Keep the Spice Alive in Your Long Term Lesbian Relationship

By Rebecca Jones

In a lesbian relationship, it becomes more important to keep the intimacy, going, to make the relationship a successful one. A woman will always feel wanted in a lesbian relationship. They are always looking for comfort, security, and intimacy in a relationship. You will always know what your partner likes to hear. So tell her something that will make her feel special during and after the act. Always remind here that she means a lot to you and how much you love her. Every woman loves to hear this and she will really appreciate it. The relationship and the bond between the two will only grow stronger day by day.

Buy Some Clothes for Her

Buy clothes that will bring out the best in her. You must compliment on her looks and express your feelings. Say all the beautiful things that you can and tell her how much beautiful she looks. When you are in a lesbian relationship, you must be honest with your partner in all aspects. Do not be intimate with her just for the sake of it. Be genuine in your comments.


Get Flowers

To spice up the intimate relationship; how about decorating the bedroom with rose petals all over the place. Almost 90% of the women in a lesbian relationship love roses. Roses have a unique quality to make the woman feel special in every way. There is no hard and fast rule to buy red roses only. You can even buy white roses if you think that it will suit her better. To make it more adventurous you can actually buy both types of roses.


Lesbian Sex Manuals

Sex is purely skill based and it is not a bad idea to have a little bit of education in this field. If you feel that even roses and new clothes are not doing the trick in your relationship, there is no reason to feel despondent. Nowadays, there are great lesbian sex books that will help you and your lover learn the way the body functions. You will also get to know about different sexual techniques and the myriad ways in which you can turn yourself and your partner on.


Complement her Body

Every woman in a lesbian relationship yearns for some positive comments about her body. She will be pleased to know that there are no imperfections in her body. Do not lie to here. Just say what you like about her body truthfully and express how you feel about certain other things. No wonder, this will boost her self-esteem by a few notches.

You must encourage yourself and your woman to spice up the intimacy in your life. Always make suggestions to each other. Maybe she wants long passionate kisses or a different toy; so be open to what she says and thinks.



About the author: Rebecca is a blogger by profession. She is fond of Plus Size Winter Coats. These days she is busy in writing an article on Ivory Wedding Shoes.

Let's Play: Who Wants to Be a Lesbian?

by Cynthia Rodriguez


Do you dream of being a Lesbian? Does it keep you up at night? So, what's holding you back? Oh, that's right! You're a MAN! Sucks for you. Epic FAIL. ACCESS DENIED. Thank you for playing. Please try again.

But wait! Now, with the power of the magical world of the internet, you too, can be a LESBIAN! It's as easy as 1, 2, 3. Uno, dos, tres. Un, deux, TWAT. All you need to do is swipe your wife's driver's license, (or just about any unsuspecting female's identity), and start your own "lesbian" blog. You may want to prep first, and do your homework though. It's not enough to watch "Logo TV", and listen to the Indigo Girls. Make sure to browse some already existing popular Lesbian blogs, maybe even contribute to them for a while. THEN, and only then are you maybe ready to be a Lesbian jedi knight.



Okay, so this post may be about a couple weeks late since the scandal broke out, but I know I really needed to chime in with my 2 cent worth of ranting.



These days it looks like it's hip to be Lesbian. Yes, I said hip. I guess it's easy to be a virtual dyke, when you are really some middle-aged white guy whose married with children. You don't have to deal with the everyday real-life bullshit we do. None of the ignorance or harassment like the "Oh can I watch?" or "Can I join you?" You get to hide behind your cushy IKEA chair, and IPAD in your "man cave" while you're wife is cooking lemon garlic tilapia for dinner, completely unaware that all the while you are typing away, ranting about the complexities of issues like, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell", and why Lesbians love Lindsey Lohan.


To know what I'm talking about please refer to the article written by our Chief Lesbiatopian Renee Gannon called "The Straight Man Who Claimed To Be Lesbian". Basically about some 58 year old dude named Bill Graber pretending to be a Lesbian (on-line)a.k.a "Paula Brooks" for about three years, and was one of the biggest "Lesbian" bloggers on the web. He was recently, finally OUTED, as a result of that caused a huge ruckus in the Lesbian community, and now as far as I know, is in hiding, where he belongs.






