3/26/07

Is Lesbian Dating Dead?




A good (single) friend of mine recently brought to my attention that dating in the lesbian community in this millenium has gone extinct. These days, it seems that dating didn't even make it to the endangered list but went straight from normal practice to non-existent in the blink of an eye. I started to ponder this interesting phenomenon and wondered if there was some kind of dating vacuum that was fixated on the lesbian community. Basically, lesbians have a tendency to either hook-up and remain in a no-strings-attached, non-relationship status, OR they meet and instantly commit to a monogamous, exclusive, attached-at-the-hip relationship (U-Haul and all).

So why is dating dead? Why are lesbians so reluctant to go on dates, spend nights apart, and {GASP} entertain the idea of seeing multiple women. God forbid you might go out with one girl on Tuesday and a different girl on Thursday. Hell might freeze over when you kiss two different women in the same week. Let's stop and talk about this whole utopian phenomena of "dating" for a minute. You meet Woman A, she seems cool, you ask her out. You meet Woman B a few days later, she flirts with you, she asks you out. In most situations, you might say "No" to Woman B because of your "commitment" to Woman A. You're not fooling anyone but yourself, here. You are certainly (and I repeat CERTAINLY) not getting married to Woman A, on the contrary you're just getting coffee/having dinner/going to a movie (or doing whatever else Lesbians do on a first date)*.
*Note: this does not include sex. If sex occurs on the first date, than you have just entered "hooking up" status, and if you proceed directly to "relationship" status from here, than you have violated the rules of dating and should throwself in a Lesbian time-out.

Let's put some clarity on the"confusing" concept of casual dating. During dates, people often explore each other's personalities, to discover whether or not they would be compatible together in a relationship. Usually, if the two individuals discover that they have poor or low compatibility, it signals the end of the relationship and there will be no "second date," and often no further communication at all. In short, you are free to go out with whomever the hell you want, whether it be Ann Coulter, Katherine Moennig or Jesus Christ, herself. Actually, the way I see it, the more women you date in a given time, the merrier. Why limit yourself? The lesbian community is small enough as it is, and when you're looking for love, it would only behoove you to keep your options open.

If I had to make a suggestion, I would recommend saying YES to everyone that asks you out, and asking out as many women as possible. Please keep in mind it is NOT recommended that you ask out women who are currently involved in monogamous relationships. Don't say "No" to Woman B just because she's not quite your "type", or she has funny looking hair, or her clothes resemble something out of The Breakfast Club. That Ally Sheedy look-alike circa 1984 at your local coffeeshop might be the girl of your dreams, so your discrimination of the non-descript is not in your best interest afterall. You don't want to be the 45 year old single lesbian, posting ads on craigslist for "the love of your life" and have to explain to people that the reason you've been single for 45 years is because your "justifiable" pickiness has left you searching for "the right woman" all these years. Cowboy up, take one for the team, and throwself out there; amongst those throngs of single women, there's a princess with your name her.

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