Lesbian Dating: How to Take the First Step and Make it Last

By:  Rebecca Jones

Are you proud to be a lesbian? Although declaring yourself a lesbian is much easier now, there are many who face problems in basic relationships. Relationships are a tough call. On top of that if you are meant to deal with an added prejudice that you face from the society then relationships become a very difficult game indeed. To top it all, the yardsticks and dating tips that are easily available, mostly adhere to the traditional heterosexual couples. Does this mean that you are going to give up your choices and live life according to standards that have been set by other people? Not in the least. Help is where you look for it.

The first step

If you like a girl, how do you take the first step? Firstly you will have to ascertain that she is interested in a gay relationship. Let us say, you like a girl, but are not sure whether she is gay. How to look out for the symbols of being gay? There are many symbols that are universally associated with being a lesbian. Some of the commonest ones are a rainbow or an inverted pink triangle.

In case you cannot find such signs, try breaking the ice with her and see her opinion on various issues. You could casually bring up the lesbian topic. The best way to go about it is by going for outings or coffees together. This helps you to know and understand her as well. Remember a strong relation always starts with a strong friendship. In the course of time you can come up with the truth. You could try going to pubs instead of a cafe as it is much easier to warm up after you have had a drink or two.

Making it work

Yet the most difficult part is making the relationship last. Remember one of the most important expectations in a gay relationship is equality. Under no circumstance get dominant or let the other person dominate you. Avoid competition or role playing. Another very important aspect in this regard is to discuss whether you want to be open about your relation or keep it under wraps. Since this is a sensitive issue, you really need to ensure that both you and your partner feel the same way about this. As in any other relation sexual health goes a long way in terms of relationship maintenance. Ensure that your relationship does not die the common lesbian bed death. Take time to know and understand her. You might not need to compromise but adjusting to each other’s wants and needs is very important.

While societies all over the world are increasingly becoming tolerant of homosexual relationships, you will be well aware that there will always be some stubborn jackass out there, who will believe that such relations are ‘unnatural’ and ‘abnormal’. This makes it doubly difficult for lesbians to not just maintain a healthy relation but also lead their daily lives. That is why it is good idea to socialize with people belonging to this community. This not only helps you deal with the social isolation but also allows you to pick up tips from your surrounding on how to make your relation work.

About the author: Rebecca Jones is a passionate blogger who enjoys writing on lifestyle the most. Apart from blogging, she loves collecting expensive watches and perfumes. Currently she is busy in looking out for some nice fireplace design ideas for her new house.

Good, Inexpensive Date Ideas For Two 17-Year-Old Lesbians

By Kaylee Larson from lesbianlovenow.com

The teen years are incredibly difficult for everyone, especially when it comes to dating. This is even truer for young lesbians, particularly if they aren’t completely ready to come out to their friends and families just yet, or are still confused about their sexuality. So, how can two 17-year-old lesbians enjoy an inexpensive night out, especially if they haven’t told anyone about their relationship?

If you are a teenager, you probably either get money through an after-school job, or you rely on the allowance your parents give you. So, needless to say, you probably don’t have much to spend. There are, however, still all kinds of things that you can do to have a fun and romantic date, and it doesn’t have to cost much at all.

If you go to dinner, that can be expensive, and you may risk being discovered, but there are still ways you can enjoy a romantic meal together. Why not pack a nice picnic lunch, complete with a blanket and nice wine glasses (remember, you’re underage, so no actual wine)? Take a romantic walk through a nice wooded location, and sit by a river or brook and have your meal as you talk and enjoy each other’s company.

Enjoy the time that you are spending alone together. If it’s nice out, take a swim. Or, when you have finished your meal, talk to each other about your dreams and aspirations. This is a great way to get to know each other. If either of you has a driver’s license, a nice drive in the country always makes for a pleasant afternoon date. And you can always stop somewhere for your picnic.

Or, why not find some sort of hobby or activity that you both really enjoy, and make this something that you do together. Take some classes together, or just hang out at the mall and go window shopping. Or, if you are both into working out, schedule workout dates together, either at a local health club, or in one of your homes. If the two of you are really serious about each other, everything you do together will seem like you are on a date. Use your imagination, and you are sure to have a terrific time!

Craigslist Is For Lovers

A friend sent me this Craigslist posting in the missed connection section that was just too hilarious not to share...

Missed Connection with Every Lesbian Girl I've Ever Swooned Over - m4w

Reply to:
Date: 2009-02-28, 8:02PM
Dear hot/nerdy/self-possessed/

athletic/capable/charismatic lesbian,
First of all, thanks for looking good.
Thanks also for not kicking me out of your bars when I've visited. For future reference, here are my responses to your questions:
No, I'm not here with my boyfriend. Yes I am here with some ladies. No, I'm not gay. Because I'd rather look at women than men. No, you use the washroom first. Any local microbrew will do, thanks.
In the past, I've described myself as a male lesbian but I don't know if that's quite right. I do know that the type of women I like are way better represented among you. And I'm certain that whoever installed the wiring in my brain did some unconventional things. Does that make me a lesbro? I don't really know. Regardless, the result of these cross-over tendencies is a kind of disconnect. Similar, I imagine to gay guys who like straight boys.
"Forget about it," their friends say, "it will only lead to heartache."
Heartache schmartache, I don't want to gay-marry you, oh sizzling Sapphite. I just want to wrassle you (hard) and then maybe later talk about gender theory over beer.
Still, even my humble wishes seem out of reach.
Can't we get over my penis? It's not even that impressive; more like an extra-large clit. What are you, sizeist now?
I guess we could just be buddies. I can resign myself to the friend-zone if you promise to go girl-watching with me once in a while. Maybe then you'll see that I don't want to "turn" you (for the sake of either ego or Jesus). I just want to get physical in a way that would make a straight girl's over-sized purse explode. I fully trust you've got some knowledge to drop.
Don't judge me, oh hot diggity dyke, if I don't fit into your worldview. Just hold me once in a while and tell me that I'm simply another colour in our glorious rainbow.
Thanks,
XYZ

Date Night!

- Renee Gannon

It seems like all you hear about these days is election this and election that, which makes sense because there's a big election coming up. Fortunately for you and anyone that is sick of hearing all the election talk, this article is NOT going to be about the election. I needed to take a mini vacation from the election stuff, and although I recognize how important it is, a girl needs to talk about other things from time to time.