Luckily, I did not have much direct contact with this individual, or else it may have turned me off to write for Lesbiatopia, or ANY Lesbian blogs. I woulda been like, "Hell with this. Too much dyke-o-drama for me." I came in at the tail end of the whole fiasco back at the end of 2008, which is when I began blogging for the site. I did notice a lot of snarky little comments left behind on several posts by you know who and I thought to myself, "WTF? Who lit the fuse on her tampon?" I remember asking our chief Renee about it, like "What is up with that one?" Now realizing the "she", was really a HE, explains A LOT.





Now pretending to be something you're not on the internet is not an entirely new concept. It's quite common. Being able to hide behind the safety of a P.C goes way back. For the good, the bad, and the ugly, it goes with the territory.


I have a confession to make. I have had my OWN experience in this area. Back in my early to mid-twenties when I first discovered the crazy, and faceless world of chat rooms, I was hooked on phonics with that for a while. I found them fascinating. I was relatively new in my Lesbianism, and was looking for different ways to connect with people. This one particular one I resided in I found the people really great and easy to talk to. The only issue was that it wasn't necessarily a GAY chat room. What was funny is maybe because of the way I spoke but people automatically assumed I was a MALE, and as a result of that, I just let it go, and played up the part. It lasted maybe a few months or so, before I finally 'fessed up, because I started developing some real friendships on there which fortunetly lasted even after I revealed my identity. I even ended up afterwards, hooking up with one of the women I met on there. I was lucky I had pretty much a happy ending. No harm, no foul. I may even write a short play about it. Not to make excuses or justify any of it. Sure, I know it was wrong. I was young, and stupid. It was brief. I admitted it, AND I wasn't mean or cruel to anyone, or write them insulting, and harassing e-mails, and comments, etc, i.e "Paula Brooks". "She" was just a bitch. So, yeah, I would say there is a difference.




I suggest for any Lesbian sites a rigorous screening procedure that would make the TSA look soft. Extreme times call for extreme measures. First of all I'd keep the contributing writers on a close, "she's a friend of a friend" kind of basis, and not put it out on Craig's List or MySpace (if that still exists), that you need a book reviewer. Second, I don't think applications (asking for references), and questionnaires should be counted out. I'm thinking people that are for real, sincere, serious, and have nothing to hide (which I would like to assume if they are a blogger), wouldn't mind a little screen test. Sure blogging is fun, and may be just a hobby to some, but it's also like a job, a committment. I believe if these simple precautions are taken, much of this can be avoided.


Note to any Lesbian imposters in the future (which I'd bet there are plenty out there), if you're gonna do that, the least you can do is not be an asshole about it, then maybe you won't get BUSTED.

Music Spotlight: Creamy GOODness, Lesbian Rapper

Creamy GOODness is a white lesbian rapper hailing from the mean streets of New Hampshire - it don't get much realer than that bitch! Born in the wealthy seaside village of Rye, NH (Live Free or Die Mother F*ckers!) CG's preference for all things Money Green and Gold began at an early age. With her 14 karat gold-plated rattle, she began whipping up beats at the freakishly young age of 6 months. Her first word was 'cash-money.'

In an effort to clean up their daughter's early vocabulary, Creamy was subjected to watching hours upon hours of PBS and classic movies. While she became extremely intelligent during this period, a different obsession grew like the seed of a sapling deep in her belly. Inspired by the likes of Marilyn Monroe, Jane Russell, and Julie Andrews to name just a few, CG's fondness for the fairer sex invaded her mind and her rhymes. Parents: zero; lesbians: one!

While years of a New England private school education heightened Creamy's ability to master rhymes, mix beats and arrange a bomb-ass score, it did nothing to quell her desire to pimp a classic Caddy trimmed in Gold (obviously) and Gucci monograms.

For the past 5 years, the rapper has called Los Angeles home. Some of her most recent credits include producing/engineering soulful singer Briana Nadeau’s sophomore album, ARMOR, working with NYC rapper Mr. Complex on his soon to be released single ‘King Kong Love,’ engineering FANTA’s ‘Vision’ commercial for their latest national ad campaign along with a host of film work including sound design for the upcoming gay themed musical, ‘I Was A Teenage Werebear,’ directed by Tim Sullivan (Detroit Rock City, VH1’s Scream Queen’s)

Creamy GOODness is the latest, greatest addition to the Lesbiatopia team. She will be bringing you all the hottest music and film news and anything good in the LA scene. 

