Helpless

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Last night, Sweet Melissa woke me up with a start in the middle of the night.
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"Baybee!!" I heard.
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I flipped my eyelids up and my heart began pounding as the adrenaline rushed through my veins. Someone is in the house! I'll kill them!!!
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"What is it!?" I asked.
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"You're all uncovered!!!" she answered in a panicked voice.
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So I was. Not only uncovered, but exposed to the fan blowing next to the bed. She had to accentuate the point by putting her hot hand on my frozen stomach to make me realize that I was, in fact, freezing to death and likely only moments from going into a state of shock.
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Like most people at the beginnings of hypothermia, I became disoriented and confused as I fumbled with the bedding. I could not figure out the entry point for going under the covers. What I didn't know is that I was laying on top of them. I easily exhausted myself in my attempts to find my way back under the blankets. As my body began to give up the fight, all I could manage to do was issue a frustrated final call for help: "Baby, I don't know what to do!"
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Without any regard to retaining her own warm spot on the bed, she dove over and, in what seemed like mere seconds, she had me completely covered up. Like any seasoned rescuer, she covered my body with hers to share her body heat until my core body temperature returned back to normal.
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Surely if she had not discovered me laying out atop of my bedding and taken such heroic action, I might very well be dead this morning. So thank you to my Sweet Melissa for saving my life.
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Again.
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Originally posted at http://sinnerviewer.blogspot.com/

What Money Can't Buy

by: SinnerviewerMy love, Melissa, had her first relationship with a woman when she was a teenager. She and her girlfriend tried to hide it from their families but they were too in love to make it seem like just a friendship. When her parents found out, her dad grabbed her by the neck, lifted her off of the ground and, while choking her, demanded, "YOU WILL NOT BE GAY!"

She got the message. And she learned that if she was going to be loved in this world, she'd have to conform to the way the world wanted her be. She married a man, they had 2 children and she lived in misery for nearly 10 years. When she fell into a severe depression and began losing lots of weight, her family had an intervention. Her mother thought she might be on drugs and took her aside and said, "What's wrong with you?"

Melissa answered, "You know what's wrong!"

Her mom then admitted that she knew Melissa was making a mistake when she got married. Instead of just letting her be who she was, her family made her feel like the only way to be loved and accepted was to conform to be what they wanted. She tried to be what they wanted but it wasn't who she was. She felt like a failure and in the end, she divorced her husband and began living her life as herself.

Melissa recently mentioned to her sister that she was considering changing her last name to mine at some point in the future (to reflect the commitment that we have made to each other). Her sister, who still holds the belief that Melissa is not equal to her as a human being and should be denied the right to marry, was outraged and went to her father about it.

When Melissa called him to check on her father and see how he was doing, this is how the conversation went: (I got her to write this part out for you):

Dad-Hello

M- Hi Dad, hows it going?

Dad- Hiiiii! What are you up to?

M- Nothing, just checking in.

Dad- Hey, are you changing your name?

M- Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it.

Dad- If you do, you’ll be out of my will & you’ll lose 50k. God doesn’t mean for it to be that way.

M- What?

Dad- If you change your name, I’m taking you out of my will & it’s going to cost you 50k. God doesn’t want it to be that way.

M-*Two seconds of silence*

Dad- Just think about that. It’s going to cost you 50k.

M-Ooookay???

Dad- Hey I gotta go I’m at work. I’ll call you tonight to talk about this.

M- Alright. Bye.

He never did call her back and that was two weeks ago.

If Melissa was getting married to a man, this would not be an issue. Nobody would expect her to keep her ex-husband's name. But to say that "God doesn't mean for it to be that way" is such a slap in her face.

We were talking about it yesterday and she made a good observation about her dad being like my mom. They are always tying strings to money in order to control people because, frankly, they don't have the respect from their children to be an influence on their own.

The second thought I had about her dad's big announcement was that this man is trying to hold her to a standard that he isn't willing to hold himself to. From what I've learned about this man, he is a heavy drinker, sometimes given to drunkenness. He is a heavy smoker. He regularly gambles and has loan sharked in the past. He has sexual relations with his unmarried partner.
The Bible (1 Corinthians 5:11) warns us to stay away from guys like her dad:

"... you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat."

He in no way lives a sin-free life (as if anyone can) but he will never have to live in fear that his daughter will hold him up to those standards or make him jump through hoops to get her love or affection because he lives a "sinful lifestyle". She loves him for who he is, with all of his imperfections, sins and problems. He is her father and she loves him no matter what.