Anyway, I'm writing about date night. When you are in a long-term relationship, you know the kind where you live together and see each other all the time, you tend to lose sight of going on actual dates. It's easy to forget to set aside "special" time where you go out, sans friends, and spend some quality time together doing fun things. This is why Renee and I (my girlfriend and I share the same name) have set aside "date night" every Friday after work.


We started this tradition a couple of years ago and for the most part, it's been going strong ever since. Now, when I say "date night" this is not your typical dinner and a movie. Oh no. We kick it old school-style. For example, we might head down to the ridiculously-touristy-but-still-fun Santa Monica pier for some soft-serve, funnel cakes and skeeball. First, we'll watch the sunset from the pier, then we'll spend loads of money on carnival style games then we'll take all of our winning tickets and cash them in for as many awesome prizes as possible. We've walked away with such gems as the sticky hand, glittery bouncy balls, the whistle-that's-shaped-like-lips and of course, the old favorite; a chinese finger trap. Then of course, we'd finish the night off by fooling around in the back seat of my car like a couple of teenagers. FYI, I drive a 2-door Honda Civic. It's hot.

Another time, we went to a bar and pretended not to know each other. We sat and chatted with a few strangers and then proceeded to "pick each other up". You can only imagine how sexy it is to hit on your girlfriend in a bar, surrounded by a bunch of strangers who have no idea what's going on. It usually leads to a discretionary session in the bathroom followed by "Hey, you want to go back to my place?" Role playing in public is one of the hottest forms of foreplay.

Another time, we went bowling up the street from our apartment. First, though, we sat in the car and drank boxed wine until our heads felt light and fuzzy. Then we skipped inside the bowling alley, played two strings (because that's about all our attention spans could handle), with intermittent cocktails during "special time outs". Turns out, I'm a horrible bowler when sober but I get better with alcohol. Renee, on the other hand, is a horrible bowler when drunk. I believe we ended our two-string run with an even score (if we remembered to keep score in the first place). Then, in our alcohol-induced love haze, we spent about an hour on the stuffed animal claw machine trying to win each other a stuffed token of our affection.

The point I'm trying to make is that Friday nights are an excuse for us to make out like teenagers, pretend to be strangers who just met, or rent a cheap motel room and pretend we're having a clandestine 1950's affair pre-Stonewall. Any place we've had a Friday night date at, chances are we've fooled around there.

So... I'm currently working on date plan for tonight. My girlfriend is totally addicted to lobster and I managed to smuggle 4 lbs. of Maine lobster meat in my suitcase from my Boston trip (shhhh... don't tell her). I want to do something fun and crazy and sexy but I'm so burnt out from working and traveling that my brain is currently fried. Help a sista out!

Any ideas?

Christine's Answers from the Big Book of Queer Girl Rules

Dear Christine,

I'm 20 and in my first year of University I was in a relationship with a girl for a little over a year. We became close friends at first, then began to date. It was all very secret, even though I was staying over every night. We were both always a little confused about how it happened, but we were so happy together. We never expected to develop such deep feelings for each other but we knew it had to end sometime because we couldn't live a 'regular life' if we were out. After she graduated and began her career, we could not maintain our secretive relationship together. She was very scared of her feelings towards our relationship but she was not willing to give up the idea of life she had in her head, with a husband and kids.

We broke up and a couple months later she started to date someone from work. While she was dating this man, who was about 20yrs older than her, she would constantly tell me she loved me and didn't want to lose me from her life. I waited for a year. While she was dating her co-worker, she and I hooked up about 3 or 4 times. She would always tell me she missed me and how hard the situation was for her.

They dated for a year, then a week or so ago she broke up with her boyfriend. She also recently bought a condo very close to my house.

When we were broken up I needed to talk to someone about it all. Only a handful of people know, but it does make me feel good to reach out to them about how I feel about her, and how I wish she could see it's okay for us to be together. They all say how ridiculous she is about pretending like no one has any idea, even though I've told her how everyone knows.

With her single should I just wait it out and see what she does? Were very close already so I don't know to take her inviting me over as a flirting thing or just a friend thing... although she does do certain things friends don't do, like hold me all night.

Any advice will help,
Love Goggles

Dear Love Goggles,

My friend, I've seen this one too many times and I hate to be the one to tell you that this girl is not about to come out of the closet for you or anybody else. If secrecy is this important to her, she will never give up all the perks of heterosexual privilege in order to have a fully functioning relationship with another woman. Some people are more concerned with the approval of others then they are with being their true selves. Society rewards us at every turn for 'being' heterosexual. It's very difficult for some to accept living without all that acceptance, no matter how conditional it is in the first place.

It sounds like you two are really in love and I'm sure you have an amazing bond. However, I don't think this girl will ever be able to be a supportive partner to you if she is this consumed with staying in the closet. It's obvious that you are the person she wants to be with and the fact that she is so resistant to her feelings about you is clear indication that she's nowhere near ready to come out.

If a husband and kids is what she thinks she needs, then that's what she's going to get. Of course, she is very conflicted and very much wants the benefits of the love and support you give to her despite that she's not being ready to be in a romantic relationship with you. You need to decide if you can continue to be her friend without having the relationship you want from her. It doesn't sound like you will be getting what you need from her in a friend if you stick around. It seems to me like she has shown you that she isn't in a place where she can respect you emotionally. To me, that seems like grounds to step away from the friendship in order to protect yourself from getting hurt by her anymore. I'm sure there is an LGBT activism or activities group on your university campus that you could join in order to broaden your circle of friends and meet more people who are comfortable being out. Perhaps the best thing you can do for the both of you is to lead by example of how positive it is to be open and honest as an out person!

Christine's Answers From The Big Book of Queer Girl Rules

Today Christine answers a letter that comes from women who has been in a 2-year, emotionally abusive relationship wondering if it is time to draw a line with her lover and just how she should go about doing that….

Dear Christine,

Where do you draw the line between a healthy relationship and an unhealthy one? Am I in an emotionally abusive relationship? I have been with a girl for 2 years. She wasn't my first girlfriend but she was the first girl I slept with, the first girl I lasted longer than a few months with, the first girl I actually planned a future together with.

Over those 2 years, we broke up about twenty times. Whenever we fight, she never lets me finish a sentence. She would call me two-faced and hypocritical beyond reason and when I try to explain or argue calmly, she calls me defensive and justifying of my actions, urging me to admit my wrongs. She gets angry when I cry, saying that I make her feel guilty. She doesn't touch me She says I victimize myself and I always end up apologizing and begging for her to stop hurting me.

