shopping together, they accompanied each other to work, they generally just couldn't get enough of each other. But they kept it personal and private. Rumor has it that they were offered a payout in excess of 2 million for an exclusive on their relationship, but declined. Instead, the public confirmation of their status came as a casual "yeah, it's been a long time" during an informal conversation with friends. And have you noticed how happy they look? Gosh, it just warms my heart. Everyone deserves to feel this kind of love. And after all that she's been through, I hope this love lasts for Lindsay, and for Sam.

There's been quite a bit of discussion among the lesbian community about whether or not it is "good" to have this kind of celebrity on "our" side, as well as speculation about her sexuality and whether or not that played a role in the drama she went through as a teenager. Well I just wish we didn't have to have "sides" in the first place. As someone who only dated guys before falling in love with a woman, I tend to eschew labels. Why should we be obligated to identify ourselves by the gender(s) to which we are attracted? Maybe Lindsay has always felt she was a lesbian, or maybe she never has. I don't think it really matters. What's important is the exposure. That the two of them, the media, and the rest of us all treat them just as we would any other celebrity couple. I think that by acknowledging their relationship in such a simple and profound way, they've helped "normalize" (I hate that word) the idea of same-sex couples in the minds of a few more people.

Here in California, we have a few short weeks remaining until our state votes on whether or not to take away the rights of same sex couples to marry. Recent polls have indicated that more and more people are leaning toward the NO vote, but there is still a significant segment that is undecided. I think as they see things like this: that two women can have a successful relationship which helps them become better people, and that their relationship is no different from any other, I think they will begin to see that this is not an attempt to "change the values of America", but rather, a fight for equal rights, and the right of everyone to love.

Whatever your thoughts on LiLo, I hope that you remember the joy of your first real love, and I hope that you join me in celebrating Lindsay and Samantha's relationship and wishing them all the best as they grow in their love.

Christine's Answers From The Big Book of Queer Girl Rules

Todays letter comes from a married 50 year old mother of three who finds she is attracted to other women and is in a dilemma about what to do....

Dear Christine,

I'm 50 and just coming out- my husband was the first person I told.

We've been married 20 yrs and have 3 kids together, ages 20, 17 and 13. I have not told them yet. My husband told me he has always wondered if I might be gay and in fact has tried to gently bring the subject up many times in the past years, but I would always adamantly deny any interest in women.

But lately, things seem different and I think as my kids are getting older and I have more time for myself, I am realizing that something big has been missing in my life.

I have had one relationship with a woman before I met my husband and I've never had the same emotional or physical intensity with him as I did with her.

I have found myself fantasizing more about women and feel like I've let my guard down around being really turned on physically when I see a woman I'm attracted to.

My dilemma is that my husband is a wonderful man, a great father and I can't imagine leaving him alone to pursue this lifestyle even though he is encouraging me to do whatever I need to to be fulfilled.

Help!

Very Troubled.

Dear Very Troubled,

I'm glad to hear that you are willing to be honest with yourself and your partner about what would make you more whole in your lifetime. It sounds like you have a wonderful environment in which to explore this new part of yourself. It sounds like you've been blessed through out the years with a beautiful family to share in and support and it sounds like it's absolutely time for you to create space to be this part of your sexual and emotional self.

The fact that you are concerned about stepping away from your role as a wife and mother is not surprising. It's a significant change in any woman's life as inevitably her children grow up and gradually separate themselves. It's a shock as well when after many years together, married partners shift and grow as individuals, eventually needing to look outside the relationship to continue their own individual paths. These occurrences are not limited to a person coming out later in life. If we all payed more attention, we would all find adjustments, large and small, that ask to be made in order to evolve individually.

In this case, the stakes seem high as exploring this path essentially means ending your marriage. However, what is exciting is that you have everything to gain by committing to this path. As you pointed out, the emotional and physical connection you experienced with one woman was greater that which you've shared with your husband over twenty years. It sounds like you have a supporting and loving friend in the man your married to and it's time for you to let him be just that. Learning to redefine your roles to each other as such will open up room in your life to find the earth shattering, consciousness shifting, heart stopping romance that you have been waiting for all this time.

Perhaps it would be helpful during this transition process to be talking to a therapist in order to have a safe space to express the fears and anxieties that will naturally come up. Contact your communities local gay and lesbian center for referrals to LGBT friendly mental health practitioners.

