I Want a Whole Milk Marriage, Not Skim

I can't help but feel so incredibly fired up while simultaneously frustrated by the news surrounding DOMA.  It makes me want to scream and pull my hair out and wonder why everyone in this country doesn't see what seems to be so obvious to me. Why is it so important to change DOMA?  Well, in case you weren't aware, there are more than 1,000 federal laws that confer benefits of one sort or another on married couples — everything from tax savings to Social Security benefits - but DOMA excludes those benefits for legally married same-sex couples, even at the state level for those states that have already legalized same-sex marriage.

The case that was heard at the Supreme Court today involves a New York couple, Edith Windsor and Thea Spyer, who had been together for 42 years prior to their marriage in 2007. When Spyer died, however, the federal government, acting under DOMA, required Windsor to pay $363,000 in estate taxes that she would not have owed if her spouse had been a man.

Ironically, the 14th Amendment guarantees all citizens equal protection of the law.  Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg argued today that DOMA creates a two-tier system or as she put it, "full marriage and skim-milk marriage" equating same-sex marriage to skim milk in that it's lacking in wholeness.  Supporters of DOMA argue that the traditional definition of marriage is "between a man and a woman" and it would be an abomination to god only knows who if that were to change. Imagine what would happen if we (as a people of "equal protection") redefined this definition to remove all references to gender.  Surely it would undermine the hundreds of thousands of heterosexual marriages that exist today.

At the end of the day, there is one thing for me that is certain; I will not ever get married to a man, it's simply not an option for me. Being gay is not a choice just as much as having green eyes is not a choice. Could I cover my eyes with colored contact lenses? Sure, just as I could pretend to act straight (well, I could certainly try).  But at the end of the day, my eyes are still going to be green and I'm still going to be as gay as a rainbow over San Francisco.  I do know that someday I will get married to a woman and I will call it marriage, regardless of what anyone thinks about the "traditional definition". And I will continue to fight for those 1,000 benefits that are not currently afforded to same-sex marriages.  And for the record, I really hate skim milk.  I want my milk whole just like I would want my marriage.

Gay Marriage Legalization in Maine -- Inspiring Photo Essays/Video/Articles

HooplaHa.com, a site dedicated to spreading good news, reached out to Lesbiatopia to share some amazing photos and videos that they took when they traveled up to Maine last weekend for the legalization of gay marriage.  

One of the articles they posted was particularly adorable, which showcases Portland couples and how they describe their partners in one word. Here's a snapshot from the article:

photo credit:  Sam Ferrigno for HooplaHa.com

Click here to see the rest of the photos.

Additionally, you should check out their photo essay as they tagged along with the first gay couple married in Maine the other night or their inspiring video of the City Hall crowd singing "All You Need is Love." 

HooplaHa.com is dedicated to spreading smiles and positivity. The site is meant to inspire, inform, enlighten, engage and above all entertain.

New Jersey Defends Freedom to Marry for All

On the Heels of Ninth Circuit Victory, AFER Congratulates New Jersey on Passage of Marriage Equality Legislation.  The New Jersey Legislature passed marriage equality legislation today, joining the State of Washington as the second state in recent days to defend the fundamental freedom to marry for all of its citizens.

One week ago, the United States Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit issued a landmark ruling upholding the historic August 2010 decision of the Federal District Court that found California’s Proposition 8 unconstitutional.

American Foundation for Equal Rights (AFER) Board President Chad Griffin issued the following statement:

“New Jersey has taken a momentous step in defending the fundamental constitutional freedom to marry for all Americans.  Separate is never equal—and the New Jersey Legislature recognized that today, setting an important example for the rest of the nation.”



About the American Foundation for Equal Rights
The American Foundation for Equal Rights is the sole sponsor of the Perry case. After bringing together Theodore B. Olson and David Boies to lead its legal team, AFER successfully advanced the Perry case through Federal District Court and the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals. The Foundation is committed to achieving full federal marriage equality.

It's time.

The Australians are on to something.

http://www.getup.org.au/campaigns/marriage-equality/petition/sign-and-share

Lesbian Movie Review: "The Kids Are All Right"

MOVIE REVIEW


BY CYNTHIA RODRIGUEZ





"THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT"

Directed by Lisa Cholodenko

Starring Julianne Moore, Annette Bening, Mark Ruffalo



"The Kids Are All Right" is more than all right because of the outstanding acting by the above mentioned actors. Even the kids held their own. I don't think it would have been as good if it were a bunch of nobodies. I have to say it wasn't exactly what I expected though. On one hand, I think it's wonderful that a movie about Lesbian parents was able to reel in some big actors that have been in more mainstream movies. Although, at the same time I am not surprised that in order to see it, I had to go to our local indie film theatre which will usually feature the movies you know they won't show at your local mall. A lot of them end up being the "Sundance Festival" films and/or the ones you know will become an IFC cult favorite. I don't know if it's because it was opening weekend or an early Saturday afternoon, but oddly enough, there seemed to have been a significant number of senior citizens in the theatre when I walked in just in time and sat all the way at the front when the film was about to begin. I know this for a fact because even in the almost pitch black dark towards the end of the last preview, I felt like I was completed surrounded by a lot of white haired heads. I thought to myself, "Great, it's like watching a lesbian film with Grandma. Do they even know this is about LESBIANS? What are they doing here? This should be interesting. If there are any sex scenes, this is gonna feel a little awkward."



I always find it intriguing how Hollywood deals with gay. Sure, it's come a long way. See: "The Celluloid Closet" (which by the way, I watched at the same theatre.) Yes, they've gone from the ideals of us being either just a bunch of sissies, butches, and deviants, to gay-sploiting us to their advantage to the now somewhat attempts to show that we can be "normal" like everyone else, such as getting married, and having the perfect little family.


