Lesbiatopia Exclusive! OutLOUD Webisodes: An Inside Look at Out Entertainment!

We at Lesbiatopia are absolutely thrilled to introduce the first installment of the original web series OutLOUD for your viewing pleasure.

Over the coming months OutLOUD will be premiering webisodes right here, giving you Lesbiatopia fans out there exclusive, insider info and interviews with the hottest stars in LGBTIQ film and TV. In the first show, OutLOUD gets down and personal with Dante's Cove actress Michelle Wolff. We get the scoop on what it's like being a star of a hit here! TV show as well as the life of the party in LA's lesbian party scene!

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Christine's Answers from the Big Book of Queer Girl Rules

Dear Christine,

I'm 20 and in my first year of University I was in a relationship with a girl for a little over a year. We became close friends at first, then began to date. It was all very secret, even though I was staying over every night. We were both always a little confused about how it happened, but we were so happy together. We never expected to develop such deep feelings for each other but we knew it had to end sometime because we couldn't live a 'regular life' if we were out. After she graduated and began her career, we could not maintain our secretive relationship together. She was very scared of her feelings towards our relationship but she was not willing to give up the idea of life she had in her head, with a husband and kids.

We broke up and a couple months later she started to date someone from work. While she was dating this man, who was about 20yrs older than her, she would constantly tell me she loved me and didn't want to lose me from her life. I waited for a year. While she was dating her co-worker, she and I hooked up about 3 or 4 times. She would always tell me she missed me and how hard the situation was for her.

They dated for a year, then a week or so ago she broke up with her boyfriend. She also recently bought a condo very close to my house.

When we were broken up I needed to talk to someone about it all. Only a handful of people know, but it does make me feel good to reach out to them about how I feel about her, and how I wish she could see it's okay for us to be together. They all say how ridiculous she is about pretending like no one has any idea, even though I've told her how everyone knows.

With her single should I just wait it out and see what she does? Were very close already so I don't know to take her inviting me over as a flirting thing or just a friend thing... although she does do certain things friends don't do, like hold me all night.

Any advice will help,
Love Goggles

Dear Love Goggles,

My friend, I've seen this one too many times and I hate to be the one to tell you that this girl is not about to come out of the closet for you or anybody else. If secrecy is this important to her, she will never give up all the perks of heterosexual privilege in order to have a fully functioning relationship with another woman. Some people are more concerned with the approval of others then they are with being their true selves. Society rewards us at every turn for 'being' heterosexual. It's very difficult for some to accept living without all that acceptance, no matter how conditional it is in the first place.

It sounds like you two are really in love and I'm sure you have an amazing bond. However, I don't think this girl will ever be able to be a supportive partner to you if she is this consumed with staying in the closet. It's obvious that you are the person she wants to be with and the fact that she is so resistant to her feelings about you is clear indication that she's nowhere near ready to come out.

If a husband and kids is what she thinks she needs, then that's what she's going to get. Of course, she is very conflicted and very much wants the benefits of the love and support you give to her despite that she's not being ready to be in a romantic relationship with you. You need to decide if you can continue to be her friend without having the relationship you want from her. It doesn't sound like you will be getting what you need from her in a friend if you stick around. It seems to me like she has shown you that she isn't in a place where she can respect you emotionally. To me, that seems like grounds to step away from the friendship in order to protect yourself from getting hurt by her anymore. I'm sure there is an LGBT activism or activities group on your university campus that you could join in order to broaden your circle of friends and meet more people who are comfortable being out. Perhaps the best thing you can do for the both of you is to lead by example of how positive it is to be open and honest as an out person!

Christine's Answers From The Big Book of Queer Girl Rules

Today’s Letter comes from a confused 23-year-old undergrad who has a serious thing for her professor and thinks the professor may feel the same…

But also worries she maybe just a diversion ...

She asked Christine just what she thinks she should do about it....