It is a challenging thing, to make room for yourself to be alone in the world long enough to find what you really need. But when one acts to honor themselves, it can only be met with blessings!

Christine

The BOOK: All Your Queer Questions Answered.

Dear, The BOOK,

okay, so the first time i noticed i was attracted to a girl was in high school when i was 16 and in year 11. she was in my year and we both were sharing a locker with a mutual friend who had actually been a friend of my sisters but we ended up bonding over a love of buffy the vampire slayer. we ended up having a free period together and would spend all that time talking and laughing and not studying. eventually she became my best friend and i moved to sit with her and her other friends.

this girl...she was gorgeous. i don't really know when i first thought of myself as attracted to her. i guess general admiration became something more. but i still don't know if i thought i liked her because i was misconstruing my want to be her to a want to have her. i ended up being able to kiss her one night, we were at a party, we were drunk and all the girls were going through that stage of kissing each other to get guys attention. someone said to the friend i was crushing on that we should kiss. something must have shown on my face because she said we didn't have to, but i just laughed it off and said i didn't care. so we kissed, kinda chaste, a little tongue and then she pulled back. i don't know about her but i was exhilerated! it was here that i really, really started questioning myself.

in year 12 i ended up getting my first boyfriend. he was really sweet, and SO HOT! and i was really, really attracted to him. we kissed, did some touching, but i was too scared to take it further. i broke up with him a couple of months out of high school because we didn't really have time together.

a year or so after school i started a new job working in a coffee shop (i had worked at mcdonalds for two years). turned out a friend of mitch's worked there who just happened to be gay. we struck up a friendship and he was the first person i admitted out loud to maybe being not so straight. soon i had a small circle of gay friends who i felt very comfortable being around.

so i knew i was attracted to guys, i am attracted to guys, but i also seem to be attracted to girls. not all girls but sometimes a girl will walk past me and i'll notice her just a little bit longer than necessary. i've basically admitted to myself that i'm bisexual, but how do i know if i've never had an experience with a girl (although i'm still a virgin on the guy front as well). i try to watch as much gay tv and movies as i can, i love south of nowhere, watched the willow/tara thing with rabid interest, ordered the l word off the internet, search out femslash fanfiction, and find myself lusting after celebrities like angelina jolie, eliza dushku, lena heady, elisha cuthbert, just to name a few, but also johnny depp, emile hirsch, david beckham and gerard butler.

my friends are very very understanding of our gay friends, but i don't know if they'd feel the same way about lesbians. they have in the past made comments like eew lesbian and i don't know. and i have NO idea how my family would take it, but my aunty did say she understood gays and lesbians but that bisexuals were wrong. i don't know if you can give me any advice but it feels good to vent and go through my feelings.

Thank You,
Femme Fatale


Dear Femme Fatale,

First I'd like to say well done for being honest with yourself about what you want. It sounds like you've had a lot of the all important experiences people face learning about their sexuality during their teen years. It also sounds like you are ready to explore what your sexuality means to you now, as an adult.

To address your concerns, I'm going to reference what I call "The Book" or "The Big Book of Queer Girl Rules". Coming out at a young age myself, I've managed to accrue a rather scary amount of knowledge and insight regarding the behaviors and lifestyles of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, and questioning, ie queer people. This book has all the rules, regulations, standards and practices that one needs to know in order to conduct one's homo business. I'm very excited to begin sharing the sacred text of the book with my fellow queers, so here goes!

So what do we know? We know you've had experiences with men and that you enjoyed them enough. We also know that in high school you experienced an intense emotional and physical attraction to another girl. That to me sounds like enough evidence to conclude that you would enjoy being with a woman now. I'd say it's worth investigating!

I'm excited to hear you've found gay male friends to hang out with. This was how I got my gay ol' start as well and it seems pretty standard across the board due to the reality that men generally come out earlier than women. Now that you've got your 'gays', you best use them to your advantage. It's time to go get out their and meet some women. Take your boys to your local gay bar, even small cities have a few! It sounds like you are pretty starved for lesbian culture and might really enjoy sharing your passion for the shows and other lesbian themed things you like with other women who are into them as well.