Summary: (which I'm sure you've already heard, read about, or have seen the trailer) A very long term relationship Lesbian couple raising two teenagers they each gave birth to thanks to the local sperm bank. One is the artistic, new agey "house wife" who has been trying to find her niche in employment in like forever, the other the bread-winning established professional ( A Doctor ). The 18 year old daughter is getting ready to go off to college. The son, he's like the typical 15 or 16 year old that hangs out with his prickish little friends and rides his skateboard. The son, endlessly curious about their biological father makes his sister track down their "bio-Dad" who turns out to be a motorcycle riding, carefree, lovable bachelor who runs some organic, hippie, co-op type of restaurant. Apparently meeting him is not enough. They introduce him to the rest of the family, and that's where the havoc begins. What starts as seemingly innocent get togethers, and just hanging out turns into an invasion of the estrogen controlled household he helped create that exposes the maybe not so perfect world they thought they had.


It's dificult to dislike any of the main characters in the film. Annette Bening's "Nic" is a little uptight but cool as shit. Julianne Moore's "Jules" is cute as hell, and Mark Ruffalo's slightly flawed "Paul" is the most adorable I've seen him since "13 Going On 30". In the end you just want everything to work out for all of them. There is really no "villian", which I don't think is usually the case in any film.


Now for my take on the whole thing withought doing the spoilers: I appreciate their attempt at showing that a gay couple can do it just like everybody else. Have a long time partner, have children, work, etc. And also that any marriage be it straight or gay especially after a lot of years together can have it's ups and downs, just like everybody else. What I'm a little torn on is the relationship that begins to develop between one of the Moms (Jules: Julianne Moore), and the bio-Dad Paul (Mark Ruffalo). Part of me is afraid it will perpetuate the myth that I believe many feel that all a Lesbian needs is a good man to "change her ways". I mean, I see where they are coming from but I feel people will misunderstand and not realize that in the end, when it comes to that part, it really has nothing to do with anyone's sexuality at all. It also doesn't help that there is more hetero-sex featured in the film than between the two women. Sometimes I think they do that in these types of movies so it will appeal more to the mainstream masses. I believe that as long as people are open to and comprehend that when watching the film, they can truly hold dear the lessons they can learn from the film. A lot of times I think that when people, particularly the straights watch a Lesbian themed film, that they think they will be in for some good girl on girl action. That is not always the case. Afterall, we DO have other things to do as well. It's not always about the sex. Sometimes it has nothing to do with that at all. We work and play like everyone else, but we just happen to be of that sexual orientation.


So, when people come at us with their snide remarks regarding all of the above, you can always say (my favorite line in the movie by Annette Bening), “I need your observations like I need a dick in my ass.”


Not that there is anything wrong with that. Just sayin'.

"Traditional Marriage"

.

1 Corinthians 7:8

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"Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: it is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am"

.

Why doesn't the church push this?

.

Why don't pastors refuse to marry people if the apostle Paul teaches that singles and widows should stay single?

.

Another example of picking and choosing by fundamental evangelicals...

New Hampshire Senate Passes Gay Marriage Bill

The New Hampshire State Senate just passed a bill making same-sex marriage law -- by a single vote, 13-11.

The same bill already passed the House, and now goes to the desk of Governor John Lynch, a Democrat who has said he opposes same-sex marraige, but hasn't said how he'd act on the legislation.

Now Hampshire reports that it's a big win for Democratic Chairman Ray Buckley, and a New Hampshire politico describes "insane behind-the-scenes wrangling," with two votes switching in the last 24 hours.

National Organization for Marriage's TV Ad - Don't Let Them Spread Their Lies

- Renee Gannon, Publisher

The National Organization for Marriage (NOM) announced yesterday that they are launching a new nationwide '2 Million for Marriage' (2M4M) initiative. According to their website:

Over the next two years, we will be organizing two million marriage activists from every state in the nation to form an online army of marriage activists willing to stand up for marriage on a moment's notice, sending emails and making phone calls to legislators whenever marriage is threatened.

The initiative represents the most ambitious effort ever of its kind, using a combination traditional TV and radio advertising and direct mail, coupled with the internet technology and social networking tools that President Obama used so effectively in his presidential campaign. To assist with this ambitious new initiative, we've enlisted the expertise of Schubert Flint Public Affairs -- the same group that managed the Prop 8 Campaign in California last year.

A Gathering Storm
The centerpiece of the new initiative is a $1.5 million nationwide ad campaign launched today highlighting the threat that same-sex marriage poses to the core civil rights of all Americans who believe in marriage as the union of a husband and wife.

This is the ad campaign, filled with lies about the "detriment" that a nationwide repeal of DOMA would cause:



Who's behind NOM, anyway?
Maggie Gallagher, President
Brian S. Brown, Executive Director
Robert P. George, Chairman of the Board

BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Other members of the NOM board of directors include:

Neil Corkery, Treasurer
Chuck Stetson
Ken Von Kohorn
Luis Tellez
Matthew Holland

Yesterday Brian S. Brown released this statement:
"In the wake of the Iowa Supreme Court decision and Vermont Legislature's action, the National Organization for Marriage will tomorrow launch a new national ad campaign that highlights how same-sex marriage undermines the core civil rights of those who believe in the simple truth that marriage is the union of one man and one woman."

Let NOM know that their efforts to "protect" marriage as a union between one man and one woman are universally unconstitutional.

National Organization for Marriage
20 Nassau Street, Suite 242
Princeton, NJ 08542

Phone: (609) 688-0450
Fax: (888) 894-3604
Email: contact@nationformarriage.org

Maggie Gallagher, President

DON'T Support THESE California businesses that NOM is highlighting on their website under "busttheblacklist.com". These businesses have contributed, in some way or another, to YES on Prop 8 and don't deserve our hard-earned dollars.

