Pixar Animation's Worst Nightmare...

My friend T just told me the most hysterical story ever.


T is a single mom. Her son Joseph is the most adorable kid ever.


Joseph started kindergarten this year.

He's incredibly smart and a gifted communicator. I'll be having a conversation with him about quantum physics before I remember that he shouldn't know more than I do.

The other day I was explaining to T that I often worry when I have children, they will have potty mouths.

I can easily picture getting a phone call one day from my son or daughter's day care because my kid called someone a "little fucker."

Which, of course, would prompt me to ask: "Well, was he being a little fucker?"

T started laughing hysterically. Not because what I said was so funny (she knows just how real a concern it is), but because of something Joseph had just done.

Here's our convo recap:

"Girrrrrrrrrrl, you are going to have to watch that mouth of yours. Joseph said something the other day that nearly caused me to have a car accident. And I couldn't blame him because I KNOW where he heard it."

"Nu-uh! What did he say?!"

"He really wanted to stay and look at the toys in Walmart, but we'd already been to McDonald's and run a few other errands, so I was ready leave."


"We got to the car and he was still pouting and throwing a fit. Even after I got him into his car seat, he was crying and carrying on. We were almost home and I saw his Nemo stuffed animal on the floor and I handed it to him. You know how he LOVES his Nemo stuff."

"Mh-hmmm. I do. He's made me watch the movie with him 9 times."

"Right! Well, I handed him his toy and said, 'Here, play with Nemo until we get home. He'll make you feel better.' You know what that child said back?"


"He threw it on the car floor and yelled, 'FUCK NEMO'!"

"No he didn't!"

"Yes, he did. I couldn't believe it. It took all I had to stay on the road."

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Later, as I was relaying the story to April, she made a very good observation. So good, in fact, that I had to call T to let her know:

"T, April says you should at least be proud of him for getting the context right. How many kids his age are smart enough to understand the appropriate context AND voice inflection?"

Something tells me T probably didn't reward him for the incident.

As for me, I can no longer just say FUCK when I'm mad. It has to be FUCK NEMO.

And if I'm around wee ones, I simply yell NEMO! It feels just as good.

Try it.

I warn you, though.

People do look at you a bit oddly....

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Roses are red, violets are blue, please leave your comment, after your reading is thru.


BodyGeek said...

Oh my heck. This is funny! I'm also going to adopt "Nemo!" I'm the mother of a son and I remember his first four-letter word better than I remember the moment he first spoke. Kids have an uncanny ability to put swear words into context!

Paula the Surf Mom said...

I think this should be the new Lesbiatopia catch phrase

thewishfulwriter said...

bodygeek: i'm telling you, screaming NEMO! feels just as, if not better, than the real thing. i've really gotten into it. ordered a t-shirt and everything. :)

paula: yes yes yes!

springlady477 said...

That's rich! I love it! FUCK NEMO! I'm going to start saying that and watch my girlfriend look at me like I have a horn coming out of my forehead. Ah, who cares. Fuck nemo!

Anonymous said...

When my daughter was 4 she was trying to walk up the slide and kept sliping - after the 3rd try she said "Dam it!". The context and inflextion were perfect - cuss words always seem to come out perfect.