What Money Can't Buy

by: SinnerviewerMy love, Melissa, had her first relationship with a woman when she was a teenager. She and her girlfriend tried to hide it from their families but they were too in love to make it seem like just a friendship. When her parents found out, her dad grabbed her by the neck, lifted her off of the ground and, while choking her, demanded, "YOU WILL NOT BE GAY!"

She got the message. And she learned that if she was going to be loved in this world, she'd have to conform to the way the world wanted her be. She married a man, they had 2 children and she lived in misery for nearly 10 years. When she fell into a severe depression and began losing lots of weight, her family had an intervention. Her mother thought she might be on drugs and took her aside and said, "What's wrong with you?"

Melissa answered, "You know what's wrong!"

Her mom then admitted that she knew Melissa was making a mistake when she got married. Instead of just letting her be who she was, her family made her feel like the only way to be loved and accepted was to conform to be what they wanted. She tried to be what they wanted but it wasn't who she was. She felt like a failure and in the end, she divorced her husband and began living her life as herself.

Melissa recently mentioned to her sister that she was considering changing her last name to mine at some point in the future (to reflect the commitment that we have made to each other). Her sister, who still holds the belief that Melissa is not equal to her as a human being and should be denied the right to marry, was outraged and went to her father about it.

When Melissa called him to check on her father and see how he was doing, this is how the conversation went: (I got her to write this part out for you):

Dad-Hello

M- Hi Dad, hows it going?

Dad- Hiiiii! What are you up to?

M- Nothing, just checking in.

Dad- Hey, are you changing your name?

M- Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it.

Dad- If you do, you’ll be out of my will & you’ll lose 50k. God doesn’t mean for it to be that way.

M- What?

Dad- If you change your name, I’m taking you out of my will & it’s going to cost you 50k. God doesn’t want it to be that way.

M-*Two seconds of silence*

Dad- Just think about that. It’s going to cost you 50k.

M-Ooookay???

Dad- Hey I gotta go I’m at work. I’ll call you tonight to talk about this.

M- Alright. Bye.

He never did call her back and that was two weeks ago.

If Melissa was getting married to a man, this would not be an issue. Nobody would expect her to keep her ex-husband's name. But to say that "God doesn't mean for it to be that way" is such a slap in her face.

We were talking about it yesterday and she made a good observation about her dad being like my mom. They are always tying strings to money in order to control people because, frankly, they don't have the respect from their children to be an influence on their own.

The second thought I had about her dad's big announcement was that this man is trying to hold her to a standard that he isn't willing to hold himself to. From what I've learned about this man, he is a heavy drinker, sometimes given to drunkenness. He is a heavy smoker. He regularly gambles and has loan sharked in the past. He has sexual relations with his unmarried partner.
The Bible (1 Corinthians 5:11) warns us to stay away from guys like her dad:

"... you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat."

He in no way lives a sin-free life (as if anyone can) but he will never have to live in fear that his daughter will hold him up to those standards or make him jump through hoops to get her love or affection because he lives a "sinful lifestyle". She loves him for who he is, with all of his imperfections, sins and problems. He is her father and she loves him no matter what.

I doubt that God has a care in this world what Melissa's last name is. I am pretty certain, however, that God doesn't have any desire for a father to treat his daughter that way and then slap His Good Name on it as justification.

Sweet Melissa has decided, which is how she earned the nickname from me, to release her dad from giving her any inheritance and plans to just ask him for his love instead. I'll let you know if that ends up being too much for him to give.

A Blog Post That Resonated

Yesterday, I spent the day home in bed, sick with a cold. I wrote a blog post. Someone from India read it. She wrote a post about it and a flood of her readers came over to visit and comment. Then, one of those readers featured it on her site and it's sort of taken off. It seems to have resonated with so many people that I wanted to share it with you. Here it is:

"Live Your Truth" by Sinnerviewer

I remember a long time ago, Oprah did a show about living as your authentic self. Her whole show, and many shows that season, was about how many of us do not live our lives where we are true to ourselves or who we are.
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I remember watching it thinking to myself, "I would love to do that." But I knew that I would not be able to be me. I was living my life as me, but not all of who I am. Only the parts that I knew would be acceptable to most people. I know to really be me would cost me dearly and I wasn't ready to pay.
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Life has a way of bring full pressure to bear on the things that you need to change and there was no escaping it for me. I had to change or die. Since I have 2 of the most amazing children on the planet, I chose to live my life according to my truth.
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Since then, I've had some people tell me that they could no longer live their lives with me in it. I accepted this because I know that there are ignorant people out there who think that because they now have additional information about me, they wrongly think it fundamentally changes the core of who I am.
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Nothing could be further from the truth. I still love God. I still love my children and my family. I still think Joan Jett rocks and I still love giving and serving in my community. I am everything I was before. The only new thing is that I want to be honest about myself.
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I once listened to a sermon about faith. It taught that for us to step out in faith was really to not know what was on the other side, but just to trust God with the details and do what you know will please Him. Lying was not pleasing so I knew the truth is where I would please God. In faith, not knowing what would happen, I was honest.
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It cost me dearly but I can say that everything important to me that I have lost has been replaced by God.
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I lost my partner/friend of 23 years who told me that I would grow old and die alone without him. Instead, I fell in love for the first time within 7 weeks of ending that relationship. I can't believe how good it feels to be in love with someone that you know is the person for you. It's truly amazing!
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I lost a sibling but God restored a relationship with another sibling that my ex had damaged. We are so close now and it's a true joy to be so close and to be see him so happy. I also have the feeling of being cared for instead of always being the caretaker.
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I lost my mom and God showed me how much more emotionally giving I can be when I don't have such a millstone of judgment and disapproval around my neck. I wish the best for her but I now realize she'll never be happy with me until she's happy with herself. Sometimes, when people want out of your life, you just have to know when to let them go for good.
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When I was snubbed by my mom's side of the family this past Christmas, God used my grandma's passing to put me in touch with all of these family members that I didn't even know much about before but I am thrilled that I know now. They are loving, accepting and a joy to be around. I am thrilled at having them in my life.
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All of my church "friends" have been replaced my reconnecting with my old friends from years ago - they all live nearby and they don't judge me at all. It's total love and acceptance. I have also met so many new, amazing people who have walked in my shoes and it's so great to know that I don't walk alone. They are full of love and support.
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I feel so thankful to God that He has been faithful to take care of all of my needs. I once received a letter from a "friend" who told me that "the way of a transgressor is hard" and that's why I should come back to my life of lies. How ironic! As if to say that life as a fundamental evangelical is going to be easy.
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Reflecting on my 15 years as a fundamental evangelical, doing everything that I was told, was the hardest part of my life. I can't speak this for every evangelical that I knew, but I can say it was a large majority of them. This kind of faith is all based on circular reasoning - an incredibly frustrating fallacy.
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They'll tell you that whatever you ask, if it's according to the will of God, it will be given to you. So when you spend every day for 15 years on your face in tears praying not to be gay and God doesn't change you, they tell you that your prayers weren't sincere enough.
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They'll tell you that God loves you just as you are but then teach how unacceptable you are to God.
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They'll tell you that you are fearfully and wonderfully made by God himself and then tell you that if you love God, you'll be this certain way, even if it isn't who God created you to be.
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They'll describe how your spouse should be according to Biblical standards so that when you see your spouse not even close to that standard, you will feel dissatisfied and slighted and wondering how much better your life would be if only your partner would pray once in a while. You'll see them want to sleep late instead of get up early and read their Bible and feel annoyed and question their salvation and wonder what it would be like to be with someone who had their spiritual life together.
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They'll tell you that the Bible is the inerrant word of God breathed out by him and that scripture should be taken literal, unless it causes a conflict for them. (Such as not eating pork or shrimp, killing disrespectful children or stoning to death adulterers).
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They'll tell you that faith without works is dead, but then turn around and say that it's not by works, so that no man will be able to boast.
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They'll go on and on about what the Bible has to say about being a lesbian (nothing) and never mention the references to gluttony (17+) or sloth (11+) because then they'd have to address the majority of their congregation and that might co$t them money and/or members.
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They'll tell you that you have freedom in Christ to make his own decisions based upon the leading of the Holy Spirit within you but then call you out when the Holy Spirit didn't lead you the same way it led them.
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They teach that every man is capable to discerning for himself what the scriptures say but then insist that you attend Sunday School and Bible study for your regular indoctrination of systematic theology.
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They teach about how wrong it is to be legalistic, but base everything on the law. They regularly embrace the love of law and routinely shun the law of love.
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Life is hard.
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It's hard for evangelicals. It's hard for gays. It's hard for rich people and it's hard for poor people. We all get diseases. We all have crappy relatives. We all have shallow friends, car trouble and bad backs. We all have jobs we hate and none of us can understand the guy from India on the PC troubleshooting line. We might as well make our lives just a bit easier by not pressuring ourselves to be someone that we are not.
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Live your life as you are. Let people love you or leave you. The people that you want in your life will stay and be an asset and the ones that leave you never really loved you anyway. They loved what you could do for them or loved the idea of who you were, not who you really are.
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Be yourself. Live your truth. Be happy and enjoy the life that God gave you. It's short and we are not promised tomorrow. Today is all you have.

Freedom to Marry

Mark your calendars for February 12th! Why? It's

FREEDOM TO MARRY DAY!

On National Freedom to Marry Day, same-sex couples are encouraged to go to their local marriage license offices to request marriage licenses. This will raise awareness of the harms and impact that the inability to marry causes on their families. This national event is hosted yearly by Marriage Equality USA (MEUSA) and this year, they have teamed up with Join the Impact to make this their largest Marriage Counter Action yet!

HOW SHOULD LESBIATOPIA READERS GET INVOLVED?

Please help us lend support to MEUSA as we draw national attention to the many committed couples who are not afforded the right to marry. We ask that any readers who are able will reach out to their local MEUSA chapter and offer support in making this event a success.

In those cities where an MEUSA does not exist, we ask that any same sex couple who is able to take some time that day to go apply for a license. It would make an even bigger impact if you could call your local press and ask them to cover your story. The idea is to bring awareness to the world to the inequality that exists for same sex couples in this nation.