I think the most important thing is that you seek out other women to bond with over your common interests. The thought of jumping into the lesbian dating pool can be quite overwhelming so remember that you get to take your time. Friends first, dates second. And do not forget that associating with other women who are attracted to women does not mean you have to commit to only ever dating women. All of our sexualities are fluid and we all need different things at different times. Labels like "gay", "lesbian" and "bisexual" end up being too exclusive for many of us. The point is to love who you love when you love them, despite what others think about who you should love. This is your very own personal journey towards finding out what you want and need in life!

What your friends and family needs to know is that being attracted to women is part of who you are and that it's going to be something you explore in your life. That's it. Defining your life and sexuality beyond such is futile at the age of 21. It sounds like you have a family that's worked hard to take car of you all your life so I have a feeling that, after the initial shock, they will learn to accept this part of your identity and continue loving you as they do. No matter how long it takes for them to understand and no matter how long it takes for you to feel completely comfortable with yourself, remember that you are worth taking care of as you are here now. Coming out to family and friends is always scary and you can never really be sure how long it will take to find acceptance but as the Dalai Lama says, "Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk."

I'm closing The Book! Take care!

What Do You Do?

The pain I feel today is nothing new. I’ve always been subjected to it, always knew it was there. It’s not the pain of losing a loved one, or a physical pain.

It’s the pain of acceptance. Accepting your mother may not love you.

Don’t think it’s because I’m lesbian that she doesn’t love me. No, it actually started way before that. Probably when I was a child, but I can’t pinpoint anything specific. At least, not until I became an adult. For some strange reason, my mother gossips.She doesn’t care who she hurts, doesn’t care what she says. She just does.She’s been doing it so long, that she probably doesn’t think there is anything wrong with it.

The gossiping I could probably stand, it’s just the pretending that grinds my gears. I mean, why do you pretend to like me, invite me and my lover over, only to turn around and talk about me, my lover, my ‘lifestyle’ (for lack of a better word) with disdain to of all people, my children? Why do you speak badly of me to my children and not think they are going to tell me? She even talks about me to friends, other family members, etc.

I don’t know when this all started or why. I just know that my mother has a unique talent for alienating people from her life. She will behave one way in your presence, and do the exact opposite when she is away from you. My partner thought it was because we are lesbian, but I had to enlighten her; no, dear this has been going on all my adult life. Being a lesbian doesn't have a thing to do with it.

My mother is so bad with her hurtful words that she used to say bad things about me to my son. My son is now deceased due to an illness. But it used to tear him apart to hear his grandmother spread lies and say terrible things about his mother. His blood pressure would shoot up and he would be ill the next couple of days trying to defend my honor.

I am 47 years old now, and have accomplished more in my lifetime than almost anyone in my family. I’m not saying I am the most successful person, but I am certainly a leader. Being one of the eldest grandchildren, many of my cousins look up to me. They respect my knowledge and the type of woman I am, the type of person I’ve become. And they don’t treat me any different, accepting that I am still the same person as I was before I came out.

Yet, my mother is the source of emotional pain. Pain that I am determined to keep from my daily life.

You see, my partner and I are happy. We’re happy when we’re broke, happy when we have money, happy just damn happy. We are blessed, believe in the Lord, worship him and have our health. Most of all we have loving, fun, positive friends who are more than supportive of us.

Sometimes I just don’t get it. Its not like I’ve been on America’s Most Wanted, or I have been a slut or a whore, never. Always the good girl, the kid everyone wished they had. Except my mother.

I just had to get this off my chest. I don’t know who else has these kinds of problems.I pray daily for peace, and the Lord is good about giving it to us. My partner and I have our love, and it is a true love. Maybe my mother is jealous of that.

Even when I was married to my kids’ father, she had something to contribute. My ex-husband was physically and emotionally abusive. He used to beat me for breakfast, lunch and dinner.Yet I had no one to turn to. When I tried to turn to my mother for help, she was supportive in the fact that she said she was going to have someone beat my ex-husband to a pulp. But, it seemed after that initial conversation, my mother saw fit to get on the telephone and tell everyone in the family “how dumb” I was and that “she doesn’t know where I got that from, letting a man jump on me.” She even thought she was helping by spreading rumors throughout the family that I was seeing another man. And that each time I left my ex, I was seeing this imaginary lover. Well, my ex heard about it, and I got my ass beat even more. To this day she denies it.

