I'm Just a (Football) Girl

~Cynthia Rodriguez

I've become one of those. September through January will never be the same again. I used to sporadically watch football on and off, including the Super Bowl every year, throughout the years, and mostly MY team, THE NEW YORK JETS. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, the Jets, I get enough crap about that as it is.

I ventured into this football season not realizing what a novice I was. I've had a bunch of straight women take me under their wings and tutor me in the ways of the gridiron. Yes, it's been quite a humbling experience. I've learned not to say "thingys" and "whatchamacallits" so much and actually use the proper terminology when watching a game, such as "rush", "blitz", "fair catch", and "line of scrimmage". I am very proud to know the glossary now, thank you very much.

Now I see why people get so hooked. It's addicting. Before I knew it, I was checking injury reports, and scoreboards and stats and this and that. Learning names of players, and coaches, and whatnot. In a way it's maybe kinda sad. I must admit, this new past time was probably born out of feeling overwhelmed with doing so much stuff all the time. It's possibly the most escapist, passive, sedentary, non-active, activity I've ever participated in.

It's great when the biggest concern I have on football Sundays is deciding what type of beer to bring. Also to make sure that anyone who comes over bring the proper beverages. Someone at one point suggested wine. Are you freakin' kidding me? It's BEER and football or just go home. We all seem to have our non-appointed assignments for the day. A couple of people do the "tail gate" party type of cooking for the day. I've come to get as excited about the food as for the games. I've even gotten territorial about the seating arrangements, one particular recliner in the household I'm sure by now has a permanent ass print from yours truly.

It's amazing how truly emotional one gets while watching a game, particularly your own team, but that's getting into another type of vocabulary. Not to mention the coinage you begin spending on memorabilia. The whole thing has a little bit of a tendency to get out of control.

As far as actually playing the game, the closest I ever got was wearing the full uniform, pretending to be the "Quarterback", for a Drag King number. That was fun.

Speaking of that, let us not forget a very important aspect of the game. The CHEERLEADERS. That alone is worth watching for. That's a whole other fantasy in itself, and I won't get into that right now.

I know alot of women dread dating someone who is into football like that because they feel they will be neglected during football season, and they are right. I'll tell you what though, if I were in another serious relationship I would not put them in that awkward position. Again, only if it were serious though. If it were just dating or hooking up I say they can wait. Although, I definitely would not turn down sex to finish watching a game, at that point I think I'd just watch the highlights later on-line, or the NFL channel, (which is now my new favorite channel, by the way). Especially if they blocked the television wearing a football jersey and nothing else.

I wouldn't mind that type of interference.

Beijing 2008 Olympic Games: Where Are All The Queers?

Finding queer athletes to look up to at the Olympics is akin to looking for a four-leaf clover. Occasionally one will appear, but they are rare, mysterious and guarded. Many athletes can’t afford to come out because it could be detrimental to their career and result in the loss of support from their countries.

If we don’t know who is queer, we definitely know who is straight. Olympic coverage is hell bent on broadcasting any signs of heterosexuality in both the male and female athletes.

This was evident in the amount of media coverage American Beach Volleyball player Kerri Walsh received when she lost her wedding ring during a qualifying match over the weekend.




Her ring was eventually found by a volunteer and returned promptly. Commentators mentioned the ring repeatedly during another match on Monday night, as well as Walsh’s husband.

The whole event was just one of those things that bring the audience in and inspire a connection to an athlete and not just a sport, but I couldn’t help but think that a possible reason NBC spent so much airtime on a lost and found wedding ring was to counteract the attention Walsh and Misty May got in 2004 for their extended victory embrace.

It was two toned, beautiful, barely-clothed girls rolling around in the sand in each other’s arms in a moment of passion and celebration. And it was hot.

That clip also got aired and re-aired and Walsh and May hit the radar of lesbians around the world.

This time around the media is focused on leaving no room for error in terms of Walsh and May’s sexuality. With both married since the Athen’s games, commentators use every opportunity to talk about their marriages to men.

Which is fine, I just don’t think it would be that way if their significant others were women.

Making Turkeys Fly

Listen carefully. Can you hear that? The thumps and the splats?

As Les Nessman said of the turkeys WKRP dumped out of a helicopter onto a Cincinnati parking lot: “They’re hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement!”*

And of course – since it is mid-January – I’m not talking about actual turkeys, but New Year’s resolutions.

I’m sure you can already tell I’m not a fan of NYRs. Like the straightest “1” and the gayest “6” on the Kinsey Scale, they tend to polarize at the extremes: The simplistic, “I’ll try to be a nicer person,” and the foreboding, “I’ll quit smoking, lose 75 pounds, and summit Mt. Everest this year.”

I’m also not a fan because NYRs are usually based in self-deprecation. It’s as though we’ve developed a national tradition of beginning each year by picking ourselves apart, finding a fault, and setting a goal that will focus our attention on that fault, all year long. What kind of way is that begin a new year?

I believe in a moderate approach and beginning the year in the spirit of self-kindness.

I’m speaking from a little bit of experience here. I’m fitter, stronger, and leaner than I’ve ever been in my life, although I’m still a far cry from being a Yoga Journal calendar girl. Still, I say this with some pride because, obviously, I’m also older than I’ve ever been in my life.

After years of fighting with my body and compromising myself in many ways, about eleven years ago I found a more gentle path, and since then I haven’t launched any new workout routines or crash dieted. Still, every year I get a little healthier, I weigh a little less, and I can do something I couldn’t do the year before.