I doubt that God has a care in this world what Melissa's last name is. I am pretty certain, however, that God doesn't have any desire for a father to treat his daughter that way and then slap His Good Name on it as justification.

Sweet Melissa has decided, which is how she earned the nickname from me, to release her dad from giving her any inheritance and plans to just ask him for his love instead. I'll let you know if that ends up being too much for him to give.

A Blog Post That Resonated

Yesterday, I spent the day home in bed, sick with a cold. I wrote a blog post. Someone from India read it. She wrote a post about it and a flood of her readers came over to visit and comment. Then, one of those readers featured it on her site and it's sort of taken off. It seems to have resonated with so many people that I wanted to share it with you. Here it is:

"Live Your Truth" by Sinnerviewer

I remember a long time ago, Oprah did a show about living as your authentic self. Her whole show, and many shows that season, was about how many of us do not live our lives where we are true to ourselves or who we are.
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I remember watching it thinking to myself, "I would love to do that." But I knew that I would not be able to be me. I was living my life as me, but not all of who I am. Only the parts that I knew would be acceptable to most people. I know to really be me would cost me dearly and I wasn't ready to pay.
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Life has a way of bring full pressure to bear on the things that you need to change and there was no escaping it for me. I had to change or die. Since I have 2 of the most amazing children on the planet, I chose to live my life according to my truth.
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Since then, I've had some people tell me that they could no longer live their lives with me in it. I accepted this because I know that there are ignorant people out there who think that because they now have additional information about me, they wrongly think it fundamentally changes the core of who I am.
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Nothing could be further from the truth. I still love God. I still love my children and my family. I still think Joan Jett rocks and I still love giving and serving in my community. I am everything I was before. The only new thing is that I want to be honest about myself.
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I once listened to a sermon about faith. It taught that for us to step out in faith was really to not know what was on the other side, but just to trust God with the details and do what you know will please Him. Lying was not pleasing so I knew the truth is where I would please God. In faith, not knowing what would happen, I was honest.
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It cost me dearly but I can say that everything important to me that I have lost has been replaced by God.
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I lost my partner/friend of 23 years who told me that I would grow old and die alone without him. Instead, I fell in love for the first time within 7 weeks of ending that relationship. I can't believe how good it feels to be in love with someone that you know is the person for you. It's truly amazing!
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I lost a sibling but God restored a relationship with another sibling that my ex had damaged. We are so close now and it's a true joy to be so close and to be see him so happy. I also have the feeling of being cared for instead of always being the caretaker.
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I lost my mom and God showed me how much more emotionally giving I can be when I don't have such a millstone of judgment and disapproval around my neck. I wish the best for her but I now realize she'll never be happy with me until she's happy with herself. Sometimes, when people want out of your life, you just have to know when to let them go for good.
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When I was snubbed by my mom's side of the family this past Christmas, God used my grandma's passing to put me in touch with all of these family members that I didn't even know much about before but I am thrilled that I know now. They are loving, accepting and a joy to be around. I am thrilled at having them in my life.
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All of my church "friends" have been replaced my reconnecting with my old friends from years ago - they all live nearby and they don't judge me at all. It's total love and acceptance. I have also met so many new, amazing people who have walked in my shoes and it's so great to know that I don't walk alone. They are full of love and support.
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I feel so thankful to God that He has been faithful to take care of all of my needs. I once received a letter from a "friend" who told me that "the way of a transgressor is hard" and that's why I should come back to my life of lies. How ironic! As if to say that life as a fundamental evangelical is going to be easy.
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Reflecting on my 15 years as a fundamental evangelical, doing everything that I was told, was the hardest part of my life. I can't speak this for every evangelical that I knew, but I can say it was a large majority of them. This kind of faith is all based on circular reasoning - an incredibly frustrating fallacy.
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They'll tell you that whatever you ask, if it's according to the will of God, it will be given to you. So when you spend every day for 15 years on your face in tears praying not to be gay and God doesn't change you, they tell you that your prayers weren't sincere enough.
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They'll tell you that God loves you just as you are but then teach how unacceptable you are to God.
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They'll tell you that you are fearfully and wonderfully made by God himself and then tell you that if you love God, you'll be this certain way, even if it isn't who God created you to be.
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They'll describe how your spouse should be according to Biblical standards so that when you see your spouse not even close to that standard, you will feel dissatisfied and slighted and wondering how much better your life would be if only your partner would pray once in a while. You'll see them want to sleep late instead of get up early and read their Bible and feel annoyed and question their salvation and wonder what it would be like to be with someone who had their spiritual life together.
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They'll tell you that the Bible is the inerrant word of God breathed out by him and that scripture should be taken literal, unless it causes a conflict for them. (Such as not eating pork or shrimp, killing disrespectful children or stoning to death adulterers).
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They'll tell you that faith without works is dead, but then turn around and say that it's not by works, so that no man will be able to boast.
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They'll go on and on about what the Bible has to say about being a lesbian (nothing) and never mention the references to gluttony (17+) or sloth (11+) because then they'd have to address the majority of their congregation and that might co$t them money and/or members.
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They'll tell you that you have freedom in Christ to make his own decisions based upon the leading of the Holy Spirit within you but then call you out when the Holy Spirit didn't lead you the same way it led them.
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They teach that every man is capable to discerning for himself what the scriptures say but then insist that you attend Sunday School and Bible study for your regular indoctrination of systematic theology.
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They teach about how wrong it is to be legalistic, but base everything on the law. They regularly embrace the love of law and routinely shun the law of love.
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Life is hard.
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It's hard for evangelicals. It's hard for gays. It's hard for rich people and it's hard for poor people. We all get diseases. We all have crappy relatives. We all have shallow friends, car trouble and bad backs. We all have jobs we hate and none of us can understand the guy from India on the PC troubleshooting line. We might as well make our lives just a bit easier by not pressuring ourselves to be someone that we are not.
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Live your life as you are. Let people love you or leave you. The people that you want in your life will stay and be an asset and the ones that leave you never really loved you anyway. They loved what you could do for them or loved the idea of who you were, not who you really are.
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Be yourself. Live your truth. Be happy and enjoy the life that God gave you. It's short and we are not promised tomorrow. Today is all you have.