When she is not jetting to Tortola, Europe or the East Coast, you can find Creamy GOODness hoeing it up in her apartment in LA or mixin it up in the clubs with only the finest dykes. After all, yellow's just a color, gold is a lifestyle.

Love all things Creamy GOODness? Lez-be-friendz on Facebook! Click the link for CG's Fan Page! and to hear CG dropping some serious beats. Word.

Christine's Answers from the Big Book of Queer Girl Rules

Today's question comes from a woman who isn't sure how to define her sexuality.

Dear Christine,
I'm bi-sexual at the moment and I am not sure if I am a lesbian. I have dated guys for a about 6 years. Since I've come out about being bi, I realize that
I am only physically attracted to guys. Any time I have a relationship, I end up
avoiding a kiss or anything sexual because It just doesn't feel right. I am wondering
if that meant that I was a lesbian or not. Its really confusing, I hope you can help.

Waiting for Ladies

Dear Waiting for Ladies,

You've dated men already, you know you're not that interested in them sexually right now. You've just recently admitted to being attracted to women but it doesn't sound like you are actually exploring that yet. I'm interested in why you are concerning yourself with men right now when it seems like the perfect time to be embracing your sexual experience with women. I imagine that you have been harboring sexual attraction to women for ages and now that you have come out about it, experiences with women are what you are craving. If I had waited six years to start sleeping with women, I wouldn't feel very turned on by sleeping with another man right now either. It seems the next logical step to start sleeping with women. Satisfy that experience for yourself rather than growing to resent yourself and the men who you hook up with for not being what you really want.

Wanting to sleep with only women at this point in your life does not exclusively define your sexuality. Sexuality is a fluid thing, an ever changing part of one's identity. You do not need to accept any standard of defining sexuality that says you must pick one sex over the other for the rest of your life. You may date who ever you want whenever you want. The best thing you can do is find healthy relationships for yourself. As you grow in your life, you will need different things at different times. So be nice enough to yourself to find the right relationship for yourself regardless of sex and with out regard to labels.

All my best,
Christine

Excuse me Sir, you're in the wrong restroom!

As much as it turns me on to be referred to as Sir, its just not the same when its coming from a little old lady washing her hands in the woman's restroom at Target. It happens almost every time I enter a public restroom so I've become accustom to just smiling and saying "Maybe YOU'RE in the wrong restroom lady!!!"

This is what life is like for me and many other gender-queer, butch, stone, trans, whatever you want to call it, kinds of folk. It's not all bad really, considering the hot ladies we get to sleep with.

Sure, being butch in this world has its ups and downs, but really- we've come a long way.

Gone are the days of only 1 gay hangout within a 500 mile radius; there are probably about 20 different gay bars/restaurants and shops within a 5 miles radius of my house in Long Beach. I'll take dirty looks in the men's underwear section over arrest any day of the week. A big thank you to the Leslie Feinberg’s of the world who have made living in this world a little easier for those on the other side of Lady Blvd.

Ten Best Things about being Butch (in my opinion)
10. A love of sports is encouraged
09. The comfort and murf free environment with boxer briefs
08. Never having to wear a dress again
07. Comfy shoes like converse or the ever cliché army boots
06. No fuss hair options like shaving it all off
05. Tools are our friend
04. Say goodbye to make up
03. The Dykes on Bikes at every good pride parade
02. I can’t remember the last time I shaved before a date
01. So many femmes...so little time!

What Do You Do?

The pain I feel today is nothing new. I’ve always been subjected to it, always knew it was there. It’s not the pain of losing a loved one, or a physical pain.

It’s the pain of acceptance. Accepting your mother may not love you.

Don’t think it’s because I’m lesbian that she doesn’t love me. No, it actually started way before that. Probably when I was a child, but I can’t pinpoint anything specific. At least, not until I became an adult. For some strange reason, my mother gossips.She doesn’t care who she hurts, doesn’t care what she says. She just does.She’s been doing it so long, that she probably doesn’t think there is anything wrong with it.

The gossiping I could probably stand, it’s just the pretending that grinds my gears. I mean, why do you pretend to like me, invite me and my lover over, only to turn around and talk about me, my lover, my ‘lifestyle’ (for lack of a better word) with disdain to of all people, my children? Why do you speak badly of me to my children and not think they are going to tell me? She even talks about me to friends, other family members, etc.