All in all, I forgave her for that, even forgave her for not speaking to me for 7 months while carrying my first child (my son who is now deceased). If it had not of been for my grandmother (her mother) she probably wouldn’t have spoken to me then even though we were living in the same house. Now, my mother proclaims my son was her favorite. I don't doubt it, but you didn't even want me to have him. Go figure.

As a child I was always jealous and a little envious of the relationship my girlfriends had with their moms. Secretly wishing mine was that way too. After awhile I gave up on that dream, it wasn’t going to happen.

Have I ever tried talking to my mother about her behavior and the things she says? Probably close to 100 times. Each time she denies it, gets angry, and the cycle starts all over again. She tries to make me think I am imagining things. To be honest with you, if I were a kid growing up today dealing with this kind of stuff, I’d probably be on the news for a crime against my parent.

However, I chose God.I chose the Holy One because I didn’t have anyone else. No one on this earth could tell me why my mother mistreats me. Its emotional abuse for sure, I know. I didn’t’ choose Abnormal Psychology as a 2nd major just to waste time. No, I knew there were problems, that I didn’t have answers for. Back then I was still trying to find a solution.

But today, is different. I am older now, wiser. And I know that life is not lived without some pain. And that it’s not about the pain but how you deal with it.

One of the first things I did when my mother’s gossip tried to force its way into my life was to reach for my Bible. But before then, I prayed. Got into the shower, used my Grapefruit scented shower gel and washed all the crap down the drain.

Then I came in here to write.

Writing has always been therapeutic for me. Whenever something hurts me or bothers me, I write. I let it out. My partner of 7 years doesn’t deserve anything from me but my best, because she is more than that to me. My partner is my best friend, my lover, confidante and the person who thinks my corny jokes are the funniest things she’s heard in her life, even though I know they are not always funny.

Yet, it seems to me that my mother is not happy with the choices she has made or continues to make in her life. Maybe she wants everyone to be as unhappy as she is. This story has so much more to tell, but I won’t bore you.I am going to continue to live my life, enjoy my life, being prayerful and hope and pray that my mother changes her ways before it is too late.

The Enlightened Dyke: Learning To Unlearn

Sometimes, the hardest part of learning is when the new ideas conflict with patterns of thought that have already been ingrained in our heads. For example, a child who grows up in a Middle Eastern culture could possibly be raised to believe that all Americans are evil. Should that child then grow up and come to America, he would likely find that what he was raised to believe does not not align with what he is now experiencing. A situation like this can be very uncomfortable, when our inner truths conflict with the reality around us. There are only two resolutions to this kind of problem: either I can reject the reality in favor of clinging to what I believe to be true, or I must be willing to accept the possibility that what I have known all my life may be wrong, and unlearn it.



I will say that the first option is the easiest. It's also the choice that most people make when faced with inconsistencies between their beliefs and their experiences. Unlearning deeply rooted beliefs can be very painful and difficult. It is the tendency of most people to stay on the easy road. In case you have yet to realize, though, the only reward of the easy road, is that it's easy.

One of the most frequent places I see this situation these days is within the religious community, with respect to the gay & lesbian community. I speak with authority from experience in this instance, because I grew up in the South, in a very religious family and community. My grandfather is a Methodist Reverend. I know what I'm talking about. People who are raised with conservative religious upbringings are very often taught that homosexuality is wrong, abnormal, and sinful behavior. It is "a choice" that one makes to go against the will of God. It is compared to murder, adultery, lying, fornication, and a host of other sins. These are all misunderstandings that have been taught for so long that they aren't even questioned anymore. However, they are not truth.

For the lucky children who never have any same-sex desires or know any gay people, this is merely an easy checkmark on the "Not To Do" list. For those who do recognize within themselves the unmistakable pull of same-gender attraction, however, the result is often guilt, shame, fear, and self-loathing. Even when they do come to terms with their sexual orientation, these people must work extra hard to unlearn all the negative influences that were ingrained in them during their formative years.

In this scenario, there are three groups of people who need to go through the unlearning process. The first, and most obvious, consists of those people who grow up believing that who they are is wrong. While their struggles are often extremely difficult, this group goes through the unlearning process out of necessity. For the most part, they come to terms with the truth of who they are, even though it means rejecting the beliefs they grew up with. Those of you who are in or have been through this process, you have my utmost respect. I understand some of what you were/are experiencing, and I commend you for working through this.