Tell Congress: it’s time to repeal DOMA.

It’s time for some real change we can believe in. It’s time for the federal government to stop punishing loving same-sex couples. It’s time to repeal DOMA (the Defense of Marriage Act).

President-elect Obama says he supports the repeal. Take action right now to make sure Congress sends him the legislation.

What Money Can't Buy

by: SinnerviewerMy love, Melissa, had her first relationship with a woman when she was a teenager. She and her girlfriend tried to hide it from their families but they were too in love to make it seem like just a friendship. When her parents found out, her dad grabbed her by the neck, lifted her off of the ground and, while choking her, demanded, "YOU WILL NOT BE GAY!"

She got the message. And she learned that if she was going to be loved in this world, she'd have to conform to the way the world wanted her be. She married a man, they had 2 children and she lived in misery for nearly 10 years. When she fell into a severe depression and began losing lots of weight, her family had an intervention. Her mother thought she might be on drugs and took her aside and said, "What's wrong with you?"

Melissa answered, "You know what's wrong!"

Her mom then admitted that she knew Melissa was making a mistake when she got married. Instead of just letting her be who she was, her family made her feel like the only way to be loved and accepted was to conform to be what they wanted. She tried to be what they wanted but it wasn't who she was. She felt like a failure and in the end, she divorced her husband and began living her life as herself.

Melissa recently mentioned to her sister that she was considering changing her last name to mine at some point in the future (to reflect the commitment that we have made to each other). Her sister, who still holds the belief that Melissa is not equal to her as a human being and should be denied the right to marry, was outraged and went to her father about it.

When Melissa called him to check on her father and see how he was doing, this is how the conversation went: (I got her to write this part out for you):

Dad-Hello

M- Hi Dad, hows it going?

Dad- Hiiiii! What are you up to?

M- Nothing, just checking in.

Dad- Hey, are you changing your name?

M- Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it.

Dad- If you do, you’ll be out of my will & you’ll lose 50k. God doesn’t mean for it to be that way.

M- What?

Dad- If you change your name, I’m taking you out of my will & it’s going to cost you 50k. God doesn’t want it to be that way.

M-*Two seconds of silence*

Dad- Just think about that. It’s going to cost you 50k.

M-Ooookay???

Dad- Hey I gotta go I’m at work. I’ll call you tonight to talk about this.

M- Alright. Bye.

He never did call her back and that was two weeks ago.

If Melissa was getting married to a man, this would not be an issue. Nobody would expect her to keep her ex-husband's name. But to say that "God doesn't mean for it to be that way" is such a slap in her face.

We were talking about it yesterday and she made a good observation about her dad being like my mom. They are always tying strings to money in order to control people because, frankly, they don't have the respect from their children to be an influence on their own.

The second thought I had about her dad's big announcement was that this man is trying to hold her to a standard that he isn't willing to hold himself to. From what I've learned about this man, he is a heavy drinker, sometimes given to drunkenness. He is a heavy smoker. He regularly gambles and has loan sharked in the past. He has sexual relations with his unmarried partner.
The Bible (1 Corinthians 5:11) warns us to stay away from guys like her dad:

"... you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat."

He in no way lives a sin-free life (as if anyone can) but he will never have to live in fear that his daughter will hold him up to those standards or make him jump through hoops to get her love or affection because he lives a "sinful lifestyle". She loves him for who he is, with all of his imperfections, sins and problems. He is her father and she loves him no matter what.

I doubt that God has a care in this world what Melissa's last name is. I am pretty certain, however, that God doesn't have any desire for a father to treat his daughter that way and then slap His Good Name on it as justification.

Sweet Melissa has decided, which is how she earned the nickname from me, to release her dad from giving her any inheritance and plans to just ask him for his love instead. I'll let you know if that ends up being too much for him to give.

BREAKING NEWS! California Supreme Court to Hear Oral Arguments in Prop 8 Legal Challenge on March 5

This just in from...

The California Supreme Court announced today that it will hear oral arguments on Thursday, March 5, 2009 in the Proposition 8 legal challenge.

On November 19, 2008, the California Supreme Court agreed to hear the legal challenges to Proposition 8 and set an expedited schedule. Briefing in the case was completed on January 21, 2009.

The California Supreme Court must issue its decisions within 90 days of oral argument.

On January 15, 2009, 43 friend-of-the-court briefs urging the Court to invalidate Prop 8 were filed, arguing that Proposition 8 drastically alters the equal protection guarantee in California’s Constitution and that the rights of a minority cannot be eliminated by a simple majority vote. The supporters represent the full gamut of California’s and the nation’s civil rights organizations and legal scholars, as well as California legislators, local governments, bar associations, business interests, labor unions, and religious groups.


In May of 2008, the California Supreme Court held that laws that treat people differently based on their sexual orientation violate the equal protection clause of the California Constitution and that same-sex couples have the same fundamental right to marry as other Californians. Proposition 8 eliminated this fundamental right only for same-sex couples. No other initiative has ever successfully changed the California Constitution to take away a right only from a targeted minority group. Proposition 8 passed by a bare majority of 52 percent on November 4.

The National Center for Lesbian Rights, Lambda Legal, and the ACLU filed this challenge on November 5, representing Equality California, whose members include many same-sex couples who married between June 16 and November 4, 2008, and six same-sex couples who want to marry in California. The California Supreme Court has also agreed to hear two other challenges filed on the same day: one filed by the City and County of San Francisco (joined by Santa Clara County and the City of Los Angeles, and subsequently by Los Angeles County and other local governments); and another filed by a private attorney.

Serving as co-counsel on the case with NCLR, Lambda Legal, and the ACLU are the Law Office of David C. Codell, Munger, Tolles & Olson LLP, and Orrick, Herrington & Sutcliffe LLP.