Lesbians You Should Know: Kathy King

Kathy King is an independent studio artist in the Atlanta, GA area and she and her assistant Kairo (40 lb. terrier-mix) run the Kathy King Art Studio. She was formerly an Associate Professor at Georgia State University in Atlanta, Georgia. Her narrative vessels, tiled furniture and printmaking, either presented individually, or combined in installation, present narratives from a feminist point of view. Her goal is to translate her own experiences dealing with such issues as sexual orientation, reproduction and issues of the body and gender into works of art. Her imagery, reminiscent of an underground comic book style, uses satirical humor, irony and sarcasm to map her journey from pubescence to menopause.

She has had exhibits have included solo shows in galleries, universities and museums across the nation and in Korea. She was featured as both an Emerging Artist in 1999 and a Demonstrator in 2002 at the National Council on Education for the Ceramic Arts conferences.



Shannon: When did you become interested in art and how did that develop into your specialty of ceramics? Was your mom one of those moms who knew you had a gift and pushed you to go that way? Tell me about that.

Kathy: Oh hell no, Kitty King’s creative outlet has always been finding bargains at Wal-Mart. I was spawned raised by two amazing and open-minded parents outside of Boston. Kitty was a secretary and Tom is still a manager at a semi-truck company. Their message was basically, “Don’t end up like us. Do what you love to do!”

I derived my love of the process of art and craft through my dad. After a full day of work he would disappear into the garage and build hot rods. He has a 1931 Model A Ford Roadster and a 1940 Ford Coupe that are insanely brought back to their original glory after 8-10 years of work - I mean talk about passion! There are so many similarities with what we do: a lot of time alone, standing on concrete, collecting tools to work with the TV on as company. I grew up going to “rod runs” and hot rod shows on the weekends so my aesthetic vocabulary of imagery including cool cars, pin-up girls, dice and flames is not a mystery!

My dream growing up was to be a pin-striper and specialize in flames. I was doing great until around age 14 when I discovered coffee and, later, cigarettes and my steady hand was a thing of the past!

Art was always something that I loved, but coming from a blue-collar existence, a thing that was not practical or reasonable to choose as a career, let alone as a field of study! I was more nervous coming home my sophomore year in college to tell my mom and dad that I was switching majors from English to Fine Arts/Ceramics than I was when I came out! They simply were happy if I was happy. I think I avoided coming out to them for years because I thought after the whole “ceramics thing” they may not be able to take much more. I mean, really, a daughter who is both lesbian and does ceramic art! I was afraid they would immediately stereotype and start picturing me in loose fitting clothing, turquoise jewelry and the rolling, desert hills of Santa Fe in the background of my “side of the road” pottery stand. They were completely cool, though, and are very supportive.

