Lesbian Movie Review: "The Kids Are All Right"

MOVIE REVIEW


BY CYNTHIA RODRIGUEZ





"THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT"

Directed by Lisa Cholodenko

Starring Julianne Moore, Annette Bening, Mark Ruffalo



"The Kids Are All Right" is more than all right because of the outstanding acting by the above mentioned actors. Even the kids held their own. I don't think it would have been as good if it were a bunch of nobodies. I have to say it wasn't exactly what I expected though. On one hand, I think it's wonderful that a movie about Lesbian parents was able to reel in some big actors that have been in more mainstream movies. Although, at the same time I am not surprised that in order to see it, I had to go to our local indie film theatre which will usually feature the movies you know they won't show at your local mall. A lot of them end up being the "Sundance Festival" films and/or the ones you know will become an IFC cult favorite. I don't know if it's because it was opening weekend or an early Saturday afternoon, but oddly enough, there seemed to have been a significant number of senior citizens in the theatre when I walked in just in time and sat all the way at the front when the film was about to begin. I know this for a fact because even in the almost pitch black dark towards the end of the last preview, I felt like I was completed surrounded by a lot of white haired heads. I thought to myself, "Great, it's like watching a lesbian film with Grandma. Do they even know this is about LESBIANS? What are they doing here? This should be interesting. If there are any sex scenes, this is gonna feel a little awkward."



I always find it intriguing how Hollywood deals with gay. Sure, it's come a long way. See: "The Celluloid Closet" (which by the way, I watched at the same theatre.) Yes, they've gone from the ideals of us being either just a bunch of sissies, butches, and deviants, to gay-sploiting us to their advantage to the now somewhat attempts to show that we can be "normal" like everyone else, such as getting married, and having the perfect little family.


Summary: (which I'm sure you've already heard, read about, or have seen the trailer) A very long term relationship Lesbian couple raising two teenagers they each gave birth to thanks to the local sperm bank. One is the artistic, new agey "house wife" who has been trying to find her niche in employment in like forever, the other the bread-winning established professional ( A Doctor ). The 18 year old daughter is getting ready to go off to college. The son, he's like the typical 15 or 16 year old that hangs out with his prickish little friends and rides his skateboard. The son, endlessly curious about their biological father makes his sister track down their "bio-Dad" who turns out to be a motorcycle riding, carefree, lovable bachelor who runs some organic, hippie, co-op type of restaurant. Apparently meeting him is not enough. They introduce him to the rest of the family, and that's where the havoc begins. What starts as seemingly innocent get togethers, and just hanging out turns into an invasion of the estrogen controlled household he helped create that exposes the maybe not so perfect world they thought they had.


It's dificult to dislike any of the main characters in the film. Annette Bening's "Nic" is a little uptight but cool as shit. Julianne Moore's "Jules" is cute as hell, and Mark Ruffalo's slightly flawed "Paul" is the most adorable I've seen him since "13 Going On 30". In the end you just want everything to work out for all of them. There is really no "villian", which I don't think is usually the case in any film.


Now for my take on the whole thing withought doing the spoilers: I appreciate their attempt at showing that a gay couple can do it just like everybody else. Have a long time partner, have children, work, etc. And also that any marriage be it straight or gay especially after a lot of years together can have it's ups and downs, just like everybody else. What I'm a little torn on is the relationship that begins to develop between one of the Moms (Jules: Julianne Moore), and the bio-Dad Paul (Mark Ruffalo). Part of me is afraid it will perpetuate the myth that I believe many feel that all a Lesbian needs is a good man to "change her ways". I mean, I see where they are coming from but I feel people will misunderstand and not realize that in the end, when it comes to that part, it really has nothing to do with anyone's sexuality at all. It also doesn't help that there is more hetero-sex featured in the film than between the two women. Sometimes I think they do that in these types of movies so it will appeal more to the mainstream masses. I believe that as long as people are open to and comprehend that when watching the film, they can truly hold dear the lessons they can learn from the film. A lot of times I think that when people, particularly the straights watch a Lesbian themed film, that they think they will be in for some good girl on girl action. That is not always the case. Afterall, we DO have other things to do as well. It's not always about the sex. Sometimes it has nothing to do with that at all. We work and play like everyone else, but we just happen to be of that sexual orientation.


So, when people come at us with their snide remarks regarding all of the above, you can always say (my favorite line in the movie by Annette Bening), “I need your observations like I need a dick in my ass.”


Not that there is anything wrong with that. Just sayin'.

Lesbian Hairstyles Around the World: Montreal

At Lesbiatopia, we love to talk about sexy lesbian hairstyles. Lesbians are known for wearing their hair in all sorts of fun, funky and trendy hairstyles. This week, a guest has written and vlogged a fabulous video about the lesbian hair scene in Montreal, Canada. Lesbiatopia would like to welcome the very lesbian-friendly and fabulous Daniel Baylis. Daniel writes a gay-themed blog for the Montreal tourism board.

---

In Montréal you can get a "Lesbian Haircut" for $15. The brains (and clippers) behind the “lesbian haircut” is JJ Levine. Back in 2006, JJ was simply doing what she enjoyed - cutting hair for friends at a bike-repair shop (that her then girlfriend owned). She began to be approached by strangers looking for a trim, so she grabbed a piece of plywood and a sharpie, and she wrote these words:

LESBIAN HAIRCUTS!!!!
(FOR ANYONE)
$15

Little did she know that 3 years later, her little lesbian haircutting gig would be infamous among all the cool queers in Montréal; attracting gay and hetero, young and old, Montréalers and visitors.

Luscious Lesbian Drama is Back! Gimme Sugar Miami

If you remember correctly, I had my 2.5 seconds of fame on the premier episode of Gimme Sugar filmed at the notoriously famous Truckstop night at HERE lounge, put on by the fabulous Linda and Michelle of FUSE EVENTS. I've met Linda Fusco, personally, and I don't think she sleeps - this woman is THE premier lesbian party-promoter of LA and boy does she know hot to throw a party.



Luckily for us lesbians who love our drama (and we know there's plenty of it to go around), LOGO is premiering its hot original series this summer, featuring television’s only on-air show with lesbians and bisexual women. The ladies of Gimme Sugar hit Miami this to explore the lesbian club scene in the heat of Florida. Hot, sweaty, lesbians who will be dancing, fighting and f*cking? Count me in!

The return of “Gimme Sugar" with "Gimme Sugar: Miami," premieres Monday, June 22, 2009 at 10:00 PM ET/PT and full episodes will also be available to watch online. Go home and set your TIVO now... stat!

You can check out clips from the show here. The girls will also be chatting live with fans after each show premiere on the show's facebook page.
Here's a preview of the show:

More Gay & Lesbian Video At LogoOnline.com

Craigslist Is For Lovers

A friend sent me this Craigslist posting in the missed connection section that was just too hilarious not to share...

