Will the Real Sarah Palin Please Stand Up?

Sarah Palin visits SNL

The VP Debates Just Got Even More Exciting with Palin Bingo

America is suspended in anticipation for the Vice Presidential debates which air tonight at 6pm PST/9pm EST. After all the recent interviews (i.e. Katie Couric) there's something about Republican VP nominee Sarah Palin that has everyone wondering... what will she screw up next? Lesbiatopia's own Ma'amselle Lezident just sent me the hilarious website Play Sarah Palin Bingo with the following note: "The only thing it's missing is a drinking element, so I encourage you to make one up; otherwise, I am sooo playing tonight". And with that, I am printing out several copies of the 4 cards right now (plus the "create your own") for the VP Debate party I'm having at my apartment at 6pm sharp. This is too good to pass up. Oh and if you're wondering, I too will be adding the drinking element as well. Will you be playing Palin Bingo tonight??

Breaking News! Michael Palin to replace Sarah Palin on McCain Palin Ticket!

BREAKING NEWS!

Senator John McCain announced today that he was replacing Governor Sarah Palin (44) of Alaska with Michael Palin (65) of Monty Python fame. The campaign hopes that by switching out Sarah Palin with Michael Palin in a dress he might be able to fool enough people into voting for someone who had both traveled the world, and who had a less annoying accent.

The question on many people’s minds is would swapping out Governor Palin, a woman, with a known cross-dresser fool enough of the voters to keep the ticket afloat? Certainly, it is hoped, that the nomination of Sir Palin would mend the rift between the McCain campaign and the LGBTIQ community. However, this seems unlikely.

Many Conservative commentators rushed to defend McCain’s decision calling the choice to bring in such a renowned actor and world traveler. "He’ll unleash the World’s Funniest Joke on Russia and Al-Qaida!" announced one radio "comedian". The Liberal commentators could not be reached for comment as, apparently, they were all laughing too hard.

Governor Sarah Palin could not be reached for comment as her spokesperson informed reporters. Governor Palin was out hunting wabbits. When asked what a wabbit was, the spokeswoman described a small bunny like creature with antlers and a pair of enormous teeth.

The idea fell apart, finally, when a reporter finally asked Senator McCain how Sir Michael Palin could be the President when he was born in Britain. The campaign announced a few hours later that the entire thing was an elaborate joke on the media.

(Lesbiatopia is not responsible for the content of this article. Or the fact that it is entirely made up.)

Michael Palin for President

Gina Gershon Strips Down Sarah Palin

See more Gina Gershon videos at Funny or Die

Women Rising- Clinton and Palin Will Not Be The Last

The arguments against voting for Sarah Palin are innumerable to many of us. If nothing else, the fact that she is a vindictive, cronyistic, hypocrite who distorts her own record for public gain should cause all of us to wonder about Senator John McCain’s sanity, and his ability to govern this nation. Unfortunately, the only argument that I have ever heard for voting for McCain-Palin on the issue of Palin is that she is a woman. Yes, Sarah Louise Heath Palin has a vagina. Why should I vote for a politician whose views run counter to everything I believe simply because she has a vagina?

It comes down to the idea that we should vote for Sarah Palin simply because we, as women, should vote for a woman because they believe that no other woman will manage to stand for the Highest pair of Offices in the land in my, the speaker’s, life time. This might be true if you have the life expectancy of a mayfly. I have seen it twice in my life time so far. The first was in 1984 when Geraldine Anne Ferraro stood as Walter Mondale’s Vice Presidential candidate, and the second is twenty-four years after that with Sarah Palin. Given that, why should we vote for a woman who wishes to eviscerate the rights of the poor, middle-class and anyone who opposes her? Why should we vote for a woman whose appointed police chief felt that it was wrong to bill the tax payers for rape kits and instead billed the victims instead? Why should we vote for a woman who opposes any kind of equality for gays and lesbians, and belongs to a church which promotes ‘conversion therapy’? If the answer is simply ‘because she is a woman, and no other woman will run for those two offices again soon’, then that answer is wrong. After all, it has now happened twice in the span of thirty years.

But, Palin's cadidacy highlights the rise of women in the political arena today. There are a total of one hundred and one women in major office today. Rumors have swirled around Governor Janet Napolitano of Arizona for some time now. It is likely that this popular governor will be running for the Senate in 2010, and may even attempt a run at the White House after that. There are, currently, eight women sitting in Governor’s Mansions across the country, including Sarah Palin, and many have far more experience than the Alaska governor. There are sixteen women including Senator Hilary Clinton sitting in the Senate today, and any one of them might choose to run for the Presidency in four to eight years. Of course, a woman also holds one of the four most powerful positions in the Land, the Speakership of the House.

