Interview: Jenn Alva of Girl in a Coma

From time to time, we here at Lesbiatopia are fortunate enough to be able to speak with some really amazing gay women about what they do and how their sexuality factors into that. Blackheart recording artists Girl in a Coma, an all-girl trio, allowed our own Sinnerviewer, to sit down and speak with bass player Jenn Alva about their new record, touring, being a lesbian and even about her encounter with Kate Moennig (Shane from "The L Word").
.
Shannon: Tell me about your new CD, Trio B.C., and also what your favorite tracks are and why.

Jenn: Trio B.C. is our new album and the name comes from (band mates) Nina and Phanie’s (pronounced FAWN-ee) grandfather. They found some old photos of him and he was in this band called Trio B.C. so that’s where the name came from. As for the favorites on the album, I mean, I think I like them all, honestly.

Shannon: Come on… what’s your favorite?

Jenn: I think my favorite ones to play are “Static Mind” and “Trail” for sure.

Shannon: Because it’s a musical challenge?


Jenn: Well, “Static Mind”, yeah. The bass line’s kind of everywhere. “In the Day” is like that, too. “Trail” is like a very flowy bass and there’s this power part and playing it live on stage is just great. Even though it’s probably the one song that I need work on, we still play it and it will get better. This is the beginning of the tour so…

Shannon: Yeah, you guys just got started, right?

Jenn: Yeah.

Shannon: You all were hand-picked by Joan Jett to be on her Blackheart Records label. How does it feel to have the respect of the greatest female musician in the history of the entire planet?

Jenn: (laughs) It’s like one of those things that you can’t really grasp. Even if you tried to. You always think that you know how you’re going to react if something like that happens but when it happens, your brain just goes blank and all of a sudden, it’s like, “Oh, we’ve got to do better. We wanna make her proud. We wanna make the label proud. We gotta go!” It’s very fast-paced.

Recently, we played with Joan there in Houston and she wasn’t feeling well. She had a little tummy ache or something. We went on to play and she was watching us from the side of the stage. When we finished, she was like, “You know, I wasn’t feeling very good but now I am. I’m ready to play. You guys gave me that jolt that I needed.”

I know exactly what she was talking about because whenever we play with other bands that go on before us, I watch them and I go, “Oh I want to play now! I can’t wait to play!” So when she does things like that, it’s incredible.

One time, at the Knitting Factory, in L.A., she was there. She had seen us at the beginning of the tour and this was near the end. We had definitely improved since the last time she had seen us. We got off stage and she was there crying. She was like, “Oh, you know how I get emotional, girls. You girls really made me proud.” When things like that happen with her, everything really slows down in my head and I’m like, “Oh my God. That’s Joan Jett. And she’s really proud of us!”

Shannon: She really has a way of making the room feel in awe. I remember the first time I met her – her manager, Kenny Laguna, saw me waiting outside of a bar door hoping for an autograph. He smuggled me in and let me watch her do sound check because he knew there was no way I was getting in the bar to watch the show later that night. It was the greatest thrill of my life. After she finished, he called her over to my table and I thought I would vomit. She sat in a booth with me! My mind just went blank… I actually told her that she was my biggest fan.

Jenn: (laughs)

Shannon: Here was my idol whom I knew every fact of her life from birth until the day before. She asked me what my favorite song of hers was and I just froze! I couldn’t even think of “I Love Rock-n-Roll” – I barely managed to say a word. But she was so gracious and cool. She and Kenny were then, and the few times I have met them since, literally the most kind and gracious people I have ever encountered. I don’t even know them but I want to make them proud so I can’t even imagine how you must feel.

Jenn: The same thing happened to me when I met Gary Day, the old bass player for Morrissey. I met him and I was like, “Uhhhh, I play bass, too.” (laughs) That was all I said and I just went blank and walked away. I felt so stupid.

Shannon: Speaking of Morrissey, he was yet another big name who hand picked you to finish his tour with him. There seems to be a trend here that some very big players in the music business really respect your music. It must be a great feeling to be so early into your music career and you’ve already gotten attention from the likes of Joan Jett, Cyndi Lauper and Morrissey.

Jenn: It’s amazing! Each one of these people is our role model. Phanie and I have been best friends since we were kiddos and even back then, we would listen to all of this music. It’s incredible and totally blows our minds.

The Morrissey thing came at the perfect time. We always wanted to meet him but then we thought, “No, we don’t want to meet him because what if he’s a jerk? It would ruin everything that we had based our whole lives around.

Shannon: Yes, that was my fear with Joan Jett. If she would’ve been mean when I met her, it would have crushed my spirit into dust.

Jenn: Right! And you never know… people have bad days. Sometimes, they have big heads. You just don’t know how they are going to be when you meet them.

Shannon: But you didn’t have that experience with him?

Jenn: No! Not at all. We got asked at the last minute to do the final leg of his tour. We literally dropped everything that we were doing. We were so lucky that it was Morrissey first because it was like touring boot camp. With Morrissey, we knew already how he was. We heard all of these rumors, we knew all the stories. We stayed in our dressing room until it was time to play. We just really wanted to do a good job. I think it paid off because he would come to our dressing room to visit us and talk to us. But we would never bug him. We totally stayed out of his way. We also made great friends with his staff.

When we got the tour with Tegan & Sara, we did the same thing except that they wouldn’t have it. Not to say that Morrissey is not down to earth or anything, but Tegan & Sara definitely are. They were like, “What are you doing? Come out of your dressing room and hang out whenever you want.” They were very, very cool girls but I’m so glad we started out like that with Morrissey – so that we know not to run around all over the place yelling, “Yeah! PARTY!”.

Shannon: I guess different artists like to run things differently and all have different expectations. It’s so nice that you girls are trying to be sensitive to the expectations of the headliners that you end up touring with.

Jenn: It’s because we appreciate (being able to tour with them) so much. They’re sharing their fan base with us.

Shannon: I caught your show that you did with Tegan & Sara here in Atlanta last year. It seemed to me that you had a very similar fan base. I don’t know if it was that you both have a large lesbian following or that your music is compatible – I’m not really sure but it seemed that the people at the show were into all of it.

Jenn: That tour worked out so well for us. Not just making great friends with Tegan & Sara but also connecting with their fans. They have awesome fans!

Shannon: Girl in a Coma does a lot of touring. What are Jenn Alva’s tips for surviving the road?
Jenn: There’s a lot! It all starts off with making sure you get a good tour booked. A good route! You don’t want to drive more than about 7 hours. It will wear you out!
Packing right. Having enough merchandise. Being organized. I think a lot of bands, when they go on tour, they thinks it’s all only fun. But it’s a business, too.

Motel 6 is great. We don’t like to waste money on anything that’s more than around $60. We’re lucky that there are only 4 of us on the road right now so it makes it easy to have 2 to a room.

Another tip is food. We’re all vegetarians so what we tend to do is go to the grocery store and buy peanut butter and jelly, which we don’t have to refrigerate, and a loaf of bread. We buy lots of soups that we can keep under the seats so that when we are hungry, we stop at a gas station and warm it up.

Lastly, being professional and calling these venues in advance. We let them know that we are on our way and get in our load-in times. When we play, we do a good show.

Shannon: What about getting along with your band mates? Tips?

Jenn: The girls and I have the advantage of being like sisters from growing up together. We never get mad at each other for more than, like, 2 minutes and then, we’ll be laughing the next minute.

Shannon: I read about your being assaulted by the off-duty cop and I know that you can’t really talk about that due to pending litigation but it made me wonder what other interesting stories from the road you might have. Care to share?

Jenn: Every night is usually really interesting. We had an intense drive through a blizzard in Kansas. I told Phanie, “We gotta cancel, dude.” But she hates to cancel so we kept going. When we got to the freeway, the were closing it down and she was like, “Look on the map and see if there’s an alternate route.” And I go, “Dude, they’re closing the freeway for a reason.”

Shannon: Like the alternate routes will be clearer than the freeway?