The case is Strauss et al. v. Horton et al. (#S168047). Click here for more information.

Freedom to Marry

Mark your calendars for February 12th! Why? It's

FREEDOM TO MARRY DAY!

On National Freedom to Marry Day, same-sex couples are encouraged to go to their local marriage license offices to request marriage licenses. This will raise awareness of the harms and impact that the inability to marry causes on their families. This national event is hosted yearly by Marriage Equality USA (MEUSA) and this year, they have teamed up with Join the Impact to make this their largest Marriage Counter Action yet!

HOW SHOULD LESBIATOPIA READERS GET INVOLVED?

Please help us lend support to MEUSA as we draw national attention to the many committed couples who are not afforded the right to marry. We ask that any readers who are able will reach out to their local MEUSA chapter and offer support in making this event a success.

In those cities where an MEUSA does not exist, we ask that any same sex couple who is able to take some time that day to go apply for a license. It would make an even bigger impact if you could call your local press and ask them to cover your story. The idea is to bring awareness to the world to the inequality that exists for same sex couples in this nation.

Iowa Supreme Court to Hear Varnum v. Brien

On the marriage front, tomorrow (12/9) the Iowa Supreme Court will hear the Varnum v. Brien case at 8 am Pacific/10 am Central. The oral arguments will be live streamed through various media outlets that can be found at Iowa Courts.

The six couples grouped under Varnum, who have been together from seven to 18 years, filed suit in the Iowa courts in 2005 asking for full marriage rights. Represented by Lambda Legal, they have been battling ever since. Twenty-six Iowa legislators represented by an anti-gay organization filed to intervene as defendants in 2006. You may remember that at one point in 2007, a Polk County judge ruled that there was no compelling reason to deny gay marriage. A stay was quickly issued and now, over a year later, the oral arguments will be heard.

Iowa is a state made up of equal parts red and blue. Socially, the urban areas and university towns bleed blue and the rural areas tend to be a more crimson hue.
But, this is a point of law, not a popular election. As an Iowa-raised queer who has lived all over, I not-so-secretly hope that Iowans, known for the independent streak and common sense, also have a judiciary with equal sense and this matter is resolved in favor of the Varnum couples.

Then, I can start worrying about those nuts who will immediately start yet another drive for a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage in Iowa.

One thing at a time.

© Photo Courtesy of Lambda Legal

Lesbian Politics: Is Gay Marriage Good for McCain?

MotherJones.com has a very interesting article this week entitled "Will Gay Marriage Help McCain?"

Much has been said about the impact of the gay marriage debate on political discourse. Senator Dianne Feinstein notoriously said in 2004 that the efforts of our community had been "too much, too fast, too soon." This was echoed by many who argued that Kerry's defeat lay in the hands of gay couples who united a base of "fiscal conservatives who see promoting marriage as a way to reduce state dependency, anti-gay voters who quail at the notion of same-sex unions, right-wing Christians who seek to enforce biblically determined family law, and the mass of voters anxious about the instability of marriage" (cite). As Democrats wailed that gays had ushered this motley conservative crew into the ballot boxes to vote Republican, the 11 states that passed anti-marriage initiatives that year did so without showing any actual boost to Bush in the polls.

Despite this, the primary LGBTQ community strategy to combat homophobia and gender discrimination at the polls has relied most heavily on legislative methods (i.e. legal decisions by judges) rather than popular votes. Barack Obama's rhetoric about gay marriage being a states' rights issue might offend many of us, but his determination to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act would mean that the question of gay marriage would once again fall not to the states and their voters but to the U.S. Supreme Court. The bench might lean a little to the right at present, but we cannot deny that most of our gains--even in domestic partnerships--were achieved by judicial decision and not by popular vote; the same can be said for the majority of civil rights triumphs. E.g., 94% of whites polled in 1958 did not approve of interracial marriage, and courts legalized it anyway in 1967. I'm sure there must have been people then, too, griping about "activist judges legislating from the bench," but can anyone deny the value of that landmark ruling?

The MotherJones.com article poses the question: "Should Barack Obama brace for another round of backlash at the ballot box?" The answer I infer from reading the article is, maybe not! Consider this: a Quinnipiac University poll from September 2008 shows that 55% of Florida voters polled support their prospective gay marriage ban (margin of error ±2.6%); however, a Rasmussen poll from this week shows only 46% of Florida voters support John McCain (margin of error ±3%).

From whence does this disconnect come? Chris Lehane, former communications director for the Kerry campaign, is quoted as having said: "McCain has gone to such pains to try to distance himself from Bush and to make clear that he represents a different kind of politics that he's ultimately going to be forced to address this. [. . .] Either he waffles on it, which just irritates everyone; he takes the conservative position, which undermines his brand; or he takes a more open-minded, progressive view of the world, and he really hurts his base. What worked great in 2004 doesn't work so well in 2008."

Two recent Gallup polls indicate that even as the perceptions of homosexuality become increasingly tolerant, the idea of gay marriage lags behind in popular acceptance. Why is this?

Some people have argued that anti-marriage sentiment is not homophobic but rather about preserving one of the last vestiges of traditional stability in an increasingly unstable world. Others like Jonathan D. Katz, Prof. of Women's and Gender Studies at Yale, have said, "This isn't about lesbian and gay Americans being treated equally, which is a constitutional guarantee. It's not about that. It's about making money, wedge issues, forging boundaries. It's about dividing this country." Apart from these seemingly well intentioned or cynical foes, you and I can also recognize our homophobic detractors when we see them, whether they identify themselves that way or not.