After these fights, she always comes back to me. She is sweet and apologetic, she plans a dinner or brings me flowers. She would touch me and hold me and kiss me. She would do everything I wished she'd done before and I'd really feel the love.

She gave me an ultimatum between my family and her and I chose my family. We have not been talking since.
She is a very jealous person. I have realized how much I had neglected my friends because of the fact that she acts upset when I spend spare time with anyone else but her.

I have changed the way I dress. I used to be very careless and messy but as she would stop talking to me when she notices that I am careless or messy. One moment she will be all over me and holding my hand and talking to me happily - the other she would be ignoring me and talking to her friends.

She says that if we stay broken up, she does not want to be my friend. She rang yesterday, saying that she still had feelings for me, and I know that I do as well. Logically, I know that in many ways we are incompatible. But in my heart, I hope that if I try hard enough, if I try harder, maybe I can make this work. Or should I say goodbye to this relationship? I feel as though I could never care for someone more than I cared for her, I fear that I would look for her in every other woman I might meet.

Help,
On the Edge

Dear On the Edge,

In his book, "The Road Less Traveled," psychiatrist M. Scott Peck defines love as; "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or an other's spiritual growth." With this definition in mind, its hard to conceive that someone who is so emotionally abusive can also claim to love you at the same time. This woman, despite caring about you I'm sure, is emotionally abusing you, no question, and it's is a very confusing and stressful situation to be in.

I've been in your position before so I know how hard it is to confuse what feels like loving attention with controlling tactics. For me it was important to understand that all the endless arguments, the hot and cold behavior and the constant criticism, had nothing to do with me but were my partner's problems and that there was nothing I could do to change the relationship, no matter how hard I tried.

It sounds like your partner has experienced a lot of pain in her life that she is having a hard time processing. It sounds like she needs a lot of attention, a lot of reassurance and a lot of control over things in order to make her feel secure. It also sounds like she is seeking all these things in her interaction with you. She needs you to dress and act in the ways that she thinks make you look like a presentable partner for her. She needs you to ignore your own social and family life in order to be available at her whim. She needs you to stop expressing your true thoughts and feelings so she can believe that how she treats you isn't hurtful or abusive. When she doesn't let you finish your thoughts, when she insists you are victimizing yourself when you cry and when she is so quick to criticize and call you a hypocrite, she is avoiding changing her own behavior or facing her own pain and taking it out on you.

It is so difficult to let go of our first relationships. The first women we fall for often come to define our sexuality and it's a pivotal relationship in our lives. Let this girl be the one who you began to explore your sexuality with and more importantly, let her be the one who began to teach you that you deserve to be loved and loved truly. But first, you'll have to let her go so you can heal the wounds she's inflicted and get on to bigger and truer love.

Christine

Christine's Answers From The Big Book of Queer Girl Rules

Todays letter comes from a married 50 year old mother of three who finds she is attracted to other women and is in a dilemma about what to do....

Dear Christine,

I'm 50 and just coming out- my husband was the first person I told.

We've been married 20 yrs and have 3 kids together, ages 20, 17 and 13. I have not told them yet. My husband told me he has always wondered if I might be gay and in fact has tried to gently bring the subject up many times in the past years, but I would always adamantly deny any interest in women.

But lately, things seem different and I think as my kids are getting older and I have more time for myself, I am realizing that something big has been missing in my life.

I have had one relationship with a woman before I met my husband and I've never had the same emotional or physical intensity with him as I did with her.

I have found myself fantasizing more about women and feel like I've let my guard down around being really turned on physically when I see a woman I'm attracted to.

My dilemma is that my husband is a wonderful man, a great father and I can't imagine leaving him alone to pursue this lifestyle even though he is encouraging me to do whatever I need to to be fulfilled.

Help!

Very Troubled.

Dear Very Troubled,

I'm glad to hear that you are willing to be honest with yourself and your partner about what would make you more whole in your lifetime. It sounds like you have a wonderful environment in which to explore this new part of yourself. It sounds like you've been blessed through out the years with a beautiful family to share in and support and it sounds like it's absolutely time for you to create space to be this part of your sexual and emotional self.

The fact that you are concerned about stepping away from your role as a wife and mother is not surprising. It's a significant change in any woman's life as inevitably her children grow up and gradually separate themselves. It's a shock as well when after many years together, married partners shift and grow as individuals, eventually needing to look outside the relationship to continue their own individual paths. These occurrences are not limited to a person coming out later in life. If we all payed more attention, we would all find adjustments, large and small, that ask to be made in order to evolve individually.

In this case, the stakes seem high as exploring this path essentially means ending your marriage. However, what is exciting is that you have everything to gain by committing to this path. As you pointed out, the emotional and physical connection you experienced with one woman was greater that which you've shared with your husband over twenty years. It sounds like you have a supporting and loving friend in the man your married to and it's time for you to let him be just that. Learning to redefine your roles to each other as such will open up room in your life to find the earth shattering, consciousness shifting, heart stopping romance that you have been waiting for all this time.

Perhaps it would be helpful during this transition process to be talking to a therapist in order to have a safe space to express the fears and anxieties that will naturally come up. Contact your communities local gay and lesbian center for referrals to LGBT friendly mental health practitioners.

It is a challenging thing, to make room for yourself to be alone in the world long enough to find what you really need. But when one acts to honor themselves, it can only be met with blessings!

Christine

The BOOK: All Your Queer Questions Answered

Today letter comes from a Sister who in a relationship with a married woman, wondering if it is not just time to break it off.....

Dear BOOK,

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 3 years now and it is very serious. When we first met we were just friends and shared a few sexual encounters because she was and is still married. Her marriage is convenient because he is very good about taking care of the household and she can live very comfortable because he makes very good money. They tried on numerous occasions to be exclusively married but have gone astray on both parts. She has never stopped seeing me and he has had his side pieces. Moving forward she and I have spoken about living together, getting married all the good things associated with a committed relationship. We have tried to break up and let her deal with her marriage but can't for some reason. It is not the sex, if that is what you think because we don't have it that much. (We both have small children). It is an emotional and mental connection that has created this mess of a love triangle. A lot of the problems in her marriage may be because the husband may have some sort of depression which causes him to be more of a tyrant than a husband. The problem now is he is on medication for his depression and he is like a different person. I feel as though I am losing her to him because he is the complete opposite of what he used to be and she finds that very appealing now. How can I truly compete with him? I know she loves me but ideally she will probably stay with him. Should I just break it off completely before I lose my mind from jealousy?