Missed Connection with Every Lesbian Girl I've Ever Swooned Over - m4w

Reply to:
Date: 2009-02-28, 8:02PM
Dear hot/nerdy/self-possessed/

athletic/capable/charismatic lesbian,
First of all, thanks for looking good.
Thanks also for not kicking me out of your bars when I've visited. For future reference, here are my responses to your questions:
No, I'm not here with my boyfriend. Yes I am here with some ladies. No, I'm not gay. Because I'd rather look at women than men. No, you use the washroom first. Any local microbrew will do, thanks.
In the past, I've described myself as a male lesbian but I don't know if that's quite right. I do know that the type of women I like are way better represented among you. And I'm certain that whoever installed the wiring in my brain did some unconventional things. Does that make me a lesbro? I don't really know. Regardless, the result of these cross-over tendencies is a kind of disconnect. Similar, I imagine to gay guys who like straight boys.
"Forget about it," their friends say, "it will only lead to heartache."
Heartache schmartache, I don't want to gay-marry you, oh sizzling Sapphite. I just want to wrassle you (hard) and then maybe later talk about gender theory over beer.
Still, even my humble wishes seem out of reach.
Can't we get over my penis? It's not even that impressive; more like an extra-large clit. What are you, sizeist now?
I guess we could just be buddies. I can resign myself to the friend-zone if you promise to go girl-watching with me once in a while. Maybe then you'll see that I don't want to "turn" you (for the sake of either ego or Jesus). I just want to get physical in a way that would make a straight girl's over-sized purse explode. I fully trust you've got some knowledge to drop.
Don't judge me, oh hot diggity dyke, if I don't fit into your worldview. Just hold me once in a while and tell me that I'm simply another colour in our glorious rainbow.
Thanks,
XYZ

NY Appeals Court Denies Parental Rights to Lesbian

A New York state appeals court has ruled that a lesbian whose partner gave birth to a boy after their Vermont civil union has no parental rights because she never legally adopted the child.

The Appellate Division denied the petition by Debra H. for joint legal and physical custody after she and Janice R. broke up.

The court said Debra H. lacked parental rights although the now-5-year-old boy was born a month after the Vermont civil union and two months after the women registered as domestic partners in New York City.

Debra H.'s lawyer Bonnie Rabin said the child thinks of her client as one of his mothers and seeing her is in his best interest. Rabin said she intends to appeal.

Lesbians Love Them Some P!nk

Singer Pink is top of the pops when it comes to lesbian love, with nearly half (46%) of British lesbians naming her ‘most lesbilicious straight celebrity’, according to a major gay poll released today. And while Pink claims to be straight, her lesbian fanbase think otherwise – a third (31%) think the recently-divorced singer will come out of the closet in 2009.

But although Pink may be popular with lesbians, the undisputed lesbilicious queen remains Ellen Degeneres. The talk show host was named 'LGBT hero of 2008' and 'most lesbilicious lesbian/bisexual celebrity'. In addition, Ellen and Portia were crowned 'cutest celebrity couple'.


Hundreds of lesbian and bisexual women took part in the poll, which was conducted by lesbian news website Lesbilicious.co.uk.

The most lesbilicious straight celebrity after Pink is Juno star Ellen Page, say British lesbians. 20% of lesbians think that Ellen Page is too cute a tomboy to resist - and no doubt it helps that Page will be playing a lesbian police officer in a new movie being filmed later this year. Third most lesbilicious straight celeb is Sarah Palin impersonator and comedienne Tina Fey with 13% of votes, and then Kylie and Madonna come in joint fifth with 4% each. Katy Perry might have kissed a girl and liked it, but the feeling isn’t mutual – only 3% of lesbians think she’s lesbilicious.

When it comes to genuinely lesbian/bisexual celebs, Ellen Degeneres came out top with 24% of the vote, hotly followed by Angelina Jolie (20%) and Leisha Hailey with (19%). Leisha Hailey is the only openly gay woman to star in sexy lesbian series The L Word. After years of speculation about her sexuality, Jodie Foster's public acknowledgment of her female partner has shot up her popularity with lesbians, helping her to the fourth spot with 18% of the vote. Lindsay Lohan's openness about her lesbian relationship with DJ Sam Ronson has also boosted her popularity in the lesbian community, winning her 10% of votes. Coming in sixth with 8% was long-time favourite, openly bisexual Drew Barrymore.

Pink might be pretty lesbilicious, but there is a secretly gay celebrity even more likely to come out in 2009, according to British lesbians - Michelle Rodriguez, the sexy star of The Fast and the Furious and TV series Lost. 34% of lesbians say that Rodriguez sets off their gaydar, but Rodriguez has always denied the rumours about her sexuality - even when bisexual Terminator 3 actress Kristanna Loken hinted in 2007 that she and Rodriguez had had a relationship. After Michelle Rodriguez and Pink, 23% of lesbians believe that the lesbian rumours about hiphop star and Chicago actress Queen Latifah are true, and 9% believe that singer Ricky Martin might be the one to come clean about his sexuality this year.

The honour of being named the 'most lesbilicious lesbian/bisexual musician' went to Canadian singer-songwriters twins Tegan and Sara. The gorgeous, openly-lesbian musicians won 29% of votes, ahead of Leisha Hailey (23%) - who is not only an actress but half of music duo Uh Huh Her - and old-timer kd lang (14%). Bisexual folk star Ani DiFranco came in fourth with 13% of the vote, perhaps due in part to her recent marriage to a man. Beth Ditto and Tracy Chapman came in fifth and sixth, with 10% and 6% of the vote respectively.

Ellen Degeneres and wife Portia Di Rossi were named ‘cutest celebrity couple’ by nearly half (48%) of Lesbilicious.co.uk readers, but a third (35%) thought the title should go to Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson instead. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt got 8% of the vote, ahead of Katie Price and Peter Andre (3%). David and Victoria Beckham received just 1% of the vote.

And it seems that not even lesbians are immune to the charms of President-elect of the USA Barack Obama – 40% of lesbians voted Obama ‘most Lesbilicious man’, ahead of hunks Jonny Depp (31%), Brad Pitt (9%), David Beckham (7%) or Orlando Bloom (4%).

In addition, 10% of lesbians voted Obama the LGBT hero of 2008, just behind Rachel Maddow (11%) and Ellen Degeneres (23%).

In contrast, 17% of lesbians thought that the ‘LGBT villain’ of 2008 was The Pope / the religious right. 16% thought it was Republican Vice-President candidate Sarah Palin, and George W Bush and anti-gay voters in California came in joint third with 10% each.

Lesbilicious.co.uk spokesperson Rosie Kirk comments:

"Ellen Degeneres is a legend. She was one of the first openly gay celebrities, and recently she's won hearts by using her talk show to raise awareness of gay issues. She truly deserves the title 'LGBT hero'.

“As for Pink - she's got the hair, the tattoos and most importantly the attitude – no wonder lesbians love her! Hopefully it’s only a matter of time before she realises how much more fun girls are and comes over to the dyke side."