Jenn: Yeah, right. So we drove and drove and it was okay for a little while but then, BOOM, the blizzard came and we had to drive like 5 miles per hour. Just before we got to a motel, this SUV came out of the fog just spinning around and around and it hit our rental van. It was pretty crazy.

As for wild times, we had a good time with our touring band, Miss Derringer. They’ve been like the first band that we’ve toured with where we’ve fallen in love with each other. We had a day off recently and went to New Orleans. We all went to Bourbon Street and just spent the time bonding. That was fun.

Shannon: I bet it’s kind of nice sometimes to be around people other than the people that you’re used to traveling with.

Jenn: Yes, definitely! It’s kind of like dating somebody. You learn something from everybody that you date. Being in a band is like a marriage, you know? So when we get to stray off with another band for conversation, its great!

Shannon: My daughter wanted me to ask you this: what would you be doing if you weren’t in the band?

Jenn: I would try to do something in art.

Shannon: I read that you were into painting….

Jenn: Yeah. I think if I would have pressed on and stuck with it more, I would have been at a whole other level by now. Ever since we got in this band, it’s totally taken over our lives. Everything is band, band, band. If I did have a chance to paint, it would be with acrylics and I think I would paint icons. I painted Bjork, Elvis Presley, Morrissey. I’ve done portraits of friends, but it’s not anything great. I definitely enjoy it and hope to do something later on. Right now, we are giving the band 100% of our attention and focus. It’ll go down sometime. Nina wants to go to school, I mean, we all want to do our own thing at some point.

Shannon: Social networking sites. Twitter, Facebook, MySpace. Are they a helpful way for you to connect with your fans or do you find them to be a pain in the ass to keep up with?

Jenn: I think Twitter is awesome. I don’t do it. Phanie does all of it. My job is to make some video blogs. I enjoy filming and editing. All of those ways to connect with fans are a help. Especially nowadays. You are really obliged to do it because of the age we live in. You have to keep up with the times and we appreciate having those tools. Girl in a Coma loves using those sites to connect with our fans.

Shannon: Some bands like U2 use their fame to promote social causes. Is there anything that Girl in a Coma is collectively passionate about or do you girls mostly just stick with music?

Jenn: I think we need to educate ourselves more. We are, and have been for years, vegetarians. We are very passionate about that. We’re going to have a lot to talk about soon when this court case is over with (the off duty officer assault). We’ve become a lot more political and more involved than we were since we’ve had more experiences. Phanie and I are lesbians. When we were promoting “Both Before I’m Gone” (1st album), we were doing a lot of gay magazine interviews. I sort of felt like I wanted to focus more on the music. Not the fact that we were girls, Latinas, lesbians… not any of that. This time around, we’re sort of realizing that this is our community and we have a lot to say, actually. For example, I think that kids in school should be educated about gays because “homosexuality” is such an ugly word still and it shouldn’t be.

Shannon: Yeah, there was a little 11 year old boy here in Atlanta that hung himself a few months ago because his classmates were calling him “gay”. There is really something wrong in the world when a kid would rather kill himself than be called “gay”. He was just a baby.

Jenn: Yeah, a baby! It just doesn’t make any sense and I don’t understand why so many people don’t understand that. Gay and lesbian people are paying taxes and contributing members of society and wanting committed relationships. Why are they not being treated equally? It’s the year 2009. It’s just ridiculous to even say this out loud.

Shannon: Yes, basic civil rights that everyone should have.

Jenn: The U.S. is far behind other countries. Those other places, it’s not a big deal at all.

Shannon: Well, the younger people have a better mindset. A lot of them are starting to say, “Who cares?” so change is coming.

Jenn: I hope so. I don’t think it’s going to happen anytime soon, of course.

Shannon: We have 6 states now and most of them happened this year.

Jenn: That is true!

Shannon: Would you like to share anything about your coming out experience?

Jenn: Yes, I could share about that. A lot of people want to know how it was for me coming from a Mexican culture family. Was it even more difficult? The answer is no because most Mexican families have a passion to be close to their families no matter what. When I came out to my family, it wasn’t a big deal.

Shannon: How old were you?

Jenn: I was 19. This is how it happened – I had a dream when I was 18. I was talking to my grandmother who had passed away when I was 16 and I just adored her. In my dream, she said, “I think you should tell your mom. She’s going to love you anyway.” So then I decided that I would tell her on my birthday. My birthday came around and I didn’t do it. But 2 days later, I was moping around the house and I was lying beside my mom. She already knew – sometimes parents just know. She was like, “Do you have something to tell me?” and I was like, “Yeah, I do”. And to soften the blow, I said I was Bi even though I knew that I wasn’t. She said, “Okay, well I’m going to love you anyway.”

She treated me a little bit weird for a while, but in a funny way. Like she would say, “Oh, change the channel. I don’t like this Ellen!”. Then, my first girlfriend came around and she was a sweetheart. My mom fell in love with her and became a lot more comfortable with it. Now, all she does is watch Ellen. Every day at 4 o'clock.

Shannon: (laughs) Ellen is a good representative.

Jenn: Absolutely.

Shannon: You were friends with Phanie in high school…

Jenn: Yeah, but she didn’t come out until a couple of years ago. It was funny.

Shannon: So it didn’t affect your friendship because you had come out so much earlier than she did but she never told you until recently?

Jenn: No. I told her when I was about 16. I was lying on the floor and she was on her bed and I was like, “Dude, I have something to tell you. I think I like girls. I like our friend Rosalie a lot.” She was quiet for a long time. She didn’t say anything. I was like, “Are we now not going to be friends or what?” and she was like, “No, no, no! It’s just Wow. Okay.”

Phanie didn’t ever seem to like anybody. She said she was asexual for a while. When she finally came out, it weirded me out. Even being a lesbian, it still weirded me out because I’ve known her for so long. And I’m not saying it wasn’t obvious, I’m just sayin’ that she has been such a weird person anyway. So when she did, I was cool with it.

Then, recently, problems started coming as a result. Not bad, but funny problems. Fighting over girls. That’s all. I’m glad that she came out and she’s happy. But I’m still like, “Stay away from the girls that I see”.

(laughs)

Shannon: Are you both attracted to the same types of girls?

Jenn: Very much so! You’ll see both of our heads turn when a certain type of woman walks by.

Shannon: Which is?

Jenn: It’s a Mexican girl or of Latin descent. Big eyes, long hair. But I love girls. All kinds of girls!

Shannon: Like Carmen from “The L Word”?

Jenn: Oh, definitely! She’s hot. I don’t like “The L Word” that much, though.

Shannon: Those writers frustrated the shit out of me. They made what could have been a really amazing show into a sort of joke that we were all willing to put up with because it was the only thing on TV that had lesbians.

Jenn: I met the girl that played Shane, I don’t know her real name and I hardly care.

Shannon: Kate Moennig?

Jenn: Yeah. I never liked her character anyway. My friends adored her but I never saw what they saw. One night, we were at a club doing a Tegan & Sara after party and she was there. Phanie said to me, “Go tell her something.” And I said, “Okay. I will.”

I walked over to her and I said, “Hi!” and she was like, “Hey.” She sounded like she was in a bad mood and I have no idea what her problem was but I said, “I have an idea for your show” but before I could finish she snapped, “The show is OVER!” and I was like, “Whatever.” And I walked away but I was going to tell her “How about my band comes on the show and then you and I get in a fight and I’ll beat the shit out of you.”

(laughs)

Jenn: Just to be silly, you know? Joke around with her. But she stopped it before I could really say anything.

Shannon: Like you said earlier, sometimes people have bad nights. Maybe that was one of hers. She missed a good one, though.

Jenn: Yeah.

Shannon: What’s your favorite thing about the gay community?

Jenn: It’s nice to be around people who have similarities with yourself. I love my gay guys. I love talking to them because they make me feel more feminine. Just having that connection to someone else right away that makes you a family. Every once in a while, you get a bad one. But I don’t think that we should be fighting with each other. We’re really all in the same boat and we need to take care of each other.