Thanks,
Lady in Waiting

Dear Lady in Waiting,

You are calling a married woman your "girlfriend"? I understand that you've been involved for a long time but at no point ever can a married woman fulfill the responsibilities of being another persons girlfriend. Being someone's girlfriend means being honest and available beyond one's own convenience. It means being a support system and a cheerleader. It means sharing in each other's joys and each other's sorrows. If this woman is married to a man with whom she has a family, there is no chance she has the time, energy, or emotional capacity to be these things to you. You are not being treated like a girlfriend. You are getting the short end of the stick here.

Yes, you should absolutely break it off completely. Right now. Forever-ever. After three years, you have every indication that she will never choose your relationship over the comfort of her marriage. Right now, she's getting everything she needs. She's got a docile husband hopped up on zombie meds to take care of her financially and she's got you to run to for all the emotional support and coddling she needs. Not to mention, she's getting laid more than both you or her husband. Basically, she's never gonna call this off, it's too sweet a deal for her. But she's never gonna do right by you.

YOU have to make the hard decision here. Again, she's making you do the work. Do yourself the favor this time and go find yourself someone who wants to be a real partner to you. I know it sucks to end it with someone you love. But sitting through that pain to make room for someone who loves you back the right way is going to pay off big.

The book is closed!

Dating Advice From Mr Leigh

It has recently come to my attention that many hot and sexy lesbian ladies remain single and without prospects.I'm not sure exactly how this happens, since I am a serial-dater, but I have so many friends and acquaintances that seem so amazing, yet are still in search of love.

Some even have a check list...

Shaggy-Shane hair do? Check!

Nice Car? Check!

Good Job? Check!

Great personality? Check!

Still no late night bootie calls.

No afternoon delights or breakfast lovin'.

In order to form a more perfect union, I have compiled a list of things that might help in the quest for love. Don't be afraid to try one or all of them.


How to Find Her

I don't know about you guys, but I'm not interested in finding my baby mama in a bar.Try something unconventional like a strap-on workshop at the local sex shop.

A LGBT wine group or book club might be a few more avenues to meet local ladies.

Any one who is afraid to find love online is living in the dark ages.

Try www.okaycupid.com its free and I've known a few people who have had some great success with this site.


Now What?

Once you've found a girl that you think might be a potential date, ASK HER OUT.

The first date typically is your one chance to impress her so something OUT of the ordinary.

The following are first date No-Nos.

Catching a Movie

This is terrible and instead of sitting quietly in the dark you should be getting to know each other.

Family/Friends

As nice as it would be to have the support around, involving your people in a first date scenario is not sexy. Plus, imagine the pressure for your date to not only impress you, but you're people all on the first meeting.

She's allergic to peanuts and you took her to the Skippy Factory

Don't be afraid to ask her what kind of food she likes/dislikes and if she's been meaning to do something special like the latest art gallery showing or heading out to a new bar/restaurant.

Try http://www.yelp.com/ for good first date suggestions in your local area.

My strongest suggestion for a first dates is something interactive.

Think Color Me Mine or miniature golf. Museums and concerts are always great choices too.

For the ladies on a budget, pack a picnic and some board games and head to a quiet park or beach setting.

When To Call Her Again

Who ever decided to wait 3 days before calling someone was an idiot.

This technique is a game and if you're going to start playing games after the first date then you have other reasons as to why you're not getting laid. If you like a girl, you should tell her.

9 times out of 10 she will be flattered and it will increase your chances for the 2nd date.

Don't Over Do It

While it's important to be attentive and thoughtful, don't pick up your date in a U-Haul.Avoid the X conversation (don't mention your lousy relationships unless she asks) and keep your dreams of your wedding being featured on LOGO to yourself.

A hint of mystery is always sexy, but don't be completely aloof either. Remember, balance is key, my. If all goes well on the first date; Shampoo, Rinse and Repeat.

Creativity and thoughtfulness goes along way ladies. Don't forget that.

If you find a great girl, tell her about it and treat her like it every chance you get.

Oh yeah and if you end up finding a great catch, you can thank me by making her call you Annie the next time you shag.

Lesbian Mission Impossible: Dates 1-3

First of all, a word to my fellow single peeps: dating is hella expensive! First, there's the gas prices, as I'm sure you all know. One date can take up half a tank! Add to that the price of parking, and eating, and whatever else we end up doing.... $$! And we're going dutch! I can't imagine what I would do if I was paying for everything. So yeah, in case some of you ladies were thinking about following in my footsteps - I hope you have a huge budget.



Other than that, though, it's been pretty fun. I went to a new exhibit at a local museum, I ate at a restaurant I'd never heard of, and I even rode public transportation for the first time ever! I met some cool chicks, and had a good time, but as I figured, my stomach remains unfluttered and my spine non-tingly.

Here's my dilemma: how do you relay the message to a lovely lady that although the evening was fun, you don't really care to repeat it? I mean, if the feeling is mutual, it's not a big deal. But Date #2, she really likes me. I could tell by the way she was looking at me that she really wanted to kiss me at the end of the night. But I'm not really one to kiss for kissing's sake; I need to really be attracted to the person to enjoy kissing them. So I stepped back and told her I had a really good time. Lame, I know, but what was I supposed to do? The next day she texted me and told me she wanted to go out again. I kind of brushed it off, but I'm not sure how to tell her that I'm just not attracted to her. I don't want to lead her on when I know it just won't happen. But it's really hard to be blunt sometimes.

Maybe I should be more upfront about my intentions - less secretive about my mission. But I'm afraid that if I tell them I'm dating to learn about dating, that they won't be up for it. Hmmm... any thoughts?

-L.

The Lesbian Mission Impossible

Hi everyone. As an anonymous reader of Lesbiatopia, I've noticed that many posts seem to address the issue of lesbian dating. It's something that no one understands, but everyone wishes they could define it. It's something we're all going to do, but it sure would be easier if everyone knew exactly what it is we're doing. I'm not here to answer the questions or solve the problem. I have been very unsuccessful at lesbian dating myself. But I'm on a mission to figure it out, and I thought you all might want to join me on this journey.