I think I may be trying her patience though at this point. You see, my mom puts up a Christmas stocking for whomever I may be dating and bring home for the holidays. I noticed last year she had started “recycling” the stockings. I noticed there was another name in glitter glue on the opposite site from that which displayed the name of the girl I had brought home. Yikes!

Shannon: You have been a university professor in the past and taught for a number of years at many different schools. What motivated you to want to teach instead of solely focus on your art?

Kathy: Well, I had always wondered about the saying, “Those who do not do, ‘teach’”. I certainly don’t believe that statement but personally, I wasn’t sure if I could “do” and “teach” simultaneously and not go insane. I never dreamed I would be able to teach university level as you can imagine the meager number of ceramics positions there are open nationally each year! I got really lucky after grad school with offers and due to the insistence of the Sallie Mae Student Loan Company that I pay the money back. I took every opportunity I was offered. Teaching is an amazing challenge and I learned so much over the 10 years I taught. The students are the best part and quite a few are some of my best friends today.

I taught at a small private art school, a private liberal arts school as well as a large, urban university. I’ve certainly been around and I know I’m a good teacher. The thing is, I gave so much to it that I started to get a bit burnt out with my exhibition demands and dedicating myself to my teaching. It is truly hard to do both and I’m not sure you can even aspire to ever have it balance out. There were certainly plenty of faculty that I observed over the years “make it work” by simply not coming into school, doing a half-ass job and finagling grad students to do their work for them. I can’t do that; I get too involved in my work and see enough amazing, dedicated teachers doing amazing things in the classroom with little recognition because they may not have the same level of academic ambition.

This past year I left my teaching position and am taking a breather to regroup and decide what I truly want to do with my life. It seemed insane at first but it has been amazing to be able to make art for no one except myself for the first time in ten years. Don’t get me wrong, I feel that I was always true to my artistic vision while teaching but the shows I would accept were sometimes fueled by being able to have one more accomplishment for the academic record than truly questioning if this was the best venue for my work. I took a position as a grant writer at the Feminist Women’s Health Center in Atlanta this year and working among such, amazing, passionate and politically active women has been more inspiring than I can say. I’ve always considered myself a “feminist artist” but actually being involved in a non-profit that works tirelessly towards reproductive justice for women has really reminded me what the label of feminist means - it is not a scary thing, it is empowering.

Shannon: When did you come out and did that have an impact on your art or teaching career?

Kathy: Well, I was a late bloomer who considered herself “bi” until my early 30’s. I wish the Debbie Harry of Blondie posters all over my room in sixth grade had nudged me towards an “alternative” lifestyle a bit earlier. I have one of those typical late bloomer stories whereby I grew up in the Boston area - completely Irish Catholic and repressed sexually but our best girlfriends were really, really, really close friends. We never questioned the role of the “best friend” of our completely butch high school field hockey coach though she still stars in some fantasies of mine to this day! (Shout out to Sue! Call me!) Anyway, it took a few bouts of falling head-over-heels in love and getting my heart dragged behind her parent’s Volvo to get me to start waking up to maybe I was just a big ol’ lezzy.

The thing is the basis of my work is exploring dynamics of human relationships as told through the voice of a contemporary woman. My experience hadn’t always been “gay” so I made art that spoke to female/male dynamics. I always assumed that the art would be about the art, not about me personally as the maker. That was completely naïve because looking at earlier work; people are still surprised that I am a lesbian. For the last five years I’ve seen a change towards keeping my work ambiguous to what the gender of the subject is to a point that it is clearly about relationships between women. I make work about what I know, so that is not surprising. I haven’t felt much of response from the public regarding this but I know the more clearly I “gay it up” the smaller my audience may end up being. I would, of course, hope it will not but I don’t need to water things down at this point in order to sell work and make it buyer friendly. I do want to speak to the largest audience possible but I’ve matured to the point that I, indeed, cannot possibly please everyone.

Shannon: Nobody can. I find it interesting that your art incorporates social statements, not just aesthetics alone. Do most people get what your art is about? If not, what do they think, say or ask about it?