Women are coming up the ranks all the time, as well. Women are taking over Governorships and running for Congress all the time now. With all the negatives surrounding Governor Sarah Palin, I think I will wait for the next woman to run. It is doubtful that it will be another twenty-four years before she arrives on the scene.

Sarah Palin Stars in Several Controversial Movies

With the coming elections and all the hullabaloo surrounding Sarah Palin and her numerous hypocrisies, Lesbiatopia has been doing quite a bit of research on her. Being an Obama supporter and advocate, anything we can dig-up on her and share with the world is a bonus in our book. In our recent research efforts, we have made a shocking new discovery. Sarah Palin is starring in several controversial movies, which will be released throughout the month of September 2008 despite the on-going censorship efforts of the McCain/Palin Campaign.

Allegedly, Palin was filmed in these movies before she realized she was going to be nominated for the vice presidency and has since tried to pay off the Motion Picture Association of America and most of Hollywood in an attempt to prevent distribution to local theaters. The story has since been leaked first-hand to Lesbiatopia, who has learned that not only will the movies be released on a national scale, but they will be played on a large screen on the White House lawn on opening night. Tickets are currently being auctioned off to raise money for Obama's campaign.

Lesbiatopia was lucky enough to get their hands on digital copies of the Sarah Palin movie posters which we have graciously decided to share with you first hand. Here they are.














And now a message from Sarah Palin:

See more Gina Gershon videos at Funny or Die

Don't get the wrong idea, though, we not only don't like Palin, but we really don't like McCain either. In case you forgot or had a short lapse in memory, let me remind you with 7 easy-to-remember reasons:

1. McCain will continue President Bush's belligerent foreign policy

2. McCain has endorsed the failed Bush economic policies that are destroying the middle class, causing jobs to go overseas and pushing homeowners into foreclosure.

3. McCain is America's "Number One Neocon" with direct ties to Bill Kristol's rightwing extremist organization, Project for a New American Century (PNAC).

4. During the 2008 campaign, McCain showed he lacked the necessary integrity to be commander-in-chief by flip-flopping on major issues -- most grievously about IRS income tax rates.

5. He promised in February 2008 not run a negative campaign. Then, five months later, rather than discuss important issues like global warming, high energy prices and rising unemployment, McCain unleashed a scurrilous, Karl Rove-style attack on Barack Obama's character.

6. McCain distorted his so-called heroic POW record and exploited it for political gain.

7. Finally, Senator McCain's first important decision as a presidential candidate showed bad judgment on his part by selecting unqualified Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as a "one heartbeat away" commander-in-chief.

The views, opinions and political cartoons expressed in this article are those of the author are written in a satirical nature (but pretty much express how i feel about this candidate)

The Sarah Palin Caption Contest: And the Winner Is...

Dr. John with the caption...

There were so many great and funny comments it was really hard to pick a winner so here are some of the runners up. Thanks again to all who submitted comments, it really made my Monday a lot less mundane than usual!

Barracuda- The Wilson Sisters Taking the Bite Out of Sarah Palin

By Lesbiatopia Feature Writer Sei

On my rack of music CD’s, you will find a very long section beginning with a simple black edged CD and ending with a more rainbow colored one. It takes up about a quarter of my three foot tall CD rack. This is the section dedicated to the band Heart. In there, you will find three pink edged CD’s. They are all special editions, and the top one is Little Queen. The first song from that album is "Barracuda." I have been a fan of the Wilson sisters and their group Heart since I was ten. Twenty-four years later, I am still a huge fan of their work, and I’ll cop to having a major crush on Ann Wilson growing up. I still have my poster from their album Bad Animals.

So, like many of the legions of Heart fans out there, I was appalled and angered by the GOP’s lifting of their signature song "Barracuda" to be used as a backdrop to Sarah Palin. Palin, who earned the nickname Barracuda while playing basketball, was certainly not of the caliber of these two women who suffered greatly to bring us music for more than three decades. When Heart first burst onto the scene in the 1970's, they were attacked by various agents of the music industry. Rumors abounded that the sisters were lesbians, and that they were having an incestuous affair. These rumors were all aimed at ruining what really was one of the first strong, popular women led rock bands. Their response to this, the writing of a single song- Barracuda. The song has become synonymous with the soulless, predatory, and inhumane appearing in movies from Shrek the Third to Wag the Dog, and video games as diverse as Guitar Hero III and Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (not all of the versions are by Heart, but rather other artists). Their song "No Other Love" from their 2004 release Jupiter’s Darling appears in the L Word season two.