We really need to stick together and not be negative towards each other because it really doesn’t get you anywhere. Just understanding that everybody has different views and opinions helps. If we can just respect one another, homosexual, straight… whatever, if we can just get to that point, then that’s good enough, I think.

Shannon: Last question (and I ask everyone I interview this question). Girl crushes – we all have them…

Jenn: Yes, I have sooo many.

Shannon: Well, besides me, who?

(laughs)

Jenn: Okay, well, besides you, let me see… Eva Longoria. I love her. Jessica Alba, I used to but not so much anymore. Who else? Besides Eva? I saw her on TV the other day and I was like, “There she is!” Let me see, Megan Fox. Oh! There is an actress that is staring in a new Ethan Hawke movie called “The Hottest State”. I think her name is Catalina Sandino. I am in love with this girl! Oh my God. She’s got an accent. She is sooo beautiful.

Shannon: Thank you so much, Jenn! I hope your tour goes well and I hope people flock to the shows and but your new CD, Trio B.C.

Jenn: Thanks!

"Traditional Marriage"

.

1 Corinthians 7:8

.

"Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: it is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am"

.

Why doesn't the church push this?

.

Why don't pastors refuse to marry people if the apostle Paul teaches that singles and widows should stay single?

.

Another example of picking and choosing by fundamental evangelicals...

The Cliks Get Dirty

by: Sinnerviewer

.

A Cliks Haiku

The Cliks rock my face

Their new song is so kick ass

Can't stop listening

.

The Cliks are one of my faves. I love their music. I love their social consciousness. I love their work ethic. I love them as people. I met my grrl on their MySpace fan page. When I heard that they had a new single out, I had to give my beating heart instructions to be still.

.

I followed THIS LINK to the player and got to hear an incredibly melodic, sexy, rockin' song that has me positively pregnant with anticipation for their new cd Dirty King to be released on June 23. Not only that, but the first single, also titled "Dirty King" will be available on iTunes on April 14th.

.

If you think you remember hearing about The Cliks before, you did! We ran THIS INTERVIEW with drummer Morgan Doctor last May while they were beginning the True Colors Tour with Cyndi Lauper. You can catch The Cliks preview new material next month:

4/4: Palm Springs (Girlbar)

4/9: Chicago (Subterranean)

4/10: Detroit (Magic Stick)

4/11: Columbus CD101 Radio Show

4/13: New York, NY (Mercury Lounge)

4/14: Cambridge: (T.T. the Bear's)

4/15: Northampton (Iron Horse Music Hall)

4/16: Albany (Valentine's)

4/19: Phoenix (Phoenix Pride)

.

Look for Dirty King out on Tommy Boy on June 23!

Helpless

.
.
Last night, Sweet Melissa woke me up with a start in the middle of the night.
.
"Baybee!!" I heard.
.
I flipped my eyelids up and my heart began pounding as the adrenaline rushed through my veins. Someone is in the house! I'll kill them!!!
.
"What is it!?" I asked.
.
"You're all uncovered!!!" she answered in a panicked voice.
.
So I was. Not only uncovered, but exposed to the fan blowing next to the bed. She had to accentuate the point by putting her hot hand on my frozen stomach to make me realize that I was, in fact, freezing to death and likely only moments from going into a state of shock.
.
Like most people at the beginnings of hypothermia, I became disoriented and confused as I fumbled with the bedding. I could not figure out the entry point for going under the covers. What I didn't know is that I was laying on top of them. I easily exhausted myself in my attempts to find my way back under the blankets. As my body began to give up the fight, all I could manage to do was issue a frustrated final call for help: "Baby, I don't know what to do!"
.
Without any regard to retaining her own warm spot on the bed, she dove over and, in what seemed like mere seconds, she had me completely covered up. Like any seasoned rescuer, she covered my body with hers to share her body heat until my core body temperature returned back to normal.
.
Surely if she had not discovered me laying out atop of my bedding and taken such heroic action, I might very well be dead this morning. So thank you to my Sweet Melissa for saving my life.
.
Again.
.
Originally posted at http://sinnerviewer.blogspot.com/

"Balance" at the Local Library?

.
Ginny Maziarka is a concerned mother from Wisconsin. She was visiting her West Bend Community Library, she became upset about the "pro-homosexual" books that her local library was stocking. She and her husband filed a complaint to have certain books deemed "pornographic", others moved out of the teen section and wants the library to add books about how some people have successfully left the gay lifestyle.
.
First, this woman is trying to make a name for herself because she is actively promoting herself and her cause. She has a blog and I recommend that you visit it and let her know what your opinions are. She has a place for comments at the end of each post. Here is a link:

http://wissup.blogspot.com/

.

She also has a video link from her blog to an interview that she gave to a local news station. Can you guess what her sinful lifestyle is?

.

http://www.fox6now.com/video/?autoStart=true&topVideoCatNo=default&clipId=3506409
.
If you guessed gluttony & sloth, you are CORRECT!!!

.

Here we have another example of a fundamental evangelical who is trying to make gays & lesbians (teens at that!) feel shame for being who God made them while she completely ignores the scriptures that deal with gluttony & sloth in her own life. Maybe she should stop policing the library and start taking care of her body. After all, it is the Lord's temple!

A Blog Post That Resonated

Yesterday, I spent the day home in bed, sick with a cold. I wrote a blog post. Someone from India read it. She wrote a post about it and a flood of her readers came over to visit and comment. Then, one of those readers featured it on her site and it's sort of taken off. It seems to have resonated with so many people that I wanted to share it with you. Here it is:

"Live Your Truth" by Sinnerviewer

I remember a long time ago, Oprah did a show about living as your authentic self. Her whole show, and many shows that season, was about how many of us do not live our lives where we are true to ourselves or who we are.
.
I remember watching it thinking to myself, "I would love to do that." But I knew that I would not be able to be me. I was living my life as me, but not all of who I am. Only the parts that I knew would be acceptable to most people. I know to really be me would cost me dearly and I wasn't ready to pay.
.
Life has a way of bring full pressure to bear on the things that you need to change and there was no escaping it for me. I had to change or die. Since I have 2 of the most amazing children on the planet, I chose to live my life according to my truth.
.
Since then, I've had some people tell me that they could no longer live their lives with me in it. I accepted this because I know that there are ignorant people out there who think that because they now have additional information about me, they wrongly think it fundamentally changes the core of who I am.
.
Nothing could be further from the truth. I still love God. I still love my children and my family. I still think Joan Jett rocks and I still love giving and serving in my community. I am everything I was before. The only new thing is that I want to be honest about myself.
.
I once listened to a sermon about faith. It taught that for us to step out in faith was really to not know what was on the other side, but just to trust God with the details and do what you know will please Him. Lying was not pleasing so I knew the truth is where I would please God. In faith, not knowing what would happen, I was honest.
.
It cost me dearly but I can say that everything important to me that I have lost has been replaced by God.
.
I lost my partner/friend of 23 years who told me that I would grow old and die alone without him. Instead, I fell in love for the first time within 7 weeks of ending that relationship. I can't believe how good it feels to be in love with someone that you know is the person for you. It's truly amazing!
.
I lost a sibling but God restored a relationship with another sibling that my ex had damaged. We are so close now and it's a true joy to be so close and to be see him so happy. I also have the feeling of being cared for instead of always being the caretaker.
.
I lost my mom and God showed me how much more emotionally giving I can be when I don't have such a millstone of judgment and disapproval around my neck. I wish the best for her but I now realize she'll never be happy with me until she's happy with herself. Sometimes, when people want out of your life, you just have to know when to let them go for good.
.
When I was snubbed by my mom's side of the family this past Christmas, God used my grandma's passing to put me in touch with all of these family members that I didn't even know much about before but I am thrilled that I know now. They are loving, accepting and a joy to be around. I am thrilled at having them in my life.
.
All of my church "friends" have been replaced my reconnecting with my old friends from years ago - they all live nearby and they don't judge me at all. It's total love and acceptance. I have also met so many new, amazing people who have walked in my shoes and it's so great to know that I don't walk alone. They are full of love and support.
.
I feel so thankful to God that He has been faithful to take care of all of my needs. I once received a letter from a "friend" who told me that "the way of a transgressor is hard" and that's why I should come back to my life of lies. How ironic! As if to say that life as a fundamental evangelical is going to be easy.
.
Reflecting on my 15 years as a fundamental evangelical, doing everything that I was told, was the hardest part of my life. I can't speak this for every evangelical that I knew, but I can say it was a large majority of them. This kind of faith is all based on circular reasoning - an incredibly frustrating fallacy.
.
They'll tell you that whatever you ask, if it's according to the will of God, it will be given to you. So when you spend every day for 15 years on your face in tears praying not to be gay and God doesn't change you, they tell you that your prayers weren't sincere enough.
.
They'll tell you that God loves you just as you are but then teach how unacceptable you are to God.
.
They'll tell you that you are fearfully and wonderfully made by God himself and then tell you that if you love God, you'll be this certain way, even if it isn't who God created you to be.
.
They'll describe how your spouse should be according to Biblical standards so that when you see your spouse not even close to that standard, you will feel dissatisfied and slighted and wondering how much better your life would be if only your partner would pray once in a while. You'll see them want to sleep late instead of get up early and read their Bible and feel annoyed and question their salvation and wonder what it would be like to be with someone who had their spiritual life together.
.
They'll tell you that the Bible is the inerrant word of God breathed out by him and that scripture should be taken literal, unless it causes a conflict for them. (Such as not eating pork or shrimp, killing disrespectful children or stoning to death adulterers).
.
They'll tell you that faith without works is dead, but then turn around and say that it's not by works, so that no man will be able to boast.
.
They'll go on and on about what the Bible has to say about being a lesbian (nothing) and never mention the references to gluttony (17+) or sloth (11+) because then they'd have to address the majority of their congregation and that might co$t them money and/or members.
.
They'll tell you that you have freedom in Christ to make his own decisions based upon the leading of the Holy Spirit within you but then call you out when the Holy Spirit didn't lead you the same way it led them.
.
They teach that every man is capable to discerning for himself what the scriptures say but then insist that you attend Sunday School and Bible study for your regular indoctrination of systematic theology.
.
They teach about how wrong it is to be legalistic, but base everything on the law. They regularly embrace the love of law and routinely shun the law of love.
.

Life is hard.
.
It's hard for evangelicals. It's hard for gays. It's hard for rich people and it's hard for poor people. We all get diseases. We all have crappy relatives. We all have shallow friends, car trouble and bad backs. We all have jobs we hate and none of us can understand the guy from India on the PC troubleshooting line. We might as well make our lives just a bit easier by not pressuring ourselves to be someone that we are not.
.
Live your life as you are. Let people love you or leave you. The people that you want in your life will stay and be an asset and the ones that leave you never really loved you anyway. They loved what you could do for them or loved the idea of who you were, not who you really are.
.
Be yourself. Live your truth. Be happy and enjoy the life that God gave you. It's short and we are not promised tomorrow. Today is all you have.

Dear Santa:

Dear Santa:

There's no point in lying to you, Big Guy. It hasn't been my best year. But we both know that you give all kinds of things to people way worse than me! For that reason, I don't feel shy about asking.

Since I'm limited on my stamps, I thought I'd just post my wish list to you here. Hope you can manage to get me all of these but I'll understand if you have to leave 1 off. Thanks a mil!

-Sinnerviewer

P.S. - Since you know that experiences are more important to me than things, I thought up a few that I would enjoy a lot. If anyone can make it happen, it will be you. That being said, here are the ones at the top of my list:

1. I wanna go back to Italy! This time, I'd prefer to go with someone who actually wants to be there with me - someone like my Sweet Melissa. I'd like to take her there and tell her how much I love her while we look at the scenery and drink some wine. I might even want to ask her something really important. That is at the top of my list, Santa. Make it happen!
2. I would love to work on the set of the new movie that Joan Jett is backing about her old band called "The Runaways" (also featuring Lita Ford). This movie will be directed by cutting edger Floria Sigismondi. It's also gonna star Kristen Stewart (Bella from "Twilight" will play Joan Jett - odd casting, I know!). Even if I was a janitor, I would just love to be a part of that project. So Santa, do you know anyone that can get me in?3. I need some time with Jon Bon Jovi. He's the only man who sometimes makes me question my lesbian sexuality. And that statement actually came up in my divorce hearing back in May so I think I really deserve him now. I want to write a screenplay about me & my friends from high school who are now knocking on 40's door are going to kidnap him and try to make him be our friend but we discover that he's not what makes us happy after all. I was going to call it "The Kidnapping of Jon Bon Jovi" and I think it would be a fantastic movie. I just need to convince Jon to work with me so I think a few weeks in Hawaii should do it. Could you also please keep his wife in New Jersey? She's a multi-level black belt in Karate and I don't want any trouble. Also, could he please be wearing this?
Okay, as for "things" - I just have a few of them:

1. Some good wine. I like Shiraz so that would be ideal. I also like Merlot. Whatever you can get your hands on would be appreciated.
2. A hand-held GPS. I really like to geocache. (www.geocaching.com) I want one that is WAAS-enabled and easy for me to operate. Please don't send me anything that my teenagers will have to teach me to operate. They already make fun of me enough as it is.

3. I need a laptop cooler. This damn thing is burning my leg right now!
In fact, I had a lot more to ask for but I need to go now before my laptop sets my sheets on fire. Thanks again, Santa.

Peace Out!

**You can visit Sinnerviewer's personal blog by clicking HERE.

P-Flag: A GLBT Resource

When I had to come out, it was to all of the people in my life at once.

I was married and my husband was at a loss as to how to get support for himself. His circle of friends were mostly all evangelical Christians who deal with things like this by calling them sin and shunning the "sinner". I wish I had known about P-Flag back then because it may have helped us to save our friendship and given him the support that he needed instead of making him feel like he had to choose between God and our friendship.

P-Flag stands for Parents, Family & Friends of Lesbians and Gays. They exist to support the families and friends of the GLBT community and to educate the community at large so that society will embrace everyone, including those of diverse sexual orientations and gender identities.

Their mission statement:

PFLAG promotes the health and well-being of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons, their families and friends through:
support, to cope with an adverse society; education, to enlighten an
ill-informed public; and advocacy, to end discrimination and to secure equal civil rights. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays provides opportunity for dialogue about sexual orientation and gender identity, and acts to create a society that is healthy and respectful of human diversity.

I first learned about P-Flag when I went to Pride in Atlanta. I was walking around a corner with Sweet Melissa and I saw a long line at the P-Flag booth. There was a sign for "Free Hugs From a P-Flag Parent" and the line of people waiting for a hug took me by such surprise that I fought the tears back. How many gay men and women needed to feel the physical affection of an accepting parent? Although my heart ached for myself because I know I will never feel that from a mother, I inwardly gave thanks for a father who could accept me and love me regardless of what my orientation was. But the realization that there are many GLBT's that don't have the love and/or support of either parent was incredibly sad to say the least.

I went home and looked up P-Flag. I saw that there are monthly meetings in my area and made plans to attend the next one. Sweet Melissa & I have not missed a meeting since that Sunday and we are in LOVE with our group. There are some very cool people there but we personally get the most from the mothers in the group. They love and accept their gay children and are an inspiration to both of us as mothers ourselves.

Melissa's mom lives out of state and my own mom, when she was trying to cope with my coming out, told me that she "hated the militant lesbian bitch" that I had become. She thought that I was going through some sort of mid-life crisis and was actually mad at me for coming out to my 2 teenagers, preferring that I continue to live a lie until they went away to college. Needless to say, we are now quite estranged.