Kathy: Well, my attempt at viewer seduction is mainly through the use of humor. If I can attract a viewer through the graphic-novel style narrative accompanied by one-liner jokes and sarcasm then I’m usually able to present the underlying concept as almost an after-thought. This is certainly not as bad-ass an approach as that used by say, political art, but instead almost comes across as a one-sided conversation of what I think about my place in the world as a human/woman/sexual being/lesbian etc. I find it a really freeing vehicle to bring up conversations and I DO love to talk! It has worked for me as I’ve changed personally over the years and still find it interesting to speak through how I make art.

For instance, I made an installation entitled, “To Reproduce or Not to Reproduce” as a way of representing the conversation of women discussing whether or not they want to have children. The piece doesn’t give a resolution or reflect my personal decision about the subject. It simply reflects the thought process of a woman weighing out all the aspects of it, from the vanity (what it may do to one’s breasts) to the serious (our government’s attempts to control what a woman chooses to do with her body). This type of work doesn’t tend to sell due to the size of the work but in this case a collector did buy the Rocking Chair and one of the cradles as almost a “sampler” of the bigger installation. That type of compromise can be really disappointing but I would rather know that those pieces are with a collector who will care for and respect the work while the rest of it sits in my basement!

I’ve gotten a bit smarter about this over time and started to do installations that are more modular and easier to pack, ship and sell. The most recent example was a wall installation entitled “We Need to Talk” that dealt with what one person in a relationship actually “heard”. What I mean is that often, when overwhelmed with love and lust for another person one can hear what they want to hear. In that piece that dealt with being in love with someone who was in a relationship. This was based on a personal experience and though I can say infidelity is, in my opinion, morally “icky”, still it happened and I was involved. I may not be proud of it but I did need to try and make sense of it without being so naïve as to try and justify my actions. Love is such a powerful thing and that is why a 20/20 perspective later can be so alarming! Love is fascinating.

Overall, the work, for me, is just another form of expression and I am thrilled whenever I see people approach it with laughter and end up in conversation. I get a lot of sharing from the audience with stories of everything from jilted lovers to urinary tract infections. I guess because I don’t seem afraid to be honest, that I expect the same from others. Of course, it freaks some more conservative folks out sometimes but even they have snickered at my showing a piece say, based on masturbation. I mean, even if you don’t feel comfortable about it discussing it, you know you do it!

Shannon: Kathy, when your work is on display, do you ever sit back and sort of listen to what people say about it to gain some perspective?

Kathy: Absolutely, my favorite comment that I overheard about a piece that was sexual in nature was “Wow, she needs to get laid!” At the time, they were completely correct and it was quite an intuitive observation! Overall, I think viewers just read it all as completely autobiographical and close to the “art as therapy” philosophy of making. I agree to a point but honestly I’ve found it takes me about two years to process a life experience to the point that I was to speak about it through work. By that time, I’ve added so many different thoughts and input from others into the subject matter it becomes more of a societal commentary rather than a visual representation of my journal.

Shannon: Tell me about the process of making a piece from the initial concept until it is finished. I am especially interested how you get an idea and in the "carved" aspect. How long does it all take?

Kathy: I basically make tiles, sculpt or throw porcelain clay, which provides a white canvas. When it is somewhat dry, I cover it with a layer of black, liquid clay called slip. I then carved through that layer with a blade revealing the white clay beneath to create the image. This carving is referred to as “graffito” when one wants to sound cool but it is essentially the same idea as carving a wood cut or linoleum cut for printmaking. The work is then allowed to dry, put in a kiln for the first bisque firing and then I’m ready to glaze. I glaze everything with either clear or tinted colored glaze that then goes into higher temperature kiln firing where the liquid glaze turns to a layer of glass. If my panties aren’t knocked off when I get the work out of that firing, I may end up using enamel (aka China Paint) for a third firing to deepen the color or add highlights.

If I actually figured out the time from start to finish I may never do it again so I just keep the work rotating and try not to think about it!

Shannon: What kind of support do you get from the lesbian community? Does your sexuality have any positive or negative impact on your art career?

Kathy: Well, I’ve always felt supported by the lesbian community but again I haven’t made whole bodies of work speaking to only lesbian issues (yet, stay tuned). Right now I’m really interested in ideas of gender identity and how people perceive their own identity. There are so many inspiring writers addressing the issue right now and I think something will definitely come out of that.