I'm going to be a lesbian secret agent. I'm going to enter the big scary world of lesbian dating to figure out what works and what doesn't. Ultimately, I want to find out if there's anyone out there for me. It's hard for me to find women that I'm attracted to. My friends say that I'm too picky. My mom thinks it's because deep down, I'm actually straight. But I think it's because I know what I really like. I know what turns me on, I know what kind of spark and chemistry that I want to find. I know what qualities my ideal partner will have, and I know how it will feel when I find someone who fits.

With help from some of my good friends, we have come up with the Lesbian Mission Impossible. I will go on 100 dates with 100 different women. I won't be too picky, because then I'd never get it done. But I'll go out on a date with any woman who asks me. And I will ask many of them out myself. Along the way, I'll try to figure out what it is that constitutes a lesbian date in the minds of the women I meet, and hopefully, I can come to some sort of conclusion in the end.

Although secretly, what I would really love is to find her. The woman of my dreams. I'm a hopeless romantic, and I believe in happily ever after. I believe that I can find one person who fits me and we can make it work for the rest of our lives. I have only been attracted a handful of people in my entire life, so I don't think there are very many out there with much potential. But if I try 100, surely there will be one or two, right?

Wish me luck - hopefully my mission won't be completely impossible. Feel free to offer your suggestions, and check back often for updates as I chronicle my adventures!

-L.

On the Role of Lesbian Girl [space] Friends

There's a phrase I've heard over and over in the lesbian community, that seems to be the underlying reason for everything we do: "We're lesbians. It's complicated." Whether it be moving in together, sleeping with our exes, or the rampant gossip among our circles of friends, we lesbians seem to be rife with drama. There are times when I embrace this as merely a side-effect of massive amounts of estrogen, but lately I've been thinking that sometimes the drama overpowers common sense and reason.

Here's the thing that I think we forget: NOT EVERY WOMAN IS A POTENTIAL DATE. Read that line again.

As women, we are relational creatures, and need friends in our lives. Unfortunately, both our best friends and our most passionate lovers look very much the same. Unlike our heterosexual counterparts, who find friends and lovers in opposite genders, we must decipher from body language and chemistry and feelings and attraction whether a woman we meet could be a partner or a pal.

I believe that many lesbian women fall into the trap of allowing the first option to be the default. They see everyone woman as a possibility, and if it doesn't work, well, then we could be friends. This is faulty logic. It can lead to damaged friendships (or potential friendships) and heartache when we try to have relationships that we've failed to evaluate. If they had waited a little longer, gone out a few more times, they would have realized that it wasn't going to work. But now someone's broken someone's heart, it will be awkward for a while when everyone hangs out. Purely hypothetical situation, of course.

I propose an alternative. I believe that the best model is to view every woman we meet as a potential friend. This way, we will take the time to get to know her and evaluate how she best fits in our lives. Also, we wouldn't have to deal with petty jealousies - we could have friendships with women we meet, even if they have girlfriends! I also think that it will open more people to friendships, because there wouldn't be that awkward she likes me, but I don't like her... does she think this is a date or are we just friends? Granted, that's also due to lack of communication in the lesbian dating process. But that's an article for another time.

The best result of this approach is that the relationship which due flourish will be that much stronger because they originated as friendships. I heard a quote a long time ago that I've used often but never properly attributed (because I don't know who originally said it), but it's become one of my favorites: "Love is friendship on fire." The best foundation for a lasting relationship is friendship. Passion waxes and wanes, but the stability of the trust, respect, and love of a friendship will keep us strong through the hard times.

It can be hard to change our mentalities, especially when we're single. I would encourage each of us, though, to pay attention to our reactions when we meet new women. Do you scope them out and immediately rate them as a potential partner? I know I do sometimes. If you're like me, let's start thinking more about the friendships that we can develop with other lesbian women. As we develop a network of friends who truly care about us and love us, we will have a built-in support group that can help us through any storm life (and drama!) may bring us.

The Lesbian Bride Chronicles: How Many Dykes Does It Take to Plan A Wedding?

You know the story. Girl meets girl. Girls kiss outside each others' tents. Girls spend the next day talking under an oak tree. Girls fall in love, move into a tent together and start planning their Canadian wedding.

( I know, you're thinking "Wait a sec, What's this with tents?")

Well, last year I met my beloved, "Luckdragon" at the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival. It was the safest way to U-Haul. She slept in my tent almost every night, and we got a taste of what it would be like to be together all the time, in the heat and sweat and 'skeeters of a Michigan summer. We held hands as Elvira Kurt regaled us with her humor, we kissed and fondled while Melissa Ferrick belted out "Drive." We cooed as we got our picture taken with Bitch. I worked one night in Sprouts, the toddler "daycare" and Luckdragon said she knew when she saw me changing a diaper that she wanted to have my babies.



Okay, maybe it wasn't quite that dramatic, but we did fall in love at Fest. Unfortunately, Luckdragon lives in Detroit and I am a grad student in Tallahassee. Throughout the week, fellow lesbians cooed over how cute we were, and asked, "So, what happens after Fest?" We'd grimace and answer in unison: "We haven't talked about that yet."

We didn't know what would happen after Fest, but we did realize that if we were going to make a long-distance relationship work, we had to want the same things. The relationship had to be going somewhere.

Yes, it's true. I bought my wedding dress two months after meeting her.

I like to think, though, that we didn't rush into things. Sure we talked about marriage during the first week, but it's been 8 months now, and though the wedding plans are well under way (June 20, 2009!), we still live six states apart. Luck is moving down here in August, and that will be a year together. It will be almost two before we tie the knot. So we stick it out in Florida while I finish my thesis, and then comes the fun part. Applying to PhD programs and moving in May before the June wedding. There aren't too many programs for Creative Writing, and we're pretty particular about where we live.

Did you know that only eight states in the US officially allow second-parent adoption?

You see, we want to have kids in the next four years (Luck is training to be an LD nurse (Labor & Delivery, not Lesbian Drama--I know what you're thinking!) and she'll be 30 by the wedding, and would like to give birth before she's 35.

So amid picking out chair covers and ring pillows, we're also shopping for sperm and investigating the intricacies of adoption codes and current legislation.

Follow along as we navigate my brother's wedding (to which Luck is invited as my "special friend"), the fact that my mother watches The L Word to "see what you lesbians are up to," unfriendly wedding vendors, the Florida marriage amendment on the ballot this November and how hard is it to publish a dyke-themed poem, anyway?

The Lesbian Dating Book Needs YOU!!!

Exciting news!!