Even with these traditional opponents, it appears that change is imminent. Some have started to take issue with anti-marriage initiatives as they affect gay and straight couples alike, preventing household diversity not only in gay relationships but also in those of foster parents, adoptive parents, and any number of other "nontraditional" living arrangements. A federal judge actually struck down a Nebraska anti-marriage initiative on these grounds in 2005. Similarly, a generational shift is occurring that shows younger voters have a more favorable view of gay marriage than their predecessors, and the percentage of under-30 voters with a favorable opinion increases each year. Our prospects improve as more tolerant voters come of age.

Copyright © 2008 The Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life

Richard Kim of The Nation also points out: "The premise that Democrats are still on the losing side of the culture war defined the last weeks of Hillary Clinton's campaign, which, aided by the mainstream media, dredged up nearly every assumed liberal Achilles' heel of the past forty years--race, religion, guns, elitism, patriotism and '60s radicalism--in order to paint Barack Obama as a general election loser. But, like Christian conservative attempts to portray same-sex marriage as a 'threat to civilization,' the culture war against Obama--waged around flag pins, Reverend Wright, Bill Ayers and bowling scores--was a whole lot of sound and fury signifying nothing. Thankfully, the majority of Democratic voters refused to be manipulated by these symbols sheared of substance, and now it is time to retire the paradigm altogether." In other words, being liberal about stuff just isn't that politically dangerous anymore.

In response to Dianne Feinstein's "too much, too fast, too soon," I point to Prof. Katz again when he says: "We did not put gay marriage on the front burner of the national LGBT agenda; it was put on the agenda by the right and we had no choice but to respond." I believe that as more voters realize that their woes (unaffordable healthcare, unfair wages, increasing disenfranchisement, and undereducated children to name a few) are a direct result of the predatory behavior of the Bush administration, powerful lobbies, and underqualified cronies, they will feel less inclined to blame their eroding security on the queers. Even if this realization does not take place this election cycle, an Obama presidency could make all the difference, putting the fight back in the courts where it belongs.

Doesn't it cheer you to think the day might be here where it is no longer politically expedient to throw us under the bus? when it might expose one as a hypocrite to oppose us? when discrimination and hate would keep one from achieving office? Let us march with our allies to the polls on November 4, secure in McCain's ignominious defeat, chanting all the way: "Let Freedom Sting!"

Breaking News: Connecticut Legalizes Same Sex Marriage

In a stunning victory for lovers of civil rights, the Connecticut Supreme Court ruled today 4-3 to allow same sex marriages. For all the news on this incredible victory, click here.

Come to My... Wedding: Melissa Etheridge to Marry!

- Renee Gannon
Grammy Award-winning singer/songwriter Melissa Etheridge and her actress girlfriend, Tammy Lynn Michaels, are going to the chapel. And they're, gonna get maaaaaaaaaarried!

The lesbian couple has confirmed plans to wed in the near future, now that same-sex marriage is legal in California.

According to SFGate.com, Etheridge says, "We have four children and we're trying to find the right time (to wed)."

DeGeneres and DeRossi became the first high-profile lesbian couple to exchange vows when they wed in August.

Same-sex marriage was declared legal in California in May, but critics of the new legislation are attempting to overturn it with a statewide vote in November. If you are from California, preserve same-sex marriage and VOTE NO ON PROP 8!!

Our Pic Is In Curve

Curve magazine is "the nation’s best-selling lesbian magazine" and offers lesbian-related entertainment, news, politics, pop culture, style, and more.

In this month's issue you can find a picture of me and my wife from our wedding day on page 33. Curve boasts nearly 15 years of publishing, and was named Best Gay and Lesbian Publication by the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD), which makes me extremely proud that our photo was included. The spread includes photos of couples from all over California who were married and submitted a photo. Our photo is right next to the photo of legendary lesbian couple Robin Tyler and Diane Olson.

Here is a tearsheet of page 33, and you can see our photo on the right (middle).

Curve Magazine can be found at Barnes & Noble and Borders Book Stores, or you can subscribe online to have the magazine delivered to your door.

Curve also has a page on MySpace where you can keep up to date on the latest with the magazine, which is how I found out about the photo submission. It's very exciting to have our picture included in the October issue, and the kids are proud of us too. Be sure to check out this month's issue of Curve, and thanks for reading this post here on Lesbiatopia.

Levi Strauss & Co. joins PG&E as Co-Chair of No On Prop 8 Equality Business Council

Levi Strauss & Co. has joined PG&E as the Co-Chair of The No On Prop 8 Equality Business Council along with a $25K donation. Levi Strauss & Co. is one of the oldest and most prestigious clothing and apparel companies in the world.

"As a company with a long history of standing up for equality, civil rights and social justice on behalf of our employees and other stakeholders, we are proud to co-chair the business council with our friends at PG&E,” said John Anderson, President and CEO of Levi Strauss & Co.


In 1992 Levi Strauss & Co. became the first Fortune 500 company to extend health benefits to the unmarried partners of its employees, and in 2007, it was the only California company to file a brief with the state’s Supreme Court in support of same-sex marriage.

The No on Prop 8 Equality Business Advisory Council (now co-chaired by PG&E and Levi Strauss & Co.) has joined civil rights and religious leaders, elected officials and other fellow business leaders who are pledging to vote “NO” on Prop 8 this November.

Geoff Kors, a member of the NO on Prop 8 Executive Committee, welcomed Levi Strauss to the campaign. “We’re delighted to have Levi Strauss & Co. join our efforts to defeat Prop 8,” said Kors, who is Executive Director of Equality California. “Everybody wins when businesses take an important leadership role in ensuring that California remains a place where no one is treated differently under the law. Levi Strauss & Co., and other members of the Business Council, recognize that gay and lesbians are their employees, their shareholders, customers, neighbors and friends. We welcome Levi Strauss & Co. as Council Co-Chair and look forward to many more California businesses joining our effort.”