I don’t know when this all started or why. I just know that my mother has a unique talent for alienating people from her life. She will behave one way in your presence, and do the exact opposite when she is away from you. My partner thought it was because we are lesbian, but I had to enlighten her; no, dear this has been going on all my adult life. Being a lesbian doesn't have a thing to do with it.

My mother is so bad with her hurtful words that she used to say bad things about me to my son. My son is now deceased due to an illness. But it used to tear him apart to hear his grandmother spread lies and say terrible things about his mother. His blood pressure would shoot up and he would be ill the next couple of days trying to defend my honor.

I am 47 years old now, and have accomplished more in my lifetime than almost anyone in my family. I’m not saying I am the most successful person, but I am certainly a leader. Being one of the eldest grandchildren, many of my cousins look up to me. They respect my knowledge and the type of woman I am, the type of person I’ve become. And they don’t treat me any different, accepting that I am still the same person as I was before I came out.

Yet, my mother is the source of emotional pain. Pain that I am determined to keep from my daily life.

You see, my partner and I are happy. We’re happy when we’re broke, happy when we have money, happy just damn happy. We are blessed, believe in the Lord, worship him and have our health. Most of all we have loving, fun, positive friends who are more than supportive of us.

Sometimes I just don’t get it. Its not like I’ve been on America’s Most Wanted, or I have been a slut or a whore, never. Always the good girl, the kid everyone wished they had. Except my mother.

I just had to get this off my chest. I don’t know who else has these kinds of problems.I pray daily for peace, and the Lord is good about giving it to us. My partner and I have our love, and it is a true love. Maybe my mother is jealous of that.

Even when I was married to my kids’ father, she had something to contribute. My ex-husband was physically and emotionally abusive. He used to beat me for breakfast, lunch and dinner.Yet I had no one to turn to. When I tried to turn to my mother for help, she was supportive in the fact that she said she was going to have someone beat my ex-husband to a pulp. But, it seemed after that initial conversation, my mother saw fit to get on the telephone and tell everyone in the family “how dumb” I was and that “she doesn’t know where I got that from, letting a man jump on me.” She even thought she was helping by spreading rumors throughout the family that I was seeing another man. And that each time I left my ex, I was seeing this imaginary lover. Well, my ex heard about it, and I got my ass beat even more. To this day she denies it.

All in all, I forgave her for that, even forgave her for not speaking to me for 7 months while carrying my first child (my son who is now deceased). If it had not of been for my grandmother (her mother) she probably wouldn’t have spoken to me then even though we were living in the same house. Now, my mother proclaims my son was her favorite. I don't doubt it, but you didn't even want me to have him. Go figure.

As a child I was always jealous and a little envious of the relationship my girlfriends had with their moms. Secretly wishing mine was that way too. After awhile I gave up on that dream, it wasn’t going to happen.

Have I ever tried talking to my mother about her behavior and the things she says? Probably close to 100 times. Each time she denies it, gets angry, and the cycle starts all over again. She tries to make me think I am imagining things. To be honest with you, if I were a kid growing up today dealing with this kind of stuff, I’d probably be on the news for a crime against my parent.

However, I chose God.I chose the Holy One because I didn’t have anyone else. No one on this earth could tell me why my mother mistreats me. Its emotional abuse for sure, I know. I didn’t’ choose Abnormal Psychology as a 2nd major just to waste time. No, I knew there were problems, that I didn’t have answers for. Back then I was still trying to find a solution.

But today, is different. I am older now, wiser. And I know that life is not lived without some pain. And that it’s not about the pain but how you deal with it.

One of the first things I did when my mother’s gossip tried to force its way into my life was to reach for my Bible. But before then, I prayed. Got into the shower, used my Grapefruit scented shower gel and washed all the crap down the drain.

Then I came in here to write.

Writing has always been therapeutic for me. Whenever something hurts me or bothers me, I write. I let it out. My partner of 7 years doesn’t deserve anything from me but my best, because she is more than that to me. My partner is my best friend, my lover, confidante and the person who thinks my corny jokes are the funniest things she’s heard in her life, even though I know they are not always funny.

Yet, it seems to me that my mother is not happy with the choices she has made or continues to make in her life. Maybe she wants everyone to be as unhappy as she is. This story has so much more to tell, but I won’t bore you.I am going to continue to live my life, enjoy my life, being prayerful and hope and pray that my mother changes her ways before it is too late.