The BEST Christmas Cookies Ever

I normally don't read or send FWDs. You know the ones, those tedious and annoying emails you get from random people in your contact list that you would otherwise never talk to. They are the overly cheesy emails, usually chock full of cute kittens and puppies with homemade cliches that get passed from your co-worker's grandmother's sister's brother's cousin's 2nd-grade-teacher and on to you. Usually the subject line reads "FWD FWD FWD: The Man & The Eagle - Awesome" or "FWD FWD: Here's a little pick-me-up for you..." The list goes on.

One particularly anticlimactic afternoon, I saw a FWD from my Aunt. This particular Aunt tends to not spend much time on the computer and doesn't generally engage in the email forwarding phenomenon. I knew, coming from her, this particular FWD had to be good. And it was. This was, hands down, one of the funniest emails I've ever read. I laughed so hard, I peed a little. Given the holiday spirit, I decided to share this email FWD with you, hoping you will enjoy it as much I did. Merry Christmas to all.

If I knew who the author was, I would buy that woman a drink. If you've already read this, read it again.

In case you might be looking for a new holiday cookie recipe...the tequila can be either white or gold cuervo,

1 cup of water

1 tsp baking soda

1 cup of sugar

1 tsp salt

1 cup of brown sugar

lemon juice

4 large eggs

1 cup nuts

2 cups of dried fruit

1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again.

At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup ... just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor... Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.


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Anonymous said...

Bahahahaha love it!

Dawg said...

The laugh I needed today ... I love it!

thewishfulwriter said...

I just made some.

that's shit some good. ymmuy!