FULL RESULTS OF THE LESBILICIOUS.CO.UK POLL:

Most lesbilicious straight celebrity
Pink: 46%
Ellen Page: 20%
Tina Fey: 13%
Kylie: 4%
Madonna: 4%
Katy Perry: 3%
Keira Knightley: 2%
other: 8%

Most lesbilicious lesbian/bisexual celebrity
Ellen Degeneres: 24%
Angelina Jolie: 20%
Leisha Hailey: 19%
Jodie Foster: 18%
Lindsay Lohan: 10%
Drew Barrymore: 8%
other: 2%

Most likely to come out in 2009
Michelle Rodriguez: 34%
Pink: 31%
Queen Latifah: 23%
Ricky Martin: 9%
other: 3%

Cutest celebrity couple
Ellen Degeneres and Portia di Rossi: 48%
Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson: 35%
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt: 8%
Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels: 5%
Katie Price and Peter Andre: 3%
Victoria and David Beckham: 1%

Most lesbilicious man
Barack Obama: 40%
Jonny Depp: 31%
Brad Pitt: 9%
David Beckham: 7%
Orlando Bloom: 4%
other: 9%

Most lesbilicious lesbian/bisexual musician
Tegan and Sara: 29%
Leisha Hailey: 23%
kd lang: 14%
Ani DiFranco: 13%
Beth Ditto: 10%
Tracy Chapman: 6%
other: 5%

Most lesbilicious UK sportswoman
Kelly Smith: 31%
Kelly Holmes: 29%
Rebecca Adlington: 18%
Shanaze Reade: 15%
Nicole Cooke: 4:
other: 3%

Most lesbilicious UK lesbian/bisexual comedian
Sue Perkins: 32%
Rhona Cameron: 25%
Zoe Lyons: 17%
Clare Summerskill: 12%
Sandi Toksvig: 10%
Jen Brister: 3%
Other: 1%

Lesbian anthem of 2008
Pink – So What: 39%
Katy Perry – I Kissed a Girl: 33%
Alphabeat - Fascination: 10%
Britney - Womanizer: 9%
Katy Perry – Hot n Cold: 5%
Saturdays - Up: 2%
other: 2%

Most significant LGBT political event in 2008
USA elects Barack Obama for President: 31%
California bans same-sex marriage (November): 28%
UK passes Human Fertilisation & Embryology Bill: 16%
California allows same-sex marriage (May): 13%
Australia passes Same-Sex Relationships Bill: 12%

LGBT hero of 2008
Ellen Degeneres: 23%
Rachel Maddow: 10%
Barack Obama: 10%
Wanda Sykes: 7%
Pink: 5%
Melissa Etheridge: 3%
Lindsay Lohan: 3%
kd lang: 3%
Katy Perry: 3%
other: 33%

LGBT villain of 2008
The Pope / religious right: 17%
Sarah Palin: 16%
George Bush: 10%
California voters: 10%
Iris Robinson: 6%
Julie Bindle: 5%
Lindsay Lohan: 5%
Katy Perry: 3%
Sam Ronson: 3%
other: 25%

The L Word: Impacting One Lesbian at a Time

One day when I was getting tea at a local coffee house and living the life of a straight woman, this barista told me something weird. She said, "You remind me of Kate Moennig. You have the same dark look, same eyes, same smile and the same mannerisms as her."

"Who?"

"Kate Moennig. She plays 'Shane' from 'The L Word'. On Showtime? Have you seen that show?"

"Uh, no. I don't have Showtime."

But in the back of my mind, I was slightly panic-stricken. Because as a church-goer, I had seen some e-mail a few years back from one of those Focus On The Family groups trying to rally it's members to write or call Showtime to protest the show about lesbians. I was so grateful that we didn't get premium channels because it helped me to fight the temptation to learn more about other women like me. I didn't know a single other lesbian and it made my straight life so much easier to live in to keep myself ignorant.

I went home and googled Kate Moennig. Hell, I wish I looked like her. But my search took me in an unexpected direction: YouTube. Here was the first video I watched (with subtitles for our French pals):




I realized that there were all kinds of clips from "'The L Word" and I started watching. And watching. And watching. The more I watched, the more I learned. The more I learned, the more my need to be myself surfaced. It just helped to reinforce in my mind that people be out and still have a decent life.

It was so hard for me to be someone that I wasn't. I hate to say it because it would have been great if my first lesbian education was through a personal connection, not a TV show. But I am glad The L Word existed during a time when I needed another nudge towards the closet door.

We are about to see the final season of "The L Word" and it got me to wondering if I was the only one that this show had an impact on. Anyone have any good L Word stories? I'd love to read them.

The final season of "The L Word" will premiere in Showtime on January 18th.

Making A Jump

I don't know if any of you know, but two days after Gina and I got married my mother passed away.

I can't even begin to explain to you the emotions that caused. For months I wasn't able to concentrate and you may have noticed that I didn't have anything to say about our honeymoon either. That trip turned out to be a trip to spread my mother's ashes according to her wishes. After that, as you can imagine things were pretty down, and I struggled to get back to a normal life as much as anyone can after their mother dies. When school started up again for the kids, we wound up involved in a principal protest which involved a few meetings with the school district, and getting involved with the parents and teachers at my children's school. The last thing I wanted to do was get out and about, but then I also got involved with the No on Prop 8 campaign which began to consume a lot of my time. Around the same time, lesbian drama gave birth to a new website, which I decided to endorse alongside Lesbiatopia, and my other blog Lesbian Mommy. I have SEVEN other blogs as well, and as you can imagine my plate was getting pretty full. Them I took on an administrative position with the new site and now my plate is overloaded. This is why I've decided to make a jump from Lesbiatopia completely and focus on my other online projects. Along with my other blogs, I have a new online book to promote along with being the new Executive Editor of LezGetReal.com. You'll still be able to find a few of my classic posts here on Lesbiatopia, and can always follow what I am up to by visiting my page on MySpace.

Thank you for following my posts here on Lesbiatopia if you were a fan of my posts, and I know there is plenty of other great posts here for you to read, just take a look at the categories section. ;0) A BIG "Thank You" goes out to Renee and all of the other Lesbiatopians and I will be seeing you all around online.

Stay well!

Sincerely,

~Julie Phineas~

Long Distance Relationships: Sylvia's Side of the Story

This is Sylvia's response to Mr. Leigh's take on their Long Distance Relationship. Sylvia departed in August. You may think they're handling this well. Just wait until they reveal how many minutes they spend on the phone per month, or try and calculate how much postage they've used. Currently they are counting the days until they see each other in November. What is the longest amount of time you've gone between seeing your significant other? How long would you be willing to wait? 

I’d like to think that a year from now we will have forgotten what this feels like. All that will remain is the outcome.

Somewhere in the recesses of our minds we will recall all the thousands of tiny tears that joined together to rip at the cloth of our fabricated stability and expose what we weren’t hiding well anyway: our feelings for each other.I never planned it this way.

The very idea of us ever being together seemed so impossible and idealistic even sixty days prior to my departure, and yet weeks before I was set to move, lease papers signed, I found myself falling asleep each night to the rhythm of her breathing and waking up to her smile.

And those days passed perfectly. The only complaint I had is that they came to an end and soon it was August and I felt cheated out of something I had hoped for with such devotion.We joked about our timing. Meeting when deeply entrenched in other relationships. Finally being able to be together only to race against the clock to get in as much time as possible before binding contracts and responsibilities whisked me away.


Reluctantly it was decided that we would part with no labels and no expectations, and I silently told myself I was just grateful for the whirlwind romance, even if it never developed beyond that.

Through tearful goodbyes that exhausted our lungs and reddened our eyes for days, it became evident neither of us had any intention of letting the other go.While driving cross-country I had plenty of time to reflect and remember, her music providing the soundtrack to the thoughts I bounced off the Colorado Mountains and Nebraska plains.