The only negative thing I can think of is hearing the fear of perhaps showing up in my work at some point! I must admit I do try and disguise characters in the work to avoid this. On the flip side, using the character of myself in the work allows me to draw myself 25 forever and ever. Hot for prosperity’s sake, that is my goal.

Shannon: Besides me, who do you have a girl crush on?

Kathy: Oh Shannon, what can I say? How can anyone escape your undeniable charm and endless knowledge of Jon Bon Jovi lyrics and music facts? Celebrity-wise, I would say Leisha Hailey (Uh Huh Her), Rhadha Mitchelle and Clea Duvall. Otherwise, I have a couple of little crushes right now but nothing serious. I am currently looking for someone smart, funny and not afraid of possibly being future source of inspiration. I promise I’ll be sweet - maybe.

Celesbian Interviews: High School Reunion's "Lesbian" Kat Feller

Many television viewers recently watched the show "High School Reunion" on TV Land. The show was a ratings boon for the network. It featured a cast of 15 real high school classmates from JJ Pierce High School (Dallas, Texas) Class of 1987 reuniting in a house in Hawaii for 2 weeks. It followed each of them through seeing each other for the first time in years, revealing crushes on each other, resolving old conflicts and in the case of hot-ass lesbian Kat Feller, experimenting to see if she might enjoy dating men.

Kathryn “Kat” Feller is an animation voice actress born in Rochester, New York and raised in Texas. Although a “proud” Texan at heart, she currently resides in Santa Monica, CA.

Kat Feller’s brilliant voices can be heard in such places as the yet to be released DreamWorks animated feature Madagascar 2 as the voice of the ostrich as well as numerous video games such as Final Fantasy VII, Crash of the Titans, Dead or Alive Extreme 2, and South Park to name a few. Additionally, Kat has voiced several children’s educational DVD’s such as The Adventures of Andy Applebutter as the voice of Andy, Bear Bear and Messer, and the Wowzies. Her Anime credits include Metal Angel Marie and Variable Geo. You can also find Kat "The Lesbian," as a cast member on the hit reality T.V. show High School Reunion that began airing March 5th on the TV Land network.



Since being a cast member on High School Reunion, Kat has delighted fans with numerous press interviews in forums such as The Advocate, After Ellen, Curve Magazine and a live radio interview with Frank DeCaro and Doria Biddle on their Sirius Satellite Radio show “The Frank DeCaro Show.”

Kat was asked to make her first public appearance at the Dinah Shore event in Palm Springs California in April of 2008. She announced various acts and spoke about her appearance on High School Reunion at the fabulous Splish Splash Wyndam hotel pool parties.


SHANNON: Kat, How did you get involved with, and can you describe your experience with, the show High School Reunion?

KAT: I got involved with it through my page on MySpace. They (TV Land) reached out to me because I had JJ Pierce as my high school graduating class on my profile. They were reaching out to a bunch of different schools and then narrowed us down from our stories. They liked mine and that's how I got picked.

It was fun, it was exciting. It was the best time of my life. I would love to be back there doing it again. Two weeks was definitely not enough for me. It was very bonding of all of us. We've all become like a little family. We stay in touch through e-mails and when I go to Dallas, I visit everybody. Whenever they're all together, they call me and make me jealous that I was still in Dallas. (Laughs) Not really, but jealous to be with them. We just had a blast. We became this awesome community.

SHANNON: I happened to actually watch the whole series – it caught my interest from beginning to end. Initially, I was interested because I was also class of 1987 and because there was a cute lesbian on the show. I saw that you were labeled "the lesbian" but I was kind of concerned that you were there to see if men were going to work for you – the whole "Bi-Curious" thing. It made me worry that it would feed into that misconception that some people have where they think that being gay is really a choice. However, when you went out on your date with your hunky classmate, Robbie, you made the statement that you were there to see if you were attracted to the person, not the gender. That made me see how I was judging you. Have you had any other people give you a hard time for batting for the other team on that one date?

KAT: Not so much because of the outcome. (Kat decided than she was, in fact, a full-on lesbian after the date – GO KAT!) I think people need to understand that just because you're a lesbian, it doesn't mean you're not open-minded. I have so many lesbian friends that are still sleeping with guys from time to time. It's not like just because you're a lesbian, you can't be attracted to a guy, too.

(Shannon is thinking here: Uh, yeah! Has anyone seen Jon Bon Jovi lately??? Sweet Jebediah, that man sets me aflame!)

