The Many Faces of Gay

"But, you don't LOOK gay."

Oh, if only I had a minute in heaven with Mariska Hargitay for every time I've heard that in my life.

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I usually respond with something really witty and clever, like:

"Welp, that's because I save my flannel shirts, mullet wig and wallet chain for Sundays only. If you saw me on Sunday, you'd totally know I was gay."

That normally helps make my point.


It's true, at first glance I fly under the gay radar (unless, of course, you see me on a Sunday).

And that's all right by me. I'm actually glad my sexuality isn't the first thing that someone recognizes - or judges.

I'm not ashamed of it by any means. I don't hide it personally or professionally.

I just don't define myself entirely by it.

I'm gay...but I'm also a woman, a writer, an ice cream fiend, a dawg lover, a car driver and I even grocery shop and hold down a job.

I'm just me. It just so happens I like women and I feel most comfortable dressing up a little girly-like and wearing makeup.

Except on Sundays.

I'm in no way suggesting that my butch friends (who I adore), are trying to define themselves by their sexuality.

They're doing exactly what I'm doing. Being themselves. Wearing what they feel comfortable in...and loving women.

Truthfully, my butch friends would rather cut off their left tit than put on a single item of clothing I own.

Regardless of what I wear, or they wear - we're all gay. Very gay.

To that end, I believe that when we, as individuals, get comfortable with our sexuality, we share the responsibility of educating the masses that there are many, MANY faces to this thing called GAY.

I no longer get embarrassed because someone assumes I have a boyfriend.

I gently let them know I have a wonderful girlfriend.

I allow them time to process it.

I answer their questions.

I've never had a bad response.

I have changed a few people's perceptions.

The best piece of advice I've ever heard on this subject came from the mother of a gay son.

She said, "I finally realized that I had to stop putting the gay stereotype on my son. Instead, I needed to put my son's face on the stereotype."


Thank you Susan Stankas.

A beautiful mantra to define a beautiful love.

No matter what yer wearin'....

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Roses are red, violets are blue, please leave your comment, after your reading is thru.


Paula the Surf Mom said...

I so get this post... I like from time to time to dress up and go out looking girly...

Now if you think the boyfriend thing can perplex folks try explaining being the proud lesbian mother of twins, that really can confuse and baffle.:)

Lesberita said...

You and my girlfriend would get along fabulously. She has this thing for Mariska which results in us watching hours upon hours of Law and Order SVU re-runs.

dubbs said...

"I always knew you were gay because of your shoes..."


And again with mom, "I knew you were gay when you rejected lace panties."

They ITCHED, mom, they ITCHED...and I just wanted my Strawberry Shortcake underoos back!

thewishfulwriter said...

Paula: welp, I'll DEFINITELY be asking your advice when we pop out a kid or two in the coming years :) Nothin' like bafflin' the heteros!

Lesberita: I heart your gf already. anyone who lusts over Mariska has got to be good people. or at least...a good lesbian!

Dubbs: ooohhh...the gay shoes. the gay shoes. tee hee. i had wonder woman under roos. and they do rock. i mean did rock. I don't wear them anymore.

OR...DO I?...hmmmm....