Every night we’d whisper into our phones and each morning I’d drop a letter into the mail heading back to her door.I arrived in Chicago to a mailbox full of letters and postcards, and knew I had fallen even harder in love than before.

At first my roommates didn’t get it. I felt and looked silly walking around with a cell phone attached to my hand at all times. The sharp short tone of an incoming text message elicited a pavlovion response in me. It sill does.
I never meant to have it happen this way. Long distance is never what one dreams of. It is so difficult and can be debilitating in its loneliness. But I look at it this way: The phone calls, the text messages, the letters and e-mails, all of it translates to the amount I’d be communicating with her if I were with her in California.

And I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. I live in an amazing city and I’ve experienced concerts in Millennium Park, readings at Women and Children First, strolls on Lake Michigan and evenings at some of the most impressive museums in the world. But mostly I go through those things wishing I was experiencing them with her.

There are those who say I need to experience the single life while young and new in the city. If I wanted to, I could have a few prospects, but I haven’t met anyone that even remotely compares to her, and to be honest, I’m not interested in looking.

There has been an instance or two where I will idly find myself engaging in some innocent flirtation as I go about my day, but the words taste sour as they fall from my mouth and I’m left making quick retractions and awkward exits as I confirm that nothing that cute bartender or very attentive Trader Joe’s check out girl could do or say would have even 1/100th of the impact as the postcard that is waiting for me in my mailbox.

Long Distance Relationships: My New Illness

If there's one thing I love, it's hopelessly romantic love stories. I'm a sucker for romance and tales from the love side. Two of Lesbiatopia's writers, Mr. Leigh (who tackles butch issues) and Sylvia (who covers lesbian pop culture) have fallen in love. With each other. The catch here is that they are located approximately 2,000 miles apart. I've asked them both to write their stories; how they fell in love, dealing with a long distance relationship and all the trials and tribulations that go with it. Today you will see two parts to the story. First, Mr. Leigh will tell her tale and this afternoon, Sylvia will tell hers. Have you ever been in an LDR? If so, what was it like? Did it last? How did you deal with it? We'd love to hear your thoughts and stories. I hope you enjoy their stories as much as I did - Renee Gannon, Publisher

- Story by Mr. Leigh
I have recently become a victim of a nasty little disease called LDR.
Have you heard of it?
The symptoms are as follows..

-loneliness
-excessive and often ridiculously long phone calls
-excitement over snail mail
-depletion of ones frequent flier miles
-a love hate relationship with the local airports
-text messages up the wazoo
-isolation from happy couples
-automatically adding hours to your clock to compensate for the time difference

If you haven't guessed yet, the affliction LDR is what some in the scientific community refer to as a "Long Distance Relationship". I caught the disease around the beginning of August when my beautiful girl followed her dreams thousands of miles away. (2035 to be exact, but who's counting?) She now resides in Chicago as I hold down the fort in Southern California, together we have been making progress in what is often a fatal affliction. Personally, I believe that our chances of survival are extremely high.


Neither of us expected this to happen. Love has seemed to change a lot for me this last year in what has ended up to be the most romantic and passionate love affair I've ever known. She is my muse, my reason and my dreams. Even from so far away I have never felt more loved and cared for. I know that there is an easy cure for my disease, but I will happily wait here for her until she can bring it to me wholeheartedly.

Even though the distance is miserable and I curse the day Chicago was settled, I've never been happier with my life. I know that she is experiencing so much and I love her to a degree that I have been able to be supportive even beyond my own wildest dreams. I never once told her not to leave. I knew she should go. Her plans were in place long before we started getting serious and I am a firm believer in everyone having a mid 20s adventure far away from home. Now that she has found her footing in her new town, she is accomplishing so much and I'm so proud of her. This entire experience is uncharted territory for us both, so in the ways of handling an LDR we are pretty clueless. No one really seems to have any advise for us, but its not like we'd listen anyways, because we're rebels like that.

I have some pain relievers and distractions, music has been the most effective.
Below is a song I wrote called "On My Pillow." I came home the day she left and found a beautiful long brown hair stretched across my pillow and I broke down. This song and many others have been inspired by recent events and are documentation of my illness.

So far I've learned that time is the biggest bitch of all when it comes to doing the Long Distance thing. Once I can conquer that, this whole thing should be a snap! Maybe I will just finally figure out how to teleport and make things a little easier on us. What?! I could happen!!

I will be back for a check up, Doc.
Thanks for the lollipop.
-Mr. Lone-Leigh

This Long Distance Relationship is brought to you by...
T-MOBILE *Fave5* & Jet Blue Airlines


I taped your letters to my door
the one I had you up against before
the one we closed when all the lights were low
Now I just throw myself in beds
Not looking where I lay my head
Cause if I look down, I'll see your hair on my pillow(x3)
-Goodbye. I've always loved you.
-Dont try. There's nothing we can do.
-I'll learn to fly so I can be with you.
-Dont cry. It breaks my heart in two.
I see your car now everyday
Say all the things we used to say
I drive past motels and wish that we were there.
It seems so hard to look ahead
I still hate laying in my bed
Cause I cant seem to move your hair from my pillow(x3)

Lesbian Personal Ads: Providing Hours of Fun & Entertainment

Lately, there's been a lot of talk about dating, specifically internet dating and the art of writing personals ads. When I say "there's been a lot of talk" I mainly mean Lori Hahn, of Hahn at Home who recently held a Personal Ad Writing contest for herself. From my understanding, she will use the winner's personal ad on a real, live dating site (right, Lori?) Speaking of Lori, when I was trying to find images to include in this article, I went to the old stand-by, Google image search, and typed in "internet dating lesbian" and low and behold, there was Lori Hahn's smiling face looking back at me from cyberworld. So Lori, I dubb you the "Queen of Internet Dating" - this article's for you.

To some women, personal ads are a fine art to be perfected, a vehicle of poetic expression and a window to their deep and brooding soul. To others they are an entertaining way to kill time by welcoming strangers from all walks of life to be the winning bidder in an on-going email exchange of desperate flirtations and insatiable curiosity. And yet to others, they are simply a good old-fashioned bout of narcissism disguised by a half-pathetic attempt to meet some else. Your style of personal ad writing constantly changes depending on mood, length of singlehood, availability of free time and the number of single female friends in a 50 mile radius at any given time. Is your ad-writing style one of Humor? Romance? Sex? Sarcasm? Desperation? Indifference? Oh, the methods are endless!


Having been in a relationship for over 3 years now, it’s been quite a while since I’ve written a personal ad. As I think back to my single days, I remember posting an ad or two on Craigslist during my desire to start dating again. As my personality tends to dictate, I opted for humor and sarcasm in my personal ads and was always surprised at the variation of responses I would receive. Some women would respond by returning that sarcasm like an awesomely bad gift from an ugly sweater store. Of course, there were the women who ignored any semblance that my ad ever existed in the first place and simply emailed me with some generic summary of themselves, as if it were unceremoniously copied and pasted from a badly written “how-to-reply-to-personal-ads” website (eHarmony?).