Kat Continues….
There are bisexual tendencies all over the place. For me, being a lesbian was not a choice. I knew that in 6th grade. As I've gotten older, I do appreciate people for who they are and not their genders. I just thought, "Why not give it a try? Open my options a little bit. I'm single now. I'll see what it's like." It just wasn't for me. It was no big deal at least trying. It was just to see – I was just curious.

SHANNON: I think all of those gay women who were watching gave a collective sigh of relief when you realized you were still gay. It was like, "Phew! Thank God she's still a lesbian."
(Laughs)

KAT: It's so funny the community that lesbians have with each other. Its like, "Don't go over to the other side! Don't do it!" I understand that but it's really not that big of a deal. Let the person be who they want to be and everything should be fine. It's not like I'm trying to dis' the lesbian community. I'm just trying to open my options up and just be myself.

SHANNON: Yeah, we do sometimes have this mentality where we say people should be tolerant but then we're not always very tolerant with each other.

KAT: I know!

SHANNON: That was a good lesson, I think. You did a good job of handling that.

KAT: Thanks. I appreciate that.

SHANNON: On the show, you confessed a crush that you had on a classmate, Heather, to her. She seemed cool about it. Have you heard from anybody from high school since the show aired – any classmates that wanted to confess a crush that they had on you?

KAT: Not so much people that had crushes on me. I have had a lot of people that I haven't spoken with in many years that found me on MySpace or the internet and contacted me somehow. Being on the show has brought so many long lost friends back into my world which has been amazing.

SHANNON: You mentioned that after high school was over, you came out of the closet. We do get a lot of readers at www.Lesbiatopia.com that are not out yet. They can sometimes draw some strength from hearing how other lesbians dealt with coming out. Do you have anything that you want to share with them about your coming out experience?

KAT: Sure. It was terrifying for me because I wasn't exactly sure who was going to accept me, including my family. I hadn't ever even met a gay or lesbian until after high school. The way that it happened for me was I was working in a restaurant. There were 2 gay guys who worked there. I befriended them. We were all out one night partying together and I confessed to them that I liked women. They were thinking that I was just drunk and telling me that I didn't really like women. I said, "No, I'm serious. I really do." And then I started crying. As soon as I started crying, they really listened to me and said, "All right, let's talk about this tomorrow when we're all sober." Then I stuck to my word the next day and so they said, "Why don't we take you out to the lesbian bar for your first time?"

I was so beyond scared. Seriously, I didn't know if I could handle it. They took me to the lesbian bar and everything was great. I just felt – well, I was very, very nervous… don't get me wrong. But it just made sense. Then, my family found out and then all my friends started finding out. I came to realize that I didn't need to be so scared because as soon as I told my family – my sister and everybody – as soon as I got their approval, I really didn't care what the rest of the world thought, to be honest with you. But I know that a lot of families don't accept it, so it's different for everybody.
My advice to people who want to come out is to be as strong as you can be. Be true to yourself. People will love you if they're true to you. Just try to be strong even though it's difficult and scary.

SHANNON: Tila Tequila had a show, A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila, where she was looking for love as a bi-sexual woman and trying to decide on men or women. Would you be open to doing a show like that from a total lesbian angle or would something like that just be too over-the-top for you?

KAT: Uh, I've thought about that, actually. I had someone approach me to ask me if I wanted to do a show like that. Tila Tequila is a totally different demographic than I am. She draws a much, much younger "girls gone wild" party crowd. That's what people expect from her.

One of the reasons why I don't think I would want to do something like that is because I'm older. I feel like I've got a career I'm trying to pursue. I want to be respected. I don't want people to judge me because I'm being a fool on TV. I don't want to feel like a scam artist. I want to be a bit more grounded in who I am in life and I just feel like I want to be respected in my industry and I don't really think that I want to sell myself out like that.
If there was a way to do it where it wouldn't be so cheesy and so over the top and so dramatic, maybe I'd consider it. If it could be something more genuine, I would consider it. You know, The Bachelor is kind of classy – something like that I might be willing to do. I'd like to go on real dates and not do the "show me your boobs and let's get the tape measure out" kind of thing.

(Laughs)

Something classy and more mature – it would be great on the Logo Channel. I don't think that a network television station would broadcast something like that, but I think cable would pick it up.

SHANNON: Would your reality show have all Sarah Shahi-types or would you put a few people like Dani (from A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila) just to see if you really are open to the person and not just a type.

KAT: (Laughs) You must have read some of my interviews from my past, haven't you?