The second set of people who face unlearning are those who grow up with these conservative teachings and have a heterosexual orientation. They may go through much of their lives without having to face this situation. At some point or another, though, many of these people come into contact with the truth when someone they know and love "comes out" to them. When this happens, they are faced with a schism - if being gay equals sinful, wrong, and against the will of God, but a person that they love and respect is gay, something inside their heads goes "DOES NOT COMPUTE." Then they must choose to either reject the truth they've grown up with, or reject the person they love. I experienced both of these scenarios when I came out. My best friend of 12 years, who was closer to me than anyone, chose to cling to the truths that she believed, and I have not seen her since. However, another friend from high school, a friend of 7 years, was filled with grace and compassion. She admitted that she didn't know what to believe about homosexuality, and had never known a close friend or family member who was gay. She was grateful for the opportunity to spend time with me and find that nothing had changed, that I was still a "normal" person. She was ready to force herself to look into the situation and discover the truth. I pray that every gay person has a friend like this in their lives. This friend was willing to unlearn the things she grew up believing in order to accept the truth of the reality around her. Unfortunately, she is still a rare breed. There are many more people who choose to take the easy road, and cling to what they believe.

The final group of people, which may overlap with the first, is made up of people in the gay community who have been hurt by the church. Because of the lies and half-truths that are taught in conservative Christian circles, many gay people have been ridiculed, ostracized, condemned, and abused by Christians and the church. Some have been told that God hates them, that they are going to hell, and other vicious and painful lies. One day I hope to be used to bring restoration to this community. What I hope will happen is that these people can unlearn all the painful lies they've heard about God and discover that God made them just the way they are, loves them the way they are, and wants them to know that and know Him.

There is an incredible resource that has recently become available to help with this unlearning process. A documentary entitled For The Bible Tells Me So has just been released to DVD after receiving several films awards and even making the short list for Best Documentary Nominees for the Academy Awards. The film features five ordinary American families who are in the process of coming to terms with the fact that a member of each of their familes is gay. Gene V Robinson, the first openly gay bishop in the Episcopal Church, is interviewed, along with his parents, as well as Chrissy Gephardt, the daughter of one-time presidential candidate Richard Gephardt (and former Curve cover girl). The film features commentary from theologians, professors, and religious leaders exposing the truth about what is truthfully stated in the Bible and what has been misinterpreted. I saw the documentary three times and would highly recommend it to anyone who is interested in exploring the reconciliation of Christian and homosexuality. It is available through Netflix, if you are a member, or you can buy the DVD here. If you don't have the money, you can send me an email arrangements to get you a copy to borrow. That is how much I believe in the worth and power of this film. Give it a chance. You just might unlearn something.


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Ask a Lesbian: Coming Out with Pride

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Dear Lesberita,
I've known I'm gay since I was 12. I'm 16 now and I havn't come out to anyone except for my best friend (we made out once and relized we were better off as just friends). She's at a different school now and I never see her. Basically I have no one to talk to about my sexuality. I made an attempt to tell my mom, and she told me I had to 'try out both before you decide for good', and I'm not sure I really want to do that I know Im gay. It kind of felt like she blew me off. I feel like Dana in season 1, without all of the awesome gay friends. All my friends at school (I go to a small private school) I'm pretty sure are all straight, and it makes me uncomfortable to be around them sometimes because they're always using the word gay like it's an insult. In history class the other day we were discussig Heath Ledger's death. One of my friends kept saying, 'It's so nasty how he played a gay cowboy. Cowboys can't be gay.' I wanted to kick him in the nuts. Is there a better or worse time to come out? I've been dropping subtle hints here and there for my parents, but I don't think they are getting through to them. Your help on this matter would be much appreciated.

Thanks a bunch,

from, Unsure Lesbian

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Dear Unsure Lesbian,

First of all, thanks for writing in!

Coming out can be simultaneously scary and exciting experience for anyone. It is certainly a momentous occasion, usually involving feelings of confusion and uncertainty. Knowing that you have come to terms with the fact that you are gay is a huge step in the right direction, as they say, knowing is half the battle.