The use of their song did not go unnoticed by the Wilson sisters. "The sisterly duo known as Heart sent a cease-and-desist notice to the McCain-Palin campaign Thursday afternoon after their hit "Barracuda" was used- twice- without permission as the official rallying cry for the vice presidential candidate after her acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention," according to Gina Serpe of E! Online. "‘We have asked the Republican campaign publicly not to use our music,’ the Heart duo said in a statement. ‘We hope our wishes will be honored.’" Unfortunately they were not. McCain and Palin appeared on stage after his acceptance speech to the strains of that familiar song. While it is possible the slow, inefficient campaign structure of McCain-Palin simply had not had time to digest the ‘request’. "‘I think it’s completely unfair to be so misrepresented,’ Nancy Wilson told [Entertainment Weekly] Thursday night. ‘I feel completely f–ked over’" A follow up email was sent to EW- "Sarah Palin’s views and values in NO WAY represent us as American women. We ask that our song ‘Barracuda’ no longer be used to promote her image. The song ‘Barracuda’ was written in the late ‘70's as a scathing rant against the soulless, corporate nature of the music business, particularly for women (the ‘barracuda’ represents the business.) While Heart did not and would not authorize the use of their song at the RNC there’s irony in Republican strategits’ choice to make use of it there." This is not the first time the RNC or even the DNC have courted controversy with their choices of theme music. The McCain campaign has already been warned by Boston, John Mellencamp and Jackson Browne over the use of their music. However, Brooks and Dunn have not had any similar reaction to Senator Obama’s use of their song "Only in America".

The Wilson sisters are currently on the last leg of their summer tour. Their next stops are in Cincinnati, Ohio and Clarkson, Michigan, and they will be wrapping things up in Hollywood, California the end of this month. Heart also supports the anti-poverty and anti-AIDS charity ONE. Ann Wilson’s album Hope and Glory is in the stores and contains many great covers as well as the very gentle, somber anti-war ballad "Little Problems, Little Lies" sung from the perspective of a dying solder. Heart is one of the few artists to release an album in each of the four decades that they have been recording. Others in that tiny alum are Aerosmith and Meat Loaf.

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b27431_Republicans_Take_Heart__Heart_Takes_It_Back.html
http://hollywoodinsider.ew.com/2008/09/heart-responds.html
http://www.heart-music.com/news/news.asp?item=112960

Lesbian Politics: Two Reasons I Really Like Sarah Palin

By Lesbiatopia Political Editor Ma'amselle Lezident

So there are two reasons Sarah Palin rocks.

First though to be fair, let me list a few things about her that make me violently ill:

A. She is a hockey mom first and an American second; she drove Wasilla, Alaska, $20 million into debt while she was mayor to fund the construction of a hockey stadium before leaving to be Governor.

(Sarah Palin Fun Fact: When she was Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, she called for the banning of certain books with inappropriate language at the library, threatening to fire the librarian for not coalescing with "full support" of the Mayor.)

(Other Sarah Palin Fun Fact: When you are governor of a state with 680,000 people total--approximately 15 times smaller than the 9,000,000+ population of Los Angeles County alone--and you inherit a $5 billion surplus where 1/3 of the economic base comes from oil, distributing $1,200-per-resident oil-bounty bonus checks will probably get everybody to like you.)

(One More Sarah Palin Fun Fact: Sarah Palin has been governor for only 21 months, and she is already under criminal investigation.)


B. She identifies strongly with her family and then whines when people talk about them. ("Look at my family! Look at my family! Look how much my family is a part of my identity! Wait, don't look at them now! Don't mention them! How dare you say anything about them? Okay, now it's okay to look at them again!") As Ted Anthony at AP writes: "Hey, media, leave those kids alone — so we can use them as we see fit." Her party decries "sexism" any time someone mentions a Palin other than Sarah, but did any of these old guys give a shit when John McCain said something pointedly vicious and unnecessary about Chelsea Clinton back in the day? Hell no.

(Yet Another Sarah Palin Fun Fact: Sarah Palin claimed in her speech that her Army son was going to be deployed on Sept. 11, a statement in violation of OPSEC, under which releasing the deployment date of a unit is considered to be endangering both to her son's unit and to national security; it is also illegal and something you would expect a potential Commander in Chief to know better about. Of course, then it was revealed that her son isn't actually deploying on 9/11, so in other words her son is a political tool to her.)

