1/22/08

Grocery Store Adventures Part DEUX!

-dubbs

Who knew I had so much to say on the topic?

Last night I was once again stupefied by the perplexities of capitalism and economics within the simple establishment that is the supermarket. Real milk is officially more expensive than soy milk, (neener-neener to those of you who claim healthier eating is too costly) and there are more than several options in the trash bag department. More than necessary, in fact, as I was stopped for nearly 5 minutes by the sheer range of products even just in the "13 gallon kitchen bag" variety. Glad against Hefty against Generic-Brand, non-scented or scented (with additonal options of lemon or mystery "odor-neutralizing fragrance"), and some sort of "force-flex" super-modern plastic that stretches beyond your wildest imagination. Dubbs is a true believer in name brands, but I was completely perplexed over whether $7.99 was more worth the money for 35 scented bags or 40 non-scented bags. It was $4.99 for 15 or 20 bags, and that seemed to be so very few, so THEN I got into some sort of math problem trying to determine the rate of garbage bag usage/week against the cost of 15 bags verses the cost of 40 bags. And then I am thinking about who determined the skewed portioning of garbage bags in the first place.

After drawing a few pie charts and adding dessert to my grocery list, I found myself wishing I'd paid better attention in algebra, and decided my most practical and economical choice in garbage bags was to continue stealing them from work.

And one other thing...

It always surprises me how people respond to items on sale. Cracklin Oat Brand may LOOK like dog food, but it is probably the closest thing to a healthy cereal that I'll buy. I mean, my cereal buying motto is something like, "if they didn't bother with target marketing by creating a corresponding cartoon character, I am just not interested."

But Cracklin Oat Bran is different. It has CRACK in the name, and totally delivers! And at $5.99 a box, it better make me feel like I need it! I've learned that quality lies on the top shelf (yes, that trend extends beyond the liquor store), so when they've marked anything down to $3.99, it's gonna go FAST! Sure enough, there are only 2 boxes of Cracklin Oat Bran left...on the top shelf and stuck way in the back. I need assistance, so I grab the first thing I see that resembles a "reaching stick." I grabbed a fancy sippin' straw from the Kool-Aid section across the aisle and attempted to "wand" the box forward. Much to my surprise, the last 2 boxes of Cracklin Oat Bran are wedged in tightly like the way they pack stuffed animals into those magic crane games. So I look left and I look right and I climb the shelf, making a slight hop, and using gravity as my friend to knock the box forward on its face. SUCCESS!! I take the box in both hands like a wide receiver who's just made the catch of a lifetime, tuck it under my right arm, and do a little happy dance that was as good as any you'd see on the NFL turf. I was just about to spike my box of cereal, but someone came around the corner just as I finished the moonwalk. I was so excited I nearly left my grocery list by the Raisin Bran!

PS...I'd like to apologize to those behind me in line last night. My credit card is pretty beat and worn down to where the entire thing pretty much says "void," so it was only a matter of time before it went bad. Lately, it's been a gamble to see where it will and won't work (thank GOD I could get gas this morning), and I feared the delay would cause some uproar. But I heart my local grocery store employees and their tricks...try swiping your card with a plastic grocery bag over the magnetic strip and VOILA! PAID! That's your free tip for reading this entire mess. Good day, friends!



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