It certainly helps to have someone to talk to about your sexuality and I understand that you are feeling like you are alone in the world. I, too, get frustrated when I hear people making homophobic remarks, like "that's so gay" etc etc. It really makes it hard to know who you can trust when you talk to about your sexuality and who you can't. But it's ok to express your feelings of discomfort in regards to your classmates and their homophobic remarks without fully outing yourself.

Here are a few other things I can recommend that might make your coming out process a little easier.

If you know of a counselor at your school that you feel comfortable talking to, you might want to consider going to him or her, maybe they can offer up some advice on how to deal with the situation.

Write down your thoughts. Turn your frustrations into a creative venture - paint, write poetry, write a song! Do whatever you can to express yourself, whether it's through words or some other way, but just don't keep it bottled up inside, this will help you through your coming out journey.

Since you said you have already mentioned that you made an attempt to tell your Mom, you might want to consider really coming out to her as well. If you find it difficult saying it in person, try writing her a letter. Sometimes it's a lot easier for someone to understand something if it is written out. This allows YOU to get ALL of your feelings down on paper and it allows your Mom the ability to read, think about and process what you have just written. Tell her that you really need her to be supportive right now because you are going through a difficult time and that you know she loves you no matter what.

Another thing I can suggest is reaching out to other lesbians via the internet.

I think it is great that you contacted us, and just so you know, there are so many other girls that are in your exact same situation, so sometime it helps to know you aren't alone in the world, even if you feel like you are.

Myspace is a great place to connect with other gay women your age. There are also forums, chat rooms, message boards, etc where you can post your questions and usually get a lot of really helpful responses. Since your one friend that you came out too isn't around that much, you might want to try talking to your other friends. A lot of times, they will be a lot more understand and accepting than you might have initially expected. The most important thing of all is that you will know, in your heart, when you are ready to come out. Don't be afraid to talk about it with the people that you know care about you.

I have also included some links to some great resources that that I think you should check out too:

OutProud.org
HRC.org
Coming Out Stories
Coming Out, Step by Step
Coming Out: An Act of Love (a book)

We are lucky in this day and age because homosexuality is a becoming accepted more and more and is a lot less taboo than it was in the past. Just be strong, listen to your heart and know that you are an amazing girl. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being gay. Embrace it!

Good luck and best wishes!

Love,
Lesberita and the Lesbiatopia team

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Gay, Straight, Bi... Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

As I sit watching an episode of the L Word, amongst a room full of lesbians, I can't help but think about how much I miss men. Yes, I've said it, the breed of humans that somehow becomes distant admist the sexual exploration of women, has created a longing in my heart. I miss my guy friends who make me laugh, are hardly ever too sensitive, who almost never gossip, and simply just look to have a good time. Try to entertain a "he said, she said" story with a guy, and its lost somewhere between NFL and a Victoria Secret commercial.

When I was coming out, I found it very difficult to be accepted in the straight community. Every weekend, I would have two choices, either go with friends to a straight bar, or spend an evening by myself. It's not that I wasn't flattered when a drunk guy would insist upon slobbering all over me, but I felt uncomfortable. Many of my straight friends would use these same reasons to justify never going to a gay bar with me. This is what started me on my mission to make as many gay friends as I could find.

Perhaps its the formation of identity that causes us to push away everything that we are not. I needed to find my identity, whatever it was, amidst the rainbow of my fellow lesbians, so I turned away everything that I could not identify with. There was comfort in finding people who were just like me, facing the same struggles and being able to be myself around.Years later however, I find that my closest friends are still my childhood straight friends. It's not that I haven't made wonderful gay friends, but I guess with age comes a better understanding of people.

A gay women's group that I am part of had difficulty expanding membership to straight women. I had mixed feelings about this; at first I could understand gay women wanting a safe and welcoming place of their own to meet and mingle. However I also had difficulty understanding how a group so familiar with discrimination could ever send anyone away?

Strange how fear and prejudice breeds feelings of entitlement. Are we not the same women who wanted so badly to be part of a straight group that wouldn't accept us? Why then, must the isolation live on? I would never befriend a straight person who was not accepting of the GLBT community, why then would I befriend a gay person who was not just as accepting of others?

I've lived as part of the straight community for eighteen years, and have seen prejudice influence so many people, that its hard to tell who is accepted and who is not. I have lived as part of a gay community for almost seven years, and have seen discrimination amongst ourselves. Gay men dislike lesbians, who dislike transgendered, who dislike the lipsticks, who dislike the butches, who couldn't possibly stand the bisexuals.