I got to thinking about how sometimes, when bored, I browse the Craigslist personal ads (mainly w4w) due to the sheer hilarity and entertainment they provide. I started to feel guilty for laughing at someone else’s expense; for allowing some badly written personal ad to brighten my day, when, behind those words, is a single and lonely woman just yearning to meet her match. About 5 minutes later, I got over it, and went back to browsing the rest of the personal ads. Some were funny, some were scary, some were sad and some were brazen enough to make Ron Jeremy blush. I wondered if these women were truly what their ads said or if the ad itself was somewhat of a façade to something entirely different. Personal ads are like virtual boxes of chocolates: you never know what you’re going to get.

All this talk about personal ads inspired me to read some; to see if they still as variable as the last time I left off. In doing so, I have graciously (you can thank me later) come up with some of my favorite (in the categories of “best” and “worst”) w4w personal ads on the internet. Enjoy!

Seeking LTR, willing to settle for loving affair - 27
"Me: african-american. affectionate. articulate. aggressive. active. beautiful. butch. bold. caring. compassionate. creative. deep. daring. emotionally available. eccentic. experienced. employed. educated. fair. faithful. fit. funny. friendly. generous. geniune. grateful. gentle. happy. handsome. humble. honest. intelligent. insightful. jovial. kissable. kind. loyal. loving. learned. mature. meditative. mannered. nice. open. old fashioned. opinionated. protective. passionate. patient. quiet. queer. read. reflective. ready. romantic. respectful. seasoned. single. strong. sensuous. sexual. traveled. tough. understanding. vested. warm.
You: Female. Willing. able." – Boston, MA
This date seeker appears to have impeccably high standards.

Seeking Sarah Silverman - 25
“Funny lass who can dress herself within reason and loves her brown, short nearly-pixie haircut is seeking someone with a sense of humor and social ability.

I'm a non-profit vixen who has been single a whopping year in October and ready to move past the rebounds and into phase 2- the quasi-relationship. That's right, I'm looking for an individual who can date me but not need to be my beau immediately.

In short, I'm 5'5" (so not too short), own a dog, know what jeans look good on my body and what t-shirt to wear under my hoodie. Intrepid weekend dancer and dedicated to entertaining street fairs (see Folsom Street, though for fun not fetish necessarily...). I lust for a great pair of Tiger Onitsuka's or Rainbow flip flops- and am always on the lookout for a humorous gal to share my time and space with... perhaps write our own mock youtube videos, perform ridiculous (or stunning) karaoke renditions of our favorite songs and even catch the occasional movie after an almost-trendy restaurant outing.

But really, the truth is, I just got my own studio, and darn it, I want to christen it with someone who might just stick around.” – San Francisco, CA

older for younger - 20
"i am a younger women cant say on here but i am looking for an older women to talk to and maybe more only chat i am looking for an older women from the age of 30-40 pic for pic so let get to know eachother" - St. Louis, MO.
I’m pretty sure they meant to title it “younger for older”, but one can never be too sure.

No Sob Stories Here - 26
"Why can't I find a girlfriend ?" "Where are the real women at?" I'm sick of the sob stories. If you're going online to meet a date, accept that you will get some crazies. But you also find some authentic women who are cute, smart and funny, like me.

First I'm a BBW so if you can't get over that, stop reading now. But if you are woman of substance who likes to play, go out and explore the world with someone who is like minded, then please read on.

Secondly, I'm not uber-fem or even close to that, so if you are looking for a trophy girl, stop reading now. If you are brave enouogh to think out of the box and are looking for a woman who can treat you right then I might be the woman you are looking for.

I am a musician and singer. I make a decent living so I don't need your money. I have great self-esteem so I don't need anyone's codependence. What I do desire is a woman who's educated, articulate, sexy, romantic and who has a sense of who she is and what she wants. You don't have to be rich, or gorgeous, although physical attraction is a must for both of us. I see the world as a wonderful place to be explored and life as an adventure. I am 420 friendly, so if that's an issue we can talk about it. I'm looking to give as much as I get, and I'm just skeptical enough to see through a scam, so if you are a man, bisexual, married or a con, I will be able to see right through you so please don't waste either of our time.

If you've made it this far, it means that you are either intrigued or a glutton for punishment either way, I'd love to hear from you. Thank you for taking the time to read my ad, and I will respond to all to contact me. No picture necessary at first; I'm not looking for nudie pics, I'm looking for a girlfriend. If you want to send a pic that's fine, too. Yes, I am for real.” – New York, NY

I NEED YOU RIGHT NOW!!!!! -29
“I REALLY NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO, I AM NOT HERE TO PLAY GAME I AM JUST VERY LONELY BECAUSE I JUST BRAKE UP WITH MY GIRLFRIEND AND PUT HER OUT OF MY HOUSE AND SHE WAS MY ONLY FRIEND SO NOW I NEED A FRIEND TO TALK TO” – Washington, DC

I really don’t like my girlfriend - 30
“actually I can't stand her but i can't leave her just yet.

i just needed to get that out.

thanks for listening” – Washington, DC

Date me if you want your ex back – 39
“Seriously- I mean it!
If you want your ex back please don't pay some voo doo miss Cleo psycho- psychic.......
just date me once or twice and I promise you that she will come back to you , begging you to take her back LOL

Sure you two may have had tons of drama- but that's what you want, right? You don't want a nice girl like me, do you ? You say you do, but what you really want is someone who is going to hurt you over and over again, because you think it will change. Isn't that what she has promised you 5 times already?

You think that if you keep doing the same thing and being with the same girl over and over again- she will change. Hasn't it worked already? Umm, maybe?

Sure you 2 may have bed death, she may have told you that you're stupid, verbally abused you or shit for that matter, maybe she smacked you around a bit and cheated on you and she may be a complete drunk or crack head and maybe she's told you that she's straight- but please try to admit it that you're still in love with her before you run online and try to start something new too soon! Do you really want love? You say you do, but for real, is a stable life with a good woman something you want, or do you want drama with the same old person who keeps ripping your heart out?

You may even tell me that I am the best lover you ever had or maybe not but that's still not good enough. You may tell me that you're over her. You may not be able to put a sentence together or know the different between their and there or know that a lot are 2 separate words- and hey maybe you can't spell the word separate...but I am willing to look past all of that because I always go for the heart and soul.

But seriously, you still love the ex that hurt you. I can't love you because I deserve someone who truly will love me back. I am white, feminine but athletic, professional,educated, average height, size 12, and have never cheated on anyone in my life because I believe you treat people the way you would want to be treated. It's just so simple. Sure I am imperfect and a bit neurotic, but that and the jaded sarcasm in this email is just part of my charm. If I can't laugh at myself and my experiences, then I'd be bitter. I figure I have to put on my big girl panties, lol, and not be bitter because that will shorten my life span! :)

If you can relate to what I am saying and you're NOT a man, not a raging drunk or crack/coke head or drug addict, not attached/married/curious/confused, talk to me. 420 was cool back in college but I have a job now that I don't want to lose! LOL

I am posting here because it's free- and why pay match.com to meet women who still love their ex's when I can do it here for free LOL I am not cheap and been known to shower people I love with flowers and godiva and letters and cards- but have been told that I am way too nice.. I don't give up hope though. I really would LOVE to find someone who is "too nice" like myself because then we could trust each other! :)

If you somewhat get my sense of humor, and if you don't have a mullet (ok does that mean I am shallow? LOL), and you love to cuddle, you're more on the femme or athletic side, and you're over your ex- seriously, 100 percent over her, I'd love to have you as a new friend or maybe (hopefully) more.

