My Pet Peeves

As you can see, I'm on a poetry kick lately. This is a poem I wrote one day when I was in one of those quirky moods - you know the one; where you kind of feel like your head is slightly detached from your body and this morbid sense of humor emerges from the depths of your repressed subconsciousness. If you're lucky, you can tap into this mood every once in a blue moon, and usually strange and crazy artistic creations are born from it. So here it is, my "Pet Peeves" poem.

Pet Peeves

Some pet peeves of mine are -
- And not to be picky
But I’d rather address them
And do it right quickly

For starters I don’t like
When people drive slowly
Or old men in Speedos
Or green guacamole

Or too much perfume
Or fruit in my Jell-O
And I’d just have to say
The worst color is yellow

Chalkboards are ghastly
Especially when scratched at
And men wearing uniforms
Engaging in combat

Child pornography’s
Extremely appalling
And one more to add
Is violence and brawling

Now I know that my list
Might be lengthy and long
But I’ll truly assure you
I’m doing no wrong

It’s just so important
And I’ll try to appease
Don’t think of me awful
I’m begging you, please

But I can’t stand pollution
Or hunting and poaching
And when playing a sport
There’s no worse than bad coaching

Food that’s too spicy
Will upset my tummy
Despite that it’s flavor
Is delicious and yummy

Cruelty to animals
Just makes my skin clamber
And one other color
Not orange, but amber

Lycra is naughty
Polyester is evil
And pleather will always
Cause quite an upheaval

The father and son team
And I mean the Bushes
When one of them pulls
The other one pushes

I really hate math
‘Cuz I just can’t do it
Numbers are strange
That’s all there is to it

Milk that’s gone bad,
Is to sure to cause heaving
And the people who suck
Are good at deceiving

Biological warfare
Sure gives me the willies
But drinking the liquor
Sure gives me the sillies

Bad breathe is foul
Especially when kissing
And then some bad kissing
Is worth your dismissing

Men that are hairy
Are certainly Guido
But nothing’s as scary
As a man in a speedo

Well I think that I’m done
With this ranting and raving
I don’t want you thinking
I’m badly behaving

So please just remember
And don’t become blinded
The worst pet-peeve of all
Is a person close-minded

-RG aka Lesberita

So, what are YOUR pet peeves?

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Roses are red, violets are blue, please leave your comment, after your reading is thru.


dubbs said...

Hair-on-soap...my biggest and only real pet peeve.

OK, I lie about the only...but it is definitely the biggest.

DirtyBitchSociety said...

I loved it and in many years past was guilty of wearing polyester. I also had a mullet and have never forgiven myself.
My pet peeves are too numerous to list. In my old age of farting dust and shittin cobwebs, I've become less tolerant, especially for those that are closed minded and opinionated on issues they know nothing about. They get their opinion and religion from somebody else like a Walmart rack of slogan T-Shirts. Does that make a bit of sense?

Anonymous said...

My biggest pet peeve is people who walk slowly ahead of me..They take so long just to get from one store to another..when they're right in front of each other..but i love your pet peeve..it's really cute:)