The love that our P-Flag moms give us is something that Melissa & I cherish and look forward to each month, as well as the fellowship that we all share as a group of gay and straight people striving to suooprt and encourage each other. I want to encourage all of our readers to check out a meeting and refer your family & friends to them as well.

To find a local chapter near you, CLICK HERE.

You can visit Sinnerviewer's personal blog by clicking HERE.

Florida, Banning Gays From Being Foster Parents Is Unconstitutional

I used to live in Florida. I lived in Fort Walton Beach (near Destin). I was married and a foster mom to lots and lots of babies and toddlers. Each one as precious as the last and all from a variety of problematic homes. Some were born with drugs in their system. Some were born in jail or to a mother who had previously lost other children due to abuse or neglect. One was a product of a worker raping her mentally retarded mother in an institution. The one thing that was the same: there were lots of them and the steady stream of children needing care only grew.

There was never a week that went by where I didn't get a phone call from a social worker begging me to take on another. This despite the fact that I was only licensed for 1 child at a time. But sometimes, I might have 3 of them along with my own 2 children.

Why would the state have such a problem? Because of their backwards policy of banning homosexuals from being foster parents. Yes, if you are gay, you can't be a foster parent in Florida (as well as some other states).

Well, poo on you, Florida. Because I was gay (albeit married to a dude at the time) and I made a kick ass foster parent. I didn't even complain at the .50 per hour that you paid for the child's food, clothing, toys, blankets, and other necessities. I didn't complain when I had a new caseworker each week. I didn't complain when you gave me 30 minutes notice about a court hearing. I didn't complain getting up at 2, 4 and 6 am for newborn feedings. I didn't complain when I had to drive a baby over an hour to Pensacola to see his parents because my male social worker was scared of the father.

I was a shining beacon among foster mothers and I was gay. And so are a lot of other foster parents who have proven that being gay has nothing to do with your ability to love, nurture and care for children. I even have a theory that gays might be better at it because we know what it's like to live in a world full of strife, rejection and drama.

But - the times, they are a changin'. Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Cindy Lederman declared today that Florida's 50-year-old ban on gay adoptions is quite unconstitutional - a ruling state lawyers immediately said they would challenge.

In a 53-page ruling, Judge Lederman said, "It is clear that sexual orientation is not a predictor of a person's ability to parent.''

Duh.

It's about time Florida started putting the kids first.

In The Kitchen With Sinnerviewer: Pumpkin Cheesecake

Last July, my Sweet Melissa & I were at Atlanta Pride. Strolling from booth to booth, we met the publishers of the new lesbian magazine Jane and Jane who were there to get new subscribers.

Although they were chintzy and not wanting to give away the swag that was on their table (Melissa couldn't even get a baseball cap when she subscribed) and they were kind of rude to me when I asked them if their writers were staff or freelance (they blew me off as if I were fishing for a job - which I was), one thing about our visit with them stuck in my mind: My Sweet Melissa asked if their magazine would have recipes.

Why she asked this I will never know because she doesn't and can't cook. When she tries, it's a sad affair and I either go to bed with a stomach ache or I have to sneak a bowl of cereal at bedtime since I'm hungry because my food disappeared into my napkin at dinner. Still, she likes magazines with recipes and when they told her that they would have recipes, she subscribed - even without the ball cap that they should have given her. (Cheap people irritate me)

The thought occurred to me today as I was pulling out my favorite Thanksgiving recipe that some other lesbians might like Lesbiatopia more if we had recipes. After all, some of us can cook. Even if we hate to but must do it in order to survive.

It also occurred to me that it took me 3 days to find this damn recipe which I almost lose each year. Therefore, if I published it here, I would always know where to go find it even if I lose my paper copy.

Without further ado, I share with you my famous recipe for Pumpkin Cheesecake:

3/4 C. graham cracker crumbs
1/2 C. ground pecans (optional)
2 Tbsp. sugar
2 Tbsp. brown sugar
1/4 C. butter, melted
3/4 C. sugar
3/4 C. canned pumpkin
3 egg yolks
1 Tbsp. cornstarch
1 + 1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp. ground ginger
1/4 tsp. salt
(3) 8oz. pkgs. cream cheese, softened
1/4 C. + 2 Tbsp. sugar
1 egg
1 egg yolk
Heavy whipping cream
1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
1/2 tsp. lemon extract

Combine 1st 5 ingredients, mix well. Firmly press mixture into 9" springform pan. Combine 3/4 C. sugar, pumpkin, 3 yolks, spices, & salt in med. bowl. Mix well & set aside.

Beat cream cheese w/ electric mixer until light & fluffy. Gradually add 1/4 C. plus 2 Tbsp. sugar. Mix well. Add egg and additional yolk and 2 Tbsp. whipping cream, beating well. Add cornstarch & flavorings. Beat until smooth. Add pumpkin mixture & mix well. Pour into springform pan. Bake @ 350 for 50-55 minutes. Center may be soft but will firm up when chilled. Let cool on wire rack, then chill.

Serve with cinnamon whipped cream:

Use remainder of whipped cream (about 2 C). In a cold bowl, pour whipping cream and 1/2 - 1 C. sugar (according to your taste) and 1/2 - 1 tsp. cinnamon (according to your taste). Whip with mixer until it becomes light and fluffy (not liquid). Be careful not to over whip.

If you'd like to see more recipes on Lesbiatopia, be sure to let us know here in the comments!

Happy Thanksgiving!

The L Word: Impacting One Lesbian at a Time

One day when I was getting tea at a local coffee house and living the life of a straight woman, this barista told me something weird. She said, "You remind me of Kate Moennig. You have the same dark look, same eyes, same smile and the same mannerisms as her."

"Who?"

"Kate Moennig. She plays 'Shane' from 'The L Word'. On Showtime? Have you seen that show?"

"Uh, no. I don't have Showtime."

But in the back of my mind, I was slightly panic-stricken. Because as a church-goer, I had seen some e-mail a few years back from one of those Focus On The Family groups trying to rally it's members to write or call Showtime to protest the show about lesbians. I was so grateful that we didn't get premium channels because it helped me to fight the temptation to learn more about other women like me. I didn't know a single other lesbian and it made my straight life so much easier to live in to keep myself ignorant.

I went home and googled Kate Moennig. Hell, I wish I looked like her. But my search took me in an unexpected direction: YouTube. Here was the first video I watched (with subtitles for our French pals):




I realized that there were all kinds of clips from "'The L Word" and I started watching. And watching. And watching. The more I watched, the more I learned. The more I learned, the more my need to be myself surfaced. It just helped to reinforce in my mind that people be out and still have a decent life.

It was so hard for me to be someone that I wasn't. I hate to say it because it would have been great if my first lesbian education was through a personal connection, not a TV show. But I am glad The L Word existed during a time when I needed another nudge towards the closet door.

We are about to see the final season of "The L Word" and it got me to wondering if I was the only one that this show had an impact on. Anyone have any good L Word stories? I'd love to read them.

The final season of "The L Word" will premiere in Showtime on January 18th.

Lesbian Apologetics: Lesson 2 - The Sin of Sodom

by: Sinnerviewer

"Lot & His Daughters" Hendrick Goltzius, 1616

Genesis 19:1-11 (NAS)

Now the two angels came to Sodom in the evening as Lot was sitting in the gate of Sodom When Lot saw them, he rose to meet them and bowed down with his face to the ground. And he said, "Now behold, my lords, please turn aside into your servant's house, and spend the night, and wash your feet; then you may rise early and go on your way." They said however, "No, but we shall spend the night in the square." Yet he urged them strongly, so they turned aside to him and entered his house; and he prepared a feast for them, and baked unleavened bread, and they ate. Before they lay down, the men of the city, the men of Sodom, surrounded the house, both young and old, all the people from every quarter; and they called to Lot and said to him, "Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us that we may have relations with them." But Lot went out to them at the doorway, and shut the door behind him, and said, "Please, my brothers, do not act wickedly. "Now behold, I have two daughters who have not had relations with man; please let me bring them out to you, and do to them whatever you like; only do nothing to these men, inasmuch as they have come under the shelter of my roof." But they said, "Stand aside." Furthermore, they said, "This one came in as an alien, and already he is acting like a judge; now we will treat you worse than them." So they pressed hard against Lot and came near to break the door. But the men reached out their hands and brought Lot into the house with them, and shut the door. They struck the men who were at the doorway of the house with blindness, both small and great, so that they wearied themselves trying to find the doorway.