Authors Michele O'Mara, LCSW and Ellen Holland,MSW of thelesbiandatingbook.com are writing a book about women dating women and they need YOUR help. They are asking you, our readers, if they have you ever been out with another woman and found yourself wondering the whole time "Is this a date?"

Without road map's, lesbians are venturing out, where no woman has gone before (or in some cases where many women have gone before) into this cat-eat-cat world, seeking companionship, searching for soul-mates, longing for love, or at a minimum hoping to find a good time. We have decided to shine a light on lesbian and bisexual women dating, and find out once and for all, what is working and what isn't.

They intend to survey at least 500 lesbian and bisexual women from across the U.S. about lesbian dating between now and April 30, 2008. Can they count you in?

Take the Survey if you're Single

Take the Survey if you're partnered


Interested in learning more? You can also get event information here.

Happy surveying and stay-tuned for updates!

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Theories on the Lesbian U-Haul Phenomena

Let's face it, ever since the days of Sapphos, lesbians have entered relationships at warp speed. The excerpt below is a passage from a poem written by Sapphos herself while living on the Isle of Lesbos at the time of Ancient Greece:

"but come--if ever before
having heard my voice from far away
you listened, and leaving your father's
golden home you came

in your chariot yoked with swift, lovely
sparrows bringing you over the dark earth
thick-feathered wings swirling down
from the sky through mid-air

arriving quickly--you, Blessed One,
with a smile on your unaging face
asking again what have I suffered
and why am I calling again..."


There's the age old running joke Q:"What does a lesbian bring on the second date?" A: "A U-Haul" and for some reason, all lesbians are guilty of going through this at least once in their dating lives. So what's up with lesbians and their tendency to progress in a relationship at lighting speed? Well, I've come up with a few of my own theories that I would like to explore here.*

*Please be advised these theories are for entertainment purposes only. The views expressed in this article may have been written when I was drunk or sleeping. Please do not take them too seriously (or may god have mercy on your lipgloss).

Theory 1 - The low-income theory

This theory targets the younger lesbian population, either collegiate lesbians or recently graduated lesbians who have recently entered the working world. These women usually find themselves in crappy entry-level jobs which pay slightly over the poverty line. It is also known that most women graduate with substantial amounts of student loan debt and find themselves struggling to make ends meet in the real word. If lesbian 1 happens upon a lady caller of interest, it immediately becomes apparant to her that having said lady move in would subsequently reduce ther rent by 50% with the sharing of living costs. This would make paying for their already too-pricey ultra-hip art district studio apartment a lot easier on the wallet. With that said, the lady being courted might be encouraged rather rapidly to pack up her U-Haul and move on in.

Theory 2 - The beloved pet theory

This theory targets lesbian pet owners and the women they date. There are two classes of lesbians; the dog lesbians and the cat lesbians. Very rarely will you encounter a lesbian who shares a love for both species, it is almost always one or the other. Often times two women will start dating, one of whom owns a pet (we'll call it "Fluffy" for reasons of consistency). Lesbian 1 is very loyal to Fluffy; she has had him for many years and they are great companions. Then, lesbian 1 meets lesbian 2 and the sparks really fly. The relationship progresses in a great direction and they are spending a lot of time together. Suddenly, lesbian 1 starts to experience pangs of guilt for her neglect towards Fluffy. Fluffy has started to rebel by peeing on the carpets and pooping in the bathtub. Feeling torn between her new lover and her beloved pet, lesbian 1 comes to the conclusion that the only way to keep everyone happy and continue on with her life is to invite lesbian 2 to move in with her, and thus the U-Haul is packed up and off they go.

Theory 3 - The ugly theory

The ugly theory is simple, so I won't waste too much of your time here. It targets lesbians who feel they are ugly and find they have to compensate for their percieved ugliness with a really fantastic personality. This breed of lesbian's fear of rejection and the idea of never finding true love may lead to slight delirium. In these cases, the delirium may cause the lesbian to attach themselves to the first woman that shows a vested interest in them. This can lead to attached-at-the-hip-syndrome and ultimately cause the delirious lesbian to invite their new girlfriend to move in as soon as possible. This false sense of security that comes with the idea that if you live with your girlfriend, than you must be in a stable long-term relationship. Given the reality of how lesbian drama in these circumstances usually plays out, this situation almost always ends up in tragedy for the not-so-happily married couple.

Theory 4 - The first girlfriend theory

This theory is for everyone, whether you dated guys first (unfortunately) or you have only been with girls, if you're a lesbian you had to start somewhere and that somewhere was your first girlfriend. Whether you spent just a few short weeks, or many long years together, there is no denying that they were probably some of the most intense moments of your life. You probably stopped calling all your friends, had more sex than you ever imagined possible, and disappeared off the face of the earth (and this is all within the first month). And with all those endorphins flowing, who could resist jumping on the bandwagon and getting your own place together? So the U-Haul pulls up and for a few months, all is happy in paradise, and then reality sets in. The true colors shine and you pack up your U-Haul and flee the nest in search of your next great love. Don't worry though, you'll certainly never forget your first girlfriend, you'll also never make that mistake again.

So here I will conclude this segment on theories of the lesbian U-Haul phenomena. Don't don't go getting all flustered and feeling like you just can't seem to get it right when it comes to dating. I'll admit, I'm not perfect either (no matter how much I try). In fact, I pulled a U-Haul so badly with my first girlfriend that some might call it an OVERhaul. We were actually roommates before we started dating, so when our relationship began, we were already living together. That should make you feel a little better now.

In conclusion, The next time you're ready to pack up your stuff and run off to a tropical island with your new girlfriend, stop and think about your motives. Is it really because her pet Fluffy is so damn cute? Is it because she makes enough money to cover the cost of living and pay for the groceries? Or is it because you are simply too scared to be alone? Whatever the reason (and I don't care how great the sex is), make sure to re-think everything through 10 times or else you might find yourself stuck with a mortgage and a not-so-cute pet that pees on the carpet and poops in the tub.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, please leave your comment, after your reading is thru.

X-TREME dating!!

-dubbs

I was recently speaking with a friend who wanted an idea for a place for a first date. They needed a place with plenty of alone time together, so they could get to know each other. Being the deep, philosophical type of person I am, I asked the most important question, "Well, how much do you want to know?"

And then I winked at her and she said, "Teach me, professor!"