SHANNON: Hey, I had to do my research!

KAT: Ahhhh, Sarah Shahi is the epitome of my type. I would definitely be open to throw in some butch-femmes in there. I think Dani is frickin' adorable and I can see her charm. I'm not that closed-minded.

SHANNON: Shane (Kate Moennig's character on The L Word) is hot. You gotta give Shane some kudos, too.

KAT: Shane is very sexy. I would love the whole gamut. I would have the Sarah Shahi types, the Shane types and then the Dani types – it would be great to have all 3 of those kinds of women on there. I am attracted to all of that.

SHANNON: Well, I think you should pursue that. You need to get somebody on the phone at a network and you need to pitch that idea.

KAT: Easier said than done but I'll try to do my research, for sure.

SHANNON: What's in your iPod?

KAT: You know what's funny? I hardly ever use my iPod. However, when I do listen to my iPod, I have stuff like Air, Radiohead, Uncle… just real kind of industry house stuff. Beastie Boys, Cocteau Twins, Jeff Buckley, David Grey. Old school stuff, 80's stuff… Howard Jones, Duran Duran… just all different things.

SHANNON: I saw that you went to the Dinah Shore weekend in Palm Springs for the GirlBar event. You got any crazy stories for us?

KAT: Well, I had a CRAPLOAD of women come up to me screaming. There was this one girl, I swear, I've never lived though anything like that. She was like, "OH!" and her poor friend didn't know who I was but she was just screaming, "Oh my God! It's Kat from High School Reunion!" and just freaking out. That's flattering, it's insane! So many women wanted to take my picture. It felt so good. It was just like… how amazing to be recognized like that! It wasn't, I'm sure, as much as Dani would have been recognized walking around but I definitely did get recognized. I had tons of people take my picture. It felt really good to have my close friends there to witness it. I even had one of the girls who took a picture of us together and that picture is now her MySpace avatar. That's really cute! It was very flattering and it was very well received.
I don't know if my making an appearance had anything to do with it but after I did it and was put on the GirlBar website and the e-mails went out, the ratings (for High School Reunion) went up, up, up after that. Now, I would like to think that I had a little bit of something to do with it because the community supports it when they know a lesbian's going to be on TV and they'll watch. I don't want to take all of the credit because the show was great regardless.

The finale just boomed. The finale was over a million people, the highest ratings ever. It was great.

The people who walk up to me (like at Dinah) or reach out to me on MySpace or my personal website, I just want to embrace it with love. I try to answer all of my e-mails. I've had 2 fan clubs now that have been started for me. I have links to them under my links category on my website. The comments people are leaving – there is so much love out there. They're awesome!

SHANNON: It has to be because of the way that you came across on the show. A lot of times, people go on those reality type shows and they just become train wrecks. They might seem really cool at first, but soon enough, this other dark person comes out. On High School Reunion, your personality was easily the best one as far as you being the most positive, upbeat, fun-loving and well-adjusted. I think people were just naturally drawn to that. I would think that would open some doors for you. I noticed on your website, www.KatFeller.com, that you were doing voiceover work for the animated film Madagascar2. What other projects have come up or will you be working on?

KAT: Just because I was on that show doesn't mean my voiceover career is having any change of pace at all. Voiceover is a totally different industry. I do have my agency. I've been with William Morris for 5 years and they are helping me put together a hosting reel. That's something I would love to do. I would love to host a reality show.

SHANNON: Dani, when she did the Tila Tequila show, she now hosts all kind of events at clubs. If you were offered work like that, would you be open to it?

KAT: I would definitely be open to it. It's almost frustrating in a way because I still keep hearing about how Dani is traveling all over and getting paid for all of these appearances and I wonder, "why can't I be doing that? I have a good heart. I might be older but…" The answer to my own question is that it's because (Tila's) show had such a massive audience because it was on MTV and because of the age group that watch those kinds of shows. The age range that watched High School Reunion was people that were more in my age bracket.

A lot of those people don't have MySpace pages. None of the cast members on the show except for me and Justin had a MySpace page until the show aired. Then they all got them to help them keep in touch with the fan base.

It's not as easy to be recognized and appreciated when you've reached my age.

SHANNON: I don't really think that you wouldn't be able to cross over to a younger crowd because younger people would still be attracted to your fun and laid back personality.

KAT: I'm open to all of it so if I start getting phone calls for stuff like that, count me in!