Businesses can endorse the campaign, join the council, lend use of their company name and give monetary contributions to help defeat Proposition 8 by visiting www.NoOnProp8.com.

You can read the original press release here.

Same-Sex Marriage- a Minority's Rights

The ol’ Three Card Monte. First it’s about how same-sex marriage harms children. Then it’s about a statistically insignificant proportion of gays and lesbians marry in any country where it’s legal. And, if that doesn’t work, then trot out the notion that it gays don’t really form a family. Shift the rationale, don’t talk about the reasons. Got to love those without an argument.



The reality is that, given how gays, lesbians and transpeople are a statistically insignificant proportion of the population of any country’s population, as a whole of the marriage numbers, the number of same-sex marriages will be, likewise, insignificant. That is, since gays, lesbians and transpeople are less than ten percent of any given population, then it likewise follows that they would account for less than ten percent of any given set of marriages in any given year in any given country. Um...ok?

What that means is we are a small population, a minority, and thus will not marry in the same numbers as the larger population, that is the majority. THUS, if you take this logic to its conclusion, every minority in this country should be denied their marriage rights since all minorities will account for a statistically insignificant number of the marriages performed in this country. Furthermore, because there are a statistically insignificant number of inter-racial marriages performed in this country, there should not be any inter-racial marriages performed either. Wow, according to this logic, we should all go back to 1859.

However, this is not 1859, and the majority of minorities are granted he same rights as the majority. It does not matter that same-sex couples are a minority, or even that you agree that what we engage in qualifies as a marriage, though I believe you will find a lot of anthropologists and historians who would disagree with the detractors, what does matter is that this nation is suppose to protect the rights of the minority. So long as this country claims to believe in equality, then it should grant equality to all and let us decide if marriage is right for us.


By denying same-sex couples their marriage rights, the Religious Conservatives seek to deny us our religious and personal freedoms. Marriage is about economic stability and the potential to raise a family in a safe environment. In many cultures, marriage rites, as a religious entity, did not exist. Instead, a marriage was a civil affair governed by the laws and customs of the tribe. Only in a handful of cultures, usually theocracies, was religion a factor. For some cultures, the marriage laws were even entirely gender neutral. Among the pre-Christian Celts, the laws referred to "head of household" and "spouse", and did not really differentiate when it came to gender except to explain what the duties of a man or a woman were if they were the "spouse" and not the "head of household". In many cultures, same-sex families took in orphans rather than letting them fend for themselves.

In the end, their rationale is an attempt to hide that their argument is based upon a religious view point and not a rational one. And, certainly, don’t talk about how this is an attempt to deny a minority group their First Amendment Constitutional right to Freedom of and from Religion.

(Pictured is a St. Brigid's Cross from Ireland. According to one of the various versions of the Life of St. Brigid, she was romantically linked with another woman named Darlughdacha. The Cross itself may date to pre-Christian times and may have been associated with the goddess Brigid)

Update: No on Prop. 8 and The LGBT Community Call to Action

Last week, I issued an LGBT Community Call to Action in efforts to help strike down Proposition in 8 in California, which would eliminate the right of same-sex couples to marry in the state if passed on November 4th, 2008.

The LGBT Community Call to Action encourages all members of the LGBT community and those who support them to "get out and about" in their community every weekend until Election Day, if possible to a McDonalds and preferably wearing No on 8 gear. The idea behind this Call to Action is to encourage voters to interact with those in the LGBT community directly in an effort to "Personalize Prop 8 across the State", hoping that voters will think about how their vote affects us on a personal level. Kathryn Kendell, executive director of San Francisco’s National Center for Lesbian Rights, says that gays, lesbians and their straight allies need to educate their friends and neighbors about the importance of voting. “There are heterosexuals out there who might love their gay next-door neighbors, but not bat an eye at voting for Prop 8", said Kendell. “You have to engage them in the harm” she said, adding that if the issue isn’t personalized, “it’s easy for them to think the harm doesn’t exist.” By participating in this Call to Action, we are giving voters a chance to see members of the LGBT community out and about participating in daily life, and show that we are the same as everybody else – human beings who deserve equal rights. McDonald's is a business that is present in many communities, and serves as a common ground for voters from every community to be seen out and about over the weekend.



McDonald’s is also a member of the NGLCC and this is what they had to say when I emailed them about The LGBT Community Call to Action:

"Hello Julie:

Thank you for contacting McDonald's. We appreciate this opportunity to share information regarding our commitment to our employees as well as the communities that we serve.

First, it's important to note that McDonald's respects and values people. Diversity and inclusion are business imperatives and integral components of McDonald's culture. We believe that by embracing our differences we are better enabled to value and respect other people as well as understand differing points of view.

We have a long and proud history of leadership in these areas. We continually strive to maintain an environment in which everyone feels valued and accepted. We encourage employees to recognize and appreciate the contributions that all diverse groups and individuals bring to the McDonald's system.

Thank you for sharing your personal point of view on this topic with us.

Jennifer
McDonald's Customer Response Center"

I also sent The LGBT Community Call to Action to all of the major TV and radio stations in California, newspapers from the top of the state to the bottom, all of the major activism organizations and gay and lesbian centers in the state (including the ones on a college campus and a few of their radio stations), and as many blog owners, podcasters, and LGBT online business owners as I could find emails for, plus all of my personal LGBT friends and supporters. I sent out over 600 emails! I posted the Call to Action on many gay and lesbian social networking websites and message boards online such as GLEE, Our Chart, Olivia, Curve Magazine Online and After Ellen; I submitted the Call to Action to social news sites such as Mixx, Propeller, and Yahoo! Buzz; and I even submitted to the homophobic news site Digg for more visibility. I also issued my first ever press release! I am not a professional but I am very proud of myself for all of the hard work. You can read the press release I submitted here, and you will see that The LGBT Community Call to Action generated coverage from others on social news sites like Topix, QueensSpeech, Top Out News, Buzz Tracker, and Congoo. I also gained support from organizations, bloggers, and LGBT business owners around CA, the US, and the rest of the world who passed along the message to their network of people!