So we took the rotating bookcase to the stairwell, and down into the laboratory. I put on my spectacles and my lab coat, and I summoned her over to the chalkboard.
I drew this:

"What is it?" she asked with a puzzled look,

"A parabola grasshopper, but I was only a B- Calculus student. No! This here drawing represents the A+ I got in FUN! You must take your date...to the amusement park!! See that X at the top? That's the apex of fun on the rollercoaster of LOVE!"

She still looked confused, so I took off my lab coat and glasses and sat down in the leather barca lounger with my pipe and a nip of tobacco.

The amusement park became popular during the 1920's when work provided a living with a fair amount of disposable income. For decades since, folks have been seeking an escape from reality into a world of fantasy and adventure. The things you can learn about a person are endless. Plus, these places are designed for a duo, so it's perfectly intimate. When you go with someone to an amusement park...you find out lots of things about their fears. You might find an adrenaline junkie or a scaredy-cat. There's almost always at least one ride that people won't go on...it is interesting to find out why. I'll ride most anything except rides that spin like this:


What else do you learn? Well, for one, this person may or may not have a strong stomach to eat pizza and funnel cake and ride the "Loop-de-Loop" (or in my case, "The Enterprise" as shown above). And two, how do they work in the crowd? Are they patient in line or grumbling? Here is your chance to get to know someone. A lot can be said in a 2 hour wait. It's hard to struggle for a topic when everywhere you look is entertainment. And three, are they any good at the skill games and will they win you a giant Chester Cheeto?

After her hair gets all windblown, if you still find your date sexy, there is a scene set for chemistry after the sun goes down. There are thrills and romance and all sorts of things to discover under a smattering of brightly-colored flash bulbs and the playful sounds of an old Wurlitzer organ. And if all goes well, she will melt in your mouth like cotton candy as soon as you get home.

I'm not speaking from experience or anything, but it will tell you everything you need to know in an interesting form of extreme dating.
My friend smiled and said, "I hate rollercoasters."
At that point I learned why we never dated. See what I mean?

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Tags: amusement parks, Dating, Entertainment, rollercoasters

When Lesbians Go Crazy

Lesbians: can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. It's inevitable that when you have two women dating, living together and sharing their pets, you're bound to encounter drama. I have a friend whose three-year relationship has just gone down the drain. It's always sad to see a relationship come to an end; we've all been down that road before and know how heartbreakingly painful it can be. The one thing I notice with lesbian break-ups is that they are never short and sweet. When lesbians say, "it's over", it's usually done over a 3 - 6 month period dotted with emotional "I love you's" and fanatical "I hate you's". Why is it that gay women have such a hard time ending their relationships? I'm no relationship expert but my guess is that women are too nice to say "I don't love you anymore" but too cruel to have the decency to just walk away.

One thing I've noticed during the demolition of a lesbian relationship (that is not mutually terminated) is that at least one of the women tends to "go a little crazy." Let me elaborate. The mature thing to do would be to accept the fact that you're girlfriend/lover/wife does not share the same feelings as she used to. She wants out and is probably not looking to work on things anymore. She sits you down and "has the talk". As sad and unfortunate as it is, there are a few things that you should NOT do during this period:

- Hacking into your ex's email address/myspace/bank account.
- Putting all of her things on the lawn.
- Threatening to take Fluffy and never letting her see him again.
- Stealing her phone bill and calling all of the unrecognizable numbers to find out who they are.
- Locking the doors to your apt and hiding the key.
- Conspicuously following her around the city, to work, to the coffee shop etc.
- texting/calling at all hours of the night
-Telling people she has Herpes.
- Saying that the whole relationship was a living hell.

Here are a few things you might want to consider instead:
- Calling your therapist (instead of your lawyer)
- Looking back on happy memories
- Thinking of all the fun things you can do now that you're single
- Joining a fun new group where you can make some great new friends
- Trying to reconcile your differences and work on a friendship
- Start dating again
- Move very far away if, after all this, you still feel compelled to become a psycho ex-girlfriend

I know all break-ups can suffer from the same insane behaviors, but no one can drag it out quite like my lesbian sisters (you've done it too, don't deny it!) The bottom line is, if you're going through a breakup, don't do it alone. Seek out friends, family, therapy, a lobotomy (although not recommend), etc. Talk about your feelings, release the hurt and the pain, and try to stay positive. Just because your relationship is ending, doesn't mean your life is over. There are plenty more fish in the sea and just think of all the great things you've learned about yourself in the process. I know what you're thinking, this is all easier said than done.

If you're the dumpee and are still feeling the urge to get a little crazy, watch this incredibly well done video montage set to the song "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley. It's from 'The L Word' where Alice goes cuckoo after being dumped by Dana and although Alice is truly a psychotic ex-girlfriend in these clips, I still love her (but if you're feeling a little crazy, hopefully it will make you think twice about doing something stupid).


Have a crazy ex-girlfriend story? We'd love to hear it.

Tags: Alice, Crazy, Dana, Lesbians, the L Word

Coming Out

When I was nine years old my neighbor Mary, also nine, tried to kiss me under the stairs where we were playing House. I looked away, told her that we might get in trouble and resumed making the faux dinner out of my dad’s old shoe, which I called a steak. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to – trust me, I did – but at that age red flags went up. Danger, Danger! But it wasn’t too long after that I tried to dry hump my friend Susannah while we played House in my bedroom (I was the Dad and Suzannah was the Mom). Yes, I liked playing house at that age; it was a good excuse to explore adulthood without feeling silly or having the consequences that come from being a stupid teenager. Those stories are for another blog post! Anyway, my attempt at riding Susannah failed miserably when she pushed me off and decided the game was over. It was about this time that I realized I liked girls. I was boy crazy…but all of a sudden I was girl crazy, too! I started to allow myself these new feelings and embrace what it would be like to be with a girl. I would steal my dad’s single copy of Playboy that he stashed in a brown paper bag in the closet (I always put it back and crumpled it up exactly how I found it), which got me highly aroused. I was a horny kid, and I knew what I wanted, but I didn’t act on these feelings until I was much older.