If you want to date me to get your ex back, at least have teeth, shower every day and lose the mullet, and let me know ahead of time that you still love her...I am not Miss Cleo so I won't charge you 4 bucks a minute, but at least I will know where I stand...

oh and if you're a McCain fan or think that Palin is hot, we probably won't have much in common, even if you are truly over your ex!” - Philadelphia, PA

And I leave you with these rare Craigslist gems:
A woman who's been around the cyber block and back - 10 Years of Internet Dating
A woman who is proposing subcategories for Craigslist W4W - In Order to Make the World a More Beautiful Place
And finally, a very bad (possibly the worst, yet the funniest) guide to personal ad writing - Ten easy steps for that perfect ad

So, what kind of personal ad writer are you? And will you date Lori Hahn?

Our Pic Is In Curve

Curve magazine is "the nation’s best-selling lesbian magazine" and offers lesbian-related entertainment, news, politics, pop culture, style, and more.

In this month's issue you can find a picture of me and my wife from our wedding day on page 33. Curve boasts nearly 15 years of publishing, and was named Best Gay and Lesbian Publication by the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD), which makes me extremely proud that our photo was included. The spread includes photos of couples from all over California who were married and submitted a photo. Our photo is right next to the photo of legendary lesbian couple Robin Tyler and Diane Olson.

Here is a tearsheet of page 33, and you can see our photo on the right (middle).

Curve Magazine can be found at Barnes & Noble and Borders Book Stores, or you can subscribe online to have the magazine delivered to your door.

Curve also has a page on MySpace where you can keep up to date on the latest with the magazine, which is how I found out about the photo submission. It's very exciting to have our picture included in the October issue, and the kids are proud of us too. Be sure to check out this month's issue of Curve, and thanks for reading this post here on Lesbiatopia.

Congratulations to Lindsay and Sam

Although this may be a foray into unknown territory for this Enlightened Dyke, but I have a bit of insight to share on this latest bit of Celesbrity News. I subscribe to several LGBT-related blogs and news feeds in my beloved Google Reader, and often, high-profile information comes to me from multiple sources. Yesterday's announcement that Lindsay Lohan verbally and publicly confirmed her relationship with DJ Samatha Ronson was no exception. You can read about it here and here and here. Although many people "in the know" (i.e. who pay attention to tabloids and celebrity gossip) have speculated for several months, the couple had previously refused to verify the status of their relationship.


I am personally a fan of privacy, of minding your own business, of giving people space, and of respecting boundaries. I understand, however, that being a celebrity necessitates the sacrifice of some of these rights. It's the price you pay for fame. So I took a gander at the news that's been released over the various media outlet, and here's a summary of what I've found:

Lindsay Lohan, initially famous for her tres mingnone dual-role as the twins of the Parent Trap remake, became much more famous for her slip into scandal as a teenager. Between the drugs, the rehab, the nude pictures, the car accidents, and the cat fights with other scandalous celebs, it seemed that she hit rock bottom and planned on staying there. And then, all of a sudden... nothing. No scandal, no drama, no fighting, not even many public appearances. Was a parole officer? A newfound faith? Had she seen the light? Well, we now know that it was much simpler, and yet more profound at the same time - she fell in love. Not a one-night stand, not a publicity stunt, but that turn-your-world-around, make-you-a-better-person, hers-and-hers-coordinated-towels kind of love.

They went shopping together, they accompanied each other to work, they generally just couldn't get enough of each other. But they kept it personal and private. Rumor has it that they were offered a payout in excess of 2 million for an exclusive on their relationship, but declined. Instead, the public confirmation of their status came as a casual "yeah, it's been a long time" during an informal conversation with friends. And have you noticed how happy they look? Gosh, it just warms my heart. Everyone deserves to feel this kind of love. And after all that she's been through, I hope this love lasts for Lindsay, and for Sam.

There's been quite a bit of discussion among the lesbian community about whether or not it is "good" to have this kind of celebrity on "our" side, as well as speculation about her sexuality and whether or not that played a role in the drama she went through as a teenager. Well I just wish we didn't have to have "sides" in the first place. As someone who only dated guys before falling in love with a woman, I tend to eschew labels. Why should we be obligated to identify ourselves by the gender(s) to which we are attracted? Maybe Lindsay has always felt she was a lesbian, or maybe she never has. I don't think it really matters. What's important is the exposure. That the two of them, the media, and the rest of us all treat them just as we would any other celebrity couple. I think that by acknowledging their relationship in such a simple and profound way, they've helped "normalize" (I hate that word) the idea of same-sex couples in the minds of a few more people.

Here in California, we have a few short weeks remaining until our state votes on whether or not to take away the rights of same sex couples to marry. Recent polls have indicated that more and more people are leaning toward the NO vote, but there is still a significant segment that is undecided. I think as they see things like this: that two women can have a successful relationship which helps them become better people, and that their relationship is no different from any other, I think they will begin to see that this is not an attempt to "change the values of America", but rather, a fight for equal rights, and the right of everyone to love.

Whatever your thoughts on LiLo, I hope that you remember the joy of your first real love, and I hope that you join me in celebrating Lindsay and Samantha's relationship and wishing them all the best as they grow in their love.

L Word Spin-off Announced!

At Friday's executive session, Showtime chairman and CEO Matthew C. Blank announced a spin-off of The L Word, every lesbian's favorite drama with the hot mamas.

Though the spin-off is in very preliminary stages, Blank confirmed that series creator Ilene Chaiken is working on a new series that will star one of the current cast members. Further, he said that the series finale of The L Word will feature an open-ended storyline that will continue in some online iteration until the spin-off begins airing, and then will become part of the spin-off's narrative.

The L Word's final season is scheduled to air in early 2009. Until then, let's chat. Which lady of L would you like to see front and center on the spin-off?

My vote goes to the deliciously British, jet-setting, millionaires daughter, Helena. Mmmmmm....

Love and Fidelity

I want to share with you a new perspective on fidelity that has me completely jazzed! The timing is perfect (of course!). I find myself coaching more and more women who are in committed relationships, and I keep exploring "love, like I want it to be". What a gift! The quote below by Adyashanti, is becoming a beacon that guides my approach to integrating the Law of Attraction into relationships.

it's having a certain fidelity to what you realize yourself to be. Having a fidelity to that internal silence, and just being willing to be what you are.

At any moment, am I actually an expression of - am I actually being - what I know to be true? It's another one of those things that sounds very simple, until you might be by yourself, or especially where the spiritual rubber hits the road, which is in relationship - am I actually being what I know myself to be? Am I expressing what's really true?" Adyashanti

Can you imagine a relationship which is created and nourished as each person is faithful to their own spirit? WOW, that is definitely my kind of love! How do you know if you are " actually being what I know myself how do you navigate the shoulds and fears that we can bring to our. As complicated as it all seems, the Law of Attraction can really help us simplify our relationships.

Here are a few basic Law of Attraction principles. Our soul is always sending us very clear messages about fulfilling your true desires. You are following your soul's path when you feel good. Your body feels strong/er. You have increased energy, excitement and ideas. Feeling good actually expands and attracts more good feelings!