There is a clear sexual reference in this story. There is no doubt about that. But this story is not about sex. It is about hospitality, about rape, about abuse and about a very different culture.


Lot was the nephew of Abraham. The Bible calls Lot a “righteous” man in 2 Peter 2:7. If Lot lived today, our culture might not define him in any such glowing terms. In fact, Lot would likely be jailed and then murdered in prison. Not only for offering his virgin daughters to a rape gang to protect two strangers whom he just met. But he also later got drunk and had sex with his daughters, getting them both pregnant. (Genesis 19:36) Apparently, he had no idea that he had any sex with his daughters due to his drunkenness but science would argue that if a man is that drunk, he would not even be able to get an erection, let alone ejaculate. The Bible blames his daughters and their trickery for the incest.

Still, the Bible says that Lot was “righteous”.

In Lot’s culture, he lived in a desert town and one night in the wilderness would mean almost certain death. Hospitality was the law of the land. Men were the only people with any social standing.

In Lot’s culture, his daughters were his property as much as his livestock. He got money from the sale of his daughters and they would have been worth much less if they had actually been turned over to the rape gang and had their virginity stolen. For Lot to have offered them up shows how important hospitality was and how much less important women were.

In Lot’s culture, he did what was right. He not only offered, but implored, two travelers to come stay the night in his home. According to Daniel Helminiak, author of What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality, “The same rule is a traditional part of Semetic and Arabic cultures. This rule is so strict that no one might harm even an enemy who had been offered shelter for the night. So doing what was right, following God’s law as he understood it, Lot refused to expose his guests to the abuse of the men of Sodom. To do so would have violated the law of sacred hospitality.”

Why did a gang of men even show up to rape these aliens? In Lot’s culture, men humiliated other men by forcing anal sex on them. During war, for example, the victorious soldiers would insult the defeated army by treating them like women by forcing anal sex upon them. After all, in hetero-genital sex, the men were the “active” partner and the women were the “receptive” partner. Since Lot’s “visitors” were really messengers from God, they could have been suspected spies or men from some unknown origin to the people of Sodom who were perceived as a threat. The men of Sodom may have wanted to rape them as a warning against them attacking their city later. It could be to show the strangers how macho they were, how fearless… it doesn’t matter what the specific reason was. They were there to abuse and Lot would not allow it.

What does the Bible say about Sodom and its sinfulness? First, God had already seen it's wickedness before the incident with the rape gang and He had passed judgment and planned to destroy it. (Genesis 18) In fact, Lot was the lone righteous person there. Nowhere does the scriptures say that Sodom was full of homosexuals or that the sin of Sodom was homosexuality.

Jesus himself made reference to Sodom in Matthew 10:5-15 when he was commissioning his disciples to go into villages to minister. He says that if the people are inhospitable and do not receive them, “it will be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah on the day of judgment than for that town.” So even Jesus refers to their inhospitality and makes no reference to sex whatsoever.

Other places in scripture that refer to Sodom: Isaiah 1:10-17 and 3:9, Zephaniah 2:8-11 & Jeremiah 23:14. What do these verses have to say about Sodom and sex? Not a thing. But they do refer to oppression, partiality, injustice, lies, as well as other similar sins.

Finally, the Bible makes it as clear as it possibly can in Ezekiel 16:49 “This was the sin of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had arrogance, abundant food and ceaseless ease, but she did not help the poor and needy.” (Memorize that if you plan to battle an Evangelical on this issue).

If Lot was righteous as the Bible defines him, we can assume it is God's grace in overlooking his sinfulness that made him righteous. And if God's grace can overlook incest, drunkeness, and child abuse, it can overlook anything and there is hope for anyone to be "righteous".

The next time that someone tells you about the “sin of Sodom”, I hope that you’ll be prepared to let them know what the sins of Sodom really were and that they had nothing to do with homosexuality. It had everything to do with being given abundant blessings and not sharing them or using them to help others, but rather abusing them. Dr. Helminiak says it best: “Those who oppress homosexuals because of the supposed ‘Sin of Sodom’ may themselves be the real ‘Sodomites’ as the Bible understands it.”

To read more about the differing views and the history of Sodom, CLICK HERE.

Next Lesson: The Abomination of Leviticus: Uncleaness

Lesbian Apologetics: Lesson 1 - Interpreting the Bible

The Bible is read by people all over the planet. They come from all sorts of languages and cultures and they each have a view of the world. One thing is for certain, though. When someone reads it, they will have 1 of 2 viewpoints:

1. They interpret the Bible in literal terms. They believe that each and every word as presented in its current format are the words of God, written down by men as the Holy Spirit inspired them.

OR

2. They interpret the Bible within the historical and cultural contexts. They consider when the texts were written, the place, the cultural norms, etc, and see how what they are reading fits within those parameters.

The first one is the easy one because you can say, “God said it. I believe it. That settles it.” No thinking involved. The problem is, even these people don’t really accept everything as literal. They pick and choose what is convenient for them or they will create a systematic theology that allows them to claim it’s the perfect and inerrant word of God while allowing themselves to ignore many Biblical mandates.

Here are a few examples:

• In Matthew 5:27-30, Jesus teaches: "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”

My question is this: Where are all of the eye-less, hand-less, penis-less, literal interpreters (LI’s)? Why do they not adhere to Jesus’ remedy for sin? Because they realize that he is making the point not to take sin lightly so as to allow yourself to get into tempting situations. Jesus doesn’t want people to maim their bodies. He wants people to treat each other well.

• In 1 Timothy 2:11-14, the apostle Paul instructs: “I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes” How many literal interpreters violate Paul’s instruction? (And, on a side note, Paul was very good about saying “I don’t allow this, I don’t allow that.” - He is stating his personal preference, yet people take it as a mandate from God.)

(Jessica Alba - a filthy sinner?) Photo: Getty Images

The reason we see LI’s wearing braided hair, jewelry and costly garments is because they have been taught that the reason they can ignore these verses is because that in Paul’s day, a woman who dressed like that was a prostitute.

Is that a cultural filter that I smell? Because in our culture, a woman like that is normal and a woman like Paul describes is Amish.

Paul also says that women should remain silent in the church. But how many churches would not survive without women teaching Sunday school or in various office and volunteer positions where they not only speak, but also give instruction. This one gets ignored because there are not enough men who will get off the couch to study enough to teach. Churches today ignore Paul’s mandate because the backbone of their empires are built on the the free labor of these strong, insightful and giving women.

How do they explain this to their puppets? They tell them that Paul really meant that women should not ask questions at church, but instead go to their husbands. It also means that women can serve fo sho - just not in any leadership capacity. In other words, "we want your blood, sweat and tears, just not your opinions. We tell you what to do and you quietly obey so you can go to Heaven, okay, little lady?"

• Exodus 22:25, Psalm 15:15, Proverbs 28:8, Ezekiel 18:13, 17, & 22:12 all forbid the use of banks or profiting from loans and investments.

How many LI’s ignore that? Churches are contstantly profiting from investments and much of the money that is given to them are from people who gained their money from investments. They are also not supposed to borrow money but they do that all the time for building projects and buying land.

They might use their old standby: “Well, those are all Old Testament scriptures. We are under a new covenant.” Translation: "Anything that we don’t like in the pesky rules section of the Old Testament can be ignored by claiming that Jesus erased all laws from the old covenant and replaced them with a new covenant. We know you won't bother to go look up what words like 'covenant' really mean or find out what the difference between the two are so you'll just have to take our word for it."

Two of my personal favorite mandates that LI’s ignore: stoning adulterers & killing disrespectful kids (though I’m sure many are tempted).

The way we read things literally in the Bible can seriously affect how we understand their meaning!

Proverbs 25:21-22 teaches “If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you.”

LI’s might read this and think you can make things worse for your enemy by being nice to them because God will see that they are bad and you are good and you will get a special treat while they will be punished.

In the context of the culture and time period when this was written, fire was vital for survival. You cooked, cleaned, heated your home and used it for many chores and duties. If your fire went out, you had to go borrow burning coals from a neighbor. If you lived outside the walls of a city, your neighbor wasn’t going to be too close and you’d bring a metal container bundled in rags to carry on your head. To have a neighbor heap burning coals into that container was to have them share an act of kindness – like someone helping to pay your heating bill.

To heap live coals on a person's head is to make him ashamed of his hostility by surprising him with unconventional kindness. And out of his shame, he will feel a conviction about how he has treated people and have a change of heart. This brings God glory. God recognizes that you could have chosen to retaliate and repay evil with evil, but instead, you chose to show grace. And that makes Him want to reward you.

To study the times, the culture and the writers of the books of the Old and New Testaments is to grasp for deeper meaning and understanding of what their meanings are.

Think of it this way: If I was writing a book and I said that my friend was a 'space cadet', someone a thousand years from now who did not know that in my culture, we use that slang term to mean ditzy, they might think my friend was really a student trying to become an astronaut. But if the future person reading my book knows something of my culture, the correct meaning emerges and changes entirely.

To sum it all up: Even the LI’s don’t take everything literally if they have found a compelling reason. When faced with the concrete evidence that the earth was a sphere instead of flat, as they literally interpreted Genesis 1:2 to mean, they conceded the literal “it was without form” was not the correct interpretation.

Scriptures are meant to be inspiring, studied by individuals for their personal growth and used by God to speak to our hearts as individuals. Someone who wants to try to understand them should spend time learning about them and the history surrounding their formation, not listening to James Dobson on the radio and parroting everything he says because "he's a man of God."

The scriptures, no matter what they are, are never to be used as a legalistic tool for power-hungry people who want to force others to drink their Kool-Aid. Still, there will always be those people who are far too lazy to study for themselves, as the Bible commands in 2 Timothy 2:15:

"Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth."

Intro to this series: CLICK HERE

Next Week: "The Sin of Sodom?"

Lesbian Apologetics: A Bible Study

by: Sinnerviewer

Without going into detail about my life story, I at least want to start by saying I have had a 16 year experience steeped in evangelical Christianity. Part of me trying to “fix” myself was seeking some help from God. He didn’t “fix” me. One of my old pastors told me, as I was being branded an apostate, that it was because I didn’t pray sincerely enough. The truth, in fact, was that I spent every single day in prayer, often on my face in tears, begging for Him to make me "normal".

God didn't fix me because I wasn’t broken. God made me this way and He doesn’t make mistakes.

Sadly, my coming out involved my church announcing my "sin" in a public worship service that the leadership felt would be good to have my children attend. They weren’t even going to tell me about it. I found out and had my Dad take my kids to his cabin for the weekend so that they didn’t have to be there.


I knew I needed to know more about why these people, who all used to be very good friends of mine, were not only not speaking to me, but even lying about me in court so that I would lose custody of my kids. What makes them believe that being gay makes you a bad person and not fit to be a parent, even after those people used to say that I was the best mother they knew – one even asking me to take her 5 children in the event of her death? Why did they feel the need to disfellowship me in a public service instead of just letting me resign as a member?

I had a nice meeting one day with a sweet pastor of an open and affirming church. This pastor gave me a book by Daniel A. Helminiak called “What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality”. I was told that the book was a little bit “brainy” and “dry” but I did not find it that way. After all, I had been studying systematic theology for several years trying to make sense of my faith the way that the evangelical churches that I went to were presenting it.

Reading the book has given me a righteous indignation about how the Bible is continuously misinterpreted. Not only in the past, but right now and on a daily basis. It also makes me furious for God that so many people are too lazy to study the Bible for themselves, but believe what they hear being preached and then go act out the hatred that they are taught to perpetuate because they think they are pleasing God. They think that rejecting me and my friendship will please God because the "theology" they learn teaches them to ignore what Jesus called the second greatest commandment: to love others as much as you love yourself.

In a nutshell, the literal interpreters are extremely reluctant to accept any historical context if it changes a scripture’s meaning from what they are used to it being. When something doesn't fit a literal interpretation, they will use the historical/cultural context as an excuse not to take it literally (such as ignoring Jesus telling people to gouge out their eyes if they lust). Otherwise, if they can use it to their advantage, they will literally interpret.

An example: Genesis 1:1-2 “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And the earth was formless and void, and darkness was over the surface of the deep: and the Spirit of God was moving over the surface of the waters.”

These verses are what the early church used to justify burning “heretics” at the stake for trying to teach that the world was really round, not flat. The church argued that “the earth was formless” meant that it was flat. To admit that it might be round would have discredited them among the uneducated and they would lose power.

Now that we have proof that the earth is not flat, the church has accepted it as round and we no longer kill people for saying so. Still, they are not willing to accept new scientific or historical evidence that sheds light on certain scriptures because the meaning changes and it messes up their systematic theology and they would have to admit that they are not right about everything.

I am going to be writing a series of articles for you all to read about what their arguments are in the Bible against homosexuality. Then, I am going to show you why God loves you just the way you are and how you can have an intelligent debate that should get them to stop and think about what they believe and why they believe it. I will try to have them once a week until we work our way through each argument. I will be using a lot of this book as my jump-off point so if you’d like to read along, go grab yourself a copy and read along with me.

When we finish and you have kept up, you should be able to deliver some serious lesbian apologetics to any person who believes in a literal interpretation of scriptures. You should be able to, in a spirit of love, reach out to them and help them become more loving and gentle, just as Jesus would be. And if you can’t, at least you’ll force them to run back to their pastor (instead of their Bible) and ask some questions so that they don’t look like a fool again.

Don’t miss any of these “lessons” – subscribe to Lesbiatopia today.

Interview: Madalyn Sklar of GoGirls Music

GoGirlsMusic.com is a unique organization that focuses on advancing the careers of independent female artists. It was founded in early 1996 by lesbian musician Madalyn Sklar. GoGirls works tirelessly to help artists through education, networking, and events. Artists who become involved with GoGirls have the opportunity to perform, have their work reviewed, and get involved with a hardworking group of women who "get things done" in the music scene.

Madalyn is also a music business coach & consultant, blogger, social networks expert and author. She has spent 12 years working with a wide range of independent musicians, helping them get focused and energized.

Lesbiatopia's special projects editor, Sinnerviewer, spoke with Madalyn about her role in founding GoGirls and about how GoGirls helps to promote women in music:

Shannon: You founded Go Girls Music almost 13 years ago. Tell me about that.


Madalyn: It started out of frustration of going to the local guitar shop and getting ignored. I started wondering if it was because I’m a female. The stores are all run by guys. I wasn’t sure if it was because I live in the south (Texas) or did other women get treated the same way in other parts of the country. At the time, the Internet was still very new. I was really big on the internet back then and saw the potential of what the Internet could do to bring people together.
I thought it would be really cool to set up a website for women in music to come together in a forum and talk about issues relevant to us. I didn’t really know exactly how it was going to come together. It was just an idea – kind of like a hobby. I had a job at the time in the financial business but was also learning web design and HTML. As a side business, I started a web design company. I figured GoGirls would be my website that I would play with to try out the new tips and tricks that I was learning.

That was kind of how it started. It has evolved over the years into something huge. We are literally an international organization promoting women and music. That’s why we say we are the oldest and largest organization promoting independent women in music.

Shannon: In the course of speaking with the Atlanta Chapter of Go Girls leader, Anne Marie, it occurred to me that women can sometimes be competitive and sometimes catty. Is it a particular challenge for you to get GoGirls members to support each other and not feel that sense of competition?

Madalyn: I think I do a really great job at this and it’s because I was born to be a leader. When it comes to the cliques and the cattiness, it all has to do with leadership. I don’t allow for it. This is not high school. It’s not a place to go start cliques. There was another ‘women in music’ organization that started a few years after us and I can remember some of my musician friends telling me about how it was very cliqueish. It was very frustrating for them because they just could not get into the “club”. I was just astounded. We’re grown-ups! There’s no need for that. My thing from day one is our mission statement: To promote, support & empower women in music.” If you’re going to do those things, there’s no room for it here. No favoritism, no cliques.

Not many people know this but when GoGirls was still pretty young, I had a singer/songwriter girlfriend. I made it very clear to her that just because she was with me, it doesn’t mean that you get to go play everything and do everything and get special treatment. That’s not how I operate.

Shannon: You could have really undermined your membership by doing something like that. That was very insightful of you.

Madalyn: I saw all of these other organizations trying to copy me and do what I was doing but I can’t even name one that did not show blatant favoritism. This music business on the Indie side is not very big. There’s a lot of obvious “I’ll help you and you help me” that goes on that they don’t even try to hide.

Shannon: I’m glad that you brought up the terminology of “Indie Music” because I don’t think a lot of people know what that means. Could you define that for Lesbiatopia readers?

Madalyn: Absolutely. When we think about main stream music, it’s what we hear on the radio. It’s what we’re stuck with, like it or not. And there is a lot of crap. Britney Spears – who cares! And yes, we all love Madonna but I’m so tired of all this music that these major labels support.

What independent (“indie”) is – it’s what you don’t get to hear on the radio. Its people doing their own thing: DIY – Do It Yourself. That’s a term that you hear a lot associated with independent music. Most of what these people are doing is their own thing. All of those women that you met (at the Atlanta Go Girls Chapter meeting) are out there doing it on their own or starting their own labels. You won’t always hear them on the radio and they won’t always be playing the big venues in town. It’s usually smaller venues and maybe internet radio or community radio. That’s where you typically find the indie artists.



Shannon: In your opinion, which I am really interested in your answer to this, which women artist do you think have kind of paved the way for the rest of them to be more accepted as female musicians. I know there must be a lot, but who really stands out to you as pioneers/trailblazers?

Madalyn: You mean in rock?

Shannon: I would like for you to interpret that question for yourself.

Madalyn: When I think about who paved the way for women in music in general, I think of Heart, Pat Benatar, Chrissie Hynde (The Pretenders) – all of that old school rock. When I was in high school, I wanted to be the next Joan Jett. I was this rocker guitar chick. Those girls were my role models. It kind of dates me – I’m a lot older than I look.

(Laughs)

Shannon: Ahhh, I love Joan Jett, too. She is my absolute favorite!

Madalyn: Oh! I went to the True Colors concert here in Houston a few months ago. I had not seen Joan play since I was in high school. I was completely blown away. I mean, she still gets out there and rocks the house! I was just wowed by that. It was great to see the longevity.

I went to House of Blues in New Orleans a few weeks ago to see Heart. I was amazed to see them play in this intimate, small venue. I also got to see Melissa Ethridge here in Houston and she played for 2 ½ hours. I was like, “Oh my God! These women are amazing!” To me, those are the women who paved the way and have inspired so many of the people that I know through Go Girls.

Now, for the indie movement, one of the biggest influences for the past decade or more has been Amy Ray (Indigo Girls) who started her own record label which is there in Atlanta, I think. Ani DiFranco has also been amazing. She’s truly shown that you can do this. You can put out your own music on your own label and have a music career.

Shannon: Joan Jett’s Blackheart Records was the first independent label owned by a woman.

Madalyn: You are right.

Shannon: She did it first because none of the major labels would sign her. Then she hit with I Love Rock-n-Roll and they all wanted her. But it excites me that she is bringing all of these other bands like the Dollyrots & Girl in a Coma onto her label and helping them get their music out. She isn’t intimidated by these younger women, she empowers them and they all adore her. I love that about her.

Madalyn: I think that says a lot about how these women can help each other. I don’t know if the women from back in the day see how they can help the new ones coming along but they can!

Shannon: When I started looking into Go Girls, I realized very quickly that you really help your members out with social networking and internet marketing like nobody’s business! You must have understood the importance of that before most people in the music business. How did you come to realize that social networking would be a necessary tool and then become an expert on it?

Madalyn: Well, here’s what’s interesting. All we keep hearing about is social networking – especially for musicians. From time to time, I will send out e-mails to our Go Girls Elite members. Recently, I asked them which social networking site was their favorite. One of them replied GoGirlsMusic.com. I hadn’t really thought about it but that is really what we are all about. It’s a place to bring female musicians together.

You went to the Atlanta Chapter of Go Girls Meet-Up. All of those women getting together to help each other and all these women came together just because I started a website years ago. Through that, they do showcases together, tour together, take turns opening for each other at their shows, networking, motivating each other. It’s all social networking, but it goes beyond the website… beyond the Internet.

Shannon: I noticed that you have several sites like IndieMusicCoach.com and SocialNetworkingForMusicians.com.

Madalyn: Oh, I do a lot of stuff. That coaching is my consulting business. It came about because for years, I was leading Go Girls and talking to them as a group. But many of them needed one-on-one support. It just made sense that it was a natural progression.

Shannon: I want to transition a little more into your personal life.

Madalyn: How personal?

(Laughs)

Shannon: Besides being a lesbian, the founder of this big music venture, personal coaching and owning your own label – you are also the mother of a son. Do you find a way to balance it all and if so, how do you make that work?

Madalyn: You know, that’s a great question. I do have a balance in my life but it’s not easy. A lot of people don’t realize that I have a child. They’re completely blown away when they find out because they know how much work I do and how much I travel. It just blows them away.

Having a child keeps me very grounded. That’s where I think the balance comes in. I love my work and I would not trade it for anything in the world. I will sometimes be on my computer for 14 hours, easily. But there is always time for my son. He’s 12 now, almost 13. He’s at that age where he likes to get on his own computer or play video games or whatever – it’s much easier now than when he was younger. We still have a great mother/son relationship though.

He was just recently my intern over the summer. It was awesome. We are very close. I adopted him from an orphanage when he was 19 months old. He was attached to me at the hip from day 1. It was an incredible experience. We had this great relationship already, but then we got to spend the summer together with him sitting next to me at my desk and working with me. It was really great. I’m actually bummed that he’s back in school now.

Shannon: You have my dream job. I wish you lived here in Atlanta because I would fight your son for that internship. Who cares that I’m 39? I’d pull my chair up to your desk and we’d kill 14 hours. I hope he knows how lucky he is to have had that opportunity.

(Laughs)

Madalyn: I think he got a really good understanding of what I do, where as before, he knew what Go Girls was but not really the stuff I do. I hope it was a good life lesson for him.

Shannon: It had to be. I have one last question. Don’t be shy. Who do you have a girl crush on?

Madalyn: Well, first of all, let me say that I am single. I’m getting tired of it – it’s been about a year. My work keeps me so busy that I don’t really go out much. Gosh, who do I have a girl crush on?

Shannon: I asked Kelly Ogden of The Dollyrots. I barely finished the question before she was shouting out “Drew Barrymore!” – There wasn’t even a pause for reflection on the question for her.

(Laughs)

Madalyn: That’s something that I have to really think about because I’m so into work and so busy. There are some members of GoGirls that I find very cute that I would consider my girl crushes but I could not divulge any of those names, that’s for sure!

Shannon: Give me a celebrity girl crush.

Madalyn: I don’t know…

Shannon: C’mon! You could at least give the standard lesbian answer of Angelina Jolie.

Madalyn: I like Angelina Jolie. The thing is, all my friends don’t and they’d be pissed at me if I said that. Then again, I don’t really care. We’ll say Angelina Jolie. I think she’s hot. Yeah, she’s my girl crush.