Here is a list of the endorsers and supporters of The LGBT Community Call to Action efforts:

About Lesbian Life
Ask Gay Dr Bill
Bi The Way UK
Breast Cancer Wall of Courage
Card Carrying Lesbian
ComeTogether Gift Baskets
Curve Magazine on MySpace
Discovering Pride
Emanuel Xavier
Fiesty Charlie
Gay Link News
Gay Persons of Color
GeekP*rnGirl.com
Grow By Love
Hahn at Home
Lesbiatopia
PFLAG.org
Queers United
Rainbow Wedding Network
So Cal GSA on MySpace
The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Action Fund
The Outskirts
Unapologetically Female
and the Wicked Gay Blog

Since I issued The Community Call to Action I have been keeping my eye on the Prop 8 news and am happy to report that like me, many are coming out to show support for the ‘No on 8’ side by starting their own initiatives and efforts.

A Freedom to Marry march was held last weekend in NY and CA where supporters marched for Marriage Equality over the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, and the Brooklyn Bridge in New York. Straight supporters of the LGBT community are currently holding events around the nation, called Seven Straight Nights ‘08. The events are endorsed by Judy Shepard, the mother of Mathew Shepard who was murdered in 1998 because he was gay; and are promoted by the group Atticus Circle. One sign held at the Seven Straight Nights event in Austin, Texas quoted civil rights activist Martin Luther King Jr. who said “In the end we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” Many contributions have also come through to the ‘No on 8’ campaign recently as well such as a $100K donation by actor/activist Brad Pitt and $250K from PG&E. Republican Mary Cheney also made a donation and Joan Rivers is performing on October 12th in San Diego and donating a portion of the proceeds to ‘No on 8’.

Lesbian activist couple Robin Tyler and Diane Olson have created an ad campaign, which features gay and straight celebrities speaking out against the proposition, telling others to “Stop the Hate and Vote No on 8”.

The couple is encouraging the media to feature the ads at no cost, which can be found on YouTube on The Equality Campaign Channel.

Here is one of the videos featured on the channel:



Celebrities featured in the ads include legendary organizer Dolores Huerta who commented on Prop 8 saying:

“When I speak to Latino audiences in particular, I always refer to our great president of Mexico, Benito Juárez. He had a saying: Respecting other people’s rights is peace -- as individuals and in nations. And when I repeat that phrase, people understand.” She goes on to say “every single family has someone gay or lesbian or bisexual in their family. Everybody does. I can say that about my own family.”

Many well known politicians and other organizations are speaking out against Prop 8 as well, and you can find the entire list of endorsements to the No on 8 Campaign here.

Recent polls show that support for the California gay marriage ban is slipping with a majority of 55 percent of voters against Proposition 8, but we still need more help to “Personalize Prop 8 Across the State” and strike the measure down.

I am only one person and can only do so much. I was only able to email those with a public email address, and the No on 8 campaign volunteers are working endlessly to spread the word and secure the No on 8 vote. We still need YOUR HELP, no matter where you are in the world this is a cause that affects us all!

San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom says :

“I don’t think its hyperbole to say that this is the second most important election in the United States of America. Let’s not look back and say we could’ve, should’ve, would’ve. We know this is going to be close. I’ve got polls, they’ve got polls that are very good, and I’ve got some polls that have this right on the bubble. So as far as I’m concerned, this thing is a dead heat. So we are going to have to work harder and absolutely are going to have to work smarter than our opponents. If we succeed, we will not only change history in California, we will change the tone and tenor of this debate across not only America but the rest of the world. People are counting on us. This is a big deal. This is a BIG deal. We have done so much, we have come so far. We have changed the way people feel and the way people view members of the LGBT community, but we have not finished the job.”

There are fewer and fewer days left until Election Day and those that are for Prop 8 are pulling out all the stops to get the measure passed, such as going door to door and hanging ‘Yes on 8’ door signs.

According to Lorri L. Jean, Chief Executive Officer of the LA Gay and Lesbian Center, ‘Yes on 8’ supporters also bought time to begin running “misleading and discriminatory” TV ads a full week before mail-in ballots are sent to voters.

Jean says that:

“Analysis of undecided voters tells us that they may well make up their minds based on the first TV ads they see. We cannot afford to let them get on the air first, especially when the race is so close! That means we need to raise millions more to purchase an additional week of time. And, the longer we wait, the more expensive it gets to buy that time. So, we need money and we need it fast so we can get the biggest bang for our bucks.”

If you are financially able to give to help fund more TV time for No on 8, then go to the campaign website right now and make the largest donation you can afford! (**Enter referral code 536 to help track donations resulting from The LGBT Community Call to Action.) The No on Prop 8 campaign has created a Community Finance Council, which gives each and every one of us the opportunity to personally fundraise for the cause. You could create your own fundraising page, host a home party, and more.

There are many ways to get involved, and if you can’t afford to donate to No on 8, that’s okay too – you can help with your time!

Anyone around the world can do their part to help the cause online by re-posting The LGBT Community Call to Action on their blog, sending the message to their friends, or visiting the post on your favorite social networking websites below and making a comment:

Proud Parenting
OurChart
After Ellen
Olivia
Tribe
iVillage
Yahoo!
Google
Craigslist
43 things
Gather
And MiGente

Or you can vote on The LGBT Community Call to Action on the following social news sites:


Yahoo! Buzz
Digg
Topix
QueensSpeech
Top Out News
Buzz Tracker
and Congoo

If you are in California and are looking for a way to get involved in the efforts in your local community, you can volunteer to participate in activities that are going on in your neighborhood.