What I have learned is that what makes a good person has nothing to do with what color one is on the rainbow, what closet someone has recently came out of, or what sex he or she was born into. In fact, if it wasn't for differences, we could never truly understand that which is the same.


If we want to be treated and accepted as equals, than we shouldn't treat being gay as the opposite of straight. We should accept people for who they are, not what gender they are attracted to and we should always be open to change.

Who knows, maybe we are really all bisexual... then what are we all going to do?


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Roses are red, violets are blue, please leave your comment, after your reading is thru.

Coming Out

When I was nine years old my neighbor Mary, also nine, tried to kiss me under the stairs where we were playing House. I looked away, told her that we might get in trouble and resumed making the faux dinner out of my dad’s old shoe, which I called a steak. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to – trust me, I did – but at that age red flags went up. Danger, Danger! But it wasn’t too long after that I tried to dry hump my friend Susannah while we played House in my bedroom (I was the Dad and Suzannah was the Mom). Yes, I liked playing house at that age; it was a good excuse to explore adulthood without feeling silly or having the consequences that come from being a stupid teenager. Those stories are for another blog post! Anyway, my attempt at riding Susannah failed miserably when she pushed me off and decided the game was over. It was about this time that I realized I liked girls. I was boy crazy…but all of a sudden I was girl crazy, too! I started to allow myself these new feelings and embrace what it would be like to be with a girl. I would steal my dad’s single copy of Playboy that he stashed in a brown paper bag in the closet (I always put it back and crumpled it up exactly how I found it), which got me highly aroused. I was a horny kid, and I knew what I wanted, but I didn’t act on these feelings until I was much older.

I had a long term boyfriend throughout most of high school and then started dating a new guy when I was seventeen, end of my senior year. It was with this second major relationship that I would, for the first time, truly explore my gayness. My ex-boyfriend, we’ll call “Dude,” worked at a large gay nightclub as a bar back. It was at this club, one of the most popular in Miami at the time, where I met my first girlfriend. Well, she wasn’t officially my girlfriend, but she was a friend that I had sex with on several occasions. Funny how guys don’t mind when their girlfriends hook up with other girls. Lucky for me that was the case or I’m not sure how long it would have taken me to get with the program. I remember going to the club to meet Dude one night and feeling like a kid in a candy store when I walked through its doors – it was filled with gay boys in thongs on rollerblades carrying pink, potent concoctions in small vials – these cost almost eight bucks and got you totally fucked up – and beautiful, hot girls dancing on the tables. All of a sudden, all those feelings I had had earlier on as kid came rushing back. But now I was allowed to do something about it and a large army couldn’t stop me.

A couple drinks is all it took for me to approach a stunning green-eyed, brunette, who I later learned was from England, named Angela. We talked while I hung on her every accented word. We danced, we kissed, we went back to her apartment on South Beach and had sex on her futon until her gay husband, who she married so she could live in the country, walked in on us bare-butt in the living room. We reenacted this evening several times until it manifested itself into a threesome-gone-terribly-wrong with Dude and I decided I liked Angela without Dude’s company. Although it took me some time and many years later to fully come out, I would have sexual escapades with several women before I finally accepted my fate and told my parents that I was a lesbian. I look back on my relationships and wish that I hadn’t wasted so much time with men, but I don’t regret my past. However, I’ve never been as happy as I am now and completely relish my super gayness with my super fiancé ! The End.

Tags: Coming Out, sex, girl crazy, explore my gayness, gay, lesbian

When I realized I was a Lesbian

This movie pretty much catapulted me out of the closet. Sandra Bullock is a goddess!!



This scene would be a defining moment in my lesbianism. I felt things "down there" that I never felt before.















Sandra Bullock, if you're reading this, I just want to say THANK YOU for being so damn hot!