When your thoughts lead you away from your real desires, you experience a range of negative emotions-frustration, despair, inertia, anger, doubts etc. Your body feels tight or weaker, and your energy wanes.

A pretty keen guidance system, yes?

So, tell me, what kind of love would loyalty to your fabulously delicious self create?

With much love,
Judy

Judy is a Law of Attraction Coach for lesbian, bi and queer women seeking love like you know it can be and our newest addition to the Lesbitopia writing staff.

She has been supporting people to have the life they desire for over 25 years.

We are excited to bring her passion for fun, possibilities, romance, and law of attraction to our staff of writers.

Lesbian Karaoke Shenanigans

I like lesbians. I like karaoke. I like fun. If you like these things too, than you will like this blog article. It's more of a photo blog than a worded article, but I will start you off with a little personal history before introducing the picture. I am the organizer of a local lesbian social group in LA called madfemmeprideLA. We do lots of fun events like museum trips, beach outings, dinners and yes, even karaoke nights. This Saturday was our second annual lesbian karaoke night, held at the wonderful Backstage Bar in Culver City, CA (home of Sony Studios!) Read on for pure, unadultered drunken debauchery.

So, at about 8pm, 50 or so madfemmeprideLA lesbians met at the Backstage and began to enjoy a few cocktails. When the Karaoke DJ rolled in at 9:30pm, this group of girls were ready to ROCK and ROLL! And these ladies did not disappoint. In my hazy cloud of alcohol-induced euphoria, I photographed the whole event. As the night progressed, I decided to see how many of the girls in my group would take fantastically silly pictures of themselves with me. Here they are in no particular (or sober) order (including some great mic shots as well). Enjoy!









































Call me crazy, but I just love me some karaoke.

"Always keep a song in your heart - it's like karaoke for the voices in your head"

Excuse me Sir, you're in the wrong restroom!

As much as it turns me on to be referred to as Sir, its just not the same when its coming from a little old lady washing her hands in the woman's restroom at Target. It happens almost every time I enter a public restroom so I've become accustom to just smiling and saying "Maybe YOU'RE in the wrong restroom lady!!!"

This is what life is like for me and many other gender-queer, butch, stone, trans, whatever you want to call it, kinds of folk. It's not all bad really, considering the hot ladies we get to sleep with.

Sure, being butch in this world has its ups and downs, but really- we've come a long way.

Gone are the days of only 1 gay hangout within a 500 mile radius; there are probably about 20 different gay bars/restaurants and shops within a 5 miles radius of my house in Long Beach. I'll take dirty looks in the men's underwear section over arrest any day of the week. A big thank you to the Leslie Feinberg’s of the world who have made living in this world a little easier for those on the other side of Lady Blvd.

Ten Best Things about being Butch (in my opinion)
10. A love of sports is encouraged
09. The comfort and murf free environment with boxer briefs
08. Never having to wear a dress again
07. Comfy shoes like converse or the ever cliché army boots
06. No fuss hair options like shaving it all off
05. Tools are our friend
04. Say goodbye to make up
03. The Dykes on Bikes at every good pride parade
02. I can’t remember the last time I shaved before a date
01. So many femmes...so little time!

What Do You Do?

The pain I feel today is nothing new. I’ve always been subjected to it, always knew it was there. It’s not the pain of losing a loved one, or a physical pain.

It’s the pain of acceptance. Accepting your mother may not love you.

Don’t think it’s because I’m lesbian that she doesn’t love me. No, it actually started way before that. Probably when I was a child, but I can’t pinpoint anything specific. At least, not until I became an adult. For some strange reason, my mother gossips.She doesn’t care who she hurts, doesn’t care what she says. She just does.She’s been doing it so long, that she probably doesn’t think there is anything wrong with it.

The gossiping I could probably stand, it’s just the pretending that grinds my gears. I mean, why do you pretend to like me, invite me and my lover over, only to turn around and talk about me, my lover, my ‘lifestyle’ (for lack of a better word) with disdain to of all people, my children? Why do you speak badly of me to my children and not think they are going to tell me? She even talks about me to friends, other family members, etc.

I don’t know when this all started or why. I just know that my mother has a unique talent for alienating people from her life. She will behave one way in your presence, and do the exact opposite when she is away from you. My partner thought it was because we are lesbian, but I had to enlighten her; no, dear this has been going on all my adult life. Being a lesbian doesn't have a thing to do with it.

My mother is so bad with her hurtful words that she used to say bad things about me to my son. My son is now deceased due to an illness. But it used to tear him apart to hear his grandmother spread lies and say terrible things about his mother. His blood pressure would shoot up and he would be ill the next couple of days trying to defend my honor.

I am 47 years old now, and have accomplished more in my lifetime than almost anyone in my family. I’m not saying I am the most successful person, but I am certainly a leader. Being one of the eldest grandchildren, many of my cousins look up to me. They respect my knowledge and the type of woman I am, the type of person I’ve become. And they don’t treat me any different, accepting that I am still the same person as I was before I came out.

Yet, my mother is the source of emotional pain. Pain that I am determined to keep from my daily life.

You see, my partner and I are happy. We’re happy when we’re broke, happy when we have money, happy just damn happy. We are blessed, believe in the Lord, worship him and have our health. Most of all we have loving, fun, positive friends who are more than supportive of us.

Sometimes I just don’t get it. Its not like I’ve been on America’s Most Wanted, or I have been a slut or a whore, never. Always the good girl, the kid everyone wished they had. Except my mother.

I just had to get this off my chest. I don’t know who else has these kinds of problems.I pray daily for peace, and the Lord is good about giving it to us. My partner and I have our love, and it is a true love. Maybe my mother is jealous of that.

Even when I was married to my kids’ father, she had something to contribute. My ex-husband was physically and emotionally abusive. He used to beat me for breakfast, lunch and dinner.Yet I had no one to turn to. When I tried to turn to my mother for help, she was supportive in the fact that she said she was going to have someone beat my ex-husband to a pulp. But, it seemed after that initial conversation, my mother saw fit to get on the telephone and tell everyone in the family “how dumb” I was and that “she doesn’t know where I got that from, letting a man jump on me.” She even thought she was helping by spreading rumors throughout the family that I was seeing another man. And that each time I left my ex, I was seeing this imaginary lover. Well, my ex heard about it, and I got my ass beat even more. To this day she denies it.

All in all, I forgave her for that, even forgave her for not speaking to me for 7 months while carrying my first child (my son who is now deceased). If it had not of been for my grandmother (her mother) she probably wouldn’t have spoken to me then even though we were living in the same house. Now, my mother proclaims my son was her favorite. I don't doubt it, but you didn't even want me to have him. Go figure.

As a child I was always jealous and a little envious of the relationship my girlfriends had with their moms. Secretly wishing mine was that way too. After awhile I gave up on that dream, it wasn’t going to happen.

Have I ever tried talking to my mother about her behavior and the things she says? Probably close to 100 times. Each time she denies it, gets angry, and the cycle starts all over again. She tries to make me think I am imagining things. To be honest with you, if I were a kid growing up today dealing with this kind of stuff, I’d probably be on the news for a crime against my parent.

