3/20/07

Lesberita and Lesberada: A First Date Story





A while back there were two lesbians, we'll call them Lesberada and Lesberita for all intensive purposes. Anyhow, they crossed paths through a social networking website and ended up meeting. Upon meeting, the sparks really seemed to fly, so they decided to go on a first date. The ladies prepared for the big night by dressing up in their cutest outfits and despite the nervousness that accompanies a first date, they were both very excited. Lesberada told Lesberita that she was taking her to a movie, but it was a surprise. Lesberita picked her up that night in her sporty little Civic and they drove into the city. Lesberada, being her crafty little self, had picked what she thought would be a "killer comedy" and a "hilarious movie" based on the reviews she read that day in the newspaper. The movie promised a "laugh-out-loud experience" for this newly released comedy, and although Lesberada hadn't a clue what the movie was about, she thought any movie that got such great reviews, must be a real hit.

Upon entering the city, the two girls enjoyed a casual dinner and a few beers on an outdoor patio at a swanky new restaurant nearby. They engaged in typical lesbian first date conversation, like when they saw themselves getting married and how many kids they wanted. Despite their nervousness, things were going really well. After dinner, and a few beers later, it was time for the movie. Lesberita said, "What are we going to see?" and Lesberada responded quite craftily with, "it's a surprise, but it's going to be hilarious, I think you'll really like it!" Lesberita hadn't the foggiest idea that her date had no idea what the hell she was talking about; ironically, she was quite impressed that her date was taking her to see an obscure indie comedy because that was one of her favorite genres of film. Little did they know that the real surprise was soon to come to the both of them.

They get their popcorn and soda and sit in the theater. Anticipation builds as the previews begin. "What movie could this be?" Lesberita thinks to herself. She's is very excited for this surprise. Then the opening credits start and the title flashes across the screen: "THE ARISTOCRATS". Lesberita is perplexed; she has never heard of this movie but is rather intrigued. And then The Aristrocrats starts*.

*Note: For those of you who have not heard about or seen The Aristocrats, here is a short synopsis from IMDB.com:

"This is a documentary about a joke. It is a joke only told by comedians to other comedians. The outline of the joke is that a man goes into an agent's office and says he has a family act. He then either acts out or describes the most obscene acts possible. The stunned agent says, "And what do you call yourselves?" and the man answers, "The Aristocrats." Each comedian describes how he tells the story. Each is different, each tries to get an element of surprise out of their listeners, who are assumed to be other comedians. The joke is told in parts. It is told in reverse order, by men and by women. Each finds a way to make the joke his or her own. The genesis of the documentary was when Gilbert Gottfried performed at the Hugh Hefner roast three weeks after the 9/11 attacks. Everyone was almost afraid to laugh and Gottfried came on second after the first act had bombed. Gottfried told a highly obscene version of the joke that totally broke up the audience. It was never telecast, but changed the whole tone of the evening. Penn Jillette produced the movie as a documentary on the joke every comedian knows but never tells on stage."

Lesberada, upon realizing what the true premise of the movie entailed, was mortified. How could she have neglected to research the movie further? How did she not realize what this disgustingly, disturbingly, obscenely filthy movie was really about? On that beautiful summer evening, Lesberada sat in that dark movie theater with a hilarious comedy on the big screen and practically cried. She had ruined her first date with Lesberita and was convinced she'd probably never want to see her again. Meanwhile, Lesberita who has a secret affinity for dirty jokes, sexual humor and poking fun at perversity was extremely entertained. She thought to herself "Wow, this girl really went out on a limb to bring me on a date to such a provocative and daring movie; that's pretty fucking awesome, actually." In a nutshell, Lesberita was impressed and this just confirmed that Lesberada was perfect for her. The two continued to watch the film and Lesberada couldn't help but notice that Lesberita was continually laughing at all the jokes. She started to loosen up a little and thought maybe it wasn't the end of the world afterall and began to enjoy the movie for what it was.

After leaving the theater, Lesberada decided to be honest with her date. She confessed that she really had no clue what the movie was supposed to be about and based her choice solely on the reviews in the newspaper. Lesberita thought this was hilarious and admitted it was something she probably would have done herself. The two had a good laugh and realized they were a match made in heaven. They proceeded to put an an end to their rather memorable very first date by driving to a dark parking lot and making out like school girls.

*This story was based on 99.99% factual information. Lesberita and Lesberada are still happily together to this day. We have included for your entertainment the BEST of the WORST from The Aristrocrats. Here is Bob Saget at his finest. Please do not watch this if you liked Bob Saget as a fatherly figure in Full House or if you have a weak stomach.





1 comments:

Anonymous said...

all lesbians are filthy animals.they are low life pigs.

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