3/15/10

Lesbian Fan Fiction: Starring You

Reflections on Deflection

-by Jianda

Remember the Margaret Cho routine where the lesbian couple's on an Olivia Cruise? "Were you checking out…her, or her, or her, or her…?" Drama happens. Femmes can have an aggro-crisis, and our butchies and transbrothers can reveal to us the softest hearts. Postmodern label-less women might get tweaked if you do give them a label or a pronoun--accidentally, or otherwise. And Girl, I don’t even have the time or space to talk about U-Hauls.

Any way you serve it up, lesbians are emo creatures. Doesn't matter how many butch-like stripes you're rocking on your uniform. Sapphic sistahs can bust some emo-screamo moves.

Emotions unfold our learning, and our beauty. Louise Hay's always said, "No, it isn't a crappy day, or a drab day, it's just a wet day…" in reference to rain. The same holds true for the raining of our emotions.

Still, women get a bad rap for carrying all the emotions. Even men, be they gay or straight, are in a constant dialogue with fully embracing the femininity of emotionality, or bastardizing it. I don’t know if it's Eve's fault, or who started it, but Honey, it's time to shut those false impressions down. Carrying children is not a curse, and we don't have to be the poster-girls for carrying the emotional weight of the world (or spending a lifetime denying that we do...to others). The nature of humanity is to feel our feelings fully, and denial of that only leads to--ironically--more and more extreme dramatics, and fallout.

Frankly M'Dears, I love it. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I think the phrase Dyke Drama is damning and overrated, ranking right up there with "lesbian bed death." Mind and Spirit is powerful, and if you make it a reality, prepare for the story you create to play out before you. By your speaking it into existence, you're creating it by your own powerful hand.


Write for Your Life

If you're going to create or believe in drama in any kind of pejorative sense, if you're going to be bothered or burdened by either your own emotions, or your partner's or your friends', there is an escape: lesbian fan fiction. Only this time, make it have to do with you.

Fictionalize it: break the back of its power, its hold over you, by birthing something else. Representation metabolizes it into something else, something new, and something outside of what you think you know about the situation.

Creation of art, any sort of expression, is made to be such an abstract thing. Immediately we have to "write convincingly," fashion an amazing piece of art, take dazzling photos, record something we can automatically sell, assigning value to our utterances and art-babies before they've even seen an hour of sun.

I say scrap all that and fuck what you heard. Just fingerpaint. Just get tribal with it. Write freestyle, draw freehand, film a rant (YouTube posting not recommended, unless you're an Ani Difranco'ian grrl), and make it really real.

This is not a Get out of Jail Free card to unleash your theater of anger and ugly to whoever's within yelling distance. You've got your big girl pants on, and have a healthy amount of home training by now, yes? If that's up for debate, there's still a way for you to gauge your proximity to the red zone. If you don’t know, Child, you better ask somebody.

Emotion is a gift, a barometer. It's an arrow to your bow. Even the misuse and the scandalous abuse of it can teach you so much. So long as you're safe and not physically harming yourself or anyone else on the receiving end of it, a healthy and honest expression can lead you to love, light, life, and relief--if you let it.

As-Is Emo/Creativity Resources:

ButchVoices.com

TheWayoftheHappyWoman.com

Lisa-Nichols.com

OnlineAlano.org

LouiseHay.com

QueerSpiritualSpaces.com

Trans-Spirits.org

About Jianda

A health-conscious artist, musician, vocalist published writer, Jianda’s a lifelong learner and Spiritual Creativity practitioner, currently developing a Massage Therapy business. She's performed at a wealth of LGBTQ prides and events, and has volunteered for several LGBTQ organizations. Supportive of lesbigaytrans issues and community concerns, she plans to tailor her MT practice around facilitating healing in our community, for PTSD and abuse survivors, transgender individuals, LGBTQ people, full-figured folks and communities, and individuals with a particular need for a keen sensitivity and an open, conscious space of recovery. She advocates freedom of expression and growth for all, at all times. You can find her projects at www.Jianda.net and SunMoonHealingHeart.com, and you can reach her by clicking here.

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