Your presence is a big help especially if you are in the Orange County or San Diego areas which boasts the biggest contributors to the Yes on Prop 8 campaign. You can find opportunities to get involved in your neighborhood at the No on 8 Events Page. If you can’t volunteer for going door to door or waving signs at an event, you can also help with the Phone Banks in an effort to reach out to voters. Aside from television advertising, a phone call from a committed volunteer is one of the best ways to persuade undecided voters.

Even if you are not able to donate or volunteer, you can still help our efforts if you live in California by making it a point to get out and about in your community every weekend until Election Day.

There are many events planned which help raise awareness of the need to Vote No on 8, and your presence at these events or simply out and about in your community can do wonders for the cause, especially if you are a member of the LGBT community. Hopefully you can sport some of the No on 8 gear for sale at the No on Prop 8 website here. (Let me also tell you that twenty-five percent of each sale goes towards the TV ad campaigns!) Find your local No on Prop 8 events here, or you could participate in the Seven Straight Nights event if you are looking for something to do this weekend. On September 25th Rialto Cinemas in Elmwood is showing the movie about the attempt to ban gay marriage in California called ‘Pursuit of Equality’, and October 12th is the Joan Rivers event in San Diego which benefits the No on Prop 8 efforts. There are also pride festivals over the weekend in Stanislaus on September 27th, in Oceanside on October 11th, and in Palm Springs November 1st. Plus, one person who left me a comment reminded me that there are Gay Days at Disneyland in Anaheim which are from October 3rd to October 5th. Of course the number one way to get out and about is to visit your local McDonald's. There is one in most every community and serves as a common ground for all. Feel free to leave a comment on this post with info about other opportunities to get out and about over the upcoming weekends and thru Election Day!

Hopefully we can change the opinions of those who are for eliminating the rights of same sex couples, such as was the case with San Diego Mayor Jerry Sanders.

Last September, Sanders officially announced that he would sign a resolution to direct the city attorney to file a brief in support of gay marriage. Sanders initially did not support gay marriage, but did support civil unions and domestic partnerships. After Sanders took some time to ‘reflect and search his soul for the right thing to do’ he announced in an emotional statement that:

“I just could not bring myself to tell an entire group of people in our community that they were less important, less worthy, or less deserving of the rights and responsibilities of marriage than anyone else simply because of their sexual orientation.” He goes on to say that “The concept of a ‘separate but equal’ institution is not something that I can support.” He ends his announcement by saying “In the end, I couldn’t look any of them in the face and tell them that their relationship, their very lives, were any less meaningful than the marriage I share with my wife Rana.”

For Our Children: Marriage, Children and Society.

"We must protect the children." That is the rallying cry of so many who oppose same-sex marriage. It is a lie designed by the Cultural Conservatives to gain acceptance by the mainstream media. And yet, these bastions of "righteousness" push a lie about how same-sex marriage harms children. Evidence, however, proves the opposite. The reality is that, as long as a child is wanted, loved and supported, they will grow up happy and healthy. Children need a stable, loving family, and it does not matter if they have two mothers, two fathers, or one of each. What is more, children of gay, lesbian, and transgendered parents are no more likely than any other child to suffer from sexuality and gender issues.

Given the difficulties involved for any same-sex couple having a child, children are often wanted. Children of same-sex couples are often a huge investment in time and money long before they are even conceived. Ultimately, same-sex couples are just like opposite-sex couples when it comes to raising a family with good and bad families populating both, according to all the research that has been done on this subject for the last ten years. Still, the desire to have a child through birth or adoption often means that child is wanted and loved.



A. P. Buxton’s 1999 study of one and two parent families is the most often used to attack the fitness of same sex couples to raise children, and how same-sex marriage would harm children. The reality is that Buxton’s study showed just the opposite. It is not the kinds of parents which are important, but the number- two parents are better than one. He isn’t the only one to make that point either. In preparation for the passage of same-sex marriage in Canada, a review of the known literature, and what was found is that there is no statistical difference between having two mothers, two father, or a mother and a father.

The reality is that children of same-sex couples are not harmed by the experiences that they get at home, but rather, are often harmed by their peers who may attack their ‘unconventional’ life. Indeed, in an article prepared for the Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics, the findings were that the legally imposed instability of same sex marriages, and the lack of social acceptance of these families, were more detrimental to the mental health of a child. In terms of the mental development of children in, especially, lesbian families, there was almost no difference between them and the children of heterosexuals. In fact, a statistically significant number of the children of lesbian families showed a greater tendency to be affectionate and nurturing than the children of opposite sex couples. It should be noted that the bulk of the study dealt with lesbian families since it has been notoriously difficult to find same-sex male couples with children.

In the end, the lack of recognition of same-sex marriage is what harms children, not the existence of it. Children of same-sex couples are just has happy, healthy, and loving as the next child of a stable marriage. It is, however, society which harms children by preventing same-sex couples from having the stability that a family requires to thrive. We want marriage rights for our children as much as for ourselves. In an election cycle when three anti-marriage laws go before the voters, we must do what we can to protect our children.

I urge those in California, Florida and Arizona to set aside their discomfort of and forget the lies surrounding same-sex marriage and vote NO on Prop 8 (Cali), Amendment 2 (Flor) and Prop 11 (Ariz.) For the children, that should really be our rallying cry. In truth, we do this for our children, and for the children of our friends. This is as much about them as it is about us.

For the data presented by the AAP- http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/118/1/349

(I hope to continue to present more posts on the issue of same-sex marriage and to undermine many of the myths and lies that abound on this topic.)