Tags: lesbian, miss congeniality, sandra bullock

Lesberita and Lesberada: A First Date Story

A while back there were two lesbians, we'll call them Lesberada and Lesberita for all intensive purposes. Anyhow, they crossed paths through a social networking website and ended up meeting. Upon meeting, the sparks really seemed to fly, so they decided to go on a first date. The ladies prepared for the big night by dressing up in their cutest outfits and despite the nervousness that accompanies a first date, they were both very excited. Lesberada told Lesberita that she was taking her to a movie, but it was a surprise. Lesberita picked her up that night in her sporty little Civic and they drove into the city. Lesberada, being her crafty little self, had picked what she thought would be a "killer comedy" and a "hilarious movie" based on the reviews she read that day in the newspaper. The movie promised a "laugh-out-loud experience" for this newly released comedy, and although Lesberada hadn't a clue what the movie was about, she thought any movie that got such great reviews, must be a real hit.

Upon entering the city, the two girls enjoyed a casual dinner and a few beers on an outdoor patio at a swanky new restaurant nearby. They engaged in typical lesbian first date conversation, like when they saw themselves getting married and how many kids they wanted. Despite their nervousness, things were going really well. After dinner, and a few beers later, it was time for the movie. Lesberita said, "What are we going to see?" and Lesberada responded quite craftily with, "it's a surprise, but it's going to be hilarious, I think you'll really like it!" Lesberita hadn't the foggiest idea that her date had no idea what the hell she was talking about; ironically, she was quite impressed that her date was taking her to see an obscure indie comedy because that was one of her favorite genres of film. Little did they know that the real surprise was soon to come to the both of them.

They get their popcorn and soda and sit in the theater. Anticipation builds as the previews begin. "What movie could this be?" Lesberita thinks to herself. She's is very excited for this surprise. Then the opening credits start and the title flashes across the screen: "THE ARISTOCRATS". Lesberita is perplexed; she has never heard of this movie but is rather intrigued. And then The Aristrocrats starts*.

*Note: For those of you who have not heard about or seen The Aristocrats, here is a short synopsis from IMDB.com:

"This is a documentary about a joke. It is a joke only told by comedians to other comedians. The outline of the joke is that a man goes into an agent's office and says he has a family act. He then either acts out or describes the most obscene acts possible. The stunned agent says, "And what do you call yourselves?" and the man answers, "The Aristocrats." Each comedian describes how he tells the story. Each is different, each tries to get an element of surprise out of their listeners, who are assumed to be other comedians. The joke is told in parts. It is told in reverse order, by men and by women. Each finds a way to make the joke his or her own. The genesis of the documentary was when Gilbert Gottfried performed at the Hugh Hefner roast three weeks after the 9/11 attacks. Everyone was almost afraid to laugh and Gottfried came on second after the first act had bombed. Gottfried told a highly obscene version of the joke that totally broke up the audience. It was never telecast, but changed the whole tone of the evening. Penn Jillette produced the movie as a documentary on the joke every comedian knows but never tells on stage."

Lesberada, upon realizing what the true premise of the movie entailed, was mortified. How could she have neglected to research the movie further? How did she not realize what this disgustingly, disturbingly, obscenely filthy movie was really about? On that beautiful summer evening, Lesberada sat in that dark movie theater with a hilarious comedy on the big screen and practically cried. She had ruined her first date with Lesberita and was convinced she'd probably never want to see her again. Meanwhile, Lesberita who has a secret affinity for dirty jokes, sexual humor and poking fun at perversity was extremely entertained. She thought to herself "Wow, this girl really went out on a limb to bring me on a date to such a provocative and daring movie; that's pretty fucking awesome, actually." In a nutshell, Lesberita was impressed and this just confirmed that Lesberada was perfect for her. The two continued to watch the film and Lesberada couldn't help but notice that Lesberita was continually laughing at all the jokes. She started to loosen up a little and thought maybe it wasn't the end of the world afterall and began to enjoy the movie for what it was.

After leaving the theater, Lesberada decided to be honest with her date. She confessed that she really had no clue what the movie was supposed to be about and based her choice solely on the reviews in the newspaper. Lesberita thought this was hilarious and admitted it was something she probably would have done herself. The two had a good laugh and realized they were a match made in heaven. They proceeded to put an an end to their rather memorable very first date by driving to a dark parking lot and making out like school girls.

*This story was based on 99.99% factual information. Lesberita and Lesberada are still happily together to this day. We have included for your entertainment the BEST of the WORST from The Aristrocrats. Here is Bob Saget at his finest. Please do not watch this if you liked Bob Saget as a fatherly figure in Full House or if you have a weak stomach.

Tags: bob saget, first date, funny, gay, lesbians, the aristrocrats