Dear Christine,
I am a 23 year old college student and I am in a pickle, so to speak. For a year now, I have had these strange feelings about my former professor, who is 38. At first, I thought it was because she was so different from anyone I had met previously, and I wanted to get to know her. I worked for her in the office, would often babysit her children (she is married) or go to her place for a little "mature conversation". We attended a conference together this year. I was getting really strange vibes from her. She often found ways to bring up the topic of lesbianism, and touch me. One night, I even woke up to see her standing over my bed. I freaked out and started yelling at her. She was always telling me to end it with my boyfriend and expressing her unhappiness in her marriage. I finally got the nerve to confront her about how I feel. She was very understanding, even when I expressed it may be more than a "girl crush." We still talk as usual, but it seems she never addresses the issue, or I always feel that it's a bad time to bring it up. She often expresses the desire to see me, and even invited me out of the country with her, but I am afraid of the awkwardness, or what I would be getting myself into.
Help!
Confused in College

Dear Confused in College,
It sounds like you both fell for each other which is completely okay.

Having feelings for a woman is not something you should be giving yourself a hard time over.

We grow up in a heterosexual society that rewards us for following its rules and norms. This makes it scary to step outside of those heterosexual ways of being. When I went to my first high school dance with a boy, my mom threw a dinner party, drove to two different malls in search of the perfect dress and shoes, and took an entire roll of photos of me and said boy, which she still likes to pull out from time to time. Later in high school when my parents figured out that I was sleeping with my best female friend, a person they'd known and loved for years, they threatened to send me to church camp in order to get the gay out with god. Our experiences teach us how important acting heterosexual is in order to be accepted by our families and communities. The good news is that when you yourself begin to appreciate that it's okay for you not to be heterosexual, others begin to follow suit. Working with a counselor really helped me to challenge deeply held negative ideas I had about being gay. This made me confident to challenge the negative ideas of others in day to day life. It might be important to start talking to a counselor at either your local gay and lesbian resource center or your college mental health center. Both should offer low or no cost services.

I'm even more concerned you speak about your sexuality with someone besides your professor. I'm confident in saying she knows exactly what your feelings of attraction are to her. Rather than being supportive of you or even open about her feelings for you, she is using your interest as a distraction from her own personal problems.
While having feelings for another woman outside of a marriage is more than understandable, manipulating you in to lying and cheating with her is not. It sounds like your professor has a lot of personal work to do before she could ever be ready to engage in an open supportive conversation about your feelings. I would love to see you find a therapist, some friends, maybe a student support group where you can talk about your feelings.

You need to let your relationship with your professor go so she can stop abusing your attention and affection.

9 Types of Oppression on Lesbian Sexuality

Renee was kind enough to pass along this little gem of a blog. Did you know that there are 9 types of "lesbians"? I sure didn't. Guess that degree in sex and gender from UCLA didn't teach me nothin...

Given the terribly base and rather damaging aspects of the content, I've inquired as to the author's motivation with this comment which I've left:

Frisky,

I would really like to know what you had hoped to achieve in voicing these opinions regarding lesbian sexuality? I understand you have a blog to run and content is content. I wonder at what point did you think to put down your neo-second wave flag long enough to consider how damaging it is to women on all ends of a sexuality spectrum to reinforce popular negative conceptions of lesbianism as predictable, performative, and uniform. Your sighting of these nine types of lesbians complete with celebrity examples tells us only that you have seen a few episodes of The L Word and sheds absolutely no light onto the rich theoretical discourse on sex and gender identity.

There are many problematic and off statements in your piece. But as a queer woman with multiple points of intersection across lines of gender, sexuality, I am primarily interested in understanding your motivation in generating content which reinforces such oppressive normative beliefs about female sexuality. I wonder if you notice the privilege you’ve invoked by perpetuating the primacy of heterosexuality as an institution by othering women who act outside of its constructs?

Love,
Christine

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