I know that in an era obsessed with immediate transformation, I’m talking about something that seems awfully dull and plodding: Personal Incrementalism. Still, I’ll bet you that my PI will blow the reduced-calorie whipped topping off of your NYR in the long haul, and I’m suggesting you give it a try in 2008.

So what do I mean by Personal Incrementalism? As one of my friends would say: Eating the elephant one bite at a time.

It’s simple. Instead of trying to overhaul your life, identify the small changes that matter the most to you and make them.

If your goal is to lower your weight and doughnuts are your weakness, then don’t run out and sign-up for a whole depravation diet program – eat a few less doughnuts. When you do eat them, walk to the Krispy Kreme. Throw in some healthy snacks in place of the missing doughnuts and you’ll have a program you can stick with. At the end of the year, you’ll most likely see some changes.

If your objective is to have a more vibrant sex life, identify the impediments and work on them. Exhaustion, poor nutrition, high stress levels, being out of shape, smoking, medications, and health conditions can all mess with your libido and your ability to meet partners or make quality connections with the one you have. Small lifestyle changes like getting more sleep and getting a little more exercise can have big payoffs between the sheets.

(Last year, my friend K. quit smoking after a phenomenal number of years. She is in her 40s and had smoked since her early teens. I consider her story to be one of the year’s triumphant success stories. Recently, I asked her what finally prompted her to quit and she said “I wanted to get laid more.” There you have it. Here in Northern California, smoking is an impediment to dating. By the way, she reports that her plan has worked very well.)

For many years now, I’ve set a New Year’s intention and a physical goal. My intention is usually spiritual in nature and addresses something in my life I’m working on. Last year, after a painful breakup, I realized how quickly I can shut down and become defensive when I feel hurt or threatened. This year’s intention is to try to approach all situations in my life with an open heart (and a big, deep breath). I’ve written that down and am keeping it in a place where I can reference it often, to use as a touchstone when I feel myself throwing my emotional emergency brake.

One year my physical goal was to learn to rock climb, and I lifted weights and worked out at an indoor climbing gym before taking climbing trips in Arizona and Joshua Tree. The past few years, as I’ve moved more deeply into my yoga practice, I’ve set my physical goal by choosing a yoga pose that I’d like to be able to do by the year’s end. That way, I need to spend the year addressing the components of that pose.

Two years ago, my goal was to be able to get both feet off the ground in a pose called Eka Pada Koundinyasana, or what my 11-year-old son calls “the break-dancing pose”.


To do this, I had to work on increasing my core and arm strength. I had to become more flexible in my hamstrings and my hips, and learn the mechanics of the pose – the muscle memory of how it should feel. Basically, this means I had to figure out where my limbs would end up. I also had to learn how to exit the pose without collapsing on my mat in a heap. At the end of the year I had lift off, which was incredibly exhilarating. The next year’s goal was to be able to perform the same pose on the other side of my body. (I kid you not!)


Last year’s goal, Parivrtta Surya Yantrasana or Compass Pose, encouraged me to continue working on my hamstrings and hips, and my ability to twist more deeply. I also had to work on loosening the chronic tightness in my outer shoulders.

I’m not certain where I’m going this year, but in line with my spiritual intention to keep my heart center open, I’m thinking it will be a back-bending pose. (My son thinks my goal should be a pose where I put my foot behind my head because one of the girls in his fifth grade class can do this and he thinks it’s incredibly cool. My sweetie is afraid I’ll get stuck there.)

I know that if you’re not a yoga practitioner, these poses may look improbable, but it really is about eating the elephant one bite at a time.

My motivation for my physical goal is to increase my fitness, continue to decrease my weight, (here’s a link to an essay I wrote about how yoga and weight loss are interlinked, if you’re interested in reading more about it), and have fun along the way. Always, one of my goals is to treat myself kindly.

So, I encourage you to throw out any self-deprecating NYR turkeys and replace them with goals that can fly – goals that will make you feel good about yourself all year long.

Consider making small changes that will benefit your health. Choose activities that use as many of your muscles as possible. If you’re not an exerciser by nature, think about walking more. If you walk for exercise, consider swimming or yoga to involve more of your body. Dance whenever you can. Think about reducing the things that don’t benefit you – smoking, drinking, diet sodas, high-fructose corn syrup (as examples) – and increase the things that do, like quality sleep, massage, exercise, spiritual practices, and great sex. Consider eating foods with less fillers and preservatives, and drinking more water.

But most of all, take a vow to treat yourself kindly.

Happy New Year.


*(We all understand this was a television comedy, right? Unlike Thanksgiving, no actual turkeys were harmed.)

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Tags: activity, exercise, goals, health, intentions, New Years Resolutions, weight loss, yoga, ,

Workout's Jackie Finally Ditches Crazy

For anyone that tuned into last year's Season 1 you might have noticed that about 75% of the drama on the show was based around Jackie and Mimi's rather f-ed up relationship. First, Mimi is a raving psychopath and there's no other way to put it. That woman has some serious issues, and why Jackie stuck around for 5 years is beyond me. Now, although I missed the Season Premier of the second season, I did catch the latest episode last night and was thrilled to learn that Jackie had ditched crazy Mimi and put herself back on the market. Jackie is totally going to get herself into hot water if she continues flirting with a certain straight trainer that works for her. And although Mimi's gone, I have a feeling she's going to be back on the show real soon, being all crazy and making us normal lesbians look bad. I mean, how can people not assume that lesbian relationships are not screwed up with the constant drama between Mimi and Jackie? Jackie, girl, you're making us look bad. Let's get you into a nice, normal relationship with someone that's mentally stable. I'll be tuning in with bated breath.

Check out the Season 1 Finale preview to get a taste of just how crazy Mimi is.

Tags: lesbian