However, I chose God.I chose the Holy One because I didn’t have anyone else. No one on this earth could tell me why my mother mistreats me. Its emotional abuse for sure, I know. I didn’t’ choose Abnormal Psychology as a 2nd major just to waste time. No, I knew there were problems, that I didn’t have answers for. Back then I was still trying to find a solution.

But today, is different. I am older now, wiser. And I know that life is not lived without some pain. And that it’s not about the pain but how you deal with it.

One of the first things I did when my mother’s gossip tried to force its way into my life was to reach for my Bible. But before then, I prayed. Got into the shower, used my Grapefruit scented shower gel and washed all the crap down the drain.

Then I came in here to write.

Writing has always been therapeutic for me. Whenever something hurts me or bothers me, I write. I let it out. My partner of 7 years doesn’t deserve anything from me but my best, because she is more than that to me. My partner is my best friend, my lover, confidante and the person who thinks my corny jokes are the funniest things she’s heard in her life, even though I know they are not always funny.

Yet, it seems to me that my mother is not happy with the choices she has made or continues to make in her life. Maybe she wants everyone to be as unhappy as she is. This story has so much more to tell, but I won’t bore you.I am going to continue to live my life, enjoy my life, being prayerful and hope and pray that my mother changes her ways before it is too late.

My Lesbian Wedding Part One – We’ve Got Rights!

Four years ago, I was sitting in a hospital room with my mother, who was about 10 years into her battle with diabetes.

The day is vivid and the moment is forever burned into my life – George W. Bush was re-elected. (article) This is a very emotional subject for me because when that happened a deep truth hit me hard… there would be no chance in hell for gay marriage rights for the next four years. I had been holding it together for my mom, keeping a brave face; but the moment the news flashed the story I broke down and cried… it still makes me cry for such a grave injustice to have happened. Now flash forward four years, and my mother has been back in the hospital since January. (Please send prayers!) I happened to be sitting with her overnight on May 14th and I had the TV on with her when the news flashed a story that brought me to my knees; A vote was to occur the next day over whether to overturn the ban on gay marriage in California or not! As luck would have it, CNN reported that The California Supreme Court overturned the ban on gay marriage and now gay and lesbian couples have the right to marry in the state of California!! Tears of joy began to flow on May 15th, 2008 and they haven’t stopped since!



My mother is still in the hospital, and there are many other situations in my life right now that have been causing distress and pain; but now... now we have something beautiful to hold onto.

Since that day, many of my friends have sent congratulations and well wishes once they heard the news. Some of the gay friends I have are getting nervous about their partner expecting a wedding, too. Isn’t that funny? I have read stories of gay couples who have been together for decades who have been waiting to marry each other. They are finally planning their weddings! It just makes me so happy and full of joy that so many people are finally able to have the wedding experience with the love of their life. I am telling you that I always cry at weddings; and now that gay marriage is legal in California I have had so many joyful crying spells I am starting to get embarrassed about it. There is definitely a wedding buzz around here as we prepare for the ruling to take effect so that we can file for a marriage license which is currently projected to be June 17, 2008. Gina and I have had to get it in gear and really think about our ‘lesbian wedding’. It’s hilarious the things we get to go through that we didn’t before such as debating issues like pre-nuptial agreements and seating charts. *LOL We wonder if we will run into the press at the county clerks office and if there will be a shortage on wedding dresses when we go to buy ours. *LOL It’s also interesting to notice that the gay friendly businesses are coming out of the woodwork and the LGBT community has more of a guidepost of which places we are able to plan our weddings with pride.

Even big names like Macy's are showing support for the LGBT community by encouraging gay and lesbian couples to use their bridal registry for their big day.




Online gay jeweler, Love and Pride Jewelry, is now offering a 10% discount on all bridal rings in celebration of marriage equality in California, and Cherished Weddings Vows Chapel in Torrance, CA has set themselves up online with a series of blogs catering to the increased demand for weddings in California. You can stay up to date on the latest in LA Weddings at one of their new blogs, The L.A. Wedding Resource . Of course there have always been websites online that cater to gay marriages and lesbian weddings such as Alt Wed and The Rainbow Wedding Network , even Two Brides.com and Two Grooms.com. As Gina and I continue to think out and plan our big day, we have come across items such as gay and lesbian cake toppers at this site , lesbian friendly wedding invitations at OutVite.com , and LGBT wedding favors at the GayWeddings.com online store.




Any way you look at it, marriage equality in California is a boost to the US economy.

Whichever route we take to our big day, it will be painted with pink money! Weighing our wedding options we are looking at a pretty penny to walk down the aisle together, and we aren’t even planning a big wedding! We have to consider my wedding dress, and what is Gina going to wear? She really doesn’t do dresses. There is the wedding cake, and the wedding favors, the invitations and thank you cards; plus we have to consider a honeymoon and what about bachelorette parties?? There will be the flowers, the marriage license, and all the other little things that will surely add up. Since May 15th, Gina and I have been working more overtime than ever to pay for the event!!

Because of a November ballot initiative to ban gay marriage in California it looks like it will be a summer wedding.

There is a certain pressure to get married quickly in case we never get this chance again. As the NY Times reports here, the ruling in California has fueled the same-sex marriage battle rather than ending it. Amidst the joy and excitement, there is still the dread of the possibility that our right to marry can be taken away in November. It’s sad to think that we could go through all the same motions that a straight couple does for their wedding, but we could end up with exactly zero change in status or recognition, plus zero stability and security for our children from the government in the form of social security, taxes, and more. According to the NY Times article:

“California has more than 100,000 households headed by gay couples, about a quarter with children, according to 2000 census data.”

I have tried to be very vocal with my friends and family so they know how important their vote is this November. All Californians should come out to the polls and vote this November and have their vote heard in this historic time. What everyone can do right now to voice our vote is to sign the Million for Marriage petition from The Human Rights Campaign. The anti-gay initiatives are backed by funding that pro-gay initiatives have not been privy too, and they have gathered over a million signatures for their initiative. We need to surpass this amount and demand that marriage equality in California be here to stay, which will help other marriage equality initiatives in the future. For now, please take some time to visit the Million for Marriage website and sign the petition to let your voice be heard!



Whichever way things go in November, Gina and I are going to proceed with our lesbian wedding, and we will keep you posted through it all.

The next step is going to be plotting and planning our lesbian wedding, our big day, the honeymoon, and then ‘waiting for November’. Right now we are living in limbo and waiting for June 17th so that we can make an appointment to get our marriage license. Then from there we can set a date and go from there. There is still a possibility that the anti-gay initiatives will stop the licenses from being issued before then, so we won’t terminate our Domestic Partnership (article). As you might guess, I have been surfing online and finding out everything I need to know to make the process go as smooth as possible. FYI, here is where you can get information on obtaining a marriage license in Los Angeles County. I have also created a section on my Lesbian Mommy blog with Lesbian Wedding Resources. For those couples who are planning their own gay or lesbian wedding, there is a list of books from Amazon with information on planning your gay marriage and more below:



The next few months are going to be interesting to say the least, and I am looking forward to a beautiful wedding day and a relaxing honeymoon!

The guest list is longer than we thought it would be, and finding a reception area with one month notice is asking for a miracle… but, after the California Supreme Court ruling on May 15th, I know that miracles can happen.

Stay tuned for part two, the Plotting and Planning of My Lesbian Wedding.