I had a long term boyfriend throughout most of high school and then started dating a new guy when I was seventeen, end of my senior year. It was with this second major relationship that I would, for the first time, truly explore my gayness. My ex-boyfriend, we’ll call “Dude,” worked at a large gay nightclub as a bar back. It was at this club, one of the most popular in Miami at the time, where I met my first girlfriend. Well, she wasn’t officially my girlfriend, but she was a friend that I had sex with on several occasions. Funny how guys don’t mind when their girlfriends hook up with other girls. Lucky for me that was the case or I’m not sure how long it would have taken me to get with the program. I remember going to the club to meet Dude one night and feeling like a kid in a candy store when I walked through its doors – it was filled with gay boys in thongs on rollerblades carrying pink, potent concoctions in small vials – these cost almost eight bucks and got you totally fucked up – and beautiful, hot girls dancing on the tables. All of a sudden, all those feelings I had had earlier on as kid came rushing back. But now I was allowed to do something about it and a large army couldn’t stop me.

A couple drinks is all it took for me to approach a stunning green-eyed, brunette, who I later learned was from England, named Angela. We talked while I hung on her every accented word. We danced, we kissed, we went back to her apartment on South Beach and had sex on her futon until her gay husband, who she married so she could live in the country, walked in on us bare-butt in the living room. We reenacted this evening several times until it manifested itself into a threesome-gone-terribly-wrong with Dude and I decided I liked Angela without Dude’s company. Although it took me some time and many years later to fully come out, I would have sexual escapades with several women before I finally accepted my fate and told my parents that I was a lesbian. I look back on my relationships and wish that I hadn’t wasted so much time with men, but I don’t regret my past. However, I’ve never been as happy as I am now and completely relish my super gayness with my super fiancé ! The End.

Tags: Coming Out, sex, girl crazy, explore my gayness, gay, lesbian

I Say My Own Name In Bed

I sometimes think my life emulates a badly made Farrelly Brother's comedy and no, I don't masturbate a lot. I am actually the result of a same-sex, same-name relationship. My name is Renee and my girlfriend's name is also Renee.

I think the whole same-name relationship phenomena occurs much more frequently in same-sex couples (for obvious reasons) than in heterosexual ones, although I have yet to meet another couple who shares the same name like we do. I have heard stories, though. There's always someone whose friend's brother's cousin's uncle's mechanic is dating a guy who has the same name. You know how to old story goes.



People always ask us, "Is it weird to have the same name?" and the answer is "Yes and No". When we first met, which was through online, I was excited at how much we had in common and how cute she was. We had such a great connection, I didn't even give the same name thing much thought. When you think about it, you don't generally address people by their first names very often when in engaged in casual conversation. I think the most entertaining part of it all is introducing ourselves (or being introduced) to other people. I have never in my life received such a veritable range of reactions and/or facial expressions from the introductory party. If I had a nickel for every time someone said, "wait...what were your names??" I'd be a very rich girl.

Our friends/family have come up with an array of obnoxious nicknames to rectify the rather awkward situation: Renee 1 and 2, Reneesquared (thanks Mom), Benee (for blonde Renee), "your girlfriend", Blondie and Red, Renee-to-the-second-power, and my favorite, Mary Ellen. This all doesn't change the fact that we both still turn when our name is called. And if we ever get married? Well, neither of us could adopt the other's last name without literally becoming the same person.

I think the worst part of all is that horrible 1960's song by Left Banke "Just Walk Away Renee" which somehow seems to come to everyone's mind when they hear our name. It's bad enough we have the same name, but you're not making it any better when you and 6 of your friends chyme in to a round of this overly annoying song (I might be biased, but still). In case you've never heard it, here's a horrible YouTube video of the original.



All in all, at the end of the day, I don't see Renee as the girl with the same name as me, but as my partner, my equal. Have we tried yelling each other's names out in bed? Sure; it always gets us a good laugh.

Tags: humor, Lesbian Life, relationships, sex, dating

Is Lesbian Dating Dead?

A good (single) friend of mine recently brought to my attention that dating in the lesbian community in this millenium has gone extinct. These days, it seems that dating didn't even make it to the endangered list but went straight from normal practice to non-existent in the blink of an eye. I started to ponder this interesting phenomenon and wondered if there was some kind of dating vacuum that was fixated on the lesbian community. Basically, lesbians have a tendency to either hook-up and remain in a no-strings-attached, non-relationship status, OR they meet and instantly commit to a monogamous, exclusive, attached-at-the-hip relationship (U-Haul and all).

So why is dating dead? Why are lesbians so reluctant to go on dates, spend nights apart, and {GASP} entertain the idea of seeing multiple women. God forbid you might go out with one girl on Tuesday and a different girl on Thursday. Hell might freeze over when you kiss two different women in the same week. Let's stop and talk about this whole utopian phenomena of "dating" for a minute. You meet Woman A, she seems cool, you ask her out. You meet Woman B a few days later, she flirts with you, she asks you out. In most situations, you might say "No" to Woman B because of your "commitment" to Woman A. You're not fooling anyone but yourself, here. You are certainly (and I repeat CERTAINLY) not getting married to Woman A, on the contrary you're just getting coffee/having dinner/going to a movie (or doing whatever else Lesbians do on a first date)*.
*Note: this does not include sex. If sex occurs on the first date, than you have just entered "hooking up" status, and if you proceed directly to "relationship" status from here, than you have violated the rules of dating and should throwself in a Lesbian time-out.

Let's put some clarity on the"confusing" concept of casual dating. During dates, people often explore each other's personalities, to discover whether or not they would be compatible together in a relationship. Usually, if the two individuals discover that they have poor or low compatibility, it signals the end of the relationship and there will be no "second date," and often no further communication at all. In short, you are free to go out with whomever the hell you want, whether it be Ann Coulter, Katherine Moennig or Jesus Christ, herself. Actually, the way I see it, the more women you date in a given time, the merrier. Why limit yourself? The lesbian community is small enough as it is, and when you're looking for love, it would only behoove you to keep your options open.

If I had to make a suggestion, I would recommend saying YES to everyone that asks you out, and asking out as many women as possible. Please keep in mind it is NOT recommended that you ask out women who are currently involved in monogamous relationships. Don't say "No" to Woman B just because she's not quite your "type", or she has funny looking hair, or her clothes resemble something out of The Breakfast Club. That Ally Sheedy look-alike circa 1984 at your local coffeeshop might be the girl of your dreams, so your discrimination of the non-descript is not in your best interest afterall. You don't want to be the 45 year old single lesbian, posting ads on craigslist for "the love of your life" and have to explain to people that the reason you've been single for 45 years is because your "justifiable" pickiness has left you searching for "the right woman" all these years. Cowboy up, take one for the team, and throwself out there; amongst those throngs of single women, there's a princess with your name her.

Tags: dating, first date lesbian dating, funny, lesbian