(Hypocrite Fun Fact: check out Bill O'Reilly bashing Jamie Lynn Spears and mom about her unwed teenage pregnancy.)

C. As a feminist and the inheritor of a long line of feminist tradition--men and women working together--I want to shake Sarah Palin vigorously, screaming, "SNAP OUT OF IT. DON'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO US? WE HAVEN'T EVEN HAD THE VOTE FOR 100 YEARS, AND YOU'RE TELLING WOMEN WHAT JESUS WANTS THEM TO DO WITH THEIR VAGINAS NOW. HOLY SHIT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT. HERE'S A BOOK ON THE CONSTITUTION FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS LEGAL PLEASE READ IT AND STOP GETTING IN THE WAY OF WOMEN'S RIGHTS." Who here wants to get raped and have to lie on a dirty kitchen table to get an abortion with a wire coat hanger? Most of the people who read this blog are probably not old enough to remember when that was your only option if you were poor and desperate not to screw up your life and the life of some unwanted kid growing up with insufficient resources to live healthy and happy. Sarah Palin is all about the abstinence-only . . . so long as you're poor or a minority; privileged white kids, you must populate the universe to save the race, I guess. Fuck you, Sarah Palin.

D. She does not believe in global warming; why, because it's cold in Alaska? Her bad environmental record extends to her determination to drill for more oil, in Alaska and offshore; her devotion to oil and "clean coal" underscore her reliance on our nation's limited natural resources to solve the problem of not enough resources--hello?--when instead it should be solved by creating green-collar jobs and funding scientific research to reduce our dependence on natural resources that--surprise!--someday will be gone if we use them all.

E. Her speech at the RNC emphasized "victory" in Iraq over and over, though she failed to outline what "victory in Iraq" looks like. All the Sunnis dead? All the Shi'ites dead? Are the Republicans rooting for somebody? Doesn't matter, I guess, because McCain can't tell the difference between them anyway, and he never wants to leave Iraq. Ever.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, so all that makes Sarah Palin suck.

Now, to the two things that totally rock about her:

1. She made this happen last night:





What is that? Those are the community organizers Sarah Palin was poo-pooing the other night in her speech. That's 700 people at the open house for the brand new Southern California Obama HQ. 150 people RSVP'd, and 700 showed up; in typical Obama fashion, the campaign office was too small to hold everyone, so the party had to be moved to an adjoining parking lot.

When prompted with the specter of Sarah Palin, the crowd jeered and hollered, emphasizing that she was one of the reasons everyone had turned out that night. Women in particular demonstrated their displeasure with her, alternately cheering, "Women for Obama!" and "This mama's for Obama!"

Following the speeches, everyone was invited to come visit the office and sign up to volunteer; however, nearly everyone wanted to stick around, so the offices remained closed to keep within fire and safety regulations. An impromptu Obama rally began on the sidewalk, bringing about all the local news stations (CBS, NBC, ABC) as well as the Spanish-language stations (Univision and Telemundo) as well as eight of LAPD's finest as well as a helicopter.





Volunteers with the campaign lined the streets, signing people up to make phone calls to swing states, travel to Nevada (our nearest swing state) on weekends, and take seminars to learn this community organizing stuff that makes Sarah Palin so frowny.

These people made me realize, this election is not about Sarah Palin. She's a non-issue and a soap opera. The real issue is John McCain and George Bush and Dick Cheney and the NeoCons (who McCain used to shun but who coerced him under threat of withholding their support into a Sarah Palin VPery) and their nasty dysfunctional love affair.

This country is without jobs for its workers, without privacy for its citizens, without money for its banks, without homes for its communities; that happened because of bad political appointments by crooks like George Bush--political appointments that let our infrastructure collapse, let our banks go bankrupt, let our farms go fallow, let our children get sick, and let 3,000 people drown in New Orleans. No one should give two shits about Sarah Palin; who the fuck is she? Look at John McCain, look at Dick Cheney, look at the profits the oil company is making off your trip to work, look at the price of medicine, look at how much you're making at your job versus how much it takes to eat.

Then look in the mirror and say "I am going to elect someone who will appoint judges who govern by the law and not by the Bible. I am going to elect someone whose judgement shines in the people with whom he surrounds himself. I am going to elect someone who believes in technology, diplomacy, and the environment."

Say, "This mama's for Obama."





2. Sarah